F54
Is it always immoral to have an affair/cheat?
December 12 2019
Thoughts?
*By affair I mean non-consensual where one partner is not aware.
Comments
XBonnieClydeX
4 years ago
I choose not to engage with men if they disclose to me they are married/ in a relationship and their partners don't know they are engaging in sexual activity outside their relationship.
I have no desire to be that "other woman".
But that is my personal choice and I don't judge others if their view isn't the same as mine.
X Bonnie
RHP User
4 years ago
Well. Just to step into the fray here:
Is cheating immoral? To most of society, yes - very much so.
I think it is forgivable if someone strays due to a sexless relationship, but with a couple of caveats. If you have tried to talk it out, tried to rectify the underlying issues as to why your relationship is sexless, with no result. If the lack of sexual desire from your partner is not symptomatic of a wider unhappiness between you and your partner, that may or may not respond to some relationship counselling (or whatever).
If you find yourself in a relationship where the sex is suddenly or gradually turned off, you have ''let yourself go'' physically to the point your partner no longer even wants to look at you naked, you are more obsessed with external factors (your career, your mates) than you are with your partner to the point that your partner feels unloved, and you decide to pile-drive your neighbor rather than admit your failings - then you are a cunt, fuck you.
If you find yourself in a relationship where the sex is suddenly or gradually turned off, you are much the same person you always were both physically and emotionally, you have tried to discuss the lack of sex with your partner so as to find some solution but they are unwilling to come to the party, and you decide to deep-throat your neighbour, well....
I've said this a few times on here but I'll say it again - I came this close to doing the dirty on a girlfriend many years ago due to a sexless relationship that I felt helpless to do anything about. She had an obsession with her ex and would tell me all the time how good he was in bed, and I knew she wasn't interested in sex with anyone but him and possibly never would be. The effect on my confidence was quite devastating. I was a young virile male who was watching his sexual peak (or so it seemed at the time) slide on by. I could possibly have hit on a work colleague one night and gone home with her, and man oh man was it tempting. If it had actually happened I think I would have felt guilty on the one hand but also angry at my girlfriend on the other (rightly or wrongly).
There are of course many variables here - I understand that some women become self-conscious of their bodies after having children (and all the gravity-abiding saggy bits that can follow). Men pack on heaving bellies that make their penises look like a champignon buried in a Brillo pad, erectile dysfunction starts to turn a once-towering phallus into a soggy chip. One or both partners simply gets bored with the same old same old. Menopause cures some women of the desire for sex forever.
Some reasons for infidelity are legitimate in my opinion. Most are probably not though.RHP User
4 years ago
I think it depends how antisocial ones moral compass is....And therefore a perfect tool for assessing the compatibility and desire for me to associate with them.....
Mr dragon...
PS..I think my views on deceptive behaviours are pretty well known
Dionysos6027
4 years ago
Yes cause you will have to lie / hide from your partner
So even if you think it will make you feel better , without knowing its going to put more tension and distance in your relation ship .
If you want t o save your couple the best is to talk about it and leave if it s a dead endRHP User
4 years ago
Morals and ethics will always come down to the individuals personal values and perceptions.
For me, someone who has suffered in a sexless relationship for 4 years - I think cheating is wrong and immoral under almost all circumstances. It’s the lies and deception that I disagree with. I detest when someone else in a sexless relationship feels I will understand their reasons for trying to cheat. I slogged it out and did it the hard way, dealing with all issues first then getting agreement to try an open relationship if and when I am ready. The alternative of course being to end things and walk away.
However let’s get hypothetical. If my partner was in a coma and we didn’t know if he would wake up etc, and I leaned on someone for comfort and it became a thing. Well it’s a slippery slope. It’s an extremely rare situation. In the scenario my partner has not been there to talk to, to tell him how I’m feeling and to gauge his reaction. But if he then woke up, I would feel obligated to tell him at some point what had happened, once because it would eat at me, and two because it could come back to haunt me and I don’t want him to find out that way.
Bottom line for me is if you have a coherent partner whom you could communicate with, it shouldn’t get to the point of cheating. Either talk it out, work it out or leave if you are that unhappy. And if you fuck up and slip up, that’s the time to come clean and pray for forgiveness if you want it.RHP User
4 years ago
It's a complex problem, every relationship has it's machinations, most of which are invisible to those outside of it. For those who like to judge it's very wrong, for the more empathetic it can be understood.Taking a human life is wrong, except in self defence.In my life I have witnessed the cruel and selfish and the well I don't blame him/her. I know it's not for me to judge, even though despite best efforts I do. Just the way it is.Marriage became popular for the masses back in the 12 century or so, when life expectancy was around 45-50 so circumstances are different now, marriage rates are falling divorce is up. Males and females (and the alphabet identities) are experiencing the media revolution, feminism and mgtow, deferred fertility, surrogacy, all sorts of influences. Morality is struggling to keep up with society.What was the question again ?Oh yeah, is it ok to cheat ? My answer is a very soft no wrapped in a maybe.
intheswing
4 years ago
Every situation is different if your wife decides to be vegan and says your not eating meat here either some people might stay and eat broccoli because they love their wife and kids their house and everything else about their lifestyle just getting sick of broccoli others might sneak out every now and then and buy a hamburger terrible I know and if the wife found out that a cow had died just because you really like hamburgers there could be trouble
Sex is the same it’s possible to love your husband or wife your children home lifestyle and not want to hurt everyone in the home to leave and find some that likes sex ,maybe it is better to discreetly satisfy sexual needs and have a happy family
Some people do have a good sex life at home and are just lie because they want the excitement of an affair I hope their husband /wife finds out and kicks their sorry arse out
I think we need to worry about our own morals and let others worry about theirsRHP User
4 years ago
Yes I think it’s immoral, I can’t see why people do it am guilty of it myself in the past but it’s definitely immoral and nasty to do that to someone. I’d rather be alone than put myself or anyone else through that sort of thing again.
