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How to Give Women Orgasms According to LesbiansThere's a 21 percent orgasm gap between lesbians and straight women. We asked lesbians what can be done about...

Rebecca Daniels | June 18 2020

How to Give Women Orgasms According to Lesbians

Ever heard of “the orgasm gap”? If not, let me explain: when a rigorous 2016 study, published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, analysed the sex lives of around 53,000 adults in the US, it found that 95 percent of heterosexual men reported that they usually or always orgasmed during sex, while 65 percent of heterosexual women reported the same. That 30 percent difference is what has been commonly dubbed: “the orgasm gap”.

I know what some of you are thinking: maybe cis men just find it easier to come? Nope, that doesn't hold up either. In the same study, it was found that 86 percent of lesbian women reported that they usually or always orgasmed during sex. This means that there's a 21 percent gap between lesbians and straight women. I think we can all join the dots here. Either straight men find it harder to make women come or, more generously, queer women are just really good at it.

There are probably plenty of reasons for this gap – some of them simple, others complex. If you're a lesbian with a vulva, for instance, it makes sense that you'd instinctively know what to do with someone else's. Experts have also suggested that mainstream straight porn – with its minimal foreplay, constant pumping and screaming vaginal orgasms – doesn't do anyone any favours when it comes to guidelines. But I'm not here to underline anyone's shortcomings. Instead I'm here to ask my fellow lesbians to charitably share their skills with others. So, what do lesbians say when it comes to making other women come? 

“Orgasms are pretty psychological, I think,” says 27-year-old Charlie, “so my most important piece of advice would be to make sure both of you are comfortable and feeling open. Create a relaxed and sexy environment in which you can both let yourself go, properly rather than performatively. Foreplay is also very important. Unless someone is insanely aroused – which I can be when I'm on my period – you're not going to make someone orgasm in a few seconds. There needs to be some build up. Not just physically, but psychologically as well.”

Charlie's not wrong. Sex isn't a relay race and it's fine – beneficial even! – to take your time. “Ironically, I think taking the pressure off to orgasm can make orgasms more likely!” 25-year-old Beth says. “Lesbian sex can be very imaginative and intuitive in that way. You can use toys, fingers, tongues, bodies. But it's all focussed on pleasure: giving and receiving. So I think if all sexualities employed some of that queer imagination and generosity, there would be a lot more orgasms happening. Sex isn't an In-N-Out drive-in.”

Imagination, generosity and intuition are indeed the magic three when it comes to orgasms. But what about the physical, practical side of things? Using your mind is important, sure, but what about the rest of it? “Use your fucking mouth and hands (preferably simultaneously) and focus on the clit,” asserts Brooke, 29. “Unless you're a master in G-spot stimulation, penetration alone isn't going to give most women an orgasm.”

Other lesbians say similar things when it comes to both oral and clitoral sex. “Only a few are going to come from basic penetration,” says 24-year-old Ruby. (Side note: she's right. According to studies, only 25 percent of cis women tend to orgasm from penetration alone). “So my advice for anyone wanting to give women or people with vaginas orgasms is this: go down on your partner. Not for a few seconds, for as long as it takes. And introduce a finger or two while you're there, if they like it; I personally like to aim for the blended orgasm. Penetration is good but there needs to be a side course.”

“Whether you're using your tongue, finger, dildo or dick – start off gentle,” adds Beth. “Then pay close attention to how your partner is responding. If you pick up the pace and they seem more turned on by that, then carry on. If they seem like they're into one rhythm, then continue. This sounds cheesy, but to make a woman come, you need to listen to their body at all times.”

And finally, it seems, the key to opening the orgasm lock is something that all lesbians are anecdotally very good at: communication. Talking. Feeling things out. “Everyone gets turned on by different stuff,” points out 29-year-old Rhi. “So it's important to actually ask your gf or whoever you're sleeping with. Are they into being submissive or dominant? Is there one thing they haven't tried that they'd love to? Straightforward communication is hot, you don't always have to try to mind read.”

“All women's bodies are different and unique and I think we all experience pleasure in different ways,” adds Brooke. “Ask your lady what her likes and dislikes are and pay attention to her when you're 'performing' to get a feel of what she's into.”

Obviously, orgasms aren't the be all and end of all of sex. Plenty of people find it hard or aren't able to orgasm for whatever reason, and that doesn't mean sex is any less satisfying or enjoyable. In fact, oftentimes, the best thing about orgasms is the build up – the stuff that happens beforehand. But, also, let's be honest: orgasms are one of the better things in this life. It's neither fair nor sound for queer women and cis men to keep hoarding them.


