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Polyamory Doco Causes Huge Stir!!A couple have filmed their experience in a polyamorous relationship for a truly wild HBO documentary. Before...

RedHotPie Editor | March 11 2021

Polyamory Doco Causes Huge Stir!!

Before exchanging “I do’s”, there was something important Jan Oliver Lucks and fiancee Zoe felt they needed to do.

Have sex with other people and film it.

Using their iPhones, the pair recorded their six-month exploration of polyamorous love.

Their probing journey – to ménage à trois or nah? – is the subject of a new docudrama, There Is No ‘I’ In Threesome, which can be seen now on Foxtel and Binge.

“Sex can be a performance or an act,” German-born, New Zealand-based filmmaker Lucks, 37, said.

“Depending on who your dance partner is, you change the way you act and dance.”

After dancing a duet as monogamous lovers for years, Lucks and Zoe agreed that they were curious about polyamory – a lifestyle that can be defined as sharing an intimate relationship with more than one romantic partner.

“Non-monogamy was something that we had on our minds before we started our relationship,” said Lucks, who directs and co-stars in the film. “We just hadn’t explored it.”

According to the terms of their open relationship, both he and Zoe were free to engage in heterosexual or same-sex romantic encounters with others.

They had to clearly communicate the details of their extra-relational rendezvous with each other beforehand and afterwards.

Lucks and Zoe then had the option to add the other person as a third to their non-traditional fold.

“It brought out different aspects of our behaviour in the bedroom. We were pushed into new territory,” said Lucks, who previously considered himself a “sexual underachiever” due to his lacklustre love life in college.

“We would have an experience with someone else, and then bring it (or them) into our relationship and our bed afterwards,” he continued.

“It really enriched our sex life.”

No desire was deemed too taboo.

The pair tried a little bit of everything, from participating in sex parties to BDSM to watching one another have sex with other partners via Skype. They enjoyed it all.

“It was so easy to become enamoured with the attention and the excitement and the sex and the infatuation,” Lucks said.

But as the saying goes: You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

“Jealousy does arise,” Lucks said. “Suddenly, your partner needs you for less things. Now, there are other men (in her life).

“There were certainly times when I would let things go further than I’d felt comfortable with, but I knew we were making a good film.”

At one point, Lucks asked a clearly besotted Zoe if she’d be willing to end a burgeoning romance with one of her more enchanting dates.

But Zoe was reluctant to walk away from the other lover.

When jealousy and insecurity became overwhelming, the film project became Lucks’ lifeboat.

“The film became quite crucial to my wellbeing,” he said.

“I leaned on it heavily in hard times. I knew I had to see this through.”

Despite the emotional turbulence Lucks endured during his foray into non-monogamy – not to mention the toll it took on his and Zoe’s relationship – he said he’d do it all again.

And while his expedition into the world of open relationships and polyamory came at a surprising cost – Lucks appreciates the insight he gained into Zoe’s character before potentially walking down the aisle.

“We also learned a lot about each other, and found out how we worked as a couple. It was quite valuable, figuring it all out before marriage,” he said.

So buckle up and take the ride - be prepared for huge twists and turns and and ending that might leave you with more questions than answers... but no spoilers here!


Have you ever explored a non-traditional relationship structure? Would you? Tell us in the comments below!!


  • Spoonner69

    06 Jun 2021

    Having a great night off fun with others

  • EndowedBBC

    13 May 2021

    I agree, it’s all about having a good time fairly 😋 “favourite “

  • Madambutterfly78

    21 Mar 2021

    Lol yeah and? Who cares.

  • JamienLou

    18 Mar 2021

    I can see there is only 2 🤔 possibly 3 people here that have any measurable level of intelligence and have made clear, open minded and actual informed statements. The rest is simply splashed their ignorant and arrogant misconceptions of what they think polyamory is or their narrow minded idiotic notions of why it doesn't work and how wrong it is.. I do however have some questions @Aussie45 is this is only a "swingers site" why under "Intentions" section is there: Dating, hook ups, Sugar Daddy, Discreet Affair, Relationship, Friendship, FWB, Play friends, Social, Pily/open, Dom/Sub and other?? I'd this was only a Swinger site as you say it is, wouldn't everyone be "Swinging" I don't even see Swinging mentioned in that list at all.. 🤔🤔 @Laugh_anytine, how do people have "affairs in an open marriage" do you ever understand what an affair is?? Definition: "An affair is a sexual relationship, romantic friendship, or passionate attachment between two people where at least one of the two has such a connection with a third person, either in a formal setting like marriage or informally, without the third person's knowledge or agreement" and being an "Experimental" male and with what you say your seeking here, how do you still have such Pentecostic, Christian judaic moral beliefs on what a marriage is?. I AM NOT casting judgment on or about anyone here at all, but I am astounded that the peanut gallery here feel so self righteously qualified and full of such entitlement to believe they can judge others on something that knows absolutely nothing about and hide behind "everyone is entitled to an opinion".. As they say, Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one BUT YOURS STINKS..

