Meet first - play later

February 11 2024

Meet first , play later.

This is my preference mostly as I'm really bad at saying no thanks in the moment if I'm not into someone and have past traumatic experiences of not being listened to when I've said no .
I do find this approach seems to limit interest.

Wondering if this is most people's preference, why/why not ? And if it is your preference do you find you get less meets because of it ?

If you do meet for play meets only , how do you approach it if you arrive and they aren't what you're looking for ?

Did do a search for the topic first and couldn't find a similar discussion did a long time .

Thanks 😊

Comments

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    I want to chat for a looooong time. Many a red flag found in chat. I miss heaps of possibles. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I also weed out the players, schemers, “simply not very nice people”, and lack of intellectual connection along the way. 😇 Stay staunch. Don’t settle. You are 💯 worth it to yourself. (And therefore future up and cummers also!) 💖

  • fun2behere

    fun2behere

    5 months ago

    I have always done meet first. Yes sometimes we have played after meeting. Was chatting to one woman online and we realised she lived like 2 blocks away so she walked around to mine as we thought it was just funny to meet in person.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    I think it depends on the expectation. These sites are often commercially promoted as finding a hook up which doesn't always marry up with how the genders classically engage.

    But to your point, it's worth sticking to what makes you feel comfortable and not letting pressure hit you. Abi (my other half) is a people pleaser and she has in the past gone through with things on first meet because she finds it hard to say no. She's grown and become much better at this with time, however. Practice.

    The best way to manage this is to set the expectations of no play on the first meet. But as the female, you generally have control over if something does happen if you feel like it should. Organise a meet on the explicit proviso you'll be going home to get an early night for an early start for example.

    And if they aren't what you're looking for...tell them in the nicest way or say good night and send them a message after. Whatever is easier for you.

    This online sex culture is an emotional minefield at times. Even when we're not fucking because we have to continuously receive and give out rejection. Neither of which we really want to do.

  • RachWandered

    RachWandered

    5 months ago

    I don’t think “meet first, play later” has a time limit. To some extent we all meet first and play later… even if the time between meeting and playing is a few minutes …

    I’m on here for play meets only and normally do a video chat to suss chemistry first.

    It puts heaps of dudes off but I don’t mind… I’ve found the guys who do video chat are usually worth my time.

    Last 3 guys have all been 🔥

    I’ve been on here ages and don’t really meet many people off the app tbh. I know pretty quickly if I’ll like someone enough to bang.

    If I don’t like someone I just say I’m not vibing. I don’t give reasons. It’s best to keep it simple.

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve had past traumatic experiences and I think it’s awesome that you’re here and maintaining your boundaries …

    There’s a great community on rhp and I’ve found getting to know the people has been amazing when it comes to navigating all the crazy xx

  • compressor

    compressor

    5 months ago

    I would prefer to meet first and chat and see if we get on and even want to take the next step. A few times I have had ladies want to take things further and I said no because we had only agreed to meet and possible massage and nothing more

  • Dann_May

    Dann_May

    5 months ago

    There's no harm in meeting first ☺️
    A photo on RHP and meeting in person are two completely different environments.
    As is having a conversation over text to face to face and hearing their voice for the first time.
    You'll either click & and head for the nearest hotel 😉
    Or say thanks, but no thanks and getting an Uber home 🏡 😬
    We're all human. We all have feelings. We are all looking for something to enjoy whilst on here ☺️
    I'm sorry you've had bad experiences 😔 🙏
    If I didn't click with a person I met, I would be polite and tell them how I feel. Honesty is the best and true judgement in all situations.
    Be true to yourself and do what's right for you 🙏
    Hope you find what you're looking for ☺️

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    5 months ago

    Meet first, play later = IMO, SAFETY FIRST. I decide after I've met face to face if i want to see them again or not, not them. I do state to them at the end what I want and thank them. Then it's up to them to make next move/ contact. No contact just means it's a silent no and I move on- its no biggie. NEXT!
    If we met and click, go shag or what ever, who cares, as long as it's safe and consented.

    Ms Foxy

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    I’m always happy to meet first and play later. I like to get to know people a bit and see if we connect before taking things further. Sometimes we decide to take things further straight away as we feel comfortable with each other and there is an attraction and that’s ok. I’m always happy to go with the flow but never meet with the expectation that anything is going to happen beyond a meet up and a chat.
    I’m a bit surprised that your approach limits interest but maybe there are lots of guys out there with unrealistic expectations.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    have had mixed reactions. From clicking for immediate gratification which always surprises me. To not at all interested, thanks for the cuppa and chat. We will have to catch up again but never to be seen again. And made friends. So I guess it all depends on the people and situation. I do prefer the meet first play later thing though

  • Hotwife71

    Hotwife71

    5 months ago

    For Us. Being from a regional town, we have to look at Guys from Sydney. So a MEET and Greet is not feasible.

  • nightingale8

    nightingale8

    5 months ago

    I always* meet first then play another day. I’m far too impulsive that I would ignore my better instincts on safety and vibe. Having that rule means I can go long periods with no play despite actively looking. I don’t care. It’s not worth my safety or bad sex.