Ms Pheonix.RHP User
4 years ago
*i can see why people do it.
RHP User
4 years ago
Invite your partner along though & it's not cheating - it's a party!
RHP User
4 years ago
Apply that against your other personal shared values in your uniquely individual relationship and ask the question as to where or not is acceptable rather than moral.
If someone believes that it is acceptable to have a physical relationship outside of the primary relationship without the knowledge of the contiguous partner, then that person is either ill-conceived or stupid.
Condom or no may be a moral decision but in any case, no of this nonsense is up for third party review.
Jingle bells........ ʗɱ
FeistyFatty
4 years ago
I'm going to be a complete and utter hypocrite here. I would never be unfaithful to my husband, even before we started exploring many many years ago.... just not in me to lie to him. I am however way more attracted to a man who tells me he is married and cheating than a man who is single or Open such as myself (I usually disengage immediately if this is the case). Just adds a bit of an edge/excitement for me.
I don't overanalyse the morality of my married FWBs character and never judge their circumstances and choices.RHP User
4 years ago
There will always be extenuating circumstances or exceptions to the rule which could condone the behaviour.
Outside of those situations I think it's unethical, unacceptable and unforgivable.
But every couple can set their own standards and sort their own problems out, if and when they arise.RHP User
4 years ago
My opinion is that it is. I have had that happen to me many years ago and I did not like being on the unknowing side. Years gone by and I am who I am right now, I wouldn't do what I currently do without the consent of my husband, it's not in me to be deceptive no matter the circumstances. And I am happy for him to meet other women, providing I do eventually get to meet them if it is to be a long term thing like my partner has met him. Each person is different and everyone has their own reasons...good or bad
RHP User
4 years ago
Easy
...yes
AnnieWhichway
4 years ago
When all is rosy within your castle.
You really have no clue until you are in a situation that you feel is beyond you.
Experience the sadness and the despair for yourself and only then cast the first stone onto someone that wasn't quite as strong as you think they should have been.
MsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
The word immoral is is sometimes confused with amoral.
What is immoral is putting others down for their choices, and that they should agree with your own.
Is cheating deceitful? Yes and no. However there are many, many reasons why people do have affairs. Everyone one is different. No two affairs are ever the same. Do I blame a person who's partner was in a car accident for example. And has ended up non verbal with severe injuries including loss of mobility and not capable of looking after themselves). So person A has become their carer, for their partner. Physical intimacy is impossible. So who else do they turn too? Seek affairs to escape reality. It must be heart wrenching in the situation when all they (person A) want, is to feel a physical connection with someone. Why is it so wrong in society in this example. Sometimes a prostitute just doesn't cut it.
If people are OK in this situation. Let them be. I say. It's no ones business.
Ms FoxyAnnieWhichway
4 years ago
Annie's new testament. Chapter 2, verse 6, sub paragraph C
sensual_passion
4 years ago
I like the reply from FatFunFiesty. She has her own standards, but she is not judging others.
And that is the point of it. Those are just here for playing, or hookup, or don't even show their faces because they are scared of being recognised or judged, think very highly of themselves, and have high standards of FWB, playing and hookups. Cool!
Well, I will just say, it comes down to individual, and how one defines cheating! One can even define watching porn as a cheating his/her partner, and one can define masturbation as cheating as well.
Some say, sex is not cheating since you are not in love with the person.
I will just let people think what they think, but I will just say that think believe that to be right which suits them most.RHP User
4 years ago
I'm not one for it but this day an age it's common
EarthQueen
4 years ago
Fair point regarding the porn. You are right. This would be considered a betrayal by some.
I was just interested in seeing others points of view because on a podcast I was listening to more than 90% said it was wrong however the statistics of actual infidelity was around like 30% (probably more ) in real life. Having my partner have an affair was heart wrenching at the time but I don't have any emotion about it or care about it anymore. It's left me with residual trust issues, but the pay off is the growth that came from the experience. Our relationship had many small dishonesties. It's rare that people can really seem to tell the truth to each other on a day to day basis. Maybe it's impossible The affair to me in hindsight was the culmination of that. As such it's not really something I like to judge now. Honesty would be the best policy before it came to that of course, but this in real life seems to be more complicated than its sounds.
SSExplorer
4 years ago
Really enjoyable reading here folks, I think I agree with parts of everyone’s answers.
Is it immoral....I guess it has to be Yes.
Is it understandable and sometimes forgivable...would also have to be Yes...there are so many variables and reasons that it is very closed minded to say no and I dare say that if you say No then you’d have to accept yourself as immoral just for being on this site.
Relationships occur for many different reasons and I guess some can function quite well with mismatched sexual needs, If so, does one have to fess up if fulfilling one of their desires would hurt the other, maybe sometimes it’s worth being discrete?
