Differing Appetites For Swinging

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It's often said that a couple who decides to swing should always play together in a balanced way and have an equal...
It's often said that a couple who decides to swing should always play together in a balanced way and have an equal desire and interest in the lifestyle. However, as anyone who has spent enough time in the world of swinging knows, sometimes things aren't always as clear cut as that. This isn't necessarily a detrimental thing though as long as both partners are completely honest about their feelings. It's certainly healthier to acknowledge that one partner has a bigger appetite for sex and/or swinging than to pretend there is no imbalance.

A lot of people immediately feel awkward or uncomfortable at the thought of meeting a couple where one partner is more enthusiastic than the other about swinging which is only natural. We've all heard stories about couples where one partner is gung-ho while the other has simply come along just to make up numbers. You know. The wife who sits quietly in the corner sipping soft drinks and avoiding eye contact while her husband shags the entire club? Or the hornbag girlfriend who can't get enough while her man bows out after round one and seems more content tweeting on his iPhone? It just seems so wrong.

Or is it really that wrong? I get that we want to give a wide berth to couples where it's blatantly obvious that one partner is completely against the idea of swinging but participates just to keep the peace. No one wants to get physical with people who aren't really giving themselves to you willingly in lustful abandon. Neither does anyone want to be friends with someone who is selfish enough to ignore the well-being of their own partner in the name of getting their rocks off. But what if the couple you meet are terrifically great people who love each other deeply but just simply don't swing with synchronised enthusiasm?

If you think about how one couple can often have mis-matched sex drives, it should really come as no surprise that differing libidos can affect how that couple plays in the swinging scene. The less highly sexed partner may still enjoy all the benefits of being in the lifestyle but doesn't need to do much more than kiss and fondle a little to get their jollies. It often doesn't have anything to with sexual attraction either as many people are turned on by their play partners but just don't feel the need to play for a long time or in any intense way. That partner's sex drive may also differ from month to month and due to factors such as stress and even self-esteem (eg - he or she may feel less sexy with winter weight on). Does that mean such couples shouldn't participate in the scene at all?

As a couple who has an equal lust for swinging, it may come as a shock to end up in bed with another couple only to find that as the night progresses there only appears to be three people playing. For some though, it may end up being an ideal scenario, particularly for couples who enjoy threesomes. However, having uneven numbers is unnerving for others. This may especially be the case for newer couples who may expect swinging to be a completely balanced thing and couples who may have had issues in the past with one partner getting more attention than the other due to the non-participation of one partner from the other couple. No one likes getting left out!

So are we more or less offended by such imbalances because someone misses out on some element of the action while someone else in the mix gets more than their perceived fair share of attention? Even the most experienced and laid-back couples have dealt with the friction caused by this sort of inequality but does this really speak more about how inflexible some other people are in the scene and their own personal insecurities? After all, if we're meant to enjoy watching our partner enjoy themselves sexually, should it really matter if for one night you're not getting as much sexy time as your partner? If anything, does playing with a couple who has differing appetites for swinging force you to see how well your own relationship can tolerate an imbalance in sexual attention?

Perhaps the issue is more to do with how often this sort of swinging imbalance occurs in your playtime. Certainly, one night may be excusable but if the same scenario keeps playing out and it's not to your liking then it's time to speak up. The couple you otherwise adore may be happy for the guy to pound away while his lady provides the occasional hand pump or nipple tweak but if that doesn't really suit you then you should address that point to them or find some new friends who like an equal measure of flesh pounding. Even the most non-jealous person would still prefer an even playing field at the end of the day.

If a swinging imbalance happens on the first play date and you're sure you won't play with that couple again, you may as well enjoy whatever you can out of it. If you've found yourself in a room with straight woman with a voyeuristic husband who clearly wants your partner to ride her to paradise and back, you can either be gracious and let your man have some fun or join in to give him a mind-blowing FMF threesome. If you find yourself twiddling your thumb at some point then there's certainly nothing wrong with having a word with your partner and ending the night amicably. If the swinging imbalance is just completely unacceptable to you then it's important to ensure that your partner knows how you feel and make your excuses.

Where you've had some great sexual times with a couple who have slowly started to show signs of differing sexual appetite then you need to weigh the pros and cons of remaining play friends with them. If it doesn't bother you that one partner is less active than the other, then you can carry on with your merry ways. After all, unless you've struck up an monogamous swinging relationship with that couple, you're bound to meet other dynamic duos who can match your enthusiasm, one for one. The important thing is to not take things personally either and wind up believing that someone's lack of enthusiasm is your fault.

If you happen to be a couple whose individual interest in swinging differs a little or even a lot, the best thing you can do is talk openly about it with each other. If the less interested partner makes a clear indication that they'd rather not swing at all, then that decision has to be honoured. If they are genuinely interested and otherwise happy to be a part of the lifestyle then you both need to be mindful of how that may still affect the way you play with other couples. There's no point going to an orgy if it's highly likely that your partner will prefer to just engage in soft swinging. Out of courtesy, it may also be a good idea to ensure that the more enthusiastic partner doesn't make a total pig of themselves (unless the other people clearly don't mind).

If seeking couples on RedHotPie, your profile may be the best opportunity to make mention that your partner may be on the shy side or that there are certain things that they prefer not to do. It may limit the type of people who take interest in you to some extent but it will certainly save you problems later.

Author's Corner

Alison Cox
43 articles

Sexuality, sexual issues

I've enjoyed a colourful love and sex life which I share about from time to time on my blog. Other than blogging, I enjoy fitness and well-being. I love dressing up and going to a fun party such as Red Heaven events.

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Posted: Feb, 12 2019
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Posted: Nov, 28 2015
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Posted: Jan, 22 2014
Very good advise and well received.
Posted: Dec, 31 2013
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