Do you forgive but not forget?

Do you forgive but not forget?

    | Dec 20, 2017
Recently an old friend of mine has come back to the friends group he so burned hard to be with his girlfriend. He ditched us, lied and did everything to impress her and got rid of all of us. that was a year ago.

Yesterday he made contact and and they all had drinks and a good time.

I have no intention of being his friend, I understand he is going through a rough patch after breaking up with her, but treating people like shit is unacceptable to me.

One if my friends believes I am being to harsh am I? I am all for forgiving and we all make mistakes, but when you treat people so poorly is it okay to no want to be his friend. I'm not bitter or sore about it I just don't care and I don't want someone like that in my life.

Can you forgive someone for treating you so bad and your friends or family expect you to just let it go?



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EarthQueen   Woman 47yrs

I’m with you

I can let small misdemeanours and arguments go and I don’t hold a grudge. In fact it’s diificult to get me feeling very resentful about someone. But if I get burned hard by someone and they lie to me about things that are important I wouldnt want to let them back in again. Why put your fingers back in the fire if they have been burned once?
If trust is violated you don’t have anything left to build on.
I’d always be wary and that’s not a great basis for any kind of close relationship so I probably wouldn’t bother. In a friends group I would probably tolerate their presence for the sake of hanging with other people I like.

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Livingandloving2   Couple Man 48yrs Woman 48yrs

I usually forgive

But the trust takes time to rebuild. If I value someone as a friend I also appreciate that they are human and sometimes screw thongs up. I have never regretted giving a friend a second chance
Mrs LAL


- Posted from rhpmobile
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jayme2   Man 55yrs

Things like that happen to most ppl at some stage of their life.

You cruise along as friends for years and they are almost another limb. All of a sudden along comes some girl and that all changes.. ? To me , this is apart of life . Your friends priorities changed and unfortunately ' everyone else's nose gets out of joint. I'd say that's fairly common.

When a guy falls for a girl he sometimes does stupid things , things out of character , and that's probally what you seen.

It's up to you if you want to forgive , obviously the loss of friendship affected you quite abit..

In my experience , you can forgive some ppl without much thought, while others is much harder. I've got a memory like a elephant and some ppl I'll never forgive..

So to answer your question .. I'm more of a forget you altogether type person if you insist on being a fool... Life's too short..

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Sailbadthesinner

Fool me once.

If this is the first time then I think your being a bit harsh, I get that he spurned you for a woman but thats what people do when they see the big bright future that could be. Your obviously thinking about it so it's probably eating you up more than him, take the high ground and let it go.

But if he does it again, send him to Coventry.
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I_touch_myself2

no

You shouldn't feel pressured by friends and family. Up to them what they do, also up to you what you do, none of their business. I don't forgive or forget I'm afraid. If people are capable of treating you like shit, believe me I've experienced this first hand in recent years, they don't have a place in my life. Guys do this to their mates quite a lot from what I've heard, hook up with some chick who demands all of their attention and give mates the flick. It's not uncommon and usually the mates can see the writing on the wall, how badly it will end, but they don't see sense, then come crawling back and expect to re-enter your life. Your life, your choice.

I've cut guys off for treating me with disrespect, long term friends suddenly turning into no shows, then beg and plead for another chance. Yeah nah, I move forward, I never look back 😀
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Meander   Woman 45yrs

Depends

I rarely hold grudges for long but there are some acts that, though I've fully forgiven the people responsible, have caused me to break off contact with them permanently.

Choosing whether to rekindle a friendship or not would depend on what someone did to me, if it was an isolated incident or ongoing deceit/abuse/whateverfuckery, and if they showed genuine remorse and change.




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MnauMnau  

Man 42yrs

Hard one...

...but choice is always yours.
It's easy to judge people based on their actions. However, you don't know what they are going through in their head or their heart...
Emotions could be hard to control for some. Or they don't have any.
Year could be long or short to forget bad things that happened. For some people that's not long enough.
Sometimes we can learn from others.
But he might be trying to move on.

If he comes to you and asks for help or advice would tell him off?
I usually respect people no matter what.
My piece of thinking.


- Posted from rhpmobile
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The_Antichrist   Man 39yrs

Is it really harsh???

Or is it simply you being true to your own standards??

If you’re merely holding other people to the standards you hold yourself to, is it really up to you to feel responsible for his happiness??



I had a mate once, that I didn’t have to pay, him and his missus split, his spiteful hypocrite side stood prouder than a newlyweds dick on his honeymoon....

