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Everything You Need to Know About Becoming a Dominatrix How to be a FemDom that your submissive man craves. 10 Steps To Taking Control In The Bedroom

Christina Miller | November 09 2020

Everything You Need to Know About Becoming a Dominatrix

Are you one of many women who fantasies about being a FemDom? Who wants to take charge in the bedroom and show their partner who is the boss?

The idea of being dominant in the bedroom, especially for women, can still seem strange since it goes against everything we're taught. However, if you are game and your partner is keen, being a sexy dominatrix makes sex hot, exciting and fun.

Dominating is not the same as being cruel or mean. It simply means connecting with your powerful, dominant side and being bold about pursuing your pleasure.

Dominance & submission has many levels. What it means is that for some women they might enjoy keeping their man under their control all the time, but, for others, they might want to dominate every now and then.  Regardless, if you and your partner are thinking of adding this dynamic to your relationship; there should be many conversations about what will and will not be okay for you. 

It's important to remember that there is no "one size fits all" approach to kinks as everyone does things their own way. As long as you respect the boundaries set at the beginning and are a responsible domme, this should add to your sex life. We should also say that like most sexual things; Femdom is not for everyone, and that’s okay!

Here are our 10 top tips for how to be dominant and enjoy it. Let's start with defining what a FemDom is...

1. What is a FemDom


Femdom refers to a woman who is a dominant partner in BDSM sexual activities. A dominant female may have a number of different names, including dominatrix, mistress or madame. As a FemDom be direct, to the point and be firm but caring. A Dom is not supposed to be someone who scares or abuses, yes there are some abusive elements but those would be agreed upon before play starts. One can only truly surrender themselves, their power and control; if one feels safe.  As a FemDom, you are there to guide your sub into being the best sub, slave slut or servant they can be.

2. Communication

With any acts of dominance communications between you and your partner is key. It promotes trust and safety. Talk about desires, needs and boundaries. Communication is paramount to having a great BDSM session. You need to know what your submissive likes, what they hate, what makes them tick and what their limits are. There is no faster or better way to gather this information than asking upfront.

While ‘safe words’ are usually used as a way for the sub to let their Dom know when the pain with the whip or hand is too intense without spoiling the scenario, they also serve to protect you both emotionally.  A ‘safe word’ allows the sub to completely let his guard down knowing that you have to stay within his clearly defined boundaries.

3. Decide what kind of Dominatrix you want to be


Next step is to figure out what kind of sexy dominant temptress do you fancy yourself? This is a must, it gets you in the right mindset and sets the fantasy. Dominance and submission have many levels. You and your partner need to discuss what suits you both. Are you after a little teasing and denial play? Erotic humiliation, sensual or body worship? Maybe you are into corporal punishment?  Or do you prefer something a little more kosher and just want your partner to give into you and your devious demands?

Once you assume your chosen persona, it will put you in the right headspace and let that inner Femdom out to play and rule. Moreover, it will help your partner see you in a new light and really get into the fantasy.

4. Give yourself a name

Creating your FemDom name is a great idea. Figure out how you want him to address you – Madame, Mistress, My Queen, Princess, Goddess and then you can throw in your name or a made up name, like Goddess Gina or Mercenary Mistress. Find one that suits your needs and gives you power. Hearing him say “yes Mistress” to your requests will give you a whole new level of confidence.

5. What will you do as a mistress?


At the most basic level, you will be in charge and dominate your partner. The submissive partner craves to surrender themselves to you, be at your mercy, kneel at your feet and worship you. And only by serving you as you like it as you allow them the privilege to worship you.

Some activities may include things like pegging, sissification, locking your sub in a chastity, humiliation, foot worship, orgasm denial, impact play and bondage & teasing. Start with activities that suit you and turn you on, not everything has to be hardcore. Have your partner worship your body and kiss every inch of it. Pull or tug their hair, tease him, tickle him, and make him beg for your pleasure. These are all great starting activities to try before advancing. Some couples prefer to keep amping this up while others are satisfied with just a little femdom in the bedroom.That's entirely up to you both. However, if you are going to engage in impact play, learn where you should and shouldn’t hit or whip the body.

6. Choose the right words

The key to dominations is confidence and while confidence is about attitude, you can also show it through your choices of words.

Command your partner

That’s what your submissive partner wants from you. Tell them things like:

Lick my feet, slave.”



“Get on your knees and crawl towards me with your head bowed. Now!”

