M28 F28

Newbie couple advice

June 23 2026

Hey guys after some advice for me and my partner. I opened up to her before getting married about my fetish of sharing her with another male and its been 5-6 years now and still communicating about it on and off and she has a very good understanding about me and this kink. She has expressed on multiple occasions that she would only be doing it for me because she loves me so much and wants to make me happy but its not something she actually wants to do. She said it turns her on seeing me get off to whatever it is so she is willing to give it a try once. We are in talks again of trying to find a way to make it work. We have used toys/torso male doll and stuff like that over the years and had allot of fun with that. We also are very turned on with the whole public sex and have done that over the years too definitely turns us both on so we are still experimenting when we can with other things. We wanna know if there is anything we should focus on more before jumping into this. There is also a element of bad body image for her that gives her very low confidence in herself wich I know most women have felt before especially after kids and its something we wanna try fix in the near future. She has expressed that her feeling comfortable in her own body would make it allot easier to do this. We are also very shy people at first and wanted to know what people thought about just a simple glory hole to have a limited interaction for first time so can still see how it would go. Just to make it easier on mostly her as she is still struggling on the thought of how she will cope with someone else touching her let alone penatrating her,feels a bit better about limited interaction such as glory hole or whatever else we can come up with. Still taking it slow have rushed into it a few times and almost set something up but thankfully have not worked out as we have felt would of been not fun situation especially for her.

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SammyandTam

23 hours ago

Any suggestions for us now,I have been thinking also maybe having the other guy blindfolded too thinking it could help. We also are not wanting there so be any talking kinda just straight to action as its easier just communication before hand on facetime to build trust with someone as clubs seem a bit too much yet.

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Nightglider

19 hours ago

I respect your desire to explore, and it sounds like you’ve been talking about this for years rather than rushing into it. But for me, any kink or fantasy works best when it’s something both people genuinely want, not something one partner is doing purely out of love or obligation. Reading your post, I’m mostly hearing that your wife understands your fantasy and loves seeing you happy, but I’m not really hearing that she wants this for herself. Body image aside, she has repeatedly said it isn’t something she actually desires. That would make me pause. One question that comes to mind, and I don’t mean it judgmentally, is whether she was fully on board with opening a couples profile and using her photos, especially if the profile mainly features her and not you. I’ve seen plenty of profiles where the woman is effectively the product being advertised, and I’d want to be sure she was just as enthusiastic about that as you are. Personally, I’d be focusing less on finding the right third and more on making sure she feels confident, desired, and free to say “no” without disappointing you. If, after that, she still says that she’d only be doing this for you, I’d take that as my answer rather than trying to find a version of the fantasy that feels less confronting or worse, have her feel that her feelings and position in this don’t matter. Trying to work around or override her feelings because the fantasy isn’t a shared one is unlikely to empower her or build confidence. In fact, it risks creating resentment and trust issues. A reluctant yes isn’t the same as an enthusiastic yes, and I’d be very careful not to mistake one for the other.

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PandaAndBri

16 hours ago

Maybe try a venue where you have the choice to go and just watch. That might help? Bri

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MsSuperFoxy

16 hours ago

Reading this, I’m getting more “she’s not ready” than “we’re newbies.” She's not ready, dude! Your post is a little concerning to me. Body confidence issues, wanting limited interaction, concern about being touched, that all sounds like hesitation, not consent. Is she aware you have a couples profile on here? If one person needs convincing and the other is looking for ways to make it happen, I’d slow right down to her pace. I mean right down!! Ms Foxy

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BarberBoss1981

15 hours ago

Of everything youve said i can only think of the part where shes only doing it for you...she sounds open minded in so many other areas but honestly this feels completely driven by you...I would take it off the table and look at other things you can do together that doesnt focus on her being with another man

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tiffyos

15 hours ago

We think that very much in this senario, she needs to lead the way, it may not be a your preferred pace, but mate if she's not investigating the idea without any prompting, she's not interested for now. Both comments prior, yep they're right.

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selfless__lover

7 hours ago

When I read "it's not something she wants to do" I didn't need to read any further. It's your fantasy but not hers so don't try and force it on her. It sounds like she's happy to indulge you playing out your fantasy in ways that don't involve actually meeting people but when push comes to shove, if she is being railroaded into doing something that is high on your list but not even on hers, then it will most likely end in tears. The old adage "if it's not a hell yes, it's a no" is very appropriate here.

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Felicitous

7 hours ago

I'm saddened to hear that you know this is something she actually doesn't want to do and yet you're allowing her to 'do it for you'. She may feel 'used' after.. she may constantly replay the situation in her mind.. it may even become a traumatic experience for her. It could further decimate her self esteem. Why, would you as her husband, her partner, her protector .. put her in that position!? You can have the fantasy/ talk about it / pretend with her... But until she really wants the experience, is excited by it, not for your pleasure but for hers. .. you shouldn't be figuring out ways to make it tolerable for her.. it simply should not happen. My beautiful husband has the same kink. He would NEVER knowingly allow me to put myself into a situation I wasn't comfortable with - for his pleasure. Part of this kink is not simply seeing your partner with another but the fact that they are receiving pleasure from the experience. If she's uncomfortable - she'll not be enjoying it.. she'll be performative for you. Potentially resentful later. Things in this dynamic can go wrong quickly.. when you're getting off - you can miss her ques of discomfort. You're already encouraging her to do something she clearly doesn't want to.. so you've already bypassed several boundaries... how will she legitimately voice any concern without feeling like she'll disappoint you?! It's great that you reached out.. I hope it does reframe things for you and reminds you that consideration and concern for her physical and emotional well-being should be above orchestrating a moment for your pleasure. Of course she wants to please you and see you enjoy yourself. It shouldn't be at the expense of her own though. V

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SweetSerenade

-5 hours ago

Yep, take the foot off the gas. It's your fantasy that she doesn't have, so keep it as fantasy. There's plenty of fantasies that we like to talk dirty with but cannot actually play out due to safety, logistics, reality, and differing fetishes between us. If one of us isn't particularly interested in a kink or fetish, sure we can fantasize and roleplay it a little, but it stays right there as to actually play it out would require one or both of us breaching a boundary. It's good for couples in the lifestyle to have agreed boundaries and those need to be set to the lowest common denominator. There's going to be some circumstances where one of you is comfortable and the other is not, and that's a no-go zone. For you it sounds like she's comfortable with roleplay but there's red flags all over your situation moving that fantasy into reality.

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