F105
World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day
April 29 2018
Comments
RHP User
6 years ago
This could be interesting.
Narcissistic abuse?
Firstly, what is it?
I'm guessing that it's abuse by narcissists who feel the need to assert themselves, and their indulgence.
Tom_Vale
6 years ago
Thankyou Ruby for your post.
Nobody knows...
Until they know..
What its TRULY like to be alone.
The life of a captured partner in a narcissistic relationship is a life without love, without trust, without security and without hope.
Anyone who has been inwardly restrained and emotionally abused understands the difficulties and sorrow that exist behind the eyes.
Nobody knows...
Until they know...
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
Sounds very nasty hard to believe this goes on.
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
(Puts down his camera phone where he has just finished uploading his latest duckface to Instagram)
... What? Was somebody not talking about me?
(Turns on his webcam so he can better view his abs, if he had them that is)
... I need to post something to get them all looking at me! Me, me me !!!
Marcia Marcia Marcia !!!
Which is pretty much everybody here and on any form of social media. It's not just down to people who post nauseous amounts of pictures of themselves on the various platforms, it's down to those that try to fire up a pity party for some particular event in their life (I balance that with the understanding that some have no other outlet than online), post deliberately controversial comments to maximize responses (I am guilty of this from time to time, when I am feeling rebellious - it usually falls flat), post every move of their every hour of every day.
We are all on this spectrum (because ''spectrums'' are So Hot Right Now), we are all by virtue of simply being here on that sliding scale somewhere.
Now, you'll have to excuse me while I take a pic with a bunny filter. Should be a riot!Lullah
6 years ago
Narcissism which I believe we all have various levels of and from some of what I have found and read online it is part of us and not necessarily all negative either.
.Below is self-explanatory as to where the concept of Narcissism came from..History of Narcissism -- from Wikipedia..Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymphEcho. As punishment, he was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus 'lay gazing enraptured into the pool, hour after hour',[3] and finally pined away, changing into a flower that bears his name, the narcissus..My post is about a different concept of Narcissists than many would not be aware of or understand, hence my OP was to bring awareness to this form of abuse that does not leave any visible scars. If you read the post you will see this hashtag #IfMyWoundsWereVisible there is a video you can view on youtube and maybe if you wish to read the article that was mentioned in the OP Bree Bonchay's article Narcissistic Abuse Affects Over 158 Million People in the U.S that appeared in Pysch Central. it may help to gain some insight into this type of abuse.RHP User
6 years ago
It's probably more bunny boiler than bunny filter.
Thanks OP, I am now remembering about the dark side of narcissism, it most certainly isn't a joking matter.
I have little knowledge of this and my thoughts go out to those who have had negative experiences with narcissists.
KIA KAHA, stay strong.Lullah
6 years ago
You can view this movie still -- Narcssisist The Movie facebook -- even though it is about men in the Gay community it can be related to anyone.
Bree Bronty who is mentioned in my OP ie;pych central arlicle is in a post on the Narcissist The Movie Facebook page is the founder of World Narcssistic Abuse Awareness Day -- this is a quote rom her .“It’s very real. It’s trauma. It’s like any other trauma.”– Bree Bonchay
Short · An honest genuine writer discovers the painful truth of a handsome and charming, yet manipulative and toxic love interest. ... we are taken on in Director Eric Casaccio's boldly honest story based on his own experiences. Eric's willingness to expose his own experiences as part of that story-telling is what gives this film its strength, and its ability to connect with people, whether the experience itself is something you have been through or not.RHP User
6 years ago
I think You’ve made a great point. I’ve often wondered that myself, as a society are we fostering an environment where narcissism is growing and more acceptable?
However, most true narcissistic people are bothered by Facebook and social media. It is beneath them.
They’re not interested in other people’s lives at all. Only themselves.
Unless they can benefit directly, from you or by using social media as a platform to gain control over someone or a situation, they’re not really using it to share experiences and stay connected to acquaintances and distant friends and family.
The worst thing about narcissism, is most don’t know that they are nor care to accept or change. You’re the problem not them.
- Posted from rhpmobileLullah
6 years ago
are the invisible scars they inflict on others.
And Narcssists who abuse ie; those with Narcsissistic Personality Disorder won't change.
Quoting 'Lionsdoll1'
The worst thing about narcissism, is most don’t know that they are nor care to accept or change. You’re the problem not them.
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
Correct. You’re right about the invisible scars and long lasting emotional and mental effect narcissistic abuse has over someone.
What I mean is by trying to communicate with a narcissist, they will only find you ( victim) to be at fault. You’re (victim) wrong, you (victim) has the problem not them.
- Posted from rhpmobileusrightnow_Again
6 years ago
Yes, very much about control, denial of reality and as Lionsdoll. has pointed out, about shifting blame to those around them. Do this often enough and the person being blamed begins to believe in their responsibility for whatever it is. I've lived through this and Rubi. you are absolutely right in saying that they won't ever change. It becomes necessary to distance yourself from the narcissist. Sad but true. Mr. urn. .
