When does Mourning End? Does it?

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  sunnysidedown11

  7 years ago

  I think the weather plays a big part in the months you mention. As it heats up I always think of the future

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  MsSuperFoxy

  7 years ago

  It ends at the 5th stage of grief and loss, acceptance. Grief and loss stages cannot be rushed or forced. For some people, gief and loss can last for years. I know when my father passed away, part of my soul went. Sorry to hear of your losses. Ms Foxy x

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  It is the time of year when people start reflecting on personal loss, their loneliness, ''oh god another year has gone by and I am still stuck in the same rut''. I believe in following your emotions until they run out - you need to feel this so feel it. A horse that insists you mount up and let it take you somewhere (that's fucking deep, man). When depressive emotions start to impact on your life though over the long term, it's probably time to deal with it. My mother mourned the loss of her sister very deeply and for a very protracted amount of time - there is nothing wrong with this but she was drinking to excess every night and then becoming maudlin. It really grew quite tiresome, we all started to genuinely dislike being around her when she did this, which sounds selfish I know but it was really getting beyond a joke. It was only with us kids basically intervening and insisting she go to grief counselling that she decided to... get over it. She still mourns, and she should, but (without counselling, stubborn as she is) she cut back on her drinking and she was much happier. One day my old man will shuffle off and I really don't know how I will deal with it - he's my best mate. I know, however, that he would kick my arse right royally if I sat around crying into my beer for years on end.

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  MsSuperFoxy

  7 years ago

  sorry to hear about your mum. Sadly many do turn to alcohol (and drugs) to drown their emotions during grief and Loss as a way to escape their emotions. it happens all too often. Ms Fox

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Well as I lost my mum in July then a best mate, I have since I was 17 on Wednesday. Will I personally ever 'GET OVER IT', nope I wont. EVERYONE grieves differently and you can not tell some one to just get over it. Sure people hit the booze and/or drugs becaause THAT is the only way they KNOW how to deal with it. How does one get over losing a a son at a week old, another as a 20 year old, then to have their 19 year old diagnosed with lung cancer and a brain tumour.....What does she do.... she drunks.... do we care..... no......we supoort her anyway we can. Never dismiss anyones grief because you think you know better.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  I meant I have known him since I was 17. He died suddenly.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  in our lives from which we never fully recover.We just will ourselves to push through each day to try and cope with those sad and adverse memories.

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  MsJonesy

  7 years ago

  Is, I think a difference in mourning for people (& perhaps animals) who have been a big part of our lives, and the mourning for complex or traumatic occasions or events which have occured in our lives. Both types of mourning are natural, they have to be. They are a process we go through, to express our grief and sorrow. People and animals live on in our memories, bittersweet moments bring them back to us, mostly with a yearning that they were still part of our lives. Traumatic events which still haunt us, which cause us to grieve again, can be detrimental to our mental health, causing us to live in the past rather than embrace our future. Thoughts about the past never change what happened, they only impact our present & future. But understanding why they still have impact, being kind to ourselves and acknowledging their impact...then moving on....is probably more beneficial.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  No offence was intended by my post. I do not think I know better. Your circumstances sound terrible, there's no way I would try to give you the slightest advice on how to deal with what you have described, whatever works for you and your daughter. I did know better when it came to my mother however, as did my sisters. The example I used with my mother was one I described to demonstrate how grief can start to destroy you and those around you. Myself and my sisters could have said nothing but my father was suffering having to live with her and endure her nightly descent for many years. Us kids love our mum and could see this was not very healthy for her or dad, so we elected to intervene and start speaking up. My aunt was an absolute go-getter and loved life. I knew she would slap ten colors of shit out my mother for her behavior (which lasted many years) if she were still around to do so. Those were my circumstances. Reading my post again, it probably does sound a bit holier-than-thou, the only family I have lost have been in a ''natural order'' sense, in that as you get older those that are older than you start dying, sometimes earlier than they should but not entirely unexpected. That is far easier to deal with than losing one or more children, which I would have absolutely no idea how to deal with.

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  Tall74nHard9

  7 years ago

  with the general sentiments expressed above. All depends on the circumstances involved, and our own personalities. We will alll handle these type of things differently. Some might pass on quickly and easily, and others never will. Tall

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Well, I’m really not to sure how long if lasts but for me after the loss of my dad in 2014 I feel normal again. I’m able to talk openly about memories and the things we did together without getting emotional. It’s been a very hard slog. Spent plenty of time in the therapists chair and so much better for it. Family are good for support but terrible to talk with if you get my drift. Ive completely re evaluated my life. Rid my myself of a narcissist controlling wife and found love again. The process has left me quite battle hardened emotionally and as such takes quite a bit to bring me down now. I’ve left pictures around the house and still have the old mans stockmans whip proudly hanging on the wall.

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  precious142

  7 years ago

  The reality is that you will grieve forever.You will not "get over "the loss of a loved one, you will learn to live with it.You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.You will never be whole again but, you will never be the same.Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to be. Grief never ends, but it changes.It's a passage, not a place to stay.Grief is not a sign of weakness, or lack of faith.It is the price of love...... Two quotes that have helped me deal with my grief.....P

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  Home_Eric

  7 years ago

  Some of you may have seen this doing the rounds, and I have already mentioned it to other RHPers, but Nick Cave wrote something that I found very moving about grief after love. Talking of course about his experience after the early sudden death of his son. He was answering the question of a woman named Cynthia who believed she was communicating with several people she loved after they died. She believed they were helping her by doing this. MsJonesy touched on some of this subject matter and Precious touched on other parts of it - the ideas that 1. you get "visited" by the lost one, or find yourself imagining them back in your life, and then 2. learning how to let those thoughts lead you out into life after loss. Would like to know whether it speaks to others (maybe it doesn't for everyone): The question from CynthiaI have experienced the death of my father, my sister, and my first love in the past few years and feel that I have some communication with them, mostly through dreams. They are helping me. Are you and Susie feeling that your son Arthur is with you and communicating in some way? The answer from NCDear Cynthia, This is a very beautiful question and I am grateful that you have asked it. It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That’s the deal. That’s the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable. There is a vastness to grief that overwhelms our minuscule selves. We are tiny, trembling clusters of atoms subsumed within grief’s awesome presence. It occupies the core of our being and extends through our fingers to the limits of the universe. Within that whirling gyre all manner of madnesses exist; ghosts and spirits and dream visitations, and everything else that we, in our anguish, will into existence. These are precious gifts that are as valid and as real as we need them to be. They are the spirit guides that lead us out of the darkness. I feel the presence of my son, all around, but he may not be there. I hear him talk to me, parent me, guide me, though he may not be there. He visits Susie in her sleep regularly, speaks to her, comforts her, but he may not be there. Dread grief trails bright phantoms in its wake. These spirits are ideas, essentially. They are our stunned imaginations reawakening after the calamity. Like ideas, these spirits speak of possibility. Follow your ideas, because on the other side of the idea is change and growth and redemption. Create your spirits. Call to them. Will them alive. Speak to them. It is their impossible and ghostly hands that draw us back to the world from which we were jettisoned; better now and unimaginably changed. With love, Nick.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  As long as we hold someone in our heart they will always be with us ..hugs Q

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  I have not 'liked' any of your posts in reply, but I have followed your responses devotedly. My thoughts are that loss is not a simple thing because it is individual to all of us as has been said on the thread. It's not all about people either. Saying that, my love to all those with their losses whether they be physical or otherwise. Peachy

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