Worst Shag Ever

OK peeps, this month is about the lame roots, we want to hear about the worst, most uninspired shag you've ever had. Maybe it was your fault, maybe it was your partners (yeah it was probably your partners fault) but whatever the reason, we want to hear all about it, move by fumbling move. And don't remember, the best entry will receive the cash award!


May 2012 Submitted Sex Secrets

Posted: May 02, 2012
Was going at it with a lovely lady and we were rolling around on the bed, getting pretty frisky. We were getting very close to "O" when i went to throw her down on the bed and restrain her but instead rolled her over and rolled her and myself off the bed and onto the floor. She hit her head slightly but worst of all, i fell hard onto of her. After that the mood was slightly broken with giggles and awkward laughs. I tried to start making out with her on the floor to cover up my blunder but it was less sexy than i thought it would be. Oh well, next time.... read more
"We were getting very close to "O" when i went to throw her down on the bed and restrain her"
Overall Winner
Posted: May 03, 2012
My husband and I used to swing on a regular basis with RHP being our pick of playmates.
When we split up we continued to have sex for a couple of months but he knew I had a fantasy of wanting 3 cocks. so without me knowing he lined up 2 guys for me to say good-bye to our sexual relationship.

I came home one day to find my ex-husband sitting in the loungeroom with another guy. As soon as I sat down they both got their cocks out and started rubbing themselves hard. I Knew straight away that this guy was no friend of his, he was for me!! I got straight down on my knees and started sucking this guys cock. He was well endowed too so it made it so much better. As I sucked his cock my ex came up behind me and exposed my wet... read more
"I Knew straight away that this guy was no friend of his, he was for me!!"
Posted: May 05, 2012
Went to a swingers party and I was asked by this man if it was ok to join, yes I replied.
He proceeded to make jerking actions inbetween my legs, and was sweating and moaning on top of me, I was lying there wondering what all the carry on was about - as he had not even penetrated me and he failed to notice!
He was done and dusted and achieved his out of body experience!
Worst shag I say!... read more
"Went to a swingers party and I was asked by this man if it was ok to join, yes I replied."
Posted: May 05, 2012
Thought I had done well picking up a very hot 20 year old,
she told me in a hot wisper" i amm shaved and wet"

Got home and she was complety shaved like a Barbie doll.
That was fine untill she started to put on a little girls voice saying
"I've been naughty Daddy"

EWWWWW what a put off.
I bolted ....out the door !... read more
"That was fine untill she started to put on a little girls voice saying "I've been naughty Daddy""
Had been online friends with this man for quite a while, we had a lot of mutual friends but had never actually met. One Saturday afternoon just by chance, we met up at the local pub - me with another friend, him with a group, but we all knew each other one way or another. Meeting in person always excites me when I've been intrigued by someone, I knew it was on immediately. Within 2 days he's asking me to his house, he was having a party. I hesitated, he insisted, I went. Party - Not. Letdown # 1. Three people, a bottle of Jager and a couple of cartons of beer.

