F54
Tell me a joke or funny quote
January 23 2020
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- Posted from rhpmobile
Comments
MrNatural77
4 years ago
Three teens are before the judge on drugs charges. He says I'm not going to send you to prison, I want you to convince others not to take drugs. He gives each of them a postcard with a small circle and a large circle on it. Using this, they were sent out to convince people not to take drugs.
The next week they're back in court. He asked the first teen how many he convinced? The teen says 8 people. He asked how did he do it? The teen says he told people if they take drugs, their heart will be small and diseased, and if they don't take drugs their heart will be large and strong.
He asked the second teen how many he convinced? The teen says 24. He asked how did he do it? The teen says he told people if they take drugs their circle of friends will be small, and if they don't take drugs their circle of friends will be large.
He asked the third teen how many he convinced? The teen says 18765! He said how did he do it? The teen says he told people if they take drugs, they can be arrested and sent to prison, and their asshole will be small when they go in... :D
86Jasindy
4 years ago
A relationship is physiological. One is a physco, and the other one is logical. Word of advice? Don't try to work out who is who
intheswing
4 years ago
How many physiologist does it take to change a light bulb ?
1 but the light bulb must want to changeRHP User
4 years ago
If a man whispers
"Fuuuuck"
As soon as he puts it in
You better enjoy
the next 36 seconds
🙊🤣
bonefide
4 years ago
The bastards dreaming or bragging.
bonefide
4 years ago
These two hunters were out in the woods and they got lost. Then one says to the other, "If you fire into the air 3 times someone will know we're lost and they'll find us." So the 2nd hunter does so. They wait 15 minutes and they then try it again. After another 15 minutes they decide to fire into the air 3 more times again and the 2nd hunter says to the 1st, "I hope someone finds us because these are my last three arrows.":rolleyes:
RHP User
4 years ago
Was in the chemist buying condoms...I pay and the cashier asks “need a bag?”
I reply “she’s not that bad!!”
😂
Mr dragonRHP User
4 years ago
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a dead prostitute?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage
countrytouch82
4 years ago
Considering the divorce rate, advice is to skip the middleman entirely, and simply find someone you hate and buy them a house :)
RHP User
4 years ago
Shout OI cunt really loud
Cheers
The flavour of the day is Aussieims, thought I'd roll with it, PeachyRHP User
4 years ago
Supermarkets are currently recalling toilet paper as the cardboard roll inserts are imported from China and there are strong fears the cardboard has been contaminated with the coronavirus.
The most recent purchases are deemed most likely to be contaminated.
If you have recently brought bulk supplies you are now at risk ...return that toilet paper and apply deep heat or tiger balm directly to your anus to kill any infection ..don't wait till it's too late! 😂😂RHP User
4 years ago
Anybody with an outstanding arrest warrant or who is wanted for questioning can attend their local Police Station. No shortage of toilet paper here. Find your local station: https://www.police.wa.gov.au/Contact-Us/Police #toiletpapergate
This update came from the Belmont Police on Twitter @BelmontPol
Dryphuz
4 years ago
What's the difference between Optimus and Optimus Prime...?Free shipping.
MrNatural77
4 years ago
This happened to me 24 yrs ago when I was 18. It was my first girlfriend, and she invited me over to her house for dinner with her parents.
She said afterwards when the parents go to bed we can fool around. I said absolutely we can do that.
She said if we do fool around I'll need protection, and I will need to head to the pharmacy to pick some up. I said I will do that.
So the next day I went to the pharmacy and the pharmacist asked me if I need help?
I said I was after male contraception. He asked me if I have had sex before? I said no, I was a virgin.
He was very good, he gave me some tips and pointers to make the sex pleasurable for both.
He asked me how many condoms would I like? 3 pack, 5 pack or 12 pack?
I said 12 pack as I intended on doing it lots. So he sold me the 12 pack.
Next night my girlfriend meets me at the door and I meet her parents, then we sit down for dinner. I asked if I could say "grace", and proceeded to do so. Half an hour had passed and I finally finished. My girlfriend turns to me and says "I didn't realise you were so religious?" I said "I didn't realise your dad was a pharmacist!"RHP User
4 years ago
"Honey, you need to suck his penis like your ex is watching" Dr Ruth Westheimer, sexologist.
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