“You’re going to please me until I tell you to stop.”

Many men love verbal humiliation

Once your partner has confirmed his consent to be erotically humiliated, you can say things like:

“You’re a disgusting worm.”

“You’re a dirty little boy.”

“You are pathetic.”

It might feel strange for the first time, but if your partner agreed and consented to it, this is what they want.

7. Wear something sexy that you feel good in

Set the scene by dressing the part. While you don’t have to dress up or look a certain way when dominating your man, the right look can certainly boost your femdom games. You can don a leather outfit or wear a corset style bras with suspenders and tights. Wear a pair of heels to make yourself taller and dominant. Nothing says: "I'm the boss!" like towering over someone.

Is there anything hotter than a woman clad in PVC or a corset with a flogger or paddle in her hand as she stands over her bound submissive partner?

8. Build it up

As a beginner you don’t need to buy a lot of things, you can start by tying or blindfolding with a satin scarf or using your panties to gag your partner. With some creativity, your home is already a well-equipped dungeon. You can use items that you already have in your house. Why buy a paddle when you've got a perfectly good spatula or wooden spoon in your drawer?

9. Get your pleasure in, too

Your partner will get a real kick out of you being dominant if they see you are getting as much pleasure out of it as they are. But don’t forget that sex is all about equal pleasure, and that shouldn’t change while you are being dominant. Do what makes you feel good and what will make you climax, and do it in a dominant way. Sitting on your partner’s face or riding your partner are great ways to be dominant.

10. Take control


Go for it and have fun. This is sex, after all. FemDom is more psychological than sexual, as long as you can get into the subs head, you are good. Don’t forget, our brain is the biggest sex organ. So, get inside the mind of your sub - what does the sub want? What does the sub need? Most importantly, what do you want and need? Once you figured all that out, you can gather any clothes, props, accessories or toys to let them and you get into the fantasy.

Take your time, have fun, and respect your partner. At the end of each session, talk about what was hot for both and what you’d like to improve on for the next time. Above all, enjoy trying something new even if it’s not something you try twice.

If it all sounds too much and you are not ready to act, you can always use fantasy talk. Talking about the FemDom fantasy might be enough for you. Others at a later stage might want to act on the fantasy.

Do you have any more tips to add, please leave your comments below?

Comments

  • Thylacine

    01 Oct 2022

    Sheesh!!! Plenty to take in

  • MasterAndWench

    01 Oct 2022

    It's a great introduction to BDSM - and the suggestions work just as well for a Dominus / Master

  • stevee135

    28 Sep 2022

    Make sure you seek professional training if you are going to do more than just very basic play. Dead person tied to a bed a beaten up dose t look good in court 🤷

  • Churro

    27 Sep 2022

    Interesting

  • Goodintentions

    25 Jul 2022

    A talented experienced femdom can simply read body language and facial expression to judge if limits are being pushed to far with their partners that they have been with in a consistent manner, and some aspects are definitely not for everyone, do your research

  • Kamaralam

    27 Sep 2021

    💋💋💋💋💋💋

  • MissLara

    17 Jan 2021

    Why thank you

  • NaughtyLou86

    03 Jan 2021

    Amazing read. Definitely given me a few more ideas

  • blueeyes90

    09 Dec 2020

    Don't know about the term dominant. We are equal in the bedroom. As long as there is communication we both enjoy each others bodies with trust, whether it be anal fingering, stretching, strap on or anal sex on her. We both enjoy giving up your body to the other person. There's a trust element.

  • sissy4fun

    12 Nov 2020

    I get so turned on by femdom movies. Especially the thought of forced gay for mistress public humiliation especially when wearing lingerie and heels

  • happypeggingcoup

    12 Nov 2020

    Never entered my mind until about 4 months ago. I had seen it on an adult site so I decided to introduce a strapon in the bedroom. We had some fingering sessions before but never like this, I asked him to lie on the bed face down. He thought it was just business as usual so I tied him to the bed, and went about my usual for 5 mins then it was time for my surprise.. "ok hun this may feel a bit weird" I eased him into it for 10-15 mins before giving it my all. I have never in my wildest dreams though I would climax the way I had that night. I was so focused on my orgasmic explosion that I had no idea my husband was shaking uncontrollably. Pitty I ran out of steam because I think he was on the verge of climaxing prostate style. Hands free such a turn on🤤

  • comefuckwithus

    09 Nov 2020

    Awesome read...now let’s all get to it!!!