What's with the "ghosts"???

What's with the "ghosts"???

    | Feb 23, 2019
phil_ashio69  

Man 40yrs
Not sure if it's just my experience but so over the "ghosts".
What's a ghost? Personally, it usually involves a lady checking my profile, so a wink is sent in return to guage further interest and usually receives no reply. Then a 2nd visit is noticed so (in my approach) a polite introductory message is sent saying hi and acknowledging some part of the person's profile and either remains unread or is never responded too. Why is it so hard for someone to say thanks but no thanks...or god forbid have a short conversation? I mean you're not committing to a walk down the aisle. Given the M/F ratio is heavily stacked against the male and men (usually) are the paying members it is a never ending source of frustration. From some "feedback" I've heard I do acknkwledge that there are certain individuals that have an approach that leaves a lot to be desired so to speak and should be duly ignored unless that's your thing.
But here's a tip for free if you get a message from a "paying" member the polite thing to do would be to reply in some form, "Hi", "thanks but no thanks" are a couple of options ...better than saying nothing because it just comes across as rude.
At the end of the day these sites are designed to meet like-minded people so why sign up if you won't engage.

*As a caveat this is based on being located in Tas where potential suitable women are very limited lol
**This was written in response to a recent post about paid up male members asking fem/cpls to send a message...the post was closed so I chose to retort.
Feb 23, 2019 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
The_Antichrist   Man 39yrs

We’ll answer this by asking ...

Why is it you see a visit to your profile as anything but a visit to your profile??
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Redmustang   Couple Man 45yrs Woman 40yrs

Sometimes I do revisit profiles as I’m perusing the site because their profile pic attracts my eye and I’m keen to check them out. Once reading the profile then I’ll remember that there was something that we may not have been compatible on which results in us not sending a wink or message.

Ghosting is the norm.
No way is it ever going to change it’s just a matter of you’ve got to get used to it. Deal with it. Move on. Who cares if they check you out a couple of times - there’s no harm done. If you send a message and they don’t reply then would you want to meet them in real life - I mean if they can’t reply to a message can they front for a meet?

It would be nice if ghosting was a rare or limited occurance however it’s not.. it’s life... we’ve all been ghosted some way some how...

Let the ghosts be ghosts and find that rare real person to connect to..
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Snap_Dragon   Woman 40yrs

Topics

like yours come up just about every week. The responses always follow a particular pattern, I'm sure this thread will be no different.

There are a few things that being a paid member on here entitles you to - sending messages, seeing the pink bits, and a couple of other perks. It does not entitle you to replies, and trying to guilt / berate people in your topic and profile won't make any difference to your experience on here (it may actually make it worse).

Whether or not people should reply can be debated ad nauseam, and indeed has been many times in this forum and no doubt will continue to be until we go the way of the dinosaurs. However, the unalterable fact is that you cannot control other people's behaviour. Trying to do so, and holding certain expectations about how people should behave, is a fast road to frustration and bitterness when people inevitable don't do what you want / expect them to.

I explicitly state in my profile that I do not reply if there is no interest, and nothing that anyone says to me or about me will change that. I have my reasons and that's all there is to it (I will note that although I'm currently a guest member I have been a paying member for long periods in the past and may well pay again in future as I do like to be able to send the odd message every now and again).

Also, just because people view your profile doesn't really mean anything. You may already do so, but if not then make sure you are still reading their profile to check if you match what they are looking for.

In the end there are really only a few reasons why people don't reply, and in the overwhelming majority of those cases there would be no realistic prospect of chatting or meeting. So simply moving on and accepting that it's a no-go will save you a lot of unnecessary mental and emotional angst.

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Qefenta3

Checking out profiles

I look at profiles all the time,all it means is that I am curious about what the person has to say about themselves.My profile says nothing and yet the same people continually view it..go figure.

Being a member entitles you to sending messages,it doesn't entitle you to any replies.