Lullah
6 years ago
Quoting 'Lionsdoll1'
Thank you :) I wasn't trying to be correct it wasn't meant to come across like that.I have had the lived experiences of it all and I am a bit passonite about advocating and bringing awarenes not just about my OP but about other important issues too.
Correct. You’re right about the invisible scars and long lasting emotional and mental effect narcissistic abuse has over someone.
Lionsdoll1 agree with you 100%, toatally got where you were coming from.
What I mean is by trying to communicate with a narcissist, they will only find you ( victim) to be at fault. You’re (victim) wrong, you (victim) has the problem not them.
- Posted from rhpmobileLullah
6 years ago
I hope you have been able to distance yourself consistantly, not always easy to do but vital when dealing with a toxic or toxic Narcssisists.Rubi :)
Quoting 'usrightnow_Again'
Yes, very much about control, denial of reality and as Lionsdoll. has pointed out, about shifting blame to those around them. Do this often enough and the person being blamed begins to believe in their responsibility for whatever it is. I've lived through this and Rubi. you are absolutely right in saying that they won't ever change. It becomes necessary to distance yourself from the narcissist. Sad but true. Mr. urn. .Lullah
6 years ago
The Smarter You Become About Narcassitic Abuse .The Crazier The Narcisssict Will Say You Are.
Lullah
6 years ago
whether it's a friend, partner or relative who is the Narcissist
RHP User
6 years ago
There are always two sides to every story. Can any narcissists here please give their side of events? :p
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch'
There are always two sides to every story. Can any narcissists here please give their side of events? :p
- Posted from rhpmobile
The hypothetical fly on the wall is independent and unbiased, no spin from the buzzer.Lullah
6 years ago
Quoting 'Rubi_Rose'
This was from an orginisation that is supporting ending domestic violence one family at a time, I added friend because some so called friends do have narcissic tendancies and don't have you best interest at heart.
The Smarter You Become About Narcassitic Abuse .The Crazier The Narcisssict Will Say You Are.Lullah
6 years ago
Narcissisic tendancies would never aknowledge they have.My post is about raising awarness about what Narcssistic abuse is and that maybe people might choose to educate themselves rather that making assumtions and remaining ignorant as to what it actually is and the impact it has on people who have lived the experience of being abused by a Narcssisist/Narcssist's, some unfortunately are still stuck in situations where through circustances they cannot leave or get away from their abuser/abuser's sadly some as young as sixteen, it's very sad.
Quoting 'countrytouch'
There are always two sides to every story. Can any narcissists here please give their side of events? :p
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
So is having narcissistic tendencies a permanent condition? I'm sure everyone is on a sliding scale there somewhat, beyond a certain point it becomes a serious issue. Let's say someone took some sort of personality test and it identified them as such. Is it possible for a narcissist to reform? Is it simply a character trait of choice or upbringing or something physically innate like the case with various psycho conditions?
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
CT thanks for your input too.
I have to say this thread is a bit of an eye opener, an epiphany even.
I need to read up about as I think someone close to me is a narcissist, I already knew that we had issues, now I'm learning more about those issues.Lullah
6 years ago
Through my support group
It is both confronting and powerful
Clayton Jennings
Clayton JenningsPublished on 18 Jun 2018 posted on youtube posted 8 hrs agoLullah
6 years ago
unfortunately recent events (due to being in their presence after no contact for many years) have left me feeling like crap.
The distance required between you and a toxic family, is directly relative to the amount of harm they cause..You do not have to tolerate them just because they are family.. WE ARE WORTH SURROUNDING OURSELVES WITH PEOPLE WHO KNOW OUR WORTH. AND CARE ABOUT US.
---- Unknown ----RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'MrMojoRisin'
CT thanks for your input too.
I have to say this thread is a bit of an eye opener, an epiphany even.
I need to read up about as I think someone close to me is a narcissist, I already knew that we had issues, now I'm learning more about those issues.
Well that narcissist is no longer part of my life.Lullah
6 years ago
I am feeling so angry...... A BIG EFFING to the malignant narcsissists in my family and their effing fying monkeys, they are ignorant arrogant emotionally empty jerks.
RHP User
6 years ago
Narcissists, plural. That's not good at all.
I feel for you.Lullah
6 years ago
Quoting 'MrMojoRisin'
Narcissists, plural. That's not good at all.
I feel for you.
Thank you MojoSomething nasty that I read yesterday has hit me pretty hard.Lullah
5 years ago
I read last week have left me devastated, they were as cold as the words spoken to me many years ago when I started to have a voice about how my father treated me. Many years later I made the unexpected choice to withdraw quietly from my family after my father's passing;during that time I realised he wasn't the only who abused me.
.In the last few months and now after reading those final words, it's unfortunate that my siblings (one who is a toxic Narcissist ) don't know me, never did they have always followed at times unwittingly the directions of the family conductor..The following quote sadly sums up my years in my family, of course, I didn't understand what I probably always knew until I withdrew from them, nothing has changed :-(.When A Narcissist Can NoLonger Control You.They Will Instead Try To Control How Others See You.RHP User
5 years ago
One of my parents had NPD and wasn't diagnosed until recently.
