First Time Sharing Wife - Emotional Rollercoaster

First Time Sharing Wife - Emotional Rollercoaster

    | Feb 06, 2019
theotherhalf  

Man 42yrs
There has been a lot of talk about the joys of hotwifing/swinging/sharing - however very little about the emotional rollercoaster that goes with the lead up to doing it the "first time". We are at the cusp of a potential MFM with someone on RHP, however making that "leap" has been wrought with emotion/fear/doubt. I'd appreciate hearing others experiences of their first time (both from a male and female perspective).

It feels like a game of snakes and ladders - the turn on of the process is the ladders, but the emotions of the first time at every stage (from sexting, sharing photos) is like the snakes and ends up bringing up huge emotions I didn't expect.

Our story is this..

It has always been a fantasy of seeing my wife "fucked" by another guy, until recently it remained firmly a fantasy as the wife, whilst she thought it horny, didn't really think she could handle it..

A few months ago - she indicated that she was starting to find the idea sexy, I found it really horny and she joined here on RHP with the original intent of finding a playmate for her...

To say she was inundated with messages is a understatement, she got really into it, messaging guys - going on Kik and sharing sexy photos. Neither of us had any idea what to expect, how it would feel - but it's been a emotional rollercoaster for both of us.. She has always been open and I've seen all conversations, yet she has always lead on who she fancies etc.

I realised quite quickly the fantasy was easier to handle than the reality, our first idea was to do "hotwifing" she didn't she could handle me watching - she messaged some guys but I soon realised I wasn't ready, fear she'd lose control and always want sex with some stud (not that really thats likely to be true we have a great sex life and great relationship but emotions are emotions), I've always been open with her and she has understood - but did feel like I was dangling a cherry and then saying you can't have it.

We visited a swingers club but realised that wasn't our thing (she doesn't like the idea of sharing me haha which I'm fine with) and so the only real option if we moved ahead was to have a a MFM threesome, certainly not a cockuld one - and we changed our search to men who could get involved...

It took a while to get a understanding of what she was after, the "nice" guys with loads of experience didn't do it for her, but the slightly more dominant guys did - from that she opened up to a fantasy about she wanted to be "used" which also turned me on - we had a few potential matches which we have followed up with and discussed what sort of fantasy could work for us (her being used by another guy, but me also using her at same time)..

ANYWAY - at this point we don't even know if we "should" go ahead, whether she is ready, whether I am ready - is it something we want to take past a fantasy or not. However to at least progress a little further (slowly slowly) she has arranged a meetup with a guy next week (alone someone has to look after the kids haha) - the guy is well aware of what we want (as in a MFM) but clearly fancies the shit out of my wife, in fact they were in contact before we mentioned the MFM so had to change our tact a little.

The meetup (just drinks) is to see if there is any chemistry, and judge a little bit further if he could be a match and how we actually feel.

Even the thought of the meetup is horny for both of us, the guy has really turned her on - yet we initially agreed that there should be no actual contact... However i'm pretty certain the guy will make some form of move on her, she is turned on by the thought of some contact (either touching her pussy which will no doubt be wet), or maybe a kiss... She also isn't sure that IF that happens if she can handle it, or suddenly she will get scared...

But as soon as that contact happens, I'd say there is no real going back - she has been shared to some extent... The question we are asking is should we allow some contact? on one hand doing something crosses the line and could be sexy for both of us, on the other-hand it is a plunge into the next level...

I should say that the process has been incredible for our relationship, we always had a active sex-life but this has taken it to another level, its brought us closer together in many ways, brought out emotions in me I didn't think I had (I know this post won't appear this way, i'm actually normally a incredibly confident guy), shes opened up about more fantasties than ever before and has loved the fact so many guys find her so sexy (she is incredibly sexy).

We both discussed that if did not get past this point then we would still be ok (although there will always be that what if question)

I never ever imagined our first time would be so "tense" and after this rant, I guess I'd just love to hear how others in a relationship took their first plunge, anyone have any regrets in doing it and why? How was the first time MFM for both the husband and wife? any advice on what to look out for... I know communication is key and we have discussed a LOT, the swing between it being so horny and fear it could damage our relationship has been challenging...