If people are looking at your profile ask yourself why they aren't interested in pursuing things further.

Hugs Q
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SuperFoxxxy   Woman 47yrs

Here's a Free tip

No! It is rude for paying members to demand any sort of reply to flirts or emails. Please, don't ever tell others what they can or can not do. It is disrespectful.

Ms Foxy
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GetMePlease   Woman 48yrs

So, you're in the store just browsing, minding your own business you know. Next minute the store clerk is in your face wanting to help you along. 'No thanks' you say - 'just looking'. You return to your browsing and find yourself back looking at something over again. Still browsing I hasten to add. Store clerk returns and really puts the hard sell on now. I don't know but it's annoying and makes me adamant that I really am just browsing thank you and won't be buying at all. If I really want it, it doesn't need to be sold to me. You know what I'm saying?
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megz85g   Woman 34yrs

So just because you’ve paid something for this site, you’ve also paid for my time it takes to reply if I’m
Not interested?
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OPNmarriagecpl   Couple Man 38yrs Woman 38yrs

What, people can't look at profiles now without being contacted by the owner???
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boobs_or_bust   Couple Man 52yrs Woman 44yrs

i look at profiles to see who is talking ,and sometimes the pic is nice , so many people and changing of pics i forget if i’ve peeked or not ,what ever ,someone looks s few times ,maybe they are just thinking thoughts to themselves good or bad it’s there choice to do it ,best you deal with it ,otherwise it’s going to be a long gravel road to drag your sorry balls up by the time you get to the end of a paid up membership ,
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PeachyPearL   Woman 55yrs

I have mixed feelings

I detest it when people hide contact details in their profiles.

I agree that if a polite, matching message is sent, the polite thing to do is reply but manners are long gone in this day and age of entitlement. Some ride on the fact they are in demand and don't need to make any effort whatsoever.

Mind you some don't reply out of fear of abuse though I haven't experienced that myself and did reply religiously when we were looking.

I'd like to see more confidence from receivers and less frustration from senders who do their best without so much as a response.

But for those with no confidence (who might be reading this) there is the option to reply and block if you fear abuse.


You'll find there are many reasons people will pass by your profile including having a look if you post in the forum. Some scroll through search lists which may include your profile, so not a particular interest in you just matching search terms. Another possibility is the Hot or What feature on the Amateur Pics page, people might look before rating your profile pic.

You could add a tip on your profile, if RHP allows you, that guest members can message you because you are a paid up member. They get a 'free' message every seven days after their last sent message. That does not include replies to messages, different thing.

Your messages might not look like they are read but it is possible to read messages through profiles rather then opening the message so you can see it has been read. Tricky I know but I use it sometimes too.

Just because we are signed up here does not mean we are looking for sex, lots of us are here for the forums for eg, but there is also a social side to the place as much as the advertising is based on sex, sex, sex! I think that's confusing too.

The term ghosting is I think more based on the idea of people disappearing in the middle of contact or after a date has been planned for example. I wouldn't apply it to people who have looked at my profile, and/or not replied to an approach.

There you go, welcome to the weird world of online contact where just because you 'see' someone looking at you across the room doesn't mean they have an interest in you.

Peachy, there it is like anyone is really going to read it
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Wow this ain't lookn' good...




...is it, Mr. Ashio? Although I'm only guessing but you're not that famous Dr. Phil ...now are ya? If you need to call him, he will accept a reverse charge phone call in an emergency or at least that's what is says in all the fine print scrolling past at the end of his show. Maybe you two do have at least that in common...you know, the end of the show?

Never mind, Mr. Ashio ... I am just fuckinwitcha. It's nice to see that occasionally the spare head sometimes lives once a Taswegian has removed. Oh and it does look like you are getting exactly what you paid for and that's a good thing, right?

Good bye, Mr. Ashio.