If people would like more insight id reccomend visiting www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists
- Posted from rhpmobileLullah
5 years ago
If your going home to an unsupportve family this holiday season, remember that your worth .is not defined by what they say or how they treat you.
Lullah
5 years ago
There have been studies and experiments performed on pathological narcissists that revealed saying to them,"You've hurt me and broken my heart" registers the same as, "Can you pass the salt?". Kim Safed
Lullah
5 years ago
How Narcissists Play the Victim and Twist the StoryBy Darius Cikanavicius, Author, Certified Coach
Last updated: 5 Nov 2018~ 5 MIN READLullah
5 years ago
and shared it with me, it helped her to understand what I experienced in my early years and beyond and why I made the decisions I did.. .6 Tips for Cutting Off Contact with Narcissistic Family Members.By Rachel Lee ---
Our family has the ability to frustrate us like no one else can. But what can you do when the family you were born into is not only frustrating, but cruel, condescending and downright abusive?We all have our limits and if you were raised in a household where abuse or mental illness was part of everyday life for you, your willingness to tolerate your family’s bad behavior may be higher than most people’s.But sooner or later, many adult children of narcissistic families realize that they don’t want to put up with the abuse anymore. And that’s when many decide that the only way they can live a normal, healthy life is to cut themselves off from their family’s destructive behaviors.Psychologists refer to this as going ‘no contact’ and the name means just that. It means that you no longer speak to, email or have any contact with those members of your family who have hurt you. And you make it clear to them that you would prefer it if they don’t contact you either.If you are seriously considering going no contact with your family or already have, here are a few things to watch out for:1 Don’t assume that they will respect your decision.If your family were capable of respecting your boundaries, you wouldn’t have to resort to going no contact. However, they don’t see it that way. They see you as an extension of themselves and the idea that you may want something different to them is impossible for them to grasp.Also be aware that narcissists love trampling boundaries. Even if you tell them firmly but politely that you don’t want them to contact you, be prepared for them to call you up constantly, asking why you won’t speak to them. When it comes to respecting other people’s boundaries, they just don’t get it.2 Be prepared for an all-out smear campaign.Your narcissistic family probably has been managing smear campaigns about you behind your back for years. But once you go no contact, the gloves will come off. Even if you have done nothing wrong, you may find yourself being accused of things you never said or did by relatives you thought were on your side. This is a common tactic used by narcissists to discredit their victim.After years of suffering emotional and psychological abuse at the hands of your narcissistic family, should you dare to speak out about it, they will go into damage control and do everything they can to rewrite family history. Before your very eyes, they will have cast themselves as The Brady Bunch and you as Wednesday Addams.3 Beware of ‘flying monkeys.’When it becomes apparent that badgering you to contact them and assassinating your character to everyone they can think of hasn’t gotten them what they want, they will call in the flying monkeys. Psychologists use this term to refer to the people your family recruits to try to guilt you into resuming contact with them.The flying monkey may be a sibling or a family friend. They may initially sympathize with you, but you get the feeling they are not really interested in hearing your version of events. The flying monkey can be relentless in trying to get you to see ‘what you’re doing to your poor parents.’ Regardless of whether they realize it, the flying monkey is being used as a pawn to do your family’s bidding.4 Be firm and don’t give in if you know that nothing has really changed.Once you have made up your mind to go no contact, you will endure every narcissistic trick in the book. They will try to make you feel guilty. They will deny your feelings. They will send you pleading emails, begging you to contact them. They will do a very good impression of behaving like an emotionally healthy family if they think it will make you change your mind. The one thing they won’t do, however, is take an honest look at themselves and their behavior.5 Surround yourself with a good support network.Going no contact can be one of the hardest things for anyone to do. It’s even harder if you have to do it without any emotional support. It’s essential to have people in your life who understand what you have gone through and support you 100 percent. Talk to understanding friends about it. Join a support group for Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents or start one of your own. And be careful who you tell. People who haven’t been raised by narcissists may see your decision as cruel or an overreaction. You don’t need to deal with other’s judgments of you, particularly if they can’t relate personally to what you have experienced.6 Be kind to yourself.It may take years for you to heal from having spent your life dealing with narcissistic family members. You will have days when you hardly think about it and other days when you are so filled with rage you can barely speak. But the longer you are away from them, the better the chances of your finally having a healthy, chaos-free life. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty about that.
BlueDMB
5 years ago
Great post Lily_Rose, thanks for sharing.
Absolutely no joking matter.
As you said, you don’t know until you know, and then a whole lot of things become clearer and the signature traits of the true narcissists and sociopathic narcissists become more noticeable.usrightnow_Again
5 years ago
Yeah Lily., Rachel is on the money there. And Never be afraid to go No Contact. Sometimes it's just what is necessary. You can end up so much better off. Hope things are on the improve. Mr. urn. .
Lullah
5 years ago
fortunately there is more awarness and it will continue as more learn and educate themselves about it.
Quoting 'BlueDMB'
Great post Lily_Rose, thanks for sharing.
Absolutely no joking matter.
As you said, you don’t know until you know, and then a whole lot of things become clearer and the signature traits of the true narcissists and sociopathic narcissists become more noticeable.Lullah
5 years ago
It's so sad there are still many for different reasons that can't or are unable to go no contact.Some of the stories people have shared are heartbreaking.