Sex is an integral part of both our needs from a relationship so we both couldn’t be with each other unless we found it so mutually satisfying.
That doesn’t mean we have the most technically amazing sex all the time, with young kids it’s often a stolen quickly but we adore those just as much. That said we both have extra desires and we are lucky we are open enough to discuss these and happy for each to follow their needs.
This surely isn’t the case with everyone so who are we to judge?
The last poster reminds me of a friend a long time ago in his 20s, his long term gf and seemingly future wife found his Porn magazines, she couldn’t get over the fact he would look at another naked woman, they broke up. Crazy!
Mischeviouslad
4 years ago
Yep
Q. If you’re not afraid of doing something and getting found out..... why are you hiding?
A. You fear the consequences of your acts of deception and betrayal being known
Of course cheating, as the very word invokes, is deception and therefore lacking in moral code.
People just find ways to back- rationalise or justify it to absolve their guilt and responsibilityMsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
Affairs are not just one sided. All people included those betrayed have to be accountable as well not just those who seek affairs. I also believe there is various types of affairs from physical, sexual, emotional, cyber to addictions. It's not just as simple/black and white as people make it. It is a very very complex dyamic.
Ms Foxy
cat_n_the_hatter
4 years ago
If you are in a war zone, the first line of defense, and you doubt that you will be alive the next morning and your last wish is to give gentleness to someone. Your sweetheart is far…Would that be considered cheating?
However, it doesn’t come to individual. And no, it is not a matter of negotiation.
I do judge when any deliberate activity causes other’s pain and let’s face it many cheaters do that one way or the other. They don’t cheat for the benefit of others, they do it for themselves. Otherwise they would not hide it. Any explanation or excuse is rationalisation… and of course, such acts are eventually discovered.
That is the moment when it becomes problematic. The pain that it causes is enormous and nothing can erase it. So, even in circumstances when it can be justified only with time it can be accepted. We think we cannot love again. We are broken… And then one day we laugh again. But with whom is a matter of choice.(Ms)RHP User
4 years ago
Bottom line for me is if you have a coherent partner whom you could communicate with, it shouldn’t get to the point of cheating. Either talk it out, work it out or leave if you are that unhappy. And if you fuck up and slip up, that’s the time to come clean and pray for forgiveness if you want it.
If you have a partner that's in a permanent vegetative state, due to some horrid thing happening to him/her, it's okay to go off and bang the emotional support while they lay helpless in some hospital bed. If you have a partner, however, that isn't all fucked up and laying in hospital helpless while their partner goes off and fucks somebody else, then shame on you.
I get it. I think?
Seriously, I'm just taking the piss - I get what you're saying. It just goes to show how objective (or wait, is that subjective? I still get fucking confused by those two) ''morals'' can be.Sawadee
4 years ago
Really gets my hackles up when ppl condemn every man / woman and thier dog because they found themself on the wrong side of morality ? Sometimes things happen and people find themselves on the wrong side of everything we were ever taught ? Not that I agree with cheating , on the contrary. But being on the wrong side of being cheated on , makes you try to weigh up why ?
If you happen to be on the right side of morality , good for you .. but to judge others by throwing the proverbial blanket over all without knowing the facts , is just plain wrong.
As they say , hindsight is a wonderfull thing , im sure if those who cheated could take it back , they probally would.
nightingale8
4 years ago
Cheating is "always immoral" if you hold a view that the world has a prescribed order and a place for everyone in it. Morality is relative to the person's worldview.
Does cheating make you an arsehole? That's a different question 😁
SpicyKale
4 years ago
Sawadee
There's a huge difference between judging others and choosing not to interact with those on here that are married and not here with their partners consent. Annie mentioned in a previous thread, seeing married guys was great if your kink was being fucked around! We can't start to understand the ins and outs of someone else's relationship, but that doesn't mean we need to agree with the behaviour either. Having "that" chat with your significant other can be one of the hardest things you ever do. Just soooo many unknowns in that one. If you really know your partner well there'll probably be little hints one way or the other anyway.
As for watching porn being akin to cheating... ffs it's part of a good open relationship if you ask us. Next thing they'll be telling us owning a vibrator breaches the one penis policy 😬
Someone on another previous thread mentioned that they thought that anyone on here that was married was cheating because it breached their marriage vows! Ffs the thought process that went into that one... we didn't have "love and obey" in ours anyway 😉
To finish up the rant, according to Israel Folau we're fucked on all four of his moral flaws anyways!Sawadee
4 years ago
Like i said... nothing is black and white and l dont agree with cheating. I know ppl who have cheated and now regret it .? But really ' no one can deny how much a persons sexual desires play its part ? Just because your hitched doesnt mean your desires cease ?
I think you guys got it right by playing as a couple, if only all couples could do that ' cheating would no longer be a issue ?RHP User
4 years ago
I think I'm on about 5/8...
SSExplorer
4 years ago
So I was chatting to Mrs S about this yesterday. She is an interesting one, has quite a jealous streak even though one of her most favourite parts of exploring is watching me in action with another woman...explain that? 😁.
Our conclusion for us is that cheating would be if one of us was seeing someone who we were forming feelings of love with that was challenging our connection together.
