Spoiled by great sex?

February 08 2024

In conversation with my women friends this topic came up. Have you ever had such great sex with someone that most of the encounters after seem ordinary and make you feel like giving up? How do you keep trying if you come out feeling disappointed due to someone else setting the bar so high and the connection being so strong. I guess this can also happen in relationships. Is this why people sometimes chose to open up their relationships to rekindle the fire?

Is it a case of setting extremely high boundaries and making sure you spend lots of time beforehand to make sure that expectations are more likely to be met? Or do people subscribe to the "just keep trying, you might get lucky" school of thought. Even more tricky if you don't want a relationship but maybe crave physical contact.

My best sex has been mostly within relationships but also I've gotten lucky with a few random spontaneous encounters that I wasn't expecting to be as good as what they were. Interesting to hear others thoughts.


  • Blueflamingo


    5 months ago

    Sex is like a box of chocolate.... 😅
    Or like going to the movies, sometimes it disappoint you, other times you might get surprised. Some you wanna watch again, others not.
    I see every sexual experience as unique, it depends very much on the dynamic and the mood of those involved.
    I've had amazing one night stands and amazing long term friends with benefits. I was in a long-term open relationship, sex used to be amazing but non exciting for the last few years. I've had more amazing sex experiences with others than with my ex.
    It's very hard to generalise sex because it's such a different feeling every time.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    Good question. Personally, I just take control of the awesome sex outcome and make it so. And if it can't be made so then I figure that I am not compatible with that person.

  • Ex007


    5 months ago

    All of what you've said is familiar. All I can say is have strong boundaries, know what you're looking for and be very very patient. Knowledge is power but can also be a curse.


  • Yellowpenguins


    5 months ago

    Hmm yes, but then it seems like when I'm about to give up you find that one that just blows it out of the park (pardon the pun) and that's what's worth waiting for

  • Sawadee


    5 months ago

    Thats the beauty of the element of surprise.. Until you get naked you really dont know what youre getting ...

    My wife was and probally still is my most memorable ,

    Of my top 3 , there were 2 l never thought would do it for me yet were surprisingly good,

  • Hotwife71


    5 months ago

    Wife first time with anyone apart from me. He was a U.S servicemen on holidays, 15 years her Junior. Looked like Tyson Beckford, Ripped and Hung.

    Many firsts that night, Squirting, Multiple orgasms for multiple rounds. It was absolutely ridiculous, has ruined it for every guy since. I was meant to be a participant, I just sat filming, like a stunned mullet for 4 hours.

  • RachWandered


    5 months ago

    My story of rhp
    But on the plus side
    There’s always another magical cock just around the corner…

  • nightingale8


    5 months ago

    Yep, it’s hard to enjoy the moment when you’re pining for someone else or simply a moment in time. The visceral memories are still hot and present. Got no ‘advice’ as I think our situations might be too different. I just add the memory to my wank bank to revisit again and again. I know I’ll probably never get that experience again. And some time down the track I get surprised to find I enjoy a new aspect of sex and intimacy. Like, who bloody knew sexy hypnosis was a thing. Not that you have to go try out something whacky. I remember one guy whose kiss was beyond anything I’d ever experienced, so much that by comparison the sex was disappointing. Out-of-this-world kissing added to the wank bank.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    I take the view of using those opportunities to set higher standards. You learn about what can be better, where the elevated experiences happen and how. Then don't go back and take the time to find people who meet those standards.

    I couldn't go back to the sort of (looking back now) mediocre experiences I used to find on these sites. Why settle when you can strive for more and earn something even more ethereal?

  • Alexis


    5 months ago

    This exact opposite experience to this is the real value I provide to the women I'm with. It's so mediocre and disappointing that literally any subsequent sexual experience is going to be mind-blowing in comparison 🤯🤯

    In all seriousness though, I wouldn't say I've ever had an experience so amazing that I think it will ruin everything. But I'm definitely looking for and trying to create the better experiences again. No sex is better than bad sex in my opinion.

  • Margo_Lover


    5 months ago

    I'm sorry to say I spoil sex for all the partners after me 😬😋😆🤪

    We look at new experiences not through the lens of better/worse than what we have at home, or elsewhere, but different & new.

    In our monogamous sex life, we figured we'd peaked at some amazing sexual experience many times in the past. Only to find something even better down the track 😍🔥🔥

    - Alex

  • PerthVixen


    5 months ago

    This is a very real phenomenon.
    For neurodivergents, it's even more common.

    There are some truly beautiful people out there who offer their own vulnerability to be able to make a unique connection. A connection that translates to sex that shatters your previous experiences. And there are also those who are intelligent and emotionally evolved enough to “see” the value in a new lover and to connect with that. Which is a whole other level of intimacy.

    I’ve been lucky enough to have the experience that you mention. It lasted three months.

    But I never saw the ‘end’ of it coming, and was deeply shocked at how I physically and emotionally pined for the connection once it was gone. I actively had to process the entirety of the experience or I would have developed an unhealthy (inaccurate) memory of our connection and therefore DEFINITELY tainted any future connections.

    But . . . . there's always potential for something mind blowing to occur . . . . . again! Isn’t that why we’re all here?!?

  • countrytouch82


    5 months ago

    I think there's an aspect of regularity in there. Whatever one does on a certain occasion that is considered great sex, may or may not be seen as such once done over and over, which is why there is always unending self help topics to improve to change up things over time.

    But I can't truly relate here, infrequency means I really value and am likely to think higher any sexual experience that comes my way. So it's hard for me to say I've had any awkward, bad, mundane etc sexual encounters (as per one of your first responses to the topic). Limited ones perhaps, but all memorable in their own way. Nearly all I would be happy to repeat.

    I think it's like having your absolute favorite food dish. Yes it's wonderful for the occasion. But you don't want the same thing for every meal. Actually, that would spoil the special-ness and experience of having it. So having had your absolute favourite food dish, does not necessarily diminish the value of any other dishes. 🙂. Sorry for my rambling haha