Quoting 'usrightnow_Again'
Yeah Lily., Rachel is on the money there. And Never be afraid to go No Contact. Sometimes it's just what is necessary. You can end up so much better off. Hope things are on the improve. Mr. urn. .Lullah
5 years ago
Narcissists don't want to give us the actual 'rules' to suceed with them..They constantly change the rules so we 'fail' and are always to blame.
-- unknown --Lullah
5 years ago
You're Not Wrong For Moving On - Trent Shelton -- youtubeHow to LEARNPublished on 18 Dec 2018
Lullah
5 years ago
I don't trust words,.I trust vibes.People can tell you anything, .but a vibe tells you everything.
. ---- Women After 30 ----Lullah
5 years ago
Does the phrase " everything happens for a reason" just piss you off?
"YEP IT DOES"
especially when an abuser says it.Lullah
5 years ago
forgot to add wonder how many other's this resonate's with :(
Quoting 'Rubi_Rose'
Narcissists don't want to give us the actual 'rules' to suceed with them..They constantly change the rules so we 'fail' and are always to blame.
-- unknown --Lullah
5 years ago
from a Narc web page
I Know,.I Know,.I Stood Up.For Myself.I'm Such A Bitch. --Unknown--RHP User
5 years ago
Come back there's parts of me you haven't walked over yet.
Lullah
5 years ago
some days back, it was on a Narcissistic web page..I hope one day our politicians here in Oz follow suit as well as politicians in other countries..Every child, woman and man has the right to be safe in their own environment etc
Lullah
5 years ago
The Irish TimesDomestic Violence Act 2018 to include new crime of coercive control.Wed, Jan 2, 2019, 00:38 - Jennifer Bray.An offence of psychological or emotional abuse is to be introduced as part of new domestic violence measures announced by Minister for Justice Charlie Flanagan..Mr Flanagan has commenced work on the Domestic Violence Act 2018 which will improve the protections available to victims of domestic violence under both the civil and criminal law..A new offence of coercive control – a pattern of intimidation or humiliation involving psychological or emotional abuse – will come into force..This abuse in an intimate relationship can cause fear of violence, or serious alarm or distress that has a substantial adverse impact on a person’s day-to-day life..Under the Domestic Violence Act, safety orders will also be available to those who are in intimate relationships but who are not cohabiting..Victims of domestic violence will be able to apply for an emergency barring order, lasting for eight working days, where there is an immediate risk of significant harm. Emergency barring orders can be granted even if the victim has no legal or beneficial interest in the property or has an interest which is less than the perpetrator’s..The Act also provides for victims to give evidence by video link both in civil cases and in criminal cases for breaches of orders. The victim can also be accompanied to court by a person of their choosing to provide support during a civil hearing..Barring order.A court will also be able to seek the views of children where a safety or barring order is sought on behalf of a child. The court will have the option of appointing an expert to assist the court to ascertain the views of the child..The courts will also have the possibility of recommending that a perpetrator engages with services such as programmes aimed at perpetrators of domestic violence, addiction or counselling services..Restrictions will be put in place on media reporting and attendance by the general public at criminal court proceedings for breaches of civil domestic violence orders..A new criminal offence of forced marriage will also be introduced..Where a violent or sexual offence is committed by a person against his or her spouse, civil partner or person with whom he or she is in an intimate relationship, that fact can be an aggravating factor at sentencing..Commenting on the new provisions, Mr Flanagan said domestic abuse goes further than merely physical abuse..‘Unique trust’.“For too long, domestic violence has been seen primarily as physical abuse,” he said. “The new offence of coercive control recognises that the effect of non-violent control in an intimate relationship can be as harmful to victims as physical abuse because it is an abuse of the unique trust associated with an intimate relationship..“Another important provision will ensure that an intimate relationship between victim and perpetrator must be regarded as an aggravating factor in sentencing for a wide range of offences..“This new provision sends a message that society will no longer tolerate the appalling breach of trust committed by one partner against the other in an intimate context.”.The Minister said domestic violence can have “devastating” physical, emotional and financial consequences for victims as well as society as a whole..“The commencement of the Domestic Violence Act is a key part of the Second National Strategy on Domestic, Sexual and Gender-based Violence,” Mr Flanagan said. “It also completes a major step towards Ireland’s ratification of the Council of Europe Convention on preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence, known as the Istanbul Convention.”
Lullah
5 years ago
JURIST Legal News & Research.A collaboration with the University of PittsburghJANUARY 2, 2019 12:16:17 PMErik SlobeTheDomestic Violence Act of 2018went into effect in Ireland onWednesday, which includes the offense of coercive control.