We have amazing sex together for sure but more often than not with kids around we have less amazing quickies but no matter what the amazement level sex together is always loving, connected and mindblowing not because of our prowess but because of our love and care for each other.
Sex with others, we prefer a connection too to heighten the experience but that doesn’t detract from our feelings for each other.
Having sex with someone else without the others knowledge. Well it’s somewhat of a fantasy of mine that she someday meet a guy she is so attracted to that she can’t help but enjoy him before she gets a chance to tell me. She’s a shy one so for her to do this would be a huge thing. I’d never hold her back from enjoying a mindblowing experience.
While writing this I realise it’s about our honesty with how we feel for each other. The negative “cheating” aspect probably comes well before a physical act, more in the losing touch with each other and desiring someone else to fill the void. That’s somewhere we both hope we never get to or at least if we do we are open enough to discuss it.
Keepitsimple01
4 years ago
If you know your partner is going to give you a good rinsing when they find out,then I guess you've got the answer.
I've never thrown a load in another bird while in a relationship and never will.
It didn't stop my wife though!🙈
Don't change who you are because of it if it happens though, it'll ruin you.Keepitsimple01
4 years ago
If you know your partner is going to give you a good rinsing when they find out,then I guess you've got the answer.
I've never thrown a load in another bird while in a relationship and never will.
It didn't stop my wife though!🙈
Don't change who you are because of it if it happens though, it'll ruin you.
non_such
4 years ago
the weirdest thing that happens to polyamorous people is that other people will say: 'How can you share a lover?'
Because the statistics show (according to author Amy Gahran) that most people think that polyamory is more immoral than cheating on your partner by having a secret affair. So these cheaters are fine with sharing a lover, so long as the other people involved don't find out.
Ethically non-monogamous people accept that lust happens, and that love is not a finite resource. They understand that desire can wane, and that New Relationship Energy is invigorating, magical, and short-lived.
The immoral part of your question is not that you might be fucking someone else, but that you are being dishonest to your partner. It is lies, deceit, hurt, jealousy, distrust and fear that break up relationships, not sex.
86Jasindy
4 years ago
Interesting... I was thinking about this the other day, and didn't come up with an answer.
Mr and I have a very honest, kind relationship. I have seen him balls deep in a beautiful woman, and there is nothing more beautiful then the expressions on his face. When I had to leave the country for 2 weeks earlier this year, I encouraged him to line someone up for some fun. Just last night he was telling me he went for a massage the other week, not realising what type it was until he was offered a happy ending. (I was upset he declined😂).
However, if I was to find out he was having secret conversations, or meetings... to be making another feel what I do, I would most certainly be deflated and it would effect my feelings of self worth. I'm not even sure why?
On the flip side, he asked a long time ago that I just be open and tell him if men contact me. I believe this is reasonable, and he is not the type to jump to conclusions, but struggle when push comes to shove to actually do this?
So I don't actually know if cheating is immoral. Years ago I was the "other woman" sleeping with my married boss. I justified it to myself as he was the cheater, not me.. but after one particular night, all was exposed and I realised I was just as bad.RHP User
4 years ago
not if your both swinging...btw...i need a rhp encòunter of any type today...i want to pleasure...pm me..
madotara69
4 years ago
Earth Queen... if I were with you..we cruise together..you in the centre of our life always.
Now if I don’t own you, respect your choices and ultimately stand by your choices and see them through.
By not owning you, can’t tell you to do or not do, respect is that you and the choices for your own reasons are your choices.. make mistakes..of course and learn from all and so you are all and the best of you holds the reigns.
You would want to be with me always is the answer, by your own choice. A friend.
So if I tried telling and making your choices for you ?
If I were not honest with you ?
If I did not respect you.. less than eye to eye, look down as if we were not equal..take the best of you for granted by judgement and some sort of entitlement of you ?
If I did not express my emotions with you and with reasons we come to meeting agreements based on the reasons and emotions guiding the foundation, experiences, bonding, maintaining, trust, care, loyalty, equilibrium, friendship.
You make your choices for your reason and your rite, be it mistakes or not.
Personally, if I were unfaithful.
You would know.
So it’s hurt, you would have the emotions of being hurt, and hurt with reason.. I’d have bought upon you the emotions that are meant to hurt.
Betray.
If you were my best friend !
There is principles set for the very reason of protecting the rite you are your own, your self, you as one.
There is a lot riding on the choices I make.
Friendship is the best in us.
Unconditionally.
Let’s fuck them together and fuck them beyond the realms of anything in the state they are in, share the very best of us and into the realms of spirits whilst in altered state of mind.
Knowing it and the emotions in heightened sense, feeling with no heights nor limits with intensity of all entailed to want to be right there in centre always.
It’s the friendship, I believe.
Mado
Mado Tara xx
Two_Tarts
4 years ago
The concept of morality is a very subjective thing. Much of society would judge swingers to be immoral, but it is generally not how most of us here would choose to describe ourselves. We tend to sidestep the question, and rather arbitrary concept, of morality by assessing ourselves it terms of how ethical our choices and behaviours are rather than morality of them.
So long as we behave in an open, honest, transparent, and considerate way with our partners and new friends then we see ourselves as ethically non monogamous. We are ok with that and don't concern ourselves with any individuals subjective concept or assesment of morality.
