RHP User

RHP User

M46 F46

4 way physical attraction

February 17 2024

We have been in the lifestyle for several decades on and off...more of than on. When we first started in our 20s wife had a basic criteria for any male 1/2 of a couple to be of slim or athletic build along with a few other reasonable criteria around just a nice face and smile. Not looking for Super models or crazy ripped unrealistic body's.

This wasn't a issue in our 20s and still was not unatanable in our 30s but as of late now in our mid 40s we are struggling. Yes same criteria.....ok somewhat relaxed as we all have wrinkles now and are not in our 20yo body's anymore but still slim or athletic build for the men....

It's always the same story. Great couple, What they are looking for reflects what we are seeking. Really good positive vibe and then the pick swap ...girl is in great shape looking hot as ever...no matter the age and the husband is almost always rocking a dad bod or just completely let themselves go.

I don't blame wife for saying thanks but no thanks but it's getting to the point where it's making me feel a bit crappy having to say sorry not what we are looking for all the time.

Being judgmental on body type has nothing to do with how I would engage with friends in day to day life. Though I'm beginning to think we will find the couple with the physical traits at some stage then who is to say mentally we are a good match it's just step one...

In a nut shell I can't help but feel like we a missing out on some great experience with some great people due to this criteria of male body type that's a rare find.

Are any other couples struggling to find the 4 way match perhaps for some other reason?


  • Mrs_Deep_Love


    5 months ago

    Yup, welcome to swinging!

  • Felicitous


    5 months ago

    Sorry if this comes across the wrong way...

    But easy for you to reflect in this way when as you've said... Most of the women are on great shape.
    I wonder if you'd be 'less' fussy if the shoe were on the other foot?

    I think 'missing out' is probably not the right expression because if she's not attracted to the male - she's definitely not missing out.
    These experiences are based on attraction... Mental/ physical emotional.. if it's not there - it's not there!

    I feel a bit defensive on behalf of your wife. It's a good thing to have boundaries and standards - she shouldn't be questioned for hers. And she shouldn't be coerced into sleeping with anyone she isn't attracted to. 🤷🏻‍♀️

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    I get it no one ever takes one for the team. It's why we seldom play with couple's now days. She has often said herself...if only some of the single guys she is into had partners. It's more of a observation that the physical criteria is getting difficult to find as we are getting older and really limiting our options without dropping the age bracket significantly and that has other issues around being able to relate or have a mental connection.

  • PerthVixen


    5 months ago

    Is the basis of your query . . .

    * your wife’s criteria needs adjusting to cater for the changing body shapes of men in their 40’s?


    * men’s attitude towards their bodies, expecting to get ‘action’ with the “girl” who “is in great shape looking hot as ever”, needs to change?

    And to clarify - why do you feel “crappy having to say sorry not what we are looking for”?

    It sounds like you’re more concerned about offending all the men who “completely let themselves go”, rather than the two “girls” who are being forced to make the ACTUAL crappy decision.

    Are we to believe that asking the wife to modify her criteria is a conversation you’re prepared to have, but a conversation with men about lifting their physical game is not?

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    In a way yes. Abi and used to do the couple thing a lot but we just started seeing our tastes become more unique and a bit out there.

    So we decided to go and do it alone. Not exclusively in the sense we’d sometimes watch the other with a girl or a guy or have the evening to join in if that was on the cards.

    It actually gave us more to consider and fantasise about. More fantasies to live out.

    Also, I must pick up on the language you use; sounds like you have to do all the leg work, chats and rejections and she has a mere glance at the guy. Perhaps ask her to take joint responsibility in that and she may see a different side to the ppl she is talking with?

  • Hotwivesclub


    5 months ago

    What's your block on throwing the occasional MFM into the mix?

    Some hotwife couples get into the Stag/Vixen dynamic in order to make sure the lady gets to have fun with top quality guys every now and then.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    To answer a few questions in the one response. I'm more about the personality and how someone connects with me beyond just the physical appearance. So I will often get quite excited by a couple who is saying all the right things and engaging with us in a way that makes me really like them for who they are and consider this way more important than what body type they have so we do have a small clash of ideals.

    I guess we have been with some couples where I have tried to overlook a compromise in the quality of the connection with the female because the male in the couple has had physical attributes that aline with what my wife wants. The same can be said for the wife she has also tried to compromise on body type and see if awesome personality could make things work. It hasn't and lesson learnt and to be fair on the other party involved we wouldn't pursue things nowadays if we are not 100%

    This might sound a little silly but we have met quite a few couples for coffee or drinks. Just a meet and greet to see if there's a connection. Physically it hasn't been there for my wife so naturally we have declined going beyond the coffee. Giving the community is quite small I have read validations from some of the couples we that we have met and the validation is from another couple we have also met and found myself thinking yes the two guys from that couple have very similar body types and it's worked out great for them I'll admit it I'm a little envious...

    We often talk about this as a couple openly. We try and think of how we should go about things. We have even tried inviting a single female to join ourselves and wife's single male playmates at the time . We have probably done this 3 times over the years and every time it's the same result. We end up playing matchmaker to the two singles the room and the dynamics really shift from just seeing them my themselves. So have put that option aside.

    I have also been asked if I wanted to go and play by myself. We have tentatively explored this and met a few single females... as a couple initial with the single being aware it was a option to see me separately and a few times I have been on the cuff of taking it further by myself....though it never feels right. We have been together from 20yo and always played together and the conclusion is I honestly want to keep it that way even if it is difficult finding the 4 way match.

