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Striking out is the new getting lucky…As some of you might know Bessie and I have set off on our little Life Change Experiment’.

RedHotPie Editor | October 30 2009

Striking out is the new getting lucky…

Striking out is the new getting lucky…

As some of you might know Bessie and I have set off on our little Life Change Experiment’. – Off into the wild blue yonder to shake life up a little.

To be honest, I got fed up sitting on my ass watching other people doing cool stuff on the discovery channel. So I decided to do something about it.

Hopefully we will get to run into a few of you as we pop into some Red Hot Pie inner circle events and stop by to do relationships workshops, party, and help out in various towns and cities along the way.

But in the spirit of this adventure I thought I’d pass on some of the stuff we have learnt on the topic of….Shaking things up a little. You know, actually doing all those things you keep saying you’re gonna do, like getting out of that old stale relationship, or plucking up the courage to ask out the office spunk, or even trying something sinfully sexy you can’t get off your mind, but keep chickening out of actually doing.

Truth is if we did just 10% of the things we wanted to, but were too afraid of; we would be experiencing a whole different quality of life.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll have a long list of things you would love to be, do, try and experience, and a longer list of excuses as to why you’re not doing them. So out here on the road, we decided to find out the secrets first hand to making things happen!

What’s a guy or girl gotta do to get it all? I decided to start by tracking down people who don’t just talk the talk but really walk the walk.

So far I have interviewed overachievers like Jeff Fenech, Suzie Maroney, Benny Elias and other regular people who have lived amazing lives, done amazing things and stepped out of their comfort zones.

The first thing that struck me was how many admitted that they wish they had made their life changes sooner.

Lets face it what are we really all waiting for? The right moment? A bolt of courage from the blue? The wind blowing from the right direction? Jessica Alba to ask you to star in a sex tape with her? Pig’s to fly?

Listening to these people I realised they all had one thing in common I had never really noticed before. Sure they listed all the usual self help stuff you would expect like, work hard, positive attitude, taking action, blah blah – I had heard this all before …..But the thing that struck me most was that they’d all developed over time an ability to see failure, not as something embarrassing, hurtful or to be avoided, but as something constructive, like feedback.

WOW I thought. How invulnerable would you feel on the dating scene or climbing up your wish list ladder if you saw failure as a positive force, something to be embraced? Like an expert coach helping you eliminate what won’t work, to bring you one step closer to what will.

Remember finding the perfect relationship, sexual encounter, romantic connection, sensual indulgence, or better way of living takes a certain amount of risks. You have to put yourself out there. And with risk comes the potential to ‘crash and burn’.

So I set about looking up research on developing a Teflon attitude to failure and here’s the good news. The latest research shows that we are predisposed to be more attracted to people who have a go than people who don’t.

So whatever it is you’re doing, succeed or fail, the simple act of ‘giving it a shot’, then giving it another and another is actually an aphrodisiac in its own right.

At the end of the day it’s up to you. When you look at the people who are having the relationships you want or the lifestyle you would rather be living, you are only seeing the final result of years of falling off the horse and getting back on.

So saddle up n’ get your sexy on this summer. It may be true that fortune favours the brave! But with the right attitude you can even make striking out the new getting lucky.


1 A happy relationship is a series of pleasures, trials and errors. Don’t look at the errors as personal failings in either of you. Look at them as rungs on the ladder of better understanding.

2 Practice seeing shitty failures as manure for the seeds of new beginning – Even with little things. Then when the big things hit it will be second nature.

3 Fear of failure is a learned thing – it can be unlearned with just a little practice every day.

4 Anyone can do it – Swimming legend Suzie Maroney told us she was petrified of everything when she started her career. She said she never actually got brave; she simply got others to push her into doing it until it became normal. Eventually she conquered incredible feats of endurance, life tragedy and even the old favourite public speaking.