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September 2018 - Worst. Shag. Ever.

This month is about those awkward bangs. We want to hear about the worst, most uninspired shag you've ever had. Maybe it was your fault, maybe it was your partners (It was probably your partner's fault) Whatever the reason, we want to hear all about it, move by fumbling move. And don't forget, the best entry will receive the cash award!

Sep 2018 Submitted Sex Secrets

Posted: Sep 03, 2018
Guy starts chatting me up from Singapore...a big exec at BMW he says, dinner, drinks & of course the best sex ever....mmmm....well the day arrives heaps of banter about how great he & it’s going to be. He arrives to pick me up ..in an Audi ok a nice car but high flying BMW execs are car snobs, I say ok where are we going ...he has no idea ..we end up at a gay bar WOW dinner not really ...he orders me a drink and water for himself...he then he says not feeling well let’s skip food....oh great..I say ok let’s go ...gets to my place suddenly feeling good and wants to have sex...ok maybe he was nervous but is good in bed...well the 1” Dick really does nothing for me, oh that’s hard..Then I touch it boom ...night over...American pie all over again.....so I get me... read more
"'American pie all over again.....'"
Posted: Sep 03, 2018
I take the blame, should not have dressed so slutty in stockings and vinyl but it pulls you in in all the right places.

We had spoken for ages and there was kind of an expectation that we were going to bang for at least an hour, well that's what I thought.

We had cammed a few times so I wasn't disappointed with size or stamina and my vulva was pulsing with a wanting, it was if we had already made it past the foreplay stage.

The door bell went and I covered myself with a coat to go down to let him in, he handed me a bottle of wine and no sooner had I taken my coat off and turned to hand him a drink I noticed a large wet patch and shrinking bulge in his trousers! Yes he had jizzed in his jocks! He looked embarrassed and I blurted... read more
"'The door bell went and I covered myself with a coat to go down to let him in'"
Posted: Sep 03, 2018
She was 30

I was 21

Bus tour round Europe. Had a drink or 17 with a lady from another bus tour.

Both drunk...you can see where this is going!

Both got kind of worked up over the course of the evening

Both needed to satisfy that pent up need

No beds left on the bus (yes it was one of those Sleep on the bus tours)

Seems like the bottom of some stairs somewhere outside was the appropriate place to play.

Fumbled and bumbled.. missed a few times..managed for us both to have a happy ending..but damn it was uncomfortable and akward!

Can't remember a huge amount!

I know it must have been good (we caught up and kept the passion going for 6 months when we both got back to london) a few months later.... read more
"'Fumbled and bumbled.. missed a few times'"
Posted: Sep 03, 2018
I so wanted to shag this blonde fit muscular guy he turned me on something wicked, after a few drinks laughs and flirts it was going to happen.. we kissed hard and deep touched each other undressed as fast as we could and then Nooooooooo way it was super small erect cock looking at me I was horrified at the size I had no idea what I was going to do now I was so imaging a nice shaved thick hard cock for me to play with.. we continued to play and getting down to business I was laying face down as he was about to enter me he started to move back and forth he didn’t have it in at all it was between my legs up high by my bum cheeks lol good god what was I to say do I went with it he came super quick... read more
"'I so wanted to shag this blonde fit muscular guy'"
Posted: Sep 03, 2018
I met this chic a few weeks earlier, she had a small frame, small but perky tits and a nice ass to match, not bad for a 19 year old from Cairns. Anyway my mate was having a gathering at his place and I was pretty horny so I invited her up to attend the party with my mates. The party was a dud, not many people came which was awesome because everyone went to bed early. I had secured this little room in my mates old Queenslander that was about the size of a study, it only had a mattress on the floor which didn't bother me. So I took Shaz into the room and we went to bed, we started kissing and my hands started to trace down her body to her hairy box. She then told me that she wanted to save her virginity for marriage, i... read more
"'To this day this had been the most horrific root I've ever had.'"
Posted: Sep 03, 2018
It was the night of my 18th birthday and after a long night, we’d decided to head off and finish the night the right way. So we did the phantom away from our group of friends and headed to a nearby oval, skip the foreplay and got straight into it on the frost covered field. We both stumbled around drunkenly feeling like we could star in the next porno but to anybody unfortunate enough to catch a glimpse, must have looked like something off the animal channel. One thing leads to another and my banjo string (frenulum) snaps, which would usually be horribly painful as anybody who has experienced it would know. Although due to my state, I hadn’t really taken notice until her thighs were covered in blood and she was looking for her phone torch for a closer look. As if that already wasn’t a mood killer, we... read more
"'It turned into a long quiet walk home and an awkward discussion at the next social...'"
Posted: Sep 03, 2018
Meeting a very visually appealing, 30 something, male who you have been sharing sexy messages with for awhile should always end with a smile and fantastic sex story. Sadly...this is not one of those stories.



He looked just like his pics...bonus!

He was interesting and not just a pretty face...great!

Met, chatted..bla bla bla.. In his bed and starting to get comfortable with each other.

It’s never a great sign when he’s not really interested in foreplay but I shrug it off as first time play is never usually the be all and end all.



So he’s on top and clearly having a great time while I’m wondering if he has ever watched porn in his life... like, ever.

He’s grinding on my pelvis like he’s trying to engrave his name with his hip bone.

So I change things up but that wasn’t such s good idea as I’m quickly told that changing positions never works... read more
"'I’m quickly told that changing positions never works...'"
Posted: Sep 04, 2018
He was the first person I ever met from RHP...



I'd been stood up and he was kind of a back up last minute if I don't do this now I'll never do it recommendation from a friend... So I texted, he rang, we met and I got my first met rather successfully done.



Being from out of town, next time I was in his area I let him know.



I should have know from his messages that morning regarding having a handyman who was coming to his place to fix something that it would have been so much better to just not but part of me was so hoping for an excellent repeat performance so may have used my womanly ways to encourage him to meet me...



I showed at his place. He'd just moved in ok.. I get that - but there was just a mattress on the floor in the bedroom??... read more
"'He was already watching porn on his laptop...'"
Posted: Sep 09, 2018
we had spoken earlier on that wonderful spring Saturday. she may have been a tad older, however it was unnoticeable looking at her profile pics & her sweet girly persona.

excited i was. we seemed to have gel'ed really well. she refused 2 meet after our first conversation over the phone, but as the night was beginning, im thinking yea, its going to happen..

after a few hours, i receive those 2 famous words,

LETS MEET.



i leave my way approx 10:45pm. She lived fairly far & with the humid weather, we decided to meet at the beach.'

her appearance appealed much better than her profile pics. By the moonlight, she looked a treat.

i begin kissing her softly, anticipating her reaction. i could feel her trembling. Nervous online rookie i thought. i ensured her comfortably. she was 20+years my senior, but on this occasion the junior was making her feel....



STOP,

with a worried look on... read more
"'after a few hours, i receive those 2 famous words, LETS MEET'."

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