Most of society will judge cheating as immoral, though probably be less confronted by cheaters than they are by swingers. Most swingers probably couldn't care less about anyone's definition of morality (because we know we are all probably failing that test), but are way more bothered by the ethics of cheating. Lying, deceiving, manipulating, to get what you want are hard to be seen as ethical behaviour particularly when applied to those we are meant to care about.
So where the question is about the morality of cheating, perhaps it should be about the ethics of it?
Fun2bhad2
4 years ago
I notice a few comments in regards to take your partner with you ... that would ultimately be the best result but what if they are not into the lifestyle??? Yet you are
SSExplorer
4 years ago
Ethics and morality is always an interesting subject.
So there’s Ethical Non-manogamy, which the majority of society would deem immoral and unethical but proponents would argue that there’s a set of rules to follow that make it ethical but then whose exact set of rules are the correct ones?
Can there be such a thing as Ethical Non-disclosure of non-manogamy aka cheating?
Are there any rules or situations where such practices can be deemed acceptable?
Is it hypocritical to say ok to one and not the other?
As eluded to before, men at war have often found love and comfort in the arms of a fellow soldier.
Does this make them unethical or immoral or gay?
Would we give them an ear bashing just like we might to a Casanova in a lighter situation?
Do we all lead perfect lives where we are perfectly open and honest in all of our human interactions?
Is capitalism ethical?
To lie and deceive to maximise profits!
Ok I’m off on a tangent, but I did ace Ethics at uni :)RHP User
4 years ago
Yes
All the exuses given are that excuses ... there are none
yes yes yes it is wrong
I am with the first responder, I don’t give a shit about the man and his excuses,
I WILL not do that to another woman .RHP User
4 years ago
Quoting 'fun2bhad'
I notice a few comments in regards to take your partner with you ... that would ultimately be the best result but what if they are not into the lifestyle??? Yet you are
The fact that you are asking this question demonstrates your lack of maturity. Don't commit to someone who is not into something that is a deal-breaker for you, simple. As a man (past his prime), you're lucky to be getting any at all, don't push it!
Sillybugger00
4 years ago
It is like many things in life it is absolutely personal choice. How others choose to judge is is their business, their entitlement
RHP User
4 years ago
Going behind a partners back is just about the worse thing you could possibly do, massive betrayal of trust and respect. Nothing can justify it, if you feel you need to do it then you need to confront the reason why. It's just a coward act to do
RHP User
4 years ago
100% always wrong
RHP User
4 years ago
Weather cheating is immoral or not is irrelevant. Most important thing is how you may feel about yourself afterwards. For example, an outcome may be that you feel guilt. Guilt can make you feel shitty about yourself, which is not great if you are someone who already has low self-esteem and it can affect how you preceive and relate to the outside world, including in your interactions with your partner. Ive cheated before and chose not to now, not for any moral reasons, but the harm it can do me.
RHP User
4 years ago
My choice is to just not go near a person who is in a relationship when their partner doesn't know what they are doing. I don't think it's my place to judge their morals or situation...I just know they will not hold the right attitude for me to find them worthy of my company.
RHP User
4 years ago
It comes down to just one word? TRUST!!!! Think about it in all situations in life in general.Not just sex or marriage.Once it’s lost it may take a lot of time to rebuild or may never be regained.(Damage done) We are on this site because we want to be. Not because we want to play around lol.Oooops!! Did I just say that;);)We are on the level, but we aren’t going to die not knowing what fun we could have had or do;))We’ve found it takes that one word and stick by it Whatever you do in life;);) Ha ha Those who play together stay together
Kokoflamingo
4 years ago
Yes, its all exciting and fun......until someone is hurt and feels the awful devastation of betrayal. Not something I would wish on anyone. But each to their own, its your choice and any consequences are of your own making. But seriously, to liken cheating to asking your partner to be vegan???? Big difference in eating broccoli ( believe me, there are a lot more amazing plant based foods out there) and fucking around.
Bonnie_and_Clyde
4 years ago
Yes it is we are in a lifestyle of being honest with our partner and living out desire and fantasy with consent. If you can't be honest with your partner or your partner wont forfill your desires find someone that is a more suited match. But lying and cheating is just totally wrong..
RHP User
4 years ago
This is a difficult issue from my perspective.
Personel happiness????
I like the way MrsFoxxxy put it.
Every situation is different and as the saying goes, no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors.
2inBrisbane
4 years ago
For me only, my opinion given my own experiences and I would not judge another’s situation, but I would choose to not be involved in any deception.
One of my partners cheated on me and I only found out 6 months later when she decided to bring it to my attention.
He and I have repaired our relationship but the residual trust issues are still sometimes there.
Him having FWB, play partners, relationships are all things I support but when he is honest and upfront about it.
Behind my back just hurts and makes me feel worthless. Tell me you find xyz attractive and want to play and I’ll encourage it. If you trust me enough to tell me about your connection, desire, need I will trust that you value our relationship in return.
I have also unwittingly been the other woman and the hurt I felt when she told me she didn’t know or approve was crushing, I would never intentionally hurt another woman that way.
It’s all fun and games as they say when it’s sneaking around and hot and sexy, but when emotions are involved there is nothing sexy or moral about hurting someone you say you love.RHP User
4 years ago
It depends upon the situation.
What scenario/disaster are you prepping for?
Personally I think about 28 days or so of food for everyone and pets plus hygiene items is all you really need.RHP User
4 years ago
I am always upfront about the fact I am playing without my husband's permission.
