Socially awkward

Socially awkward

    | Mar 14, 2019
sw1ng3rz   Couple Man 39yrs Woman 36yrs
I’m a bit of a lurker of the forums, but I thought I would put forward a question that some of the more experienced members might be able to help me with.

I am naturally shy at first, can be quite a keyboard flirt and have a wicked sense of humour once we get chatting. But when it comes to meets it’s like back to step one. The social awkwardness comes out and I become quite shy ...

Has anyone else experienced this? And any suggestions on how to get past it?

Thanks 😊
Mrs sw1ng3rz

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Rlee552   Man 43yrs

You are not alone

I can’t speak for others, but imagine you are not alone.



However, it sounds like you actually do meet with people; which is more than many others who may only engage through the keyboard. So you don’t let your shyness prevent you from taking that step.



All I would then say is with time, and the more often you do this, the more engaged you will be with your meets. You can’t stop being shy as that is who you are. You can become better at controlling it. Think of topics of conversations you want to have and use those as opportunities to engage.
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The_Antichrist   Man 40yrs

Years ago my daughter suffered the most horrendous stage fright before performing her first solo...it was so bad she wouldn’t even break into womb in the car despite her talent...

It exposed a failure in her mother and I failing to help her to deal with 100 odd people staring at her...

I decided to take the bull by its horns and sit her down and confront the elephant and I asked her what it felt like being up there on stage....I’d never performed before, as my singing is more like a drunk at a karaoke bar lol....but she said it was just scary with all the people looking at her....

It was clear to me this was just a perspective thing, so my reply to her was “baby girl, we both know you can sing....so when you see all those eyes staring up at you and it gets scary, I want you to understand that they can’t sing...but you can, so they’re not staring at you, they’re inviting you to share you’re unique skill that they don’t possess....so show em what you can do..”

And I’d say the same here....you know what you possess, go forth and show people the you....
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Xenaesque

Behind a keyboard we can be strong and confident as we don’t get to witness the reactions if we make a gaffe... so we can be flirty and outlandish and confident because we have that opportunity to recover on private if something we say may not come across the right way.

Face to face we are able to see the reaction if something we say may not be received in the correct way. It’s maybe almost similar to the way people are blunt and rude via message and say hurtful things that in a real life physical environment they may not mecsssarily say because they have to actually see what harm their words cause.

In your instance flirting doesn’t hurt. Flirting is fun and we all flirt in different ways. Don’t be afraid to flirt face to face, flirt with your partner and hone skills there.. then maybe the check out operator at your local supermarket a hi how was your day what’s going on type thing..

Flirting is just chatting after all - albeit a little suggestively... the more you do it the more confident you’ll become and the more natural it’ll seem to you. Then before you know it you’ll be flirting without even realising you are.

Good luck with it.

Mxxx
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Qefenta4   Woman 100yrs

You can overcome this

It just takes practice.You say that you are flirty and witty behind the keyboard continue to be in that persona.

Practice with people who already know you well.What is it that is holding you back? It is fear.What about the other person is making you fearful? Are you afraid they won't like you.or find you boring? You can't control their reaction to you ,and so what if they do?.However they will be in the minority because many people will like you,be attracted to you.

So OP just remember practice makes perfect ,and good luck.

Hugs Q
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NewVicCpl  

Couple Man 46yrs Woman 46yrs

Welcome

To the Introvert club.....



It’s pretty common to feel that way and I’m not sure it ever goes away. I’ve learnt to live with it although Mrs NvC is more of an Extravert so I can hang back a little until the initial shyness has subsided, then I’m good
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smoothtrust69   Man 34yrs

Happens ......


I was a shy guy when I start online dating.
I can totally understand how you feel when comes to meet someone face to face first time

I built confidence.....
Arriving five to ten minutes beforehand is best,you feel more comfortable.