By the time I got there, he'd downed the Jager and was ready to go. I thought he was hot as hell and into the bedroom we went. He turned of the... read more
"Meeting in person always excites me when I've been intrigued by someone, I knew it was on immediately."
Posted: May 05, 2012
A few years ago I dated a woman who was the lead singer in a fairly ordinary cover band. But she could dance on stage so I had high hopes for her in the bedroom. The first time we had sex I got her naked and much to my surprise she had the most unruly bush I've ever come across. I tried my best to go down on her but I've got a tongue not a weedwacker, so I moved up. Much to my disappointment the sex was awful. She thrashed beneath me like a fish flopping on the dock of a boat. I thought maybe shed be better suited on top given her dance moves so I rolled her on top of me. Nope. Evidently go-go dancing doesn't translate to sex. She ground on top of me with the grace of a half drunk circus bear. We went out... read more
"She ground on top of me with the grace of a half drunk circus bear."
Posted: May 05, 2012
I recently went on a sleep over Date, he had informed me he was average size and the photo sent made him look reasonable! Dinner was wonderful very romantic with all the other local dicks at the local pub! Then it was time to return to his place. First disaster, the 100 steps in the dark with heels, best flowing dress, and suitcase, no help from Man! Finally got inside, was tired freezing and just wanted to pee, but nope one toliet and he got it, say no more! At least 30 mins later he came out from toliet and said time for bed! Um no offer of shower or wash or anything, just lets get this over and done with......
Got into bed and started on the foreplay he was touching away when I thought I would return the favour, but Mr Average just wasn't there. OMG He was smaller... read more
"OMG He was smaller than my little finger"
Posted: May 05, 2012
i was feeling very very horny as allways and got a message from a guy asking if he could meet me and what he would do and how long he would f--k me ,how many times he would make me cum etc. so i asked him where he was and where did he want to meet as i am not on here to stuff around lol . well he then told me he likes to be a bit naughty and f--ck outdoors and i love that. soo said why not lets do it . thinking a good hard f--ck outdors would be just what the doctor ordered haha. well we met started to get into it and within 3min of me sucking his c--ck he cum , i got him hard again and started to fu-k him and within another 3 min he cum again all up the total... read more
"i was feeling very very horny as allways and got a message from a guy asking if he could meet me"
Posted: May 05, 2012
He contacted me and I let him come over to my place. Ohh, he talked pretty smart and had everything crossed on RHP what you can cross. Mmm I thought this will be fun.
We went in my bedroom and started, he wanted to fuck fast and he was fast finished....then he turned around got up. Looked at his watch and said, ups I have to go to my sons ball game.
He put socks and jocks on. I was giggle then , he couldnt be serious....I said what about me???
He said, ohh I have no time now.
He went....shit, I mean, he drove 200km for a 5 minute fuck. Wow

Then he rang me a couple of weeks later and ask me could he come over.
I said ...WHAT? Ya can I come over. I said NO.
He said I will be better this time. I said.......sorry everybody has one chance only thats it. You... read more
"sorry everybody has one chance only thats it. You blow it, you did.hahaha"
Posted: May 05, 2012
So, It's new years eve and i've managed to drag my cousin (who was visiting from canberra) out for a night on the town. Of the places he could have chosen to go, we ended up at "The Clink" in fremantle.
the place is literally a hole in the ground and the patrons are slightly shady.

The night was wearing on on my cousin was on the dance floor making some good progress with a tidy little blonde girl. I'd found myself a vacant spot at the bar and was trying to blend in while enjoying my overly watered down JD and dry when i was dragged onto the dance floor by a dark haired girl who slightly larger than what i enjoy.

The two of ended up dancing next to my cousin and the blonde girl, and quickly became apparent that my "best mate" had told his new friend where i was... read more
" Warning bells began to sound when i was quickly introduced to this girls family"
Posted: May 05, 2012
I was young and I guess inexperienced.
So when my new girlfriend a hot airline hostess.
Said would I drive her home to the country.
I jumped at the chance.arriving in the small country town.we popped onto the local pub for a drink.
Immediately from the wolf whistles I knew my girl was very popular.
At her home her mother spoke to me after tea and said you are not good enough for my daughter.
Not a good start.
We had slept together already and I was looking forward to being rewarded
For driving her 200k home.
You have to sleep on the couch my girl said.
I drifted asleep waiting to be joined by her after the parents had gone off to bed.
Then I awoke to the sounds of her bed creaking.
And soft moans of pleasure and muffled male voices.
I quietly open the door.and found her being generously fucked by 3 blokes that I recognised from the pub.
Suggest... read more
"Then I awoke to the sounds of her bed creaking and soft moans of pleasure"
Posted: May 05, 2012
I was aged about 21 at the time and met a boy in a nightclub. We flirted all night then I took him back to my place for some fun.
First he was so drunk he could barely get hard. When he did eventually manage to get it up, he just pumped away for ages while I lay there bored. He finally finished (without even attempting to satisfy me) and I fell asleep.
When I woke the next morning he was gone, and so was all my money, my credit cards, my jewellery and various other trinkets from my home. Before I had time to take it all in, the police were knocking on my door. Turns out he'd left in a taxi from my address and then mugged the taxi driver on the way home too.
The police could barely keep a straight face as I sheepishly gave my statement and then... read more
"I was aged about 21 at the time and met a boy in a nightclub!"
Posted: May 06, 2012
They say a god shag can be like a good holiday. The anticipation, the adventures, the road trip along your body and the rest and relaxation once all the wild parts are over. Its like a trip to a theme park, maybe wet and wild.