  • HeathWild

    18 Mar 2021

    I’m in porn/adult industry, most of my friends who are porn stars as well are Poly. Pretty normal in my world. Hell we all screw each other. But my main partner only has sex with me, sometimes with other women, but never with other guys (her choice, she doesn’t like the vast majority of men). No right or wrong Poly is more of a reflection of your nature. If you’re even the slightest bit jealous, insecure or possessive. Don’t try the poly life, because it will ruin your relationship. Most people are absolutely not cut out for this kinda life style. If you are, then props to you, for being a fellow deviant. 😏🤙🏽

  • naughtytintin

    14 Mar 2021

    Ive been in a couple inviting people in and joined plenty of couples in a swinging context. Only one of these couples was the possibility of an ongoing triad/throuple possible. I was deeply gutted when it didnt work due to mostly lifestyle differences being magnified by our individual fears which caused one of the three of us to call it off. all of these fears of each of us from my perspective were completely valid and understandable. I was just so sad at the time that this cause the one of us to force a situation that confirmed their fear and that i wasnt able to bridge mine so that i didnt come across as aloof and or reticent as i was neither just concerned about being an extra and the one that would be cut if issues came up. Logical and reasonable concerns but still fears that i let dictate my reactions. In the end it highlighted so deep divides that being present may never have been able to bridge. Thus it was a good outcome even if i was and still am on some level sad that it didnt work out as they were a truly awesome couple that i was deeply into.

  • Cumjoinus

    14 Mar 2021

    We have been married 24 yrs ( vanilla) and are exploring the possibilities of a 3rd and 4th person. Not poly at all but it takes a lot of time effort and communication between a couple for it to succeed. Definitely mentally draining, stress, jealousy rears it’s head more often than not especially in the beginning stages. That’s why communication is a key factor in keeping things in perspective. I think it would be a lot harder again for a couple that haven’t been together for to long but hoping that 24 yrs of marriage is enough to know how to handle it all.

  • mckinkski

    13 Mar 2021

    Polyamory = borderline personality disorder. Ask google. It's as concomitant as it gets. shrugs. Don't see what the "huge stir" could possibly be. Cest la vie.

  • KeenMikey

    13 Mar 2021

    Everyone’s individual experience is valid and each are entitled to do whatever works for them, but the overall POV of this doco is one of judgement that any kind of open relationship cannot work and is “wrong” ... it does not entertain even the notion that even though it didn’t work for those in the doco that it can and does work for many, and is in fact what has enabled their relationship to work successfully. This piece is getting a lot of press and hype because of the subject matter but it ultimately reinforces stereotypical biases.

  • dominic58

    12 Mar 2021

    Our experience in having other lovers together has strengthened our love we reached this point through openess and truth to how we felt as it turned out and continues we both had the same fantasy MFM and MFMM Witch we indulge in on a regular basis it has increased our love ten fold we have found no green eyed monster (jealousy) has surfaced we believe this is due to we enjoy all extra partners we choose together if we don’t agree on play mates we don’t play pretty simple rule but it makes a success of our relationship and satisfies our fantasy and desires

  • Clare1234

    11 Mar 2021

    I'm married and polyamorous. I have multiple sexual partners and I have had other romantic, loving relationships too. Jealousy does arise, but like all feelings, it also washes away. My relationships with other people have strengthened my relationship with my husband. Just because I have sex with (and sometimes love) other people doesn't mean that I love my husband any less. The only real difference it has made is around logistics in how we spend our time together - we have to be more deliberate of that because it isn't always taken for granted that we will be in the same home every evening. There are a lot of logistics involved in polyamory, and a lot of communication!