There are numerous factors that have played into my infidelity - one main reason being my husband hitting 200kgs 👈 not a typo, 200kgs! It impacts EVERY single aspect of our life... something as simple as buying a couch or even holidaying (I will never go overseas because, in his words, 'aeroplanes just aren't built for me' 🤦♀️) Another being that after 20 years of bring in a monogamous relationship, my views on marriage have shifted. And before anyone asks, yes I understand the psychology behind why I do what I do!
Interestingly, I actually find perspectives on RHP value the fact that I am married. It adds a level of discretion and non-commitance. I value it in my partners for the same reasons and also because I am not then tempted to imagine a life with them.
As many have said, you never know the full story of a person's private life. If you choose to not enter a FWB, or other, relationship with a married/ partnered person then so be it - they will totally accept and understand your point of view, but in return please do not judge.RHP User
4 years ago
At the end of the day, I say yes.
Unforgivable.... no.
I have had friends in a sexless marriage give into temptation. In the circumstances I certainly understood (lack of sex, lack of love etc can be extremely destructive) but felt they still did the wrong thing.
Honesty is everything imo, doesn’t mean that we don’t occasionally fail....RHP User
4 years ago
I'm with the yes posters. Be honest or move on. It's quite simple really. The dictionary defines cheating as "act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage." Not a tough one to comprehend.
RHP User
4 years ago
I think its immoral to deceive someone full stop. But particularly when their heart is involved. If you cant communicate openly and without fear of consequences with your partner/spouse then thats where the problem lies, & you ( not saying you, but the hypothetical person in question ) should either resolve this, or move on before resolving to something that is hurtful and dishonest. I cant see how it could ever be regarded as being ok? Its as simple as asking " how would I feel?"
RHP User
4 years ago
Moral is a line/ boundary that an individual creates to drive their life. They will move this line back or forward at different times in their life in order to suit their needs while maintaining the belief that they are a good person and deserve to live.
Whether a person is morally acceptable to us depends purely on the gap between their and our boundary line and it has nothing to do with them (or us) being a good or bad person.
Humans are accustomed to taking advantage of others and may give it different names - non-disclosure for example which is completely legal.
Even the very people that wrote religious books for us to follow, lied to have advantage over others.
Rather than being judgemental, it is better to accept that everyone is different and that birds of a feather will eventually find each other and flock together.
FYI, just in case we forgot, swinging itself is immoral in current society and therefore consent is irrelevant in this discussion.🙃
Happy swinging all!!!!!RHP User
4 years ago
Cheating is unethical and should be avoided but despite this, there are sometimes life factors and situations that render the evil of cheating far less evil than the goods that cheating offers.
Eg For instance, I have no sympathy for a victims of cheating if that victim is a domestic violence perp (piece of shit human).
Sometimes the perpetrator of the affair is not the perpetrator of the marriage.
And there are many other situations which I feel offset the evil of cheating by comparison to the evils perpetrated against the cheating party
curiousnhorny05
4 years ago
We have a rule... we never play if the other person hasn’t consented or given permission. Just think about STDs and that it would be horrible for the other partner to discover. Though I do sympathise we just don’t go there.
We are very open about who we are talking too. And hubby reads everything if he wants to.
Personally I prefer to watch porn with my partner I don’t like to hide anything. But that’s me.RHP User
4 years ago
Personally from a male perspective,I don't mind, I think it adds some excitement. Naughty girls are way more interesting.
RHP User
4 years ago
Wow! I just cant help but reply to (at least ) 2 comments. Hornsbi. Swinging is not socially immoral, merely socially unacceptable. ( surprisingly?) Sex between consenting adults doesn't harm anyone ( unless you're into that sort of thing?) But lying and deceiving people does. And i dont believe that anyone should simply "accept it" under any circumstances. If i was deceived in business, and suffered a loss because of it? I (personally) would make sure that person was "educated " on ethics. Money can be replaced, but what is taken from someone when their heart is broken will never be the same. No one AT ALL has the right to destroy part of another person's emotions. And to everyone who thinks it adds excitement? I guess it could be exciting dodging bullets after being caught by their jilted spouse? Its not uncommon.
Sensual_play
4 years ago
For myself an intimate relationship holds trust, honesty and transparency values.
To cheat would betray these values and for the most on the unknowing side be deeply hurtful.
I understand people have thier reasons, including the extra excitement of a secret affair. Morals aside I think its important to consider how an affair makes you feel and how it would make your partner feel of they were to find out.
If you have a strong intimate bond with your partner then a conversation about opening the relationship only increases the intimacy. They don't need to agree with it, but you get to talk about each other's needs and get to know each other more deeply. For a relationship in my eyes you can't lose by having the conversation
Having a single profile on here in an open relationship, I do hear suspicion a bit abhor me cheating. Esp considering my partner doesn't care to speak to or engage with my play partners if they are not in our social circle.RHP User
4 years ago
I find it funny that the vast majority of users responding that cheating is always immoral and declaring they would never do so are either partnered in open or swinging relationships or single. The saying "virtue never tested is no virtue at all" springs to mind. It's easy to say you'd never be unfaithful when you have permission to fuck anyone you want.
