Stage Fright - can be a hard act to follow!

April 22 2024

We have been on RHP/in this lifestyle for a while and there have been rare moments where Mr FTP and other men we have been playing with, are excited and enjoying themselves, but something happens that affects there ability to ‘keep it up’. With Mr FTP it’s not a medical thing (we have confirmed). We believe it’s a psychological thing that can happen when playing in a shared or open space at a club. It’s as though some men get distracted or overwhelmed by something or someone outside of our play and can’t focus. We have found that politely excusing ourselves from the action and having a quick time out seems to solve the problem, we have also both reassured the other men that this can happen to anyone and has happened to Mr FTP in the past. And unfortunately we have also seen drugs and alcohol have the same effect on both men and women, which definitely detracts from the experience.

It’s only human to place unrealistic expectations and pressure on ourselves to perform, and when the clothes come off, that feeling may be exacerbated.

Appreciate others sharing their thoughts on this and would love to hear any tips or tricks people have tried in the past, which have not only reassured that new and nervous play friend, but also helped your partners stay in the moment.


  • Feelsgood


    3 months ago

    Mr husband needs to feel genuinely desired and feels like he really knows a woman wants to be there. If he feels like she's on auto-pilot he looses desire and then his stiffy.

    For him it is very much a mental thing. He has never not gotten hard with me.

    He loves empowered women in their sexual element. It's a huge turn on.

  • nightingale8


    3 months ago

    In the early days I was at a private party with my partner and with a few other couples, and maybe an hour into the play one of the guys poignantly said aloud to the group “have any of the guys actually come!?”
    It was funny, super awkward and true. We’d all just met that evening and had gone to play after maybe an hour or so of meeting. So not that familiar with each other.
    I know it’s possible to push through that and many have. After a few experiences my partner and I just decided that group experiences with people we didn’t know very well wasn’t our thing and have since opted for smaller engagements or played apart. You don’t have to follow the script if it doesn’t work for you. Sometimes, you’re just not that into it!

    I’m of the opinion that if you need alcohol or drugs to endure it or change your mind, you’re not actually enjoying it. Doesn’t matter how wild the ride is at the time if you’re not mentally present. Sober sex all the way for me. Seriously I’ll happily sip on sparkling water pre-play. I want ALL my senses and memory tuned up! I don’t find substance ‘enhancements’ that fulfilling. Each to their own

  • Alexis


    3 months ago

    A classic case of erection interference.

    This is apparently very common. If there's anxiety or stress the blood vessels constrict and less blood can flow there. Or even if there's a distraction it can go down.

    You could try a pill like Viagra or Cialis, just to use in these situations.

    Another solution could be to stay well within your comfort zone so there's no distractions or anxiety. But that could limit being adventurous.

  • Viccpl


    3 months ago

    Such a hard situation at times, we’ve seen it with a few gents now and it seems the more they try not to focus on the issue, they actually end up becoming too fixated and in turn embarrassed and it all down hill from there. I think the quick step back to regroup, have a little time out is a good option, also we’ve focused more on other ways to have fun without the need for an erect penis - this is works a treat and being engaged with another task can also help straighten things out so to speak 😉

  • Sawadee


    3 months ago

    For that very reason ' give me a small group or 1 on 1 any day.. l need triggers so with too much going on around me it aint going to happen.. Seducing our largest organ ' the brain ' is far more important . Proof is l was attracted to a absolute stunner at a small gathering.. She had everything l like in a woman so when the moment came and we started making out , about 5 minutes into things mr happy decided to go west ? I didnt know why and felt embarrassed but fortunately ' and thankfully she took matters into her hands and got me back and all ended well..
    So l figure it was definitely a mental thing .



    2 months ago

    No one has talked about condoms and how important it is to get sized up correctly? Often at parties or events they supply a bowl of generic condoms which often may not be great quality and of a standard size. I endured through getting a softy on occasion then researched and purchased high quality condoms in larger sizes. All of sudden it was then apparent the generic condoms were too small and too tight on me. Currently I have a favorite XL brand that is working wonders and since then have had multiple complaints from females who have thoroughly enjoyed our time together.

    My advice to you guys, spend time researching to find your correct size, and always bring your own.

    Yes being in the right headspace is highly important, I personally do not drink now at meet ups and engage with prolonged for play, mainly giving. This system works for me and my partner and I, Along with our play partners are very happy with the outcome. I’m constantly seeing other guys struggle, most don’t like to take advice , some do.