Thanks for reading :)
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Rlee552  

Man 43yrs

It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into this and it has been a real journey. Exciting times ahead for you.
If I can ask a question - you can’t change the past, but knowing what you know now and where you have ended up, if you had your time over again would you have started this journey?
The reason I ask is everyone’s story is different and I suspect you know a lot of the answers already. So is hidden behind your question a small kernel of doubt on whether this is what you really want or have you had to change things too much from your original fantasy? If you are truly comfortable (accepting the nervousness), that first plunge can be exhilarating.
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Nick10201767   Man 52yrs

Good luck




I have never been in your position so i cant add any advice. You wrote so eloquently that I felt as though we are sitting and chatting so I just wanted to say good luck mate and I hope things work out properly. Thanks for sharing.
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mango69er  

Couple Man 52yrs Woman 62yrs

Always best to follow your brain and not let your lust and excitment cloud your judgement. Once you go ahead with it , it can never be undone. Will it be worth it if things go south. Just be sure its the rite move. And if so . Enjoy
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Qefenta3

It could be

The best thing you have ever done,or the worst.weigh up what you have to gain over what you have to loose.

You know you better than anyone else does,other people's experiences won't help you decide because everyone is so different.

Good luck on your journey and thank you for sharing

Hugs Q xx
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classycurious

Wow you sound so much like us feel free to message me with any questions
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FatFunFiesty  

Woman 38yrs

Hmmmm..... i just dont know of you guys are ready. So much uncertainty in your words.
Maybe this kind of platform is muddying yhe waters and increasing the nerves/jealousies etc. Maybe something more spontaneous, unplanned and that just happens organically might suit you both..... of course u can still holt proceedings if its not comfortable for anyone.
Fantasies are fantasies for a reason...... not always as you imagine in real life.
Good luck xx
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ReyandJean   Couple Man 52yrs Woman 37yrs

Guess some issues arise from idea of "sharing" your wife.
Tranform to "agreeing to opportunities for her to enjoy herself" ("and, myself, as a consequence") and the angst might lessen.

Of course the natural fears of abandonment won't go away, and jealousy is always ready to jump in. She might be a dab hand at separating sex and emotional attachment. Only time will tell.

Big gamble, but it seems your genie is out the bottle and may never go back satisfactorily.

R
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teamaj2  

Couple Man 37yrs Woman 56yrs

Hi ‘the other half ‘

I have to say I agree with FAt fun and feisty , in that I don’t think you are ready yet .
Will you ever be ready to take that leap of faith only time will tell . No one can tell you what the aftermath may bring .
Reading what you wrote, I actually feel a bit anxious for you.
We have been together now 13 years and only playing the past nearly two years . For us it has been a wonderful experience.
We actually both had a lot of jealousy issues from our past ( the baggage eventually goes and time heals us all ) . Entering into this lifestyle was a huge leap for us . For us luckily all jealousy in our day to day lives and in the lifestyle are a distant memory .
We only play /meet when we are both present . I am the communicator and I hear you about being overwhelmed with responses . All pictures and chat are open for him to read too . Those are our boundaries and obviously not necessarily good for you .
The first time was exciting, nerve wracking and fun . Our sex life ( like yours ) has always been amazing . After that night and in the years to
follow , amazingly it just gets better and better .
To be honest , its just my opinion , if either of us felt as you do , we would not have proceeded .
Just a thought ! Maybe slow it down a little and attend a few meet and greets just to meet like minded people . Unlike a party there is no play .
Wishing you good luck in all your future endeavours .
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Rlee552  

Man 43yrs

FFF

There is always the question as to whether the river has caught you and you feel you need to follow it all the way through to the bottom, even if you are becoming wet or miserable; or you are in control of your boat, excited and happy. When it’s the former it can sometimes be very difficult to stop the journey given how far you have travelled and get off at the river bank - where to from there.

