Swingers: Mentally Healthier Than Monogamous Peers

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One of the traits that determines happiness and mental health is flexibility: the capacity for creativity, abstract...
One of the traits that determines happiness and mental health is flexibility: the capacity for creativity, abstract thinking, and adapting to changing circumstances. When it comes to the sex lives of swingers, there’s no question that they are more flexible in their approach to sex than their monogamous peers. But the real question is more complex: Is flexibility toward sex a good thing or a bad thing?

As a therapist who specializes in relationship issues, I can tell you that I have seen scores of men and women over the years who have varied sexual lifestyles and appetites. I’ve worked with couples who swing and couples who wouldn't dare, and one distinguishing characteristic I have found is that couples who swing have less fear than monogamous couples. What’s more, they cheat less.
In terms of the fear, monogamous couples often fall into the toxic jealousy trap, afraid that a particular behavior or gesture might lead to a full-fledged affair and the end of the relationship. Monogamous couples also often fear that their best days are behind them, that they lost the opportunity for sexual excitement in favor of settling down and getting married. On the other hand, swinging couples are often deeply in love and emotionally connected, but they don’t value sex in the same way their monogamous peers do.

When it comes down to the nitty-gritty, the dividing line is about the values a given couple holds toward sex. In my clinical work, I find that monogamous couples are often judgmental about a sex life that is anything other than monogamous, while swinging couples often espouse more of a live-and-let-live attitude. In other words, they’re often less judgmental of couples who choose to live a monogamous lifestyle. Is one better? No, because people are different, with different emotional and sexual needs. It makes perfect sense, for example, that someone who isn’t very sexual in the first place wouldn’t care to have a more liberal sex life: they already don’t have much interest in sex to begin with!

Where problems arise in monogamous relationships is when one or both members of a couple have a sexual appetite that the relationship isn’t able to satiate. What happens? Couples who are monogamous often stray and seek sex outside of the relationship. The hypocritical part is that many cheaters would never agree to a swinging relationship!

It’s never a therapist’s job to tell a client what kind of lifestyle to live as long as the client isn’t causing harm to himself or anyone else. Even listening to a man tell me about having an affair, it would be out of line for me to tell him to stop it. I would, however, encourage him to tell his wife and come clean about his deceptive behavior. But when it comes to the type of relationship he seeks, it’s not a therapist’s job to prescribe a set of values a client should have and hold onto.

One consideration that any couple should take relates to safety: physical safety if you're having sex with people you don't know, and sexual safety to the point that you make sure to always practice safe sex. A flexible approach to sex is one thing; putting yourself in serious jeopardy is, of course, another.

Ultimately, infidelity is a rampant problem in relationships because men and women are often too afraid to be honest with themselves about what they want, and terrified to make the changes in their relationship that they secretly crave. I’m not suggesting that most monogamous couples secretly want to swing. I am, however, suggesting that men and women often judge those who swing but could actually learn something about themselves and human nature if they take a moment to reflect on the reasons why others—swingers, included—choose a different lifestyle.

Source: psychologytoday.com

Author's Corner

Christina Miller
226 articles

Writing interesting pieces about sex, the lifestyle and the different aspects of human sexuality is a challenge that Christina will endeavour to take. When she’s not blogging, she loves to exercise, watch movies and go to the beach whenever she can.

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Posted: Jan, 29 2018
Just need the non judgmental couple to show me how
Posted: Jan, 05 2018
Well I'm married ,and may get sex once a year,a bit hard to be a swinger if your partner isn't really interested in sex, l love intimate sex ,so,looks like l will need to cheat to get healthy satisfaction,
Posted: Dec, 05 2017
Great hear how openess is the key
Posted: Apr, 19 2016
I have always wanted to try it but don't have a partner, any ladies who might feel similarly tempted please let me know...
Posted: Dec, 04 2015
Great article. Becoming swingers has definitely enhanced an already great marriage. With each new experince we are able to open up to ourselves and one another more genuinely and with less trepidation. Its all about communicationi. The trust and confidence gained simply isnt matched in the "vanilla" world. They just don't know what they're missing!
Posted: Jun, 22 2015
Feeling free and confident only comes about with a respect for social empathy. Sexual adversity is not a good or bad thing, just depends on how you feel about it. The alive feeling is humanistic to us all. Take careful steps and take care of the other's feelings, and all is well.
Posted: Jul, 04 2014
Love the swinging life have been swinging for 6yrs on and off meet some good friends that have the same interest as us like the comment life of a rockstar
Posted: Feb, 22 2014
Humans are not happy having sex with just one person on there hole life ......!!!!! my sister married the only man she has ever sleeped with and im up to 40 plus I love all the different new things you get out of a new play mate ...... its a fun thing to do ......each to there own
Posted: Jul, 05 2013
done this before but now we are doing things that we thought discusting.but with how hot our sex life already steaming this made even hotter
Posted: May, 25 2013
New to swinging after resisting my partners encouragement to do so for the past 3 years- have been having fun and think it has added to our already strong , loving relationship
Posted: Jan, 26 2013
moving into our new lifestyle 2 years ago bwas the best decision we ever made. Had nothing to do with being over sexed but opening our minds. The openness and honesty of these new people we have met through our journey is so refreshing. The sex part has turned out to just be a bonus. But totally agree with 'DidacticTactics'. You are preaaching to the choir
Posted: Jan, 11 2013
The last line sums it up perfectly! A great article, but you're preaching to the choir here :P
Posted: Dec, 26 2012
Great article - we have grown as a couple being in this lifestyle and have broadened our minds n our friendships x
Posted: Oct, 24 2012
Very good article..We enjoy our swinging lifestyle and everything it brings into our lives..
Posted: Oct, 06 2012
Great article, and very true from our experience..."The hypocritical part is that many cheaters would never agree to a swinging relationship!"
Posted: Oct, 04 2012

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