    *except for parties, or that one time I turned up and I met a beautiful muscled giant turned around to greet me. Ok, my impulsivity got me that time 😅

  • FeistyFatty

    FeistyFatty

    5 months ago

    The whole *meet first, play later" is something neither Hubby or myself have ever done. If someone requests that now, we both move on. No time for it. I totally get the "safety " aspect of it, don't get me wrong. Ive found that it's just a complete waste of my time. Furthermore, the endless chatting is also a total waste of my time. If I find someone attractive, they tick the boxes etc..... i send them an invite after a few messages. If they're awful when they jump in.... Its a seeya.
    Back story .... We did do the meet first crap to start off with many years ago and poor hubby found himself on actual 'dates" (which he fully paid for) and we both totally detested.

  • MrandMrsEss

    MrandMrsEss

    5 months ago

    We have found those that are adamant that they play on first meet end up being disappointing in bed and are just after another hole to pick something in. Not special and not us.
    Like Ragnar, Mrs S is a people pleaser and it’s too awkward for her to be put under the expectation of sex.
    It’s not to say it never happens, I mean we ended up in bed with each other after our first date and that seems to have worked but the expectation that was going to happen was definitely not there!

  • Andrea_Sydney

    Andrea_Sydney

    5 months ago

    I have done both. For me, if the messaging is brief and not very insightful but the person interests me, then I will suggest meet first play later. Then I often get ghosted, which is fine. If I don’t get ghosted, I enjoy a first date on which there’s either chemistry or not. If there’s no chemistry, I will say so in a message afterwards. There’s something about telling a person to their face you don’t like them that much. I don’t want to be rude and certainly don’t want someone walking out of a bar having just been told they’re not that great. So I feel it’s more dignifying to tell them later by message. But others might feel different about this.

    If messaging is great and connecting and maybe even turns steamy, then I feel “warmed up” enough to plan a date on which we’ll play. I will still meet at a bar for “foreplay”, having a drink and flirting and those sneaky first touches are amazing. Better arousal - better play.

    For the safety aspect: that’s why I always meet at a public place. To leave the door open to leaving by myself if something is off.
    It’s hard to politely say no in cases like that. It’s only happened to me once or twice and then I said I feel more of a friendship vibe than sexual chemistry. Then I go home alone.

    Those men who understand that women always (!) have to have in the back of their mind that their date might be dangerous in some way and we need to be accommodated by either good, insightful messaging or a meet first play later arrangement, plus that most women are not aroused by being offered techniques or penis sizes but rather by sexual energy/desire/seduction they are successful on this app. The others complain in the forum about lack of replies/success.

    This is all for single dating! As a couple it’s 100% different.

  • Margo_Lover

    Margo_Lover

    5 months ago

    Our policy is always meet first, play later.

    We're into connection, and enjoying people, not only bumping genitals (all good if that's your thing)... so we want to know we like them first.

    Added to that, Margo is not great at advocating for herself, so she doesn't want to make a spot decision about playing with people/person we/she has just met. The pressure is too high to make a decision she may regret later.

    Having said all that, now and then she will just click with a person/couple right away, and be comfortable playing. Ultimately, she wants to enter any situation, knowing she won't be forced to make decisions that night.

    It makes the date lighter, and fun, knowing we're not sizing these people up for play, but just enjoying the conversation, and getting to know them, without an agenda.

    - Alex.

  • Sawadee

    Sawadee

    5 months ago

    Its always been that way .. l'm friendly ' a good listener and trust my instincts . Therefore ' l / we always prefer to meet first to see if theres anything doing before committing .. lm also compulsive at times so to meet in a neutral location has its merits.. Besides if nothings doing , we can all walk away no worries ? Nothing better than if everything clicks and you know hot times coming..

  • Opalrose

    Opalrose

    5 months ago

    I’m a meet first, play later fan. However 99% we all end up in an Uber heading back to the house for fun on the first date. 🤣

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    Always meet first socially without expectations. If that's to much to ask for anyone then we are not a good match to begin with. It works both ways and we would assume others would like the chance to engage with us and have that opportunity to talk together and let us know how they feel before we take thing further.

    That said everyone is looking for different things. Some just want to share a pic or two online book a room do there thing and hope for the best.

    Others want to keep all com's online and spend forever getting to know them online before meeting in person. Personally we found this to be a bit of a trap as you can get very invested in people enjoying the online version to be not such a good match In person.

  • MrandMrs

    MrandMrs

    5 months ago

    We always meet over coffee/drinks/dinner when meeting for the first time to assess if we all click and whether there is connection, chemistry and mutual attraction.

    It weeds out time wasters to a great extent and also those who fake about their age or have a pic of themselves on their profile from a decade ago!

    Being in this lifestyle for over 5 years, we are more concerned about quality and not after quantity. Hence it works out for us.

    Also, we never meet people at their residence or hotel for the first time since we have had fair share of bad experiences when we first started in this lifestyle.

    We would rather have 2-3 great experiences in one year instead of 10 average ones !

  • Playfulpair692

    Playfulpair692

    3 months ago

    definitely want to meet first with no expectation for anything more, I need attraction before getting intimate and you cant get that through an online pic

  • Massage_Donor

    Massage_Donor

    2 months ago

    I always meet and greet before playing. I don't ever want a prospective new person to feel unduly pressured. And likewise, I need to be comfortable myself. Despite having some great online chats over the years, I've solely or mutually agreed not to proceed after a lack of chemistry at a subsequent meet and greet.