Although I wouldn't say that cheating is moral, there are always reasons why people do it. In some way, they're unfulfilled. My situation is similar to that of many unfaithful others. It's a cheating man's cliché but I'll say it anyway - I love my wife. She's a wonderful woman and 90% of our marriage is great. But our sex life has always been bland and infrequent. I thought I could live with it when we married in our early 20's as my prior experience of sex was so limited. But over time I've yearned for more and I've realized I don't believe in monogamy. I think it's unrealistic that one person can satisfy another's every need for the majority of their adult life. My wife and I have discussed inviting others into our sex life but she's vehemently opposed to it.
And as for those touting the "man up and end the relationship" advice, that's not a realistic scenario for many. In my case, we have two young children we both love to bits and I don't want to live apart from them and see them only on weekends. I love being a father and that would break my heart. Less importantly, neither of us could afford our mortgage on our individual salaries and splitting our assets would ruin both of us financially.
In any case, I'm not offended when women I contact via RHP aren't interested in pursuing a relationship with me. It's not easy being "the other woman". The vast majority don't reply and a small number respond with "Thanks, but I'm not interested", both of which are fine. A small number respond with abusive and pious tirades about the immorality of cheating despite knowing nothing about my situation, which I think is unfair.
Anyway, that's my two cents. I hope it resonates with some of you.
DavidRHP User
4 years ago
Being in a marriage where my wife is disabled, and with her permissin so long as she doesn't have to hear about it, I'm fine with it. But that is yet to be proven. When it comes to it I don't know that I would go through with it.
Kokoflamingo
4 years ago
Trying to justify shagging around behind their partners back, how would you feel if you found out it was being done to you?
RHP User
4 years ago
What if the bloke is a closet pillow biter and getting fucked by other blokes?
RHP User
4 years ago
I this your question Earth Mother answers itself. If you consider your action as immoral, then its not moral against your own standards.
If you are worried about hurting the other person or think your actions will hurt the other person, then you should try something a little less naughty.
We are after all the only animals that engage in the act of reproduction for pleasure, but do we have a right to hurt someone for our own gratification? BDSM not included as they are naighty and need to be punished.RHP User
4 years ago
My opinion is that there are no moral or ethical non consensual affairs. If your relationship requires you to sneak around and cheat on your partner then quite frankly you shouldn’t be in it.
Much like XBonnieClydeX I choose not to even entertain being “the other woman”. If someone reveals they’re attached and seeking “discrete” then that’s a no from me too.RHP User
4 years ago
Hi Ladys .Im 30 years old and im not sure if i want to commit im in a relationship but i think i still want to enjoy myself what shall i do .do i need to experiment ,im looking at older women than myself and cant take my eyes off them and i feel they are doing the same to me thats why ive joined this website . I need to know if this website is worth it before j do anything
RHP User
4 years ago
In response to Kokoflamingo
I would actually be somewhat relieved to find out my wife was also seeing other men or women for sex. I'm not the jealous type when it comes to sex and it would provide a starting point for changing our sex life into something more interesting.
Cunnilingenius
4 years ago
If you’re religious. Marriage is a ridiculous concept that’s all about ownership. I only answer to one; myself.
Naughtyfortys73
4 years ago
It’s has always fascinated me how people will try to rationalise their actions.
Then we have the persons who say it’s not our place to judge and society should mind their business yet almost every moral or law was formed by society.
I see it as this
If you knowingly deceive the one you say you love than your moral compass is off.
If and when they find out they will be broken and your words if I love you mean will mean very little.
Communication and compromise is key.
Simply put if you want a new car yet your partner doesn’t due to lack of financial difficulties would you go out and steal it.
No
Why
Because it’s morally wrong
Yet if you communicated and set a plan or system to achieve it which both are aware of and on board with then go for it.Naughtyfortys73
4 years ago
I should have proof read that before sending oops
But you get my point 😉MsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
Well, that's very simply put. Facinating.
Ms FoxyRHP User
4 years ago
I will not play with a married/attached man unless it’s a very clearly defined open relationship. Which it very rarely is. I just find the thought of fucking someone’s husband morally wrong ... it’s the woman I’m always thinking about. What if that were me? I’m an incredibly sexually open person ... but cheating is something I just can’t abide!
sensual_passion
4 years ago
HonestandDiscreet, well you said yourself that society formed the moral, so in that case, society in general disapproves of even swinging and hence we see hidden faces and most wishing to be discreet.
Regarding your example of car, well, there's a difference between car and sex. Sex is a fundamental need, car is not. Moreover, no one is talking about stealing the car, it's just getting a ride sometimes. 😉SpicyKale
4 years ago
Brilly3006 all of your posts that we've read so far have been homophobic rants, do you actually have anything to add to the conversation? Maybe give us a weather report next time?
ps. lots of lube, relax, don't tense up it contracts the sphincter and the pillow gets to stay in the closet 😉
GemmaJ72
4 years ago
Other people's relationships are other people's business. So if they choose to cheat that is their choice.
Will I have sex with a man (or woman) who is cheating? No. Why?
Because I am a selfish person who does not want the possibility of having to deal with the jilted person directly. More importantly I am not interested in dealing with the restrictions and unreliability of a FWB who is lying to their partner.RHP User
4 years ago
Unfortunately I have fell for the usual lines when I first started online dating, we aren’t intimate, we are only staying together for the kids, I will leave her etc but I soon woke up to these lines. You will always be at the end of the line with married men, if they can’t sneak away you will be let down time and time again and, let’s face it, if he is lying to the person he apparently loves most, how is he really going to treat you?