    What makes you feel a bit crappy is rejecting people biased on something that really doesn't make them any different in my mind to the next person. I haven't struggled with weight as I have gotten older with our much effort from my doing. I'm just thinking the guys probably have a lot more to offer than just body type and often I have been the one talking to they guy and in a ass about way having to say hey we think you are both fantastic but you need to loose a few kg or my wife won't even consider you is not the best thing to have to project. Especially when you have gotten to know the people and genuinely do like them.

    I have settled with the following. It's bloody rare two find a couple with the 4 way attraction particularly physically from my wife's ideals. It's even rarer that if found that we will be there. Cup of tea. Then we can move onto mental connection and if that's a Green light I'm buying a Lotto ticket😂 but things happen when you least expect it.

    In the meantime the fact that MFM play has been enjoyable with the wife and her lucky friends over the years no complaints. Even the odd mff fleeting moment has kept me smiling .

  • Hotwife71


    5 months ago

    We are just looking for a Male. My wife is extremely attractive and I won't let her settle for anything less, just to please me.

    We have been searching for 10+ years on here and only struck gold a couple of times.

  • Wmaf2010


    5 months ago

    Yes fully understand. Plenty of hot wives on rhp in great shape, the husbands however sport dad bods (and grose beards) yet list themselves as athletic. A four way is elusive because most men are unattractive and out of shape, and I am not bi or interested in just watching my husband have fun.

  • RachWandered


    5 months ago

    I’m not a couple but throwing my 69c in

    I have the same standards and
    I rarely have sex because it’s hard enough finding 1 sexy dude I’m attracted to let alone matching as a 4!! The only reason I bang younger dudes is what you say about guys letting themselves go … it’s true and it’s not unreasonable or superficial. We like what we like

    I admire and respect your persistence and respecting your wife’s needs 💕

    Feeling the pain (half of it anyway) and with you in solidarity 🤜🤛

  • Therockguy


    5 months ago

    Why limit yourselves to couples? There are single male and females happy to engage with couples or foursomes so therefore you and your wife have more choices and can pick the bodies you like. Just be open and transparent with the guy and girl you are both interested in, all four of you meet prior for drinks and build a connection between the four of you.

  • fun2behere


    5 months ago

    Having been here as a couple and a single man, my preference has always been for people we/I can relate to. People who are easy to be with. Yes we / I baulk about very grossly obese when it comes to sex. It doesn’t mean we cannot have a personal connection socially. Yes some choose the body beautiful and I get that. But most of us have the lumps and bumps that come with life. Personality and the ability to socialise and relax win me over every time.

  • Wecome


    5 months ago

    For us we like to keep in shape... well feel it attracts like minded people... we have had some great 4 way connections, we have met people and couples at events and even though there was not that initial 4 way connection after getting to know them socially things have progressed.

    An initial 4 way connection may get things moving faster but never rule out a connection which may grow after getting to know people on a more social level first.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 months ago

    I'm not here as a couple, but IMO, I find RHP for males and females, there's a divergence at 30+ in how they are as a group (usual proviso, exceptions apply) versus 'the real world'. In that the ladies here are generally in better shape as a group than the ladies 30+ IRL. They take pride in all aspects of themselves, including their appearance. Guys (from couples profiles and the occasional check of what I'm 'competing' against) 30+ are a closer reflection to offline guys. Which given offline guys by 30+ the rates of overweight and obesity between men and women widen greatly (no pun intended) isn't great for guys like yourself.

    The irony being for guys 30+ it's easier to get in shape, it just takes time and effort. We aren't battling cellulite, post kid bodies or gravity pulling down bits, that no amount of exercise will overcome.

    I think you (or your wife) are perfectly entitled to stick to your standards. From your profile you're 'walking the walk', you (or your wife) aren't a hypocrite demanding standards you don't meet yourselves. As you rightly note, if you were meeting these couples / guys outside the group play situation, then how well someone's kept themselves is rightly irrelevant, so don't take any aspersions to heart!

  • Darkness


    5 months ago

    I’m all about personality looks are great but damn you make me laugh those panties will be thrown at you.. ha

  • shaneandfelicity


    4 months ago

    It’s very hard to have a four way physical attraction.. for us we are mostly looking for personality and being able to connect on a certain level. For us when we go to a party we have what we call a hall pass so we can just enjoy and make connections with whomever we feel is an organic attraction playing as couples when we meet other couples is a lot harder and takes a lot more work. We don’t take one for the team. We have to both be interested. Having someone that looks after themselves to a certain degree is important however not essential. We are both drawn more to the mind.

  • mjulzy


    4 months ago

    This is the main reason for why we seldom play with couples..

  • redhotozz


    4 months ago

    We have had a few circumstances where ppl who have said no on our profile, or after a coffee, met us at parties and played. The vibe of a meet n greet is awkward for many.

  • Exoticerotic69


    4 months ago

    Yes, a very difficult process for sure. We sometimes prefer singles as a 4 way attraction can just be too difficult … can be funny or even annoying when someone has really let themselves go or is just way over the age thinks they can have a shot at at Mrs Exoticerotic… and a shout out to the dads…. even people with dad bods can find certain looks, demographics, shapes or lack there of unattractive too… just because they have a dad bod doesn’t mean they will settle either I guess …

  • Gentlelovers


    4 months ago

    Sounds like you have come on here to have a whinge.
    If you don't like the couple,just move along its that easy.