New Year - New Goals

How has your year been? If you are anything like us, this time of year gets you thinking about what was, what might have been and what might be to come.

I remember it was this time 15 years ago, after the implosion of my third serious relationships that I thought 'Holy s#%t this boyfriend/girlfriend lark sux.

So I made a vow then and there for my own sanity, to seek out and study all the knowledge and science available on the apparent madness of dating, heartache, passion, romance and love.

What got me thinking about this pivotal moment of frustration in my life was reading in the newspaper today about the insanity of the New Year sales. People camping out in all weather conditions, trampling down doors and in some cases literally 'dying' just to save a few lousy bucks.

I wondered how many of these people were putting this same kind of enthusiasm and determination into finding and keeping their own relationship.

After all, a big screen TV or set of 1000 thread count sheets may be pleasant but are unlikely to really fill your life with joy, or conversely make it a living hell. They are also unlikely to run off with your best friend, break your heart, make your body explode with unbridled passion or win the house in an out of court divorce settlement.

So why are so many people willing to put more energy into buying a set of sheets than learning about and understanding the relationships that make up such an enormous part of the overall happiness of their lives?

Well the answer is in how our brains work. When it comes to matters of the heart we are particularly sensitive and begrudged to admit 'we don't get it'. It's a survival mechanism. Our body produces a very strong set of chemicals to make sure we don't ever give up on the business of expanding our gene pool.

Unfortunately one of the side effects of these chemicals is they give us a false sense of perspective as to our understanding of the opposite sex.

We don't realise that the driving forces which push us together initially, have little if anything to do with the forces that keep us together or make us compatible long term. But it's knowing little things like this and what to do about them that can make all the difference to the quality, fun and duration of your next relationship.

So as we slip into neutral and coast with a little lubrication into another New Year, I thought now would be a good time to remind you that this can be the best year of your life and love if you are willing and bother to ask the right questions.

It's no secret that boys 'n girls think differently. Even when we feel we are compatible, thanks to a little chemical trick Mother Nature pulls on us when we first meet, it's not unusual in 6 months time to be left scratching our heads: wondering how we missed the fact we have less in common than a tree frog.

So this year at Red Hot Pie we are hoping to help bridge the gap in your understanding.

Whether a one night stand, Happy ever after, Booty call, True love, Wild fling or summer romance we all have two simple things in common.

We want it to live up to our expectations

We want to not to be hurt at the end

And it's because these do seem such simple requests that we underestimate the complexities attached, not only in fulfilling this apparently simple request for yourself, but also doing so for another human being with an entirely different brain structure, physiological make up and perception of the world to you.

So let's make wisdom one of our New Years resolutions this year with the following statements;

1- I will spend just a little time every week learning some of the amazing facts about love, human relationships and the opposite sex.

2- I will spend just a little time every day reflecting on my reactions to people around me. Learning more about myself, what my 'buttons' are and what I can do in the future to better control them.

3- Rather than judging the opposite sex based on my perspective, I will try to learn about their perspective, even if I don't fully understand it.

4- I will remember that relationships are supposed to be fun lessons in life and love. Not just personal gratification service stations.

5- I'll step out of my comfort zone this year, let go and give sex, love, lust and romance an opportunity to come and go through my life 'their way', rather than how I have expected them to up until now.

Enjoy the shiny new fresh feeling of January boys n girls. Don't let it go to waste and we look forward to sharing the wisdom with you throughout the year.