-.The offense is committed when a person:-(c) a reasonable person would consider likely to have a serious effect on a relevant person.(b) has a serious effect on a relevant person, and(a) is controlling or coercive,knowingly and persistently engages in behaviour that-Having a “serious effect” is defined in the law as one that causes a person to “to fear that violence will be used against him or her, or serious alarm or distress that has a substantial adverse impact on his or her usual day-to-day activities.”-A person who is convicted of the offense can face up to five years imprisonment and fines. In order to be able to be charged with the offense, the person must be a spouse or civil partner of the victim, or had been in an intimate relationship with the victim.-The Minister for Justice and Equality, Charlie Flanagan, has stated that “[t]he new offense of coercive control recognizes that the effect of non-violent control in an intimate relationship can be as harmful to victims as physical abuse because it is an abuse of the unique trust associated with an intimate relationship.”-A survey of Irish Women found that 31 percent experienced psychological violence by a partner, and 23 percent experienced controlling behavior. The Domestic Violence Act of 2018 is part of Ireland’s Second National Strategy on Domestic, Sexual and Gender-based Violence 2016-2021-Ireland has made several significant legal changes in recent months. In October Irelandvotedto remove the word blasphemy from the Constitution. In September Irelandenacteda new Constitutional amendment to repeal the Constitutional ban on abortion.Lullah
5 years ago
one word -- meant this came into effect on Jan 2nd this year
Lullah
5 years ago
I do believe Ireland is the first country to intoduce these much needed changes to their Domestic Violence Act.
Lullah
5 years ago
a Narcissistic web page ... Wow - I have been aware that it's about breaking a cycle but I had never thought about it in the words below.
.Some of you are breaking generational curses and you don't even know it.That's why your attack has been so hard. :(..~ I have quoted these words before ~ I'm strong, but I'm not tough ~ Rosie Batty ~ ..It makes me feel saddened that my family of origin took it for granted and I was expected to tolerate the abuse and say nothing. It wasn't until I withdrew quietly from them that everything changed..Having contact last year for the first time in years because of my mother's passing it became apparent to me that nothing had changed they were still taking my strength for granted by not even acknowledging me in a supportive manner at the hospital the morning my mum passed, before the funeral service or at the ceremony..
I sat up the back with my son and daughter; we left straight after. There has been no contact from them since that day. I will (unless there is an effort from them) remain in no contact...To all those dealing with Narcissitic abuse or any other abuse remember your not alone there is a lot of support to be found, I hope you find any support you need...Love and Light To You.Lullah
5 years ago
is what I meant to type. not -- I just found on --
Lullah
5 years ago
My daughter found this article in PsychCentraland shared it with me, it helped her to understand what I experienced in my early years and beyond and why I made the decisions I did. ---------- forgot to say this; if it weren't for my daughter sharing this article (back in 2017) with me I would never have understood what I had experienced nor would she, her own words to me along with the article were that she got it in a nutshell. I had described to her in the past about both the early and later years of how my family treated me; the material gave her the clarity I couldn't. It has been a bit less than a year that I have been able to connect with the Narcissistic Abuse Support Group I mentioned in my OP, finding info and links through the group has raised much more awareness about what I experienced, it has undoubtedly changed my thoughts and language after reading the stories many have shared. I now have a greater understanding with regards to my mental health issues along with my triggers, ie, anxiety, the stresses leading to depression at times along with the triggers that leave me feeling a lot of angst. I do and will always utilise the relevant support lines via the phone or online chat; they are an integral (along with other support I put in place when needed) part of my support network, I am grateful to the support lines we have here in Australia as well as all who volunteer their time to help us...6 Tips for Cutting Off Contact with Narcissistic Family Members.By Rachel Lee ..-----------------------------------------------------.1: Don’t assume that they will respect your decision..If your family were capable of respecting your boundaries, you wouldn’t have to resort to going no contact. However, they don’t see it that way. They see you as an extension of themselves and the idea that you may want something different to them is impossible for them to grasp.Also be aware that narcissists love trampling boundaries. Even if you tell them firmly but politely that you don’t want them to contact you, be prepared for them to call you up constantly, asking why you won’t speak to them. When it comes to respecting other people’s boundaries, they just don’t get it...2: Be prepared for an all-out smear campaign..Your narcissistic family probably has been managing smear campaigns about you behind your back for years. But once you go no contact, the gloves will come off. Even if you have done nothing wrong, you may find yourself being accused of things you never said or did by relatives you thought were on your side. This is a common tactic used by narcissists to discredit their victim.After years of suffering emotional and psychological abuse at the hands of your narcissistic family, should you dare to speak out about it, they will go into damage control and do everything they can to rewrite family history. Before your very eyes, they will have cast themselves as The Brady Bunch and you as Wednesday Addams...3: Beware of ‘flying monkeys.’
.When it becomes apparent that badgering you to contact them and assassinating your character to everyone they can think of hasn’t gotten them what they want, they will call in the flying monkeys. Psychologists use this term to refer to the people your family recruits to try to guilt you into resuming contact with them.The flying monkey may be a sibling or a family friend. They may initially sympathize with you, but you get the feeling they are not really interested in hearing your version of events. The flying monkey can be relentless in trying to get you to see ‘what you’re doing to your poor parents.’ Regardless of whether they realize it, the flying monkey is being used as a pawn to do your family’s bidding...4: Be firm and don’t give in if you know that nothing has really changed.
