Space

Space

    | Oct 26, 2017
EarthQueen   Woman 46yrs
How do you feel about space in relationships? Are you someone that needs your own space or due to work/distance it’s inevitable. How does this work for you? Does it annoy your partners, FWB etc.

- Posted from rhpmobile
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countrytouch   Man 35yrs

...

For me, due to work/distance, it is inevitable. I have not yet come to the stage of living with someone, the least space I can relate to is having had flatmates in the past, including with the opposite sex (which are in my repressed memories lol). Even with a g/f or fwbs, the average time spent together has come about two weeks apart. So on the contrary, for a while, I would probably end up in the category of "not getting enough" of someone, if a closer situation eventuated.

But of course, practical life needs like work shifts, would likely get in the way. I know married couples who barely see each other, at least during the week, when alternating shift work has meant one is at home while the other is out, and vice versa. For my g/f and those I have spent time with as fwb (ie singles), they have been highly independant with a full and quite busy life of their own, so certainly not greatly needy of any particular time together.
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

needy

I wouldn't be needy in any other regard, quite happily entertain myself with day to day craziness, but sexually, I would be glued to him. He will have to pry me off, and I'm not kidding. I doubt either one of us will have time to eat lol 😀

So long distance is not an option. I need him to be um available? 😊 Actually fifo might work within an open relationship but not an interstate bf, couldn't do that. Short term longing I could almost manage. Great topic btw
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Katurdai   Man 39yrs

Intentionally solo forever

I thrive on living alone and having a massive amount of independence and autonomy. For the longest time I thought it meant that I basically can't do relationships altogether, because the amount of space I require precludes them.

Then some years ago I discovered solo polyamory, and haven't looked back. In a nutshell, I do have relationships, and they are quite deep and enduring, they are just very high-independence ones with other independent people, whom desire the same high level of space.

It works great! But I think I've been very lucky with the people I've connected with. I can see how things could blow up very easily if the desired level of involvement vs space isn't in harmony.

Long story short: I need a massive amount of space and intend to live on my own and solo polyamorous forever. Doesn't annoy anyone because we're all on the same page.


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sting78   Man 44yrs

Im a full introvert

I cant stand being around people to much or crowds for to long...I love being on my own. I travel on my own and maybe this nature is a reason I have never lived with anyone...it is what it is and I'm very happy being introverted. I do have good friendships...but these people know who i am and what makes me tick so its all good.
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the_antichrist  

Man 38yrs

Best thing about space....

It’s a never ending frontier of stories that help People to connect.....

The simplest is in the question “how was your day?”

- Posted from rhpmobile
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EarthQueen   Woman 46yrs

.....


Quoting 'countrytouch'


But of course, practical life needs like work shifts, would likely get in the way. I know married couples who barely see each other, at least during the week, when alternating shift work has meant one is at home while the other is out, and vice versa. For my g/f and those I have spent time with as fwb (ie singles), they have been highly independant with a full and quite busy life of their own, so certainly not greatly needy of any particular time together.

RE. Married couples apart. A good friend of mine has spent her whole life with large chunks of time away from her husband due to work commitments. They have the best sex life out of all of my friends who have all been with long term partners. Maybe just lucky but I also know they put a lot of effort into connecting when they are away from each other and also when he is home. Also high levels of trust in each other. Of course sex isn't everything but its nice to see someone with the spark till strong after 20+ years.
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EarthQueen   Woman 46yrs

...




Quoting 'Katurdai'



It works great! But I think I've been very lucky with the people I've connected with. I can see how things could blow up very easily if the desired level of involvement vs space isn't in harmony.



Yes this can be the tricky part. I try to be honest about my need for space from the get go and if we are not on the same page at least they know what I'm about. Many people take it as a personal rejection when its not.
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EarthQueen   Woman 46yrs

Travel




Quoting 'sting78'

I cant stand being around people to much or crowds for to long...I love being on my own. I travel on my own and maybe this nature is a reason I have never lived with anyone...it is what it is and I'm very happy being introverted. I do have good friendships...but these people know who i am and what makes me tick so its all good.

Yes travelling alone is a goal for me right now. I've never done it before. I'm going to start small with an overnight hike and camping by myself.
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EarthQueen   Woman 46yrs

...




Quoting 'the_antichrist'

It’s a never ending frontier of stories that help People to connect.....



The simplest is in the question “how was your day?”

- Posted from rhpmobile
Love it. I need to do this more.

I do admit though that as soon as I heard the words frontier I heard you say it in William Shatner's voice. :)
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EarthQueen   Woman 46yrs

Me

I love people and interacting with them and am very social but this has to be balanced by time alone.

I've always been like this even as a child. In my relationships I have to be careful to remember to nurture them and snap out of being in my own headspace because this can just be my natural default. This can be taken as being uncaring by others when its not.

I guess there is space that is physical and mental. I don't mind being around someone for large blocks of time as long as we can be in periods of comfortable silence together and have some seperate, as well as shared interests. Having said that I do like living alone a lot and holding that space is important to me right now and could be indefinitely. That is also starting to extend to relationships and a shift in my thinking about expectations. I think I am becoming more comfortable with polyamory and allowing others the space to just be, if its reciprocal. Or is that just a euphemism for having your cake and eating it too LOL.




