Guys telling tales

February 16 2024

Hey there,

Wondering if you wonderful people in here can help. What are some good ways to weed out the guys telling tales from the genuine ones.
I've had someone absolutely berating a woman he's clearly been meeting which is an obvious red flag, but before this he seemed genuine and I would of met up with him. It got me thinking how do you question someone without being rude to find out true intent, or is it just a game of luck?

Thanks 😊

Comments

  • NeoAndTrin

    NeoAndTrin

    5 months ago

    You're best off trusting your own gut.

    There's no genuine bonafide way of telling if someone's lying especially through text messaging. Some are experts at and you won't know until it's too late.

  • PerthVixen

    PerthVixen

    5 months ago

    Hi OB10

    I'd love to give you some feedback on this issue, but it wouldn't be received well in this forum space.

    Can I DM you?
    <3
    PV

  • Nictom2022

    Nictom2022

    5 months ago

    Conference is the key,U can smell bullshit but confidence comes with experience,The guys who talk and take the time to listen r genuine,Fake it until U make it is most guys norm

  • Andrea_Sydney

    Andrea_Sydney

    5 months ago

    I don’t think there’s a waterproof way of telling if someone is a genuine person or not to be honest.
    I will say though that your gut feeling isn’t off - you DIDN’T end up meeting this guy. I would encourage you to give yourself some more credit. You DID identify that he was off. What you can do is look back through the messages (if you still have them, if not go from your memory) and check for red flags in hindsight. When was the first time you thought something is off with this guy? Did you brush over such feelings?
    I want to encourage you to not brush over this stuff.
    Apart from the obvious red flags (trying to persuade you to meet immediately or to do anything else etc) there are more subtle things where you read them and get a funny feeling. Yes, some you might be identifying a red flag which might not actually be one and the guy just said something awkward. But to be honest - I prefer to err on the side of caution. If I cut off a genuine guy by mistake, I prefer that than the other way round and I am too forgiving with someone who ends up hurting me.
    It’s tricky on an app where we are all essentially looking for sex. There’s lots of genuine men who look for casual sex and you can gave a great time with them. But the nature of the app also invites many men who don’t have good things in mind.
    I say - if in doubt, cut the person off. There’s more to chat to after that!
    And I know some people do it differently - but I couldn’t emphasise it more strongly - only ever meet in a public place! If messaging feels great and turns steamy and you are ready, then meeting in a public place can serve as a lovely flirty starter, you can leave with him whenever then. Doing this also leaves a door open, in case something is off when meeting in person. Don’t brush over it. If your gut tells you something is off, leave without him!

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    ‘Liar’ Henry Rollins band.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    Personal experience is you get a few howlers early on when new to it. But they do tell you what to look out for and how to refine your flags.

    It gets easier and better with practice and you’ll get the hang of how the right people for you show a level of respect and engagement.

    I think everyone comes across misunderstood here because it’s the single dimension of text on a screen. But connections do get made with understanding and good questions asked.

    Persist and be ready to learn 😊

  • FeistyFatty

    FeistyFatty

    5 months ago

    The longer you play the game, the better your bullshit radar gets. I had a handful of "bad reads" early on but honestly can't remember the last time.... Its been years.
    Trust your instincts and never compromise what you want or lower your standards.
    You'll work it all out I'm sure.

  • Libertine001

    Libertine001

    5 months ago

    Time would be your best bet, taking things slow getting to know someone will weed out the liars as overtime the tales that are told can be forgotten about and generally only lying to impress and get things moving quickly.

    Just my take on it.

    Libertine

  • Dann_May

    Dann_May

    5 months ago

    TBH, I am dumbfounded to believe that men would lie or treat women disgustingly, especially to people they have been trying dated on this app and with their friends thinking they wouldn't get caught out!
    How do they think they would ever get a date once their username has been reported & the word has been spread to the community! It's again the small that ruins it!
    I'm sorry you and another have had a bad experience and hope you find what you are looking for ☺️🙏

  • MrandMrs

    MrandMrs

    5 months ago

    From our experience, it's a game of luck and statistical probability.

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    5 months ago

    How do you question their bad behavour?
    You don't question, you immediately call them out on it!

    Ms Foxy

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    Be more realistic about your own value and stop going for the ones which are too good to be true because typically they are.

  • nightingale8

    nightingale8

    5 months ago

    How do you question someone to find out their true intent? You don’t. You know what you want and deserve (sounds like you do) and go for that. If they don’t give it to you don’t argue, don’t apologise, don’t wait for them to change. Move away (and keep going). Sure you could start a battle but you have better things to do.

    If they manage to get through with lies, it is a reflection of them and their situation and you walk away with your dignity intact.