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HotNightsPerth   Couple Man 47yrs Woman 46yrs

I’m sorry but nobody owes you a “thanks but no thanks” message. That’s the same as a woman walking down the street and glancing in your direction so you expect her to say “thanks but I’m only glancing. Sorry, not interested”.
A woman viewing your profile is just that. Nothing more. If you were to see the amount of flirts and messages women get, you would know that it’s near impossible to respond to everything they receive. Let alone feel obliged to stroke your ego by acknowledging your message.
Women who are genuinely interested in meeting you WILL respond to your flirt or message. It’s that simple.

Ms HNP.
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phil_ashio69  

Man 40yrs

It's not about demanding replies, expecting responses or telling others what to do as some suggest It's about politeness and respect and looking back through the posts it appears few people have anymore...if someone said a polite hello to you in any given scenario would you just ignore them? Judging from the replies it seems a lot of people would...what a sad world!
PS if I wanted psychoanalysis I'd see a shrink not seek it from a 'dating' site but thank you all for your opinions...but you know the saying.
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PeachyPearL   Woman 55yrs

After reading HotNightsPerth's post

I guess the thing that makes contact different on this site is the fact that if people seek contact via the details in their profile, they are asking for it. Contact that is.

But looking at your profile is not inviting contact, it is as HotNightsPerth and I pointed out, a glance!

I do have thoughts on what we invite as well as the ability to limit our contact in so many ways including blocking people, blocking flirts, blocking new messages, and blocking after replying because they come across to me as common sense ways of choosing not to interact because we can't control people but only ourselves.

Peachy
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PeachyPearL   Woman 55yrs

Welcome to the RHP forum Phil




Quoting 'phil_ashio9'

It's not about demanding replies, expecting responses or telling others what to do as some suggest It's about politeness and respect and looking back through the posts it appears few people have anymore...if someone said a polite hello to you in any given scenario would you just ignore them? Judging from the replies it seems a lot of people would...what a sad world!

PS if I wanted psychoanalysis I'd see a shrink not seek it from a 'dating' site but thank you all for your opinions...but you know the saying.
With a complicated Original Post like yours, it's not surprising you have received many different perspectives.

I feel like you could take posts in a more positive manner because there are a lot of thoughts from the posters on the forum from their personal experiences that could help you understand things as we know them here. But that is your choice. I'd advise not taking it personally. Peachy, I'm feeling more thoughtful today and really do hope my thoughts help.
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SuperFoxxxy   Woman 47yrs

Phil

It is not about politeness and respect, not is it a sad world. You are pushing your beliefs and morals, what YOU think is right and wrong (in your eyes) onto to others, to do things your way on here. It is removing peoples choices.

Ms Foxy

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The_Antichrist   Man 39yrs

Houston, the ego has landed 😂😂
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Snap_Dragon   Woman 40yrs

As I said

These threads always follow a predictable pattern...

Feb 24, 2019 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
MissRedFox  

Woman 43yrs

Yeah yeah this one again

OK so apparently women do this because we get so many messages the odds are stacked in our favour we feel entitled blah blah blah

Thing is men are just as bad and even worse than not getting a reply to a message is guys that say they want to meet and ghost hours before plans making it hard to find alternatives

Now behaviour is pretty bad considering all the whining that "women are hard to find"

So

Just imagine the tables are turned and men are getting lots of messages

Would I expect them to ignore messages from girls that they aren't interested in

Yep absolutely

In this game you need a thick skin - I wish my biggest negative was my messages not replied to but unfortunately I've had to deal with bigger problems than that

XX
Feb 24, 2019 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
MrMojoRisin  

Man 65yrs

Ghosting.

My understanding is that ghosting is more than just being ignored. Ghosting , to me, is when after a few messages are exchanged the correspondence just stops with no explanation or good bye.
I usually put it down to something I said, or revealed about myself and by this I don't mean my marital status as that is disclosed ASAP.
Sometimes I send a last message commenting about a smouldering bridge.

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