Bad analogy I know.

It was what drove my question as to if you had your time over again - and then use that honest answer to either get a sense of comfort on the right track or an awareness perhaps time to bail.

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FatFunFiesty  

Woman 38yrs

Rlee, LOVE the analogy.
And agree with your initial question..... benefit of hindsight in summary.

I had a Professor once and something he said to me and stuck all these years later may actually apply to the OP; "Overanalysis Leads to Paralysis".

I can only liken the OPs experiences to that of my own and I dont think allthe back and forth, analysing, taking a different approach etc would have worked for me. My hubby and I were more spontaneous in our journey.... discussed a threesome, a week later joined RHP, 4 days after that first Bi MMF...... that was 8 years ago. I'm a terrible procrastinator and if we bandied all the scenarios back and forth I would have still be doing that today..... paralysed.
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goldcoastcple69  

Couple Man 45yrs Woman 34yrs

We hotwife regularly. The first time was intense sexually. We went through some of the emotions you describe but not to that extent.
All i can say is if you have any jealousy or doubts even. Or insecurities then maybe consider slowing down. Just foreplay swap with couples or full swap then if youre sure theres no regrets then try hotwifing
Ill tell you this. Some of the gys are young fit studs with superhero like stamina lol
Your wife will be saying things like wow that guy was amazing! He blew my mind etc you maybe left wondering geez do i suck at sex? You may be left feeling abit insecure .
Be prepared for that. After a while the sexual pleasure you both get out weighs those kind of insecurities. For me i love it. I have zero jealousy in this regard. I love when they flirt with each other . How turned on she gets. How horny she is for days afterwards. The anticipation even. If you dont love it 100% and if seeing some gy flirt and fuck your wife doesnt turn you on then dont do it! It will fuck your relationship. Ive seen that also. Be aware also. Its not uncommon for a wife to fall in love with a bull so make sure your relationship is rick solid and good communication regarding rules . Just my 2 cents
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connection   Man 37yrs

Not ready by a long shot.

I hope you can pull in the reigns or if your wife is full steam ahead?

I have lived the lifestyle, and know many others who do or once did.

One of the most important elements is a rock solid relationship, clear communication and 100% zero jealousy. A new man can bring your wife to sexual heights she’s never felt before... not that the guy might be particularly better than you, but the fact it’s taboo, a fetish, something new, exciting.... you could have the same effect if you where the 3rd party in someone else’s marriage.

But that 3rd party you invite in could bring your wife to sexual realms and pleasures that you just can’t avhieve and by the way I read your original post, you won’t be able to handle it.

And as someone else mentioned, I have seen many wives “fall” for the new guys.. literally fall in love and starts them on a sexual journey of self discovery that brings them out of their shell and into a whole new sexual world.. leaving their former husbands behind! It’s happened time and time again.

If you do go ahead with this, clear boundaries need to be put in place. Such as ending it if either of you don’t feel comfortable, have a strict 1 meet per guy ie: never meet the same guy twice. Keep them random rather than risk an ongoing connection that quickly goes from a MFM to him and your wife having a full blown love affair.

Some people even have a no kissing rule but that also spoils the sex in my opinion.

Clear rules around contraception, and how to respond if rules are broken. I have spoken to people who had a strict condom only rule of the 3rd party, but in the heat of the moment heading into round 2 or 3, the guy attempted to play without the condom, and by that stage and in a state of ecstasy, the wife allowed him and just went for it. This was seen as a real betrayal by the husband and caused months of conflict and the relationship never recovered.

As for me and my partner, when we arrange other men to come over, we will have already started playing, they come half way through, join in for lots of fun, and when they leave, we continue to enjoy some of the best sex ever. By the end, she is in heaven and that provides us with months of memories and a natural high that turns enhances our sex life until we go arrange the next night of fun!

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SassyCouple25   Couple Man 58yrs Woman 54yrs

A Fantasy or Reality?