And I can’t stand people that go out of their way to attempt destroy their exes just because they’re no longer wishing to be with them.....

Needless to say he ain’t no mate of mine....

- Posted from rhpmobile
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thelexbomb

It depends

I guess for me personally it really depend son each circumstance.
But there have been time I've somewhat forgiven but remained on guard.
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CandyD   Woman 32yrs

.

I can respect that you don’t want him back on your life. I’d probably still be okay with seeing the person in group social events but i would be personally friends with them if I felt strongly about it like you do. By the way, sounds this Guy was old enough to know better?
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cwhereitgoes   Man 52yrs

Sonder

That is a wrap /
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sassyone

OP

Interesting question I personally see no point in anger hatred etc I think they are wasted emotions consuming too much personal time and the drop it and leave it type. However given this is a group and friends who have accepted him back into the fold it may be in your best interests to suck it in a bit and just be civil if not buddies. I say this because in group situations and I have seen this when 2 ppl don’t get along and there is a sense of friction the group starts to decide who to invite person 1 or 2 - if you value those friendships then do the right thing by them and make everyone’s life a bit easier or you may find yourself not hanging or being invited with them as much as you would like because you will end up the one that is too difficult to deal with. Just food for thought 😊.

- Posted from rhpmobile
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FatFunFiesty  

Woman 38yrs

Absolutely not

Have been through the exact same situation; brother in law dissed family for his (now ex wife) for 7 years..... he did a real dog act...... funnily enough marriage collapses and he comes back like he's not got any fault in the sitaution and everyone cowtails to him. That was a few years ago and it still burns my piss. Once a dog always a dog

- Posted from rhpmobile
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sexybutts

Just sex

Everybody makes mistakes ,. Just mind boggling sex shall be the talk of the town💄💄💄💄🍇🍌👄🍓🍇👙

- Posted from rhpmobile
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I_touch_myself2

on here

On here I forgive and move on, but that's different to RL and a close friend at that
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bonefide   Man 54yrs

I_touch_myself2

Off topic a bit, sayings like that go straight to the pool room. 👍👏

Yeah nah, I move forward, I never look back.

bazzinga hit the nail on the head.

That's a postive outlook on life in general.
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redrouge   Woman 39yrs

Sometimes

To err is divine.
Just being human says she that fucks up a lot.

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Koolgrey   Man 44yrs

It varies..

I certainly do forgive, but I never forget. My memories not that bad .

I dont forgive everything, of course...but most "crimes" lose their importance to me, with time.

And I'm glad that I feel that way about some things that once hurt or offended me...and I only know that from "feel", if it doesn't hurt anymore, then it's history...because dwelling on past hurts or affronts seems counterproductive if I'm not going to do something about it.
Carrying anger is one thing...and not without it's place, I think...but resentment and bitterness are a waste of mental energy, in my opinion.

I'm glad that I think I've largely outgrown them.

Just because I "forgive" someone, it doesn't mean I have anything to do with them ever again.
It's more about me forgiving myself the pain or discomfort that I take on for someone else's actions.

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madotara69   Couple Man 48yrs Woman 48yrs

'Are these my friends or enemies in disguise'

In the past most friends when becoming involved in a relationship cut out fairly quickly because they fall in love and it's a powerful emotion, it's also a shared emotion which can create a bond in a world apart from anything normal, two enter into a world of happiness, lust, companionship, friendship, lovemaking, dreams of a future together, kids, even the white picket fence. Ride off into the sunset.

Generally when friends find a partner and fall for each other, best wishes and to be expected those friends will be off with the fairies making love with each other, birds and the bees, but mates are still mates and things pan out over time, some make it, some break it, yet all manage to care for each other with another powerful emotion 'empathy' communal spirit, to belong.

The way you describe this story OP, sounds like the green monster has arisen, driven by insecurities, anti social behavioural traits, even chance narcissistic characteristics evolve, Jealousy low on the scale can be disturbing yet manageable, on the high end of the scale people will destroy anyone perceived to be a threat, best mate first off, everyone after another after another, there is no emotion of empathy so you can be hurt, but he is worse off than you, maybe keep an eye on him a while, he may not be well.

I may be wrong.

Mado

Mado Tara xx

Sounds like anyhow


Dec 21, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
MissFreelove   Woman 38yrs

Depends...

Generally I don't forgive or forget.

I just move on and don't waste my time on that person again. Life is way too short to allow people to treat you like crap.

- Posted from rhpmobile

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