The easiest way to pick a cheater? He will only contact you when he should be at work. He won’t do night time meets. He can’t host and prefers to have ‘naughty’ sex in public. He will be terrified of long finger nails which might leave marks. Most of the time you don’t have to even do the usual argument about condoms, they will expect you to buy them and will wear them without any objection. Single guys nearly always try to go bareback.Naughtyfortys73
4 years ago
Wanderer passion
I think you’ll find the car is a metaphor.
Sex is not a necessity. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of someone dying from not having it. 😂 it’s a want more than a need.
And like most we want it 😀
As for the no face photo it’s call being discreet. My pics are open to those who would like to see them with no fear or hesitation.Naughtyfortys73
4 years ago
Wanderer passion
As for swinging this generation didn’t invent it it’s been happening for hundreds if not thousands of years in a lot of cultures.EarthQueen
4 years ago
Wow
So many interesting replies after some time away. Thank you for your many varied perspectives 🙏RHP User
4 years ago
Of course it's immoral, but us humans will always justify why we do certain things.
JT_team
4 years ago
My opinion...
Totally agree on the honesty point. However, it can be shit hard to be honest, so also agree there is an onus on the receiving partner to hear it out. No point if they just get on their moral high ground and shout. If you can't work it out, you can't - but at least you both tried.
Saffadude2
4 years ago
Bottem line, cheating is cheating. Being honest with your intentions and telling your partner wat your considering, shows respect. Even if they dont like to hear it. Lol.
MrRESpecter
4 years ago
Have a read of the book by sexual therapist Esther Perel. The State of Affairs. Fascinating.
Bottom line, no one wants to be betrayed. In Dante’s inferno the betrayers are in the lowest layer of hell.
But there again it happens in maybe 50% of relationships by some figures. No it’s not right, but it’s compelling for many.RHP User
4 years ago
It is in away but if your not happy then do wat you have to do. I'm available to meet you if your up for it. I'm good look in and discrete
Ucancounton
4 years ago
Easy...YES.
At the same time i would not steal someone water bottle in desert because I need more then Her/him..
Moral is moral for everyone / culture the difference from one to other because we found the right to set the bar ourselves ... my humble opinion if we accept that we all individual as part of the society (not all alone) perhaps we can set The Bar higherMsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
you absolutely sure you would not steal someone water bottle in the middle of desert? Careful what you wish for, especially if there is Temptation.
Ms FoxySSExplorer
4 years ago
Haha Foxy you beat me to it.
Water bottle in the desert...if it was just me and another person I would hope we would share the water, but what if the other person did not want to share?
Would their selfishness make me more mercenary of my own needs?
Now add to that if I had my children with me..well you better hand that bottle over right now!RHP User
4 years ago
Interesting conversation.
As a married person on this site, with the full consent of my wife I might add. I have been completely shocked by how judgmental the majority of women I have approached have been.
Rather foolishly it appears, I opted to be upfront and honest on my profile which has resulted in me being labelled as a cheater and therefore not even worthy of a reply to respectful messages sent. I must admit there were two exceptions from lovely ladies who did provide a polite reply which was much appreciated.
Whether or not you consider cheating to be immoral please dont be tempted to judge others until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Give people a chance to explain their situation before making a decision on whether or not the explaination provided satisfies you.
It is likely I would have had more success on this site had I lied in my profile about my status however that is not something I was willing to do as i consider honesty and integrity to be an integral part of me. Having experienced what I have however I can completely understand now why so many others may chose to.
End of rant. Apologies for the poor writing skills, I'm clearly not an author.RHP User
4 years ago
Would like to have a great weekend and I would love to hear from you and I will be able to give you some pleasure to have the pleasure love you so much for a few minutes to get you the moment and I would love to have sex tonight
RHP User
4 years ago
Where is the only one who knows what she wants to be able to give you some pleasure meeting with me and I would love to see you soon as I am a good time with you Kelly
EarthQueen
4 years ago
Quoting 'Obie1967'
Would like to have a great weekend and I would love to hear from you and I will be able to give you some pleasure to have the pleasure love you so much for a few minutes to get you the moment and I would love to have sex tonight
Hot tip. Its's generally thought of as bad form to hit some one up for a fuck on an unrelated forum topic.
Graeme_Shannon
4 years ago
We both love to see each other enjoying having fun, exploring everything that exciting. Telling each other our fantasies playing them out together. We love to watch each other with someone else. ..what a turn on. ..watching the girls. .. sex slave who we can have our way with together. ..ect
Nothings a secret. .
Hope everyone's have the time off their life
MrKentia
4 years ago
I find that it's an immoral act on paper.
Does that mean that someone doing it is immoral in reality? Not so evident. A lot of factors can be involved. I will not judge someone going through this. This is not my relationship.
Being with someone who is cheating isn't an issue for me, to each it's own choices and some couples stay together thanks to cheating as weird as it can sound.RHP User
4 years ago
Looking at porn is also cheating
RHP User
4 years ago
Quoting 'hornyperthhunk'
Looking at porn is also cheating
As that red head would say, Please explain. Why do you think that?Some say it doesn't matter where you get your appetite if you eat at home.
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