There's a fantasy we both have but haven't as yet. We'll know when it's good to go, things will fall into place even though it make take quite a bit of effort to get to the actual day and time. The first time willl be the most exciting and could be the most traumatic. Your decision.



You already know the answer. You really don't need anyone to tell you. If it dosen't feel right, don't. Your gut feeling will give you the right answer. Sometimes it's difficult to work out what your gut feeling is then the answer is in this. If in doubt don't go ahead. It's a bit like buying something of high value such as a house something you really want but it dosen't feel right for some reason. You love the house, the floor plan and she loves so much about the house too. You're in doubt, two minds but buy it and then find you have endless trouble with the neighbours something you sensed when inspecting the home and seeing the neighbour for the first time.



We wish you well



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madotara69   Couple Man 49yrs Woman 49yrs

connection

How is a 3rd party going to bring this guy's partner to heights of pleasure, unachievable otherwise, if ?.... the couple are having an mfm threesome. (all together, no one left out)

theotherhalf or OP, mate.

Most important is to wear your emotions and feelings on your sleeves, it's ok to feel uncomfortable, caution and if you didn't then perhaps there may be something not so crash hot with your relationship.
As much there is to discuss and share thoughts with the ideas arousing you both or better understanding each other where something may be more favourable to one or other, communication with open mind to meanings given, listen to each other and seek confidence in any of it, compliment with all of it.

You also are best to express anything that is not something you would want to experience, things that touch those feelings bringing caution, worry, insecure, anything you are uncomfortable by the thought.. express these too with each other.

There's a few things. IMHO

If something hurts, it hurts for a reason, best to better understand the meanings of why something hurts, some things hurt. If those feelings are suppressed, if you feel alone with something hurtful, if you pretend it's ok (take one for the team kind of thing) make sure it's just something you can reckon with and adjust in a positive sense, your wife is right there with you.

The idea is a guy comes to join you both as a couple, he has the pleasure with sharing your relationship, your sexual energy together, it's important each of the three of you are all of the feeling accepted as your self, it's just as important for the guy joining you both to feel welcome and respected and to share his thoughts, ideas, arousal or boundaries.

The right guy for you ? Maybe he is a guy that wants to enjoy you guys getting worked up, lots of guys get turned on by seeing the couple in foreplay or fucking while feeling their way into the play, not left out, just settling nerves as most guys, especially if it's a first mfm experience have done head-miles well before meeting you.

Plenty will offer the 'porn star stud super fucker and licker, squirt pro and make the woman cum multiple times, like she has never felt before and 'the guy she will never forget, lol...... Until it becomes a reality there comes a time to actually meeting, then most will drop away with some reason or another, even nothing.....

So it narrows things down when you get a guy arrive to enjoy your company and for you both to enjoy his. A threesome mfm.

You can, anyone can simply just ask to hold up with things if something feels wrong, instincts or principles, eg, if a bloke disrespects Tara, whether she is tuned to it or not, I respect her and by principle there is one answer for any given moment, once I am aware Tara has been disrespected, every second I allow such to pass, I am letting her down, I am disrespecting her. Simple and no matter embarrassing, awkward, intimidated, it's a matter of principle and care for what means most. (not making her choices, nor possessive kind of thinking, she is her own person)
Some guys may attempt to play your wife and intent on getting her into a one on one intimate situation and she may not really know what's going on until things have gone into the realms of you left out somewhat.....it's the guy's intensions, not your wife's... unless she has shown you it's her intensions and believes or knows you are comfortable.
You could have a safe word in place with your wife in case, in advance and still any one can ask to stop, communicate and carry on if all good.

The only one's that can decide if you are ready ?... are you and your wife and keeping in mind you are inviting another person to join with you and care.

Mado

Mado Tara xx
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rick181au   Man 76yrs

Good luck with it.

