M42
3-4 dates before intimacy?
May 27 2024
4 dates in (2 room escapes, axe throwing and a walk / breakfast) leads to time behind closed doors.
Fuck me, the anticipation and the build up. Absolutely unreal. Versus meeting with the express intention of sex as the priority.
The trust, vulnerability, understanding of each other was significantly more than the one date and boom policy I'd been used to for some time.
Has anyone here taken more time to get to know someone before the sex bit? And has it changed how you view connecting here? Or even what drives your desire for sex?
Comments
nightingale8
a month ago
Adulthood always came with promise of unlimited R-rated access. I just didn’t know they meant Routine 😳
Glad to hear you’ve opened a new door!
Aligirl443
a month ago
I did this recently and got dumped over text!!! The cliched “It’s not you, it’s me” bullshit. I was so upset/pissed off as we had lots in common, 2 lovely dates and I thought he was a funny person. By the the 3rd date, when he came over, we slept together and I was ecstatic that I was able to relax and enjoy it. Now I’m back to effin square one where I have to get to know someone all over again.
Margo_Lover
a month ago
Sex has never been our priority, vs connection.
I agree, it leads to a much better place than the root'n'boot which is common here. Even when the sex never eventuates 😇
- Alex
NeoAndTrin
a month ago
That's kind of the way we want to do it, get to know the person first and like them as a person before getting down n derty.
I've got a feeling I heard these dates described in chat on cam by someone last night 🤔
Bartender67
a month ago
I am all about go with the flow....no expecations....i do however make sure to chat alot privatley before that in itself is the build up. Had a date on Saturday....when we met up for the first time it was on....she spent the night and was lots of fun :) Yay me.! I do appreciate your modus operendi as that is fun too.
FeistyFatty
a month ago
I'm so glad I'm happily married 🥰
I've never really been single (been with hubby since we were 13) and this "dating" game sounds awful to me 😱
MsSuperFoxy
a month ago
What drives my desire for sex?
When my brain is totally fucked!
Ms Foxy
Mrs_Deep_Love
a month ago
I pretty much always take the time to get to know someone.
Otherwise it's shit and my vibe does a better job.
MrandMrsEss
a month ago
Location usually dictates the slow burn for us and although we wish it might be faster at times it does seem to result in far more intense interactions. Way I look at it is I spent 3-4 months chatting to MrsS before our first physical date and it's been pure fireworks from that date 9 years ago.
As a couple, we have sex on tap so the need to get off isn't driven by drought but by wanting to add to our experience and hopefully anyone we do end up getting physical enjoys what we add to theirs.
Just came from the chatroom where a similar discussion was happening and a few " We're just here to fuck" comments were made, to me this feels like "any hole will do" and not something that gets our combined juices flowing.
Blueflamingo
a month ago
I don't have sex on the first date, only with very few exceptions. But I do try to get a kiss in, as a good kisser is important to me. The build up and anticipation is a huge part of the final destination. So is communication, I need to build a connection and chatting or texting is important to me. It's a great way to get to know each other and find out what fantasies they have etc. Then execute the plan at the next date 😈
Inflation
a month ago
Organic chemistry (taking the l time to get to know someone) vs synthesised chemistry (skipping the formalities and getting straight to the point).
Yeah, I'd prefer Organic chemistry all the time.
Flirty2020
a month ago
As a happily married couple, who has been together almost 27 years, we not longer “date others” in the vanilla sense of the word.
However being on RHP we do look for the occasional MFM, FMF & MFMF “date” etc.
We prefer to get to know potential dates (couples, single females & single guys) before we have sex with them.
And so, once we get through the initial online (via RHP messenger) vetting/screening process, we then arrange to meet for drinks, at a safe & neutral public venue. This could be a cocktail lounge, bar, restaurant or even a swingers venue.
This first “drinks only” date is an opportunity to see if we all get along. To see if there is mutual attraction and to then discuss, and explore, likes/dislikes, wants/needs , boundaries / ground rules.
If we all enjoyed the initial “date” we might arrange a 2nd one, again at a neutral venue, and from there take things to the next level.
As an example, we had a nice chap from Benalla message us, wanting to meet up. He drove 3 1.2 hours each way (7 in total) to meet with us for drinks at a restaurant one Saturday evening. He only arrived after 9pm and still had to drive home.
He was so polite, engaging & respectful that we knew that we wanted to see him again. And so we decided to book an Airbnb in Beechworth, for the weekend, 3 weeks later (had been wanting to visit Beechworth for some time) and we met him for dinner at a nice local restaurant. Of course I (Mrs Flirty) did some teasing & seduction. I went to “powder my nose “ in the Restroom , and came back , opened my handbag & discreetly placed my panties in front of him, on the table. His eyes lit up and he naturally could not resist giving them a discreet sniff.
And so the teasing & seduction at the dinner table continued.
We then went to our Airbnb , lit the wood burning fire, filled the corner spa bath, opened a bottle of champagne and enjoyed a MFM 3 some. We have had several more with him over the years.
So yes for us a non sexual social drinks only “date” is important …. It is nice to build the excitement & anticipation before then having sex.
countrytouch82
a month ago
It's been a long time since anything like this happened (going back to a FWB found in 2015, and prior to that a period in 2014). But yes, I actually saw her on four occasions before leading to the bedroom. Which she found quite curious because I was also openly going to swingers parties, GBs etc at the time. This included time at her house watching movies on the couch. As well as not wanting to appear "prioritised on sex", I also wanted build something slower because we happened to share further relationship check boxes.
I haven't spent ongoing dates (at least none leading to intimacy) since then but I am always looking, and will certainly take the same approach. I manage to find the odd sexual occasion with couples and groups, but because I also miss many types of vanilla activities, I like these to be a starting point for any future dating for relationship prospects.
Alexis
a month ago
I've gone very much in the opposite direction of this. When I started out on here I was going on dates and seeing where things lead. I did met some really lovely people who I now consider friends. But I also found I wasted a lot of time setting them up and driving around the city to meet people.
Now, I'll only meet up with people if I'm almost certain it's going to lead somewhere. I still value the connection and chemistry part, but that's all established via messaging, chatting on the phone, and video chats. I find that builds enough anticipation. I do like a fun date beforehand though.
A big part of this view is that I'm currently living rurally and have limited time in the city, where everyone is that I meet. So I need to make the most of my time while I'm there.
EarthQueen
24 days ago
The challenge with this when you are single is ( as Ali girl mentioned )is that you open your self up to being hurt due to developing feelings . In your scenario you already have a partner . So if after those dates things don't really work out you still have your partner to go home to. The single person can be left in no mans land. What is it? A date leading to friendship. Are we friend with benefits? Are we actually friends or after you get laid do you get ghosted. That feels painful if you think you have a connection with someone. You let them in and become intimate and then they vanish. You are left with all that emotion to process. It's so complicated and I still feel there's double standards for single women on this app. Good enough to fuck/be a fantasy but maybe not good enough for a relationship. It's not always this way, there are exceptions of course. Definitely success stories, but it can also suck. Yes I would love to develop connections before intimacy. Its mostly always better sex. But how to protect the heart? It can get really tiring, so fucking someone without any attachment if you have a physical need can be easier. The investment is less. Axe throwing does sound awesome though. I could release my existential rage and unleash my inner viking.
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