Bessie and Geoff - Column

So you’re not the smartest tool in the shed, the hottest rock in the fire or the sexiest bomb in the B52? What hope do you possibly have of hitting over your weight and taking home that 9 out of 10 Mr or Mz yummalot. Let’s face it, what hope do you have of hitting under your weight and taking home anyone at all? Well don’t panic. Fortunately for the mere mortals amongst us, Mother Nature bestowed every one of us with a secret weapon so powerful that even the meek become mighty when it’s turned on

She may be a Demi Double, a Sassy Samantha from Sex in the City or the Diva Divorcee from next door, your very own Mrs Robinson.

You may be surprised to learn that women are not as big a mystery as they would like us to think they are. In fact in most cases they are falling over themselves to meet a guy just like you! They just don't know it yet. And why should they, when you don't even believe it yourself.

I vividly remember the last time I was ditched. What was odd was that only one week earlier the very same girl who was now looking me in the eye and coldly declaring I was ‘not her type,’ had just about begged me to marry her. And all this just 8 months after getting divorced from a 7 year marriage from hell, to the other,‘love of my life’!! I mean, how is it possible to get so many serious relationships so wrong. Had I learnt nothing?

I absolutely love this time of the year. To me, spring is better than New Years for shaking off the old and embracing the new. So this spring how about we step out with a fresh exuberance, uncluttered and emboldened by the fact that we are lucky enough to get yet another shot at loving life...

Let’s face it, there is good sex, bad sex, dirty sex, romantic sex, funny sex, wild sex, cold sex, hurried sex, tired sex, make up sex………the list is endless. But they all have one thing in common. The pursuit of pleasure. Our pleasure, someone else’s pleasure, it doesn’t matter. The trouble is when it comes to inflicting serious pleasure on our partners most of us have no idea where to begin.

Have you forgotten how to have fun in your relationships? No I’m not just talking to those of you who have been dating for some time, although this is definitely a question you need to ask yourself.I’m talking to the boys and girls out there in dating land who have decided they have been to enough balls and kissed enough frogs, and it’s now time to start looking for a ‘real’ relationship. Whatever that might mean to you.

Are you a sexy, smart, articulate person with a J.O.B & plenty to offer, but just can’t get past the first few dates? Or a sensitive, shy Mr/Ms reliable with more love to give and no one to give it to? Or perhaps you’re a horny cougar with a pile of cubs to play with but none to scratch your itch on a more permanent basis. Well if you are looking for something more than few dirty weekends and a strawberry daiquiri or two you are definitely NOT alone.

How has your year been? If you are anything like us, this time of year gets you thinking about what was, what might have been and what might be to come. I remember it was this time 15 years ago, after the implosion of my third serious relationships that I thought 'Holy s#%t this boyfriend/girlfriend lark sux. So I made a vow then and there for my own sanity, to seek out and study all the knowledge and science available on the apparent madness of dating, heartache, passion, romance and love...

As some of you might know Bessie and I have set off on our little Life Change Experiment’. www.thelifechangeexperiment.com – Off into the wild blue yonder to shake life up a little. To be honest, I got fed up sitting on my ass watching other people doing cool stuff on the discovery channel. So I decided to do something about it.

A while ago Bessie and I heard about a tantric sex workshop that actually included a one hour private session with someone of the auspicious title, ‘tantric sex goddess’. Well my curiosity got the better of me so I booked myself in for a session.

It’s kind of ironic that the only thing in life we can be sure won’t change is the fact that everything changes. Whether you love it or hate it, without change we humans probably wouldn’t exist and neither would all the lovely toys we get to play with everyday, like RHP and the internet.

Aside from wowing you with astounding facts, scintillating insights and our hilarious repartee one of the points of this column is to actually try and make a difference in this crazy old world. So we decided in the spirit of the economic downturn, to help you put a bulge back in your pants where your wallet used to be, by showing you how to deal with some of life’s more emotionally and financially costly crunchy moments.

There are few things in life as fun as a good flirt. For my money flirting is an essential, healthy, revitalising part of living, no matter how old, young, single or attached you are. Whether it’s in the safety of an online chat under the guise ‘ruup4it’, making a friend’s day with a cheeky observation or simply complimenting the check out chick at the grocery store on her great smile. Flirting is the elixir of youth. And the more you practice the better you get at it.

Let’s start this month with the most important part of any New Year, our what’s hot and what’s not in 2009 list... then we're going to break down all the big do's and dont's that have been heavily in plAy over the last year... 2008 was massive year and we're going to take some valuable lessons on life, love and lust away from it!