I tried for 2-3 years to get my "virgin wife except for me" involved, we were in a nudist club where their was a LOT of swinging going on, I did not try consistently, but took advantage of every possible chance, their might have been months where it was not mentioned, then their might be signs their was a chance so I would go for it again. It got to the point after a few years where I had virtually given up but occasionally their would be a glimmer of hope, then out of the blue it happened, her first time with another guy (I had taken her cherry when we were 18), we were 35 years old, married 15 years with 2 young children, I was ecstatic, over the moon with joy, on top of the world.
That led to 35 + years of swinging swapping and M F M threesomes and a hell of a lot of sexy fun "my wife can be such a flirt when she want's to be" it was ever so sexy watching my 35 and older wife exploring her new found sexual freedom, our last swap was when we were 73 with a 53 year old guy we met in a chat room.
We are now mid 70's and happily married 56 years.
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AnnieWhichway   TV/CD 55yrs

Fantasy train

Most people entering this scene for the first time have emotions like yours. Some dont admit it at all, some discuss it with their partner and very few discuss it like this in a very well written heart on the sleeve post. Well done. It certainly describes the emotions l felt in the lead up to my virginal swinging moment.



So you will get a wide range of answers. But none will really answer your dilemma because your emotions are your emotions, no one else. But it always eases things when you realise you are not unique.



Welcome to the world of fantasy chasing. Fantasies are a weird convolutions of desire and taboo. They can act like a drug to heighten your senses and like drugs, can ruin your life. But your addiction has started. Your use of fantasy has intensified your sexual life and your relationship.

Is there anyway to turn back? To withdraw?



Like drugs, withdrawal is a difficult process. It can flatten your sex life and thus your relationship. To not proceed and keep that adrenaline running, will eat at you both for ever. The not knowing. The regrets of not giving it a go.



They say many fantasies should remain a fantasy. I wouldn't know. I'm a definite fantasy chaser. It drives me. I dont have many left that. I've achieved so many. It has both destroyed my life at times and other times elevated it to huge heights. I keep inventing new ones, the human mind is amazing.



So welcome to this world of sexual fantasy. Can you turn back Most of those here cannot. We are addicted and our worlds will never be the same.



See me down the lane way. I can sell you what you need for one more ride on the fantasy train......



Goodluck. You know you want to right.... l dare you

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Lionsdoll1   Woman 39yrs

I can empathise with your situation. When my ex husband and I opened our marriage all of these questions were asked of each other too.
We had arranged a few MFM but alas, they fell through then we played separately instead.

For a time it did strengthen us and it breathed some fresh air into our sex life. Unfortunately we split for other reasons, I will admit though the confidence and increased self worth had also contributed to the split.

I think it’s important you both take your time, there’s no going back, sometimes a fantasy is just that, however you seem to have taken some steps and establishing boundaries will help.

I wish I had more answers for you, sorry 😐 I’ll be following this thread closely as I’m now in a relationship and he wishes to give me my fantasy of a MFM for my birthday 🎁 happy birthday to me!!!
However, I have concerns similar to yours too.
The what ifs etc.

Keep us posted 😉

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The_Antichrist   Man 39yrs

Ok...

So this kind of scenario really goes to the core of our social programming...

Thank you churches ya fascist fucks!!

For years now the churches have told us how we should view our existence, and what we should look toward in order to be happy...based on what?? A damn book that chances are was merely written by a bunch of drunk freaks trippin on acid or some shit...

So over time, those teachings have become our moral compasses to a point...but it’s also made us look at our relationships with a viewpoint of ownership...I belong to thee, thou belongs to me kinda shit...

So IF that dynamic were to operate outside those parameters technically speaking thou now giveth to someone Fucken else and therefore thee belongs to thee...

But...

If thee returns to you, her choice is you....is it not??
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The_Antichrist   Man 39yrs

There’s a Fucken typo or 1000 in there ..

But I hope you get my point...you’re merely feeling as though she’ll belong to someone else by engaging...when her loyalty will be shown in hers and your actions to return to each other...and therefore flipping the fucking churches off as they should be... 👍👍
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FatFunFiesty  

Woman 38yrs

Technically Anti..... she belongs to she..... not thee, thou or they..... my one cent 😊

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