.Once you have made up your mind to go no contact, you will endure every narcissistic trick in the book. They will try to make you feel guilty. They will deny your feelings. They will send you pleading emails, begging you to contact them. They will do a very good impression of behaving like an emotionally healthy family if they think it will make you change your mind. The one thing they won’t do, however, is take an honest look at themselves and their behavior. .. 5: Surround yourself with a good support network.
.Going no contact can be one of the hardest things for anyone to do. It’s even harder if you have to do it without any emotional support. It’s essential to have people in your life who understand what you have gone through and support you 100 percent. Talk to understanding friends about it. Join a support group for Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents or start one of your own. And be careful who you tell. People who haven’t been raised by narcissists may see your decision as cruel or an overreaction. You don’t need to deal with other’s judgments of you, particularly if they can’t relate personally to what you have experienced. .. 6: Be kind to yourself.
.It may take years for you to heal from having spent your life dealing with narcissistic family members. You will have days when you hardly think about it and other days when you are so filled with rage you can barely speak. But the longer you are away from them, the better the chances of your finally having a healthy, chaos-free life. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty about that.Lullah
5 years ago
was on a Narcissitic Abuse page I follow ---- Married At First Site --- Domestic Violence .The double standard towards abuse on Australian TV..I can't see the comment from Nykk Mac, but below was the response from Domestic Violence Awareness Australia...Domestic Violence Awareness AustraliaNykk Mac because they aired the abuse without intervening and not holding her accountable, thus endorsing this behaviour..When it comes to any abuse I stand by what I posted (above) on 25th Jan .Every child, woman and man has the right to be safe in their own environment etc
Lullah
5 years ago
a NARCISSIST thrives on FALSE ALLEGATIONS.because this leaves the victim TRYING TO PROVE.something that..DOSEN'T EXIST.. GaslinghtingEffectc.com
RHP User
5 years ago
My Narcissist ex husband doesn’t realise he’s a narcissist so can’t give his side if that makes sense?
10 years of our 22 relationship was the hardest thing I have ever out myself and my children through... and you don’t really realise the full extent of the damage until you walk away from it....
He will never ever see what he did wrong, not acknowledge his behaviour.... in his head, it’s all me.Lullah
5 years ago
Love it LOL --- perfect timing -- funny -- lolThe Dickhead Song -- youtube -- with lyrics ..Chet SPublished on 16 Mar 2017
Lullah
5 years ago
ps -- The Dickhead Song by Miles Betterman @milesbetterman
1 2 3 4 You're A Dickhead -- lolLullah
5 years ago
hope to see you come back at some point :)
Quoting 'spooks1977'
My Narcissist ex husband doesn’t realise he’s a narcissist so can’t give his side if that makes sense?
10 years of our 22 relationship was the hardest thing I have ever out myself and my children through... and you don’t really realise the full extent of the damage until you walk away from it....
He will never ever see what he did wrong, not acknowledge his behaviour.... in his head, it’s all me.Lullah
5 years ago
“Domestic violence is not only physical abuse. Domestic violence is emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial dependence, control, psychological abuse and gaslighting. Some of the signs of an abusive relationship are: Financial control: taking your money and not allowing you access to it. Counting every penny spent in the household. Isolation: jealousy of time spent with friends or family. Jealousy of time spent away from him/her. Destroying self-esteem: embarrassing or putting you down. Destroying your property or harming your pets. Telling you “You are a bad parent”; criticism of your parenting skills. Intimidating you with weapons and/or physical force. Preventing you from working or going to school. Sexual abuse: pressuring you to have sex or perform a sexual act you are uncomfortable with. Pressuring you to do drugs or alcohol. I”
..― Bree Bonchay, I Am Free: Healing Stories About Surviving Toxic Relationships With Narcissists And SociopathsLullah
5 years ago
ELEPHANT JOURNAL. COM..Alex Myles -- August 17 2015..Unfortunately, there is a good chance that we have all been gaslighted by someone at some point in our lives, even if it was just on a small scale by someone we barely know...Sadly, many fall victim to it within their intimate relationships, or even in dealings with “friends” or family members...There is also a high chance that we will have failed to spot someone was playing this insidious mind game with us and until we fully understand it, there is a high chance that it could happen again,..One of the main reasons we may not recognise it is that many of us will fail to believe those we trust and love are capable of manipulating us (it is this denial that keeps the dynamic going.) Also, the gaslighter will most likely be highly skilled at covering their tracks, keeping things subtle and being a skilled master or mistress of deception...Gaslighting is one of the most extreme, dangerous and effective forms of emotional and psychological abuse and is mostly carried out intentionally. Gaslighting is a game of mind control and intimidation that is often used by narcissists and sociopaths as a way of controlling, confusing and debilitating someone...The term gaslighting was coined in the 1938 play Gas Light and the film adaptions that were then created helped to enhance its popularity...In the play the husband used forms of manipulation in an attempt to drive his wife crazy, for example he deliberately dims the gaslights in the house but told his wife that she was imagining it. With the use of various tricks he tried to convince his wife that she was going insane and also that she was losing her memory...The whole intention of gaslighting is to decrease someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence so they are unable to function in an independent manner. The person being gaslighted will eventually become so insecure that they will fail to trust their own judgment, their intuition and find themselves unable to make decisions...Eventually the victim will become so unsure of what reality looks like that they become completely dependent on their abuser. The abuser will appear to the victim to be the only one to have a clear grip of their mind and also of what is going on around them...The abuser will systematically and frequently withhold information and then deliberately alter facts to disorientate their victim...They may also remove things from certain places and then deny doing so to destabilize and confuse the other person...The abuser will refrain from mentioning specific details and then convince the other person that they had told them, so the victim thinks they are losing their memory or their mind...The abuser will say something then ask their victim to repeat what it is they have said. When the victim repeats clearly word for word, the abuser will lie to say they haven’t said a particular word, or that they have spoken it in a different tone of voice to that of which the abuser heard. For example, the abuser may