And yes keep dating 😉
Good luck 👍
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Phoenix_Rising  

Woman 37yrs

I totally get this, I got so shy at one point I stopped meeting people all together.
Then I decided to let it work for me. My shyness weeds out the users pretty quickly and brings me what I want, which is quality rather than quantity.
Then I want large quantities of that quality, hahaha.
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Freaky_Fun  

Woman 49yrs

I will bet my first born that you're not the only one that feels like that.

I can't relate as such but the only suggestion l have is maybe go to smaller parties or club nights with friends and just chat to people socially. No pressure.

I've taken quite a few friends male, female, couples to clubs that have never been before. Most times don't play but still a good night out.

My motto is "Fake it, til you make it" no one else knows how you're feeling.

FF ❤
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sw1ng3rz   Couple Man 39yrs Woman 36yrs

Thank you everyone. Very reassuring to know it gets easier 😊
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FredAndGinger2  

Couple Man 47yrs Woman 44yrs

The shyness disappears after a while of meeting so many open and fun-loving people in the swinging scene.

Before we started I (Fred) was very shy and nervous and now just three years later we organise and host small and large events where we're the centre of attention.

You won't find a better event or social circle for working on your self-confidence amongst other non-judgemetal people from all walks of life.

Jump in and embrace the good times and new friendships!
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SuperFoxxxy  

Woman 47yrs

There is a difference between Introverts and shyness.

An introvert enjoys time alone and do get very much emotionally drained after spending a lot of time with others (I know, I as it happens to me being an introvert) . A shy person however does not necessarily want to be alone but is afraid to interact with others or what others think (lacks self confidence). IMO It appears the OP is the later (going by her posts). It takes a lot of internal courage for both (personality traits) to be in crowds and groups. OP, just take your time and go with people who will make you feel safe.

Ms Foxy
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luvu2   Man 60yrs

Huge difference between keyboard and real life
Keyboard is loneliness
Real life is glorious
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Sawadee   Man 56yrs

People are understanding.

Best remember the person youre meeting probally feels the same way. Im the type who purposely jumps in the deep end then swims like buggery.. Amazing what a little self talk can do in these circumstances . Ignore that little voice in your head thats negative , Like the NIKE ad says.. just do it...
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countrytouch82  

Man 36yrs

In school where I was termed the "quiet achiever" I used to be able to go whole days without saying a word, unless I was asked a direct question by a teacher.

Subjects that included debating and impromptu public speaking helped I guess. At the end I was actually elected school captain in high school. Of course far from perfect still socially.

Being socially awkward is not necessarily a barrier to success though. Many tv figures etc like Luke McGregor, Loiux Theroux still come across as somewhat socially awkward. Sometimes it can become a likeable and intriguing part of one's character.

Sometimes it might be a case of being able to engage in conversation something you are really passionate about. That builds conversational confidence in order to speak about any other topic. Some people are quiet when they're nervous, and other people are actually quite chatty and talk too much when they are nervous. Overcoming any fear is first about working out what you may be fearful of and whether it is real or not.
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egr2please69   Man 50yrs

Hang in there

My friends would disagree but I feel your pain. I have always felt socially awkward but I use the Freaky Fun method when my plums feel big enough to get out there and have a crack. As she said, fake it til you make it. I get sensations of feeling hot, my ears turn bright red like they are about to self combust and even like its going to overwhelm me but I just grit my teeth, hang in there and put my best foot forward. Its hard, I know, but I try so hard to just put my big boy pants on and talk my way out of the wet paper bag until someone seems to like what dribbles out of my mouth. You are obviously a smart lady, take your time, trust in yourself, people are more forgiving than you think, especially if you are giving life a red hot crack. So get on out there and enjoy what life has to offer, a lot of people feel the same so just be the best version of you that you can be and have fun. Those little moments of courage will get easier the more you put yourself out there.

Egr
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luvu2   Man 60yrs

Seriously
People can spend time typing and typing
Welllllll is what can I say
Yuk
😂😂😂😂😂

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