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countrytouch   Man 35yrs

...

Sometimes the married couples have said that they are successful because of the fact they don't see each other as often :) :p

- Posted from rhpmobile
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the_antichrist  

Man 38yrs

Lol ...

My mission was accomplished then ;)

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Katurdai   Man 39yrs

EarthQueen




Quoting 'EarthQueen'


I try to be honest about my need for space from the get go and if we are not on the same page at least they know what I'm about. Many people take it as a personal rejection when its not.
Yes. Actually, in the solo polyamorous dating game, that's basically a case of "winning by losing"...

ie If someone can't handle my need for space and independence, they tend to drop off pretty quickly. Like in the first 1-2 dates. So there isn't usually much of a protracted process or drama.

I'm very very upfront about how independent I actually am. And things like how living together or exclusivity will absolutely NEVER be on the cards, etc. It's very sobering for those who have subconscious hopes of such down the line. :D
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Meander   Woman 44yrs

Like sting

I'm an introvert, and the older I get the more I need alone time.

I can't imagine living with anyone again, and I'm prone to incline invites because I 'm not very social. Yeah, that does frustrate people (including FWBs) who want to hang out a lot sometimes.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

well

although I don't currently want live in with a relationship, I'm not closed off to it in the future and would be turned off by that wall so to speak
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

actually

to expand on that, I have been turned off and retreated many times with men over 40 who appear to be set in their ways
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sting78   Man 44yrs

Travel Morroco




Quoting 'EarthQueen'






Quoting 'sting78'


I cant stand being around people to much or crowds for to long...I love being on my own. I travel on my own and maybe this nature is a reason I have never lived with anyone...it is what it is and I'm very happy being introverted. I do have good friendships...but these people know who i am and what makes me tick so its all good.


Yes travelling alone is a goal for me right now. I've never done it before. I'm going to start small with an overnight hike and camping by myself.
Morocco is amazing, very cheap and awesome views, most of the country can be seen by train. The food is unreal and you would love shopping in the medinas..you can go right down south into the Sahara and spend time chilling in a cheap but nicely located and quiet hotel with a pool. Its a worth while experience...then on your return to Aussie stop in Dubai for a few days.
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EarthQueen   Woman 46yrs

Touch




Quoting 'I_touch_myself2'

to expand on that, I have been turned off and retreated many times with men over 40 who appear to be set in their ways
Is it set in their ways or just understanding what they want though? Do people just get sick of compromising?
Not being critical. Just thinking out aloud. It may be a recipe for loneliness but if you have previously changed for a person, and it didn't work out anyway, maybe you can't be bothered to do it all again if its not aligned with your values/needs.



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PurePeony   Woman 43yrs

Loneliness is the new epidemic...

... and so the sociologists / psychologists declared.

We are at the dawn of a new era though, whereby relationships of codependancies and marriages that were entered into for the sake of being coupled up and establishing a family are quickly losing their appeal. Both gender are reeling from nasty breakups and divorces and the ability for both men and women to live independantly and survive is also enabling and empowering a lot of folks to embrace alone-ness and solitude.

I do need a lot of alone time to "recharge my batteries". Having to deal with all sorts of characters in my job wears me down and depletes my energy. I'm pretty much an extroverted introvert but recently, I learnt a new concept that might explain why constantly being with people just puts me on edge and makes me feel ill - I'm also an Empath! Yet another new terminology that might be applicable is this - Highly Sensitive Person, although I've got a tough shell like an armadillo and I can be a porcupine if the need arises! LOL!!! Maybe I'm the evolved non-victim style of an HSP!


I have discovered though, that if I fall deeply in love with someone, the need for distance and space diminishes somewhat. I'll still need my "me time", but because of the attraction and love, I willingly welcome more together time doing schtuff.

I've been in relationships where I do not really love the person or I have fallen out of love or I'm just not that into him, and under those circumstances, I have initiated seeing each other only once a fortnight... or less, much to the horror of the other party.

The longest relationships I have been in, both exhibit the same characteristics of neither of us being clingy, and whilst we may cohabit in the same abode, we are often doing our own thang. The Together Apart relationship remains my ideal type of relationship.

It does a couple good to spend some quality time apart from each other on a regular basis. I never want my bf hanging around when I'm shopping because men always look like miserable sods when they have to tail their wives / gf's when they are out trying on clothes. Why do women even bother to get the guys to tag along to the boutiques? These poor blokes pull faces longer than the bulldogs' / Basset Hounds and they are quite a sorry sight!

Couples who have their own social circles, and who spend time nurturing/improving themselves, eg. meditation, practising mindfulness, exercise regime, hobby clubs, etc are "power couples" - they are strong individuals in their own right, but when they come together, POW!!!... they are a force to be reckoned with, akin to when Wonder Woman strikes her bracelets and creates that WHOMP! POW! energy field!

PS. Apologies OP... I love my superheroes!




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EarthQueen   Woman 46yrs

Don't apologise

I love them too. Wonder Woman

Imagine if she and Thor had a love child!

Thanks PP

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