say something angrily or aggressively, but when the victim gets upset, they will completely deny having used this tone, quickly changing their voice to a gentler and calmer tone. The abuser may then accuse their victim of deliberately trying to hear everything they say in a negative way—even though the abuser knows they deliberately wanted to appear as aggressive and negative...Often, the abuser will want to create levels of distrust within the relationship to make the victim feel they either are cheating, or would cheat at the first opportunity. They may say things to make their victim feel insecure and jealous, for example, deliberately mentioning a certain person in a way that makes it sound as though there is more going on behind the scenes. When the victim questions this, the abuser will accuse the victim of having trust issues and this will falsely further confirm in the victim’s mind that they have serious insecurities and also, that they are extremely paranoid...The abuser will make up very convincing lies to deliberately upset the other person and then call them names, mock them and put them down for getting upset and for overreacting. The abuser will also make light of anything that the victim feels is important to make the victim’s opinions, life-choices and thoughts seem juvenile or that they are inferior to their own. It is likely that the abuser will laugh at or sneer at their victim, but when questioned, convince their victim that they were imagining it...Some warning signs that gaslighting is taking place:..Apologizing. A victim of gaslighting will constantly be apologizing for doing things wrong, even if they have done nothing wrong. Feeling sorry for everything means that the accountability and responsibility for all perceived wrong-doings has been claimed by one person—the victim. This ensures the perpetrator remains innocent and the victim is continuously guilty...Can’t Make decisions. The victim will find decision making increasingly difficult, as they will feel that whatever they choose will be the wrong choice. Everything they do or say is wrong, so they feel that they are no longer capable of making rational decisions about anything, so they will leave it up to their abuser. This just gives the abuser even more power and control and prolongs the toxic dance that is taking place between the two...Change. Change is not always easy to notice, since most change happens bit by bit, so the process can feel very natural in some ways. However, if the victim thinks back to who they were before the relationship and who they are now, they will probably see significant differences...Confusion. Victims of gaslighting will often be in a constant state of bewilderment and confusion. They find it very difficult to trust their own mind, and constantly doubt their thought process. Their instinct fails to kick in because whenever it does, it is very quickly told that it is wrong, so it becomes a silent tool that ensures the gaslighter remains on top of their game. The victim will know that there is something seriously wrong, but they will find it extremely difficult to work out what. The person being gaslighted will always be wondering if they are overly sensitive as they always feel triggered to react to the gaslighter’s behaviour...Withdrawn. The one being gaslighted will become withdrawn and often reclusive as they feel so low and beaten down that they have little confidence to socialise with anyone. The victim will feel safer spending time alone than with other people, as when those around them question what is wrong, or what is happening within their relationship, the victim just will not have the answers to justify what is going on...Due to either depression or severe anxiety, the victim will find it extremely difficult to function normally within society or even with close friends or family. The abuser at this stage has won the battle for control, as without anyone to confide in the victim will find it very difficult to work out that it is the abuser that is causing the damage. The abuser will not want anyone to figure out their game, so, they will work hard to make sure their victim becomes alienated from anyone who could offer support...Overall, the main reason for gaslighting is to create a dynamic where the abuser has complete control over their victim so that they are so weak that they are very easy to manipulate...The gaslighter wants to appear superior to the one being gaslighted. By making their victim feel completely helpless with very low self-esteem, the abuser has complete domination over them, so they are very successful in manipulating their victim to get whatever it is they want. This can range from simply having their ego stroked by feeling like they are significantly better than the person they are with, and at the extreme end to being able to gain financial, sexual or material benefits as their victim feels too emotionally and mentally weak to fight back...There are many reasons that someone would gaslight someone else, but it is always done for personal gain. The abuser has very little interest in their victim, other than using them for their own twisted benefit. When the victim becomes so low down that they are no longer of any great use to the gaslighter the relationship will die out. The abuser will distance themselves by ignoring their victim and using silent treatment as an intense form of emotional torture...The victim will have no idea what to do to please or satisfy their abuser, and will often try anything to win over their abuser to regain the affection that was shown in the beginning stages. By now though, it is far too late. Any little amount of respect that the abuser had for their victim will have been completely depleted and it is very unlikely that the dynamic will change again...The abuser will often walk away from their victim leaving them with a deep sense of frustration, shame, guilt, anger and often riddled with anxiety and depression. The victim is usually left in a vortex that they will struggle to climb out of, however, this will be compounded by a deep sense of relief that this vicious dance is over...The abuser will walk away with a great feeling of satisfaction having won each and every battle and will move onto their next innocent victim with even more skill and experience, so they can begin this horrendous war once again...The victim will very likely need counseling and a huge amount of support to build themselves back to a stage where they have confidence and can trust their own mind and intuition. It is imperative that the victim realizes that they have been a pawn in a very nasty game so they can let go of all the blame they have placed upon themselves and become familiar with the warning signs so that they do not fall victim again...Anyone who has come through this type of experience will feel debilitated at first, however, they will only be temporarily weakened. They will bounce back stronger than before, having learned painful but valuable lessons along the way. The most important lesson—having complete faith in their intuition. As difficult as it is to accept, there are always red flags and warning signs in the initial stages...When these signals show up, this is when we must trust completely in our instincts and never fail to listen to what our gut feelings are telling us. Our fight or flight reactions are there for a reason—to prevent us from entering into dangerous situations. When we feel an urgency to take flight—fly...Fly far and don’t look back.