A bad shag is like a trip to the back of bumfuck. Its not quiet the place it looked like on the internet.
What is described on the broucher as in five star turns out to be one star and that’s an exaggeration.

Now and again, well everyone takes one for the team.

I was at a cocktail party, had on my sexy skin coloured silky cocktail dress.
There was this guy, who was a bit of a ladies man, so he thought. He advertised but could he deliver the goodies?

He was chatting up all the girls, the party was at a friend of his house.

Now I... read more
"Now for me to get down and dirty with a man, I need that kiss that spark to ignite me."
Posted: May 06, 2012
I was sitting at home, feeling pretty horny, but at this time I wasn't on RHP. Luckily for me, I got a text from a guy who I'd thought about meeting up with before, and it was very clear what was on his mind. We went out for a couple of drinks, and before we knew it, we were in bed together, making out.

So far, everything was going well, but then I went down on him, and started fingering him. Now, needless to say, everyone should understand that there is a bit of preparation required, and this guy had wanted me to come over and do this stuff. But when I got down there, it was messy. It was so disgusting that I had to sprint out of there, and I puked in the bathroom. Now, some people apparently like that stuff, but I am not one of them. He... read more
"everything was going well, but then I went down on him, and started fingering him"
Posted: May 07, 2012
met up one night with a guy id been talking to for a little while.....best fuck id ever had, he licked and sucked and fingerfucked my cunt so well i thought id died and gone to heaven....then when he stuck that thick 9incher into me i exploded into a blast of ecstasy....best time ive ever had.....girls ....go for the thick cocks....they are just to die for and also such a pleasure to suck and fuck every which way...mmmmm....cant wait for more... read more
"then when he stuck that thick 9incher into me i exploded into a blast of ecstasy"
Posted: May 08, 2012
Just recently, I met up with this guy who I am sure had some form of hyperactivity. We started out in a typical 69er - he was very energetically into licking my pussy and I was sucking his cock which was OK in itself. Then he asked me to bite his cock and, after making sure I had heard right, I did nibble carefully. But no - he wanted a full on bite! And dutifully I did that too! And I mean a full on, teeth clenching bite! Still he wanted it harder! However, I started to get worried that I might inadvertently perform a Bobbit and declined. Since then, I have asked around but have found no other male that shares this fetish. In fact, it is somewhat amusing to see the fleeting looks of pain when I ask them to consider the question. Am I... read more
" I did nibble carefully. But no - he wanted a full on bite! And dutifully I did that too! And I mean"
Posted: May 08, 2012
After months of flirting with my mans best friends wife we finally had a chance to be together. Having a fun time at a party with drinks, laughter and some naughty dancing together, we ended up in the bathroom together.
We pashed and said its time we grab our men and head home. We got a little crazier in the back seat with the guys watching. On arrival home we staggered through the doorway pashing with fury, grappling at each others clothes. The guys led us upstairs to our large bedroom, watching us continue undressing they too got naked.
She smelt so delicious, her pussy glistening with pre-juices. I went down on her, with every tongue movement across her clit her moans became louder. The boys then jumped in, deciding to fuck us at the same time.........hot right! It all went pear shaped from that point, her man came with three pumps,... read more
"The guys led us upstairs to our large bedroom, watching us continue undressing they too got naked."
Posted: May 10, 2012
Had a great date with this gorgeous guy, everything went really well so we headed back to his place for some fun. He has a dog, so I suggest that we shut the bedroom door while we're getting busy. He assures me that the dog will just sit in her basket and we won't even notice it's there.