Do you have any guaranteed-to-satisfy tricks of your own? Let us know below in the comments!


  • sydneycouple01

    13 Oct 2020

    I’d say to woman that making your guy cum and your guy orgasm are two different things . Both feel good but the other takes you to a different place . We really are no different. I can feel the pleasure of orgasm by the way my woman touches and teases me without cumming .I find I am constantly learning what makes her orgasm but as she says to me that there is much pleasure that isn’t an orgasm and it shouldn’t always be the central focus otherwise it becomes a distraction to all the other pleasurable sensations

  • Playful2looking

    25 Aug 2020

    Yes agree with Kittykatannie..girls take charge of your orgasm...A guy is not born with a hand book ...he has to learn

  • daveedmay

    11 Jul 2020

    I'm listening feeling and sensing, exploring both her intangible and tangible reactions, as her excitement builds capturing my wanting desire to have her orgasm like never before

  • Sassychic

    02 Jul 2020

    Yeah I’d tell a man what I want exactly where I get really turned on. Some have good skills some are just plain boring doesn’t get me off. Trick is to do softly eat and suck her cunnilungus shallow finger at the same time or better yet stick a finger up her ass that will make her moan more and make her cum definitely 🤭🤪😁

  • KittykatAnnie

    28 Jun 2020

    I personally like to show my man how to get me off, so I give it to myself in front of him or I just take hold of his hand/fingers/head and put them where I want them. Take charge girls we know wot works so teach them if they don’t know. It’s also a big must to connect with them if u want an awesome orgasmic experience 😉

  • Unicorn123

    27 Jun 2020

    Some tips there for the boys and some bi-curious chicks 😉 I agee totally... gotta let your guard down to get the full mind blowing orgasm... but that times to build with someone sometimes... you can't just expect that from every interlude

  • Naughty1

    24 Jun 2020

    Some woman like to being licked some not, every female is different chubby women always want more fun

  • Want2havefun

    23 Jun 2020

    In fairness to the guys - women need to be more open to communicating what works for them - not lie back and expect them to work it out. Pay attention to the cues guys but ladies speak up if you want something changed or added. It is a team sport after all.

  • deus3xmachina

    22 Jun 2020

    Every woman is different. Sometimes it’s hard work sometimes it’s not. One time it’s easy, doesn’t mean the next it will be the same result. In my experience it pays to be open. Goes without saying that communication is important, the mind is the biggest sexual organ, Be willing to employ whatever it takes be it tongue, fingers, toys. Don’t take it as an insult if your girl still wants to be licked and fingered after your orgasm has be satisfied. Better yet implement a rule whereby you have to make her come at least twice before you even think about penetrative sex. Savour the feeling of how good and empowering it feels to experience a woman climax. Enjoy the journey and make a night/day of it.

  • greeneyes05

    22 Jun 2020

    uktouch. I so agree with you. Kissing is key. A passionate kiss is so intense and can make an orgasm more intense.

  • JEsquire

    22 Jun 2020

    I would love a woman to tell me how to make her cum and instruct if she wants it done differently.

  • chocfitness

    21 Jun 2020

    All about communication and reading body language, not every female is the same

  • Poly666

    20 Jun 2020

    @uktouch well said. It's about connection first and foremost. Sensing, trying, experimenting and being perceptive...listening and watching for those cues. Like the article says, it's more psychological than physical, although the right touch is essential and needs to come from a partner who wants to learn and pleasure.

  • EtherealMagician

    19 Jun 2020

    I love to make a woman cum. It’s such a turn on for me. To dance my fingers, lips or tongue across a woman’s skin and see and hear the expectation from her as she thinks she knows where I am headed, then to change track and hear the little moan of disappointment soon followed by the squeal of pleasure when I touch the spot. The shear ecstasy that comes when I lock my lips around her swollen bud and begin to suck makes me hard, makes me throb. And that’s just the entree. 😈

  • Mrcharisma

    19 Jun 2020

    It cums down to the mindset, are U in it to get off, or to satisfy please and enjoy together. If it's lovers fwb or just a ons. I myself am a giver and am satisfied with that wet puddle of satisfaction. Some people think of themselves and that's it.

  • blix_and_queen

    19 Jun 2020

    Ask questions and listen. Don't assume because your ex orgasmed with you the same technique works. Her first, him second to orgasm always.