He has me bent over on all fours, we're going hell for leather and then the dog starts barking and jumps on the bed and starts licking us. We both broke out into hysterics and couldn't stop laughing. Definitely killed the mood.... read more
"Had a great date with this gorgeous guy, everything went really well so we headed back to his place "
Posted: May 14, 2012
One night as i was out clubbing with my mates for my birthday i was having the time off my life drinking chating to new people hitting on random women and failing big time a woman sitting in a group of sexy lil ladies was giving me they eye with just a little hint of a smirk. i thought that maybe one of her mates was telling her how i had approached her and tried to pick her up and got turned down and they were laughing at my expence. As She had seen i was watching her while drinking at the table with my mates i decieded to raise my glass to her and smile. she then came over to me about 5 mins later when i turned to see her behind me i was stunned she then asked if i wanted to "meet her in the bathroom to... read more
"she then asked if i wanted to "meet her in the bathroom to scratch her itch""
Posted: May 15, 2012
I had been chatting with a very attractive woman on a site (not RHP) for several weeks we had exchanged pictures and even talked on the phone.
We were both getting along well and had ventured on several inspiring virtual sex sessions.
It was a match made in heaven.
We decided that it was time to meet up.
Neither of us wanted to feel uncomfortable having someone we hardly new in our houses so we decided on a nice little motel.
We met for a couple of drinks first and she must have been just as nervous as i was as she knocked back two really quickly.
Just as quick she decided it was time to head to the room.
We got in the room locked the door and im expecting her to rape me the minute the door is locked but she walks into the room and stands near the bed.

I walk over and kiss... read more
"I can feel myself between her legs so i start to rub against her feeling how wet she is"
Posted: May 18, 2012
I thought Id forgotten about this one, as we do with unpleasant experiences.............................we were chatting online for ages and all was going well, so I thought, so I asked him to come over. He was in his early 20's seemed talk the talk, so thought he could walk the walk!
we proceeded to the bedroom, and as he undressed I began to have second thoughts....there was no foreplay, just a very fumbled attempt at the missionary position!
So rigid I could have borrowed a store Mannequin at DJ's and got the same experience!
after a couple of minutes he informed me he would have to move his car from the street into my carpark, which i thought a bit strange, and as I suspected, he just bolted, never to return!
I texted him enquiring to his whereabouts and he eventually answered explaining he was sorry and... read more
"I could have borrowed a store Mannequin at DJ's and got the same experience!"
Posted: May 21, 2012
We had been exchanging pics and having regular phone sex for about a month and decided it was time to meet.
I flew down to sydney we meet, hot long sensual kisses and sneeky touching in the back of the taxi.
Finally at the hotel room, he went and had shower and locked me out! I thought he must need a quick pull so he will last( as most guys want to please). Finally out he came, I was shocked to see his small manhood ,then thought i was always told it wasnt the size. It got hot and heavy quick and just as i was about to mount him, he cam.......it didnt get any better over the next few hours. Eventually at midnight i went out and bought myself a vib, locked myself in the bathroom and went for it!... read more
"I flew down to sydney we meet, hot long sensual kisses "
Posted: May 24, 2012
meet my date for meet and greet,drinks at bar,their was instant attraction,chemistry so strong, Suggested after a drink we go for drive ,ended up at pier on broadwater,dark with star filled skies.me dress no undies and so very horny. i lean on rails overlooking over the the water,he behind me with rock hard cock pressing against my arse, lifts dress up and slides his cock into my very wet,hot pussy. Fucking me deep and hard,my screams filled the silent night,his finger on my clit whilst pumping me,,,mmmm i was ready to explode. My juices squirting all down my legs,setting him to cum,together we screamed with pleasure,leaving our juices all over the pier,was awesome. fisherman on next pier having an eyefull, made it all more exciting.... read more
"meet my date for meet and greet,drinks at bar,their was instant attraction,chemistry so strong"
Posted: May 25, 2012
IMAGINE - A young, innocent, naive school girl saving herself for 'Mr Right' - 'meeting and instantly felling in love' with 'a rebelious, self-centred, male slut - who never dreamt he'd ever be able to settle for just one chick'.

'Three Months Later' - Certain I'd found my soul mate - I was finally ready to give myself completely -'this would be one memorable first time' - My man was so loving, thoughtful and kind - I just knew he would make this a 'magical night I'd never forget'.

He gave me a couple of drinks - 'it helped calm the nerves' - and led me to the bed - what happened next I could never had imagined - there was no foreplay - no loving gestures - he just jumped on top of me and shoved his dick in - he fucked me... read more
"Certain I'd found my soul mate - I was finally ready to give myself completely"

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