Lullah
5 years ago
Gaslighting relies on lying, deceit, manipulation, which are couched in benevolent terms..SBS TV Australia
..ByNa'ama Carlin -- 30 OCT 2018 - 7:30 AM UPDATED 30 OCT 2018 - 10:46 AM..Gaslighting comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which Gregory (played by Charles Boyer) deliberately tries to make his partner, Paula (Ingrid Bergman), lose her mind by manipulating her, her surroundings, and her friends...The term now refers to a devastating form of emotional and psychological abuse, as the gaslighter manipulates and chips away at their victim’s sense of self and reality. ..It is also more common than you might think, When I shared my experience of gaslighting, women and men reached out. It seems I was not alone, and neither were they. ..Gaslighting is insidious and difficult to prove. There are no physical scars or markings. Often the perpetrator is charismatic – the sort of person everyone knows and likes. Gaslighting tends to be associated with narcissistic personalities, but it’s important to note that while some traits are common, there’s no definitive corollary. Gaslighters lie. When caught by their lies – they’ll lie about lying, often deflecting blame onto their victim...As a term, gaslighting has been overused. Psychologist Dr George Simon says, “there is a scale to gaslighting, from lying and exaggerating to controlling and domination”. It’s considered psychological abuse, and as such survivors can experience PTSD and depression..-----------------------------------------------------------------------If I challenged discrepancies in his stories he’d blame my memory or shoddy calculations-----------------------------------------------------------------------.I’m unclear as to whether people always gaslight deliberately, but I do know it’s effective. Victims tend to internalise blame due to the complex nature of psychological and emotional trauma...Since I was gaslit, I’ve undergone trauma counselling and battled countless anxiety attacks during which the very reality of the world around me faded. Months after realising I was gaslit, I’m still recovering. Still rediscovering trust. Still trying to rebuild my sense of self...Gaslighting relies on lying, deceit, manipulation, which are couched in benevolent terms. When I began to question the narrative I was told, I’d be accused of not trusting him. Of course, I apologised. ‘I’m only worried about your mental health’, he’d reply, allowing him to keep lying, and deflect concerns as manifestations of my depression...If I challenged discrepancies in his stories he’d blame my memory or shoddy calculations. I remembered wrong, it was the wrong month, he never said that, and so on. He made sure to keep me apart from the only people who could counter his lies with the truth. ‘She’s crazy, a liar, a bitch’, he’d say. So, my circle of trust became smaller, until only he fit..----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Seeing gaslighters for who they are shatters their illusion; being accountable for their lies is one thing they cannot bear----------------------------------------------------------------------------------..Indeed, this might be what perpetrators count on – twisting victims’ sense of reality so they lose trust in their own sense of judgment. Soon, you feel you cannot trust yourself, your friends, or anyone, save for the person gaslighting you. Breaking away from this reality is conducive to trauma...A trend emerged in my conversations with people who experienced gaslighting: similar methods of behaviour and of manipulation. It’s as if they read the same manual, ‘How To Control Your Loved One In 10 Easy Steps’. Gaslighters craft an illusion of who they are, and they hold so tightly to it, and you are interwoven into it. You become a prop for their ego, their vision of themselves in the world. Their image matters to them, so they want you to be smaller. The minute you begin to challenge their world, they become aggressive. Seeing gaslighters for who they are shatters their illusion; being accountable for their lies is one thing they cannot bear...
I feel no need to conceal trauma. Truth is on my side. Being public allows others know they aren’t alone. The need to have your experience validated prevails among gaslighting victims. Cultivating awareness of this sinister form of manipulation is the first step in letting victims know they are seen and believed. To all those who confided in me: I hear, see and believe you. Trust your reality. Stand in your truth. I’m standing right by you.Lullah
5 years ago
T+L > News > Australia ..Travel + Leisure --- Evie Carrick -- March 06 2019..In the past, Australia has denied travel visas to R&B singer Chris Brown and boxing star Floyd Mayweather due to domestic violence convictions. They’re taking this stand against domestic violence one step further by barring any visitor with a domestic violence charge against women or children from entering Australia...The law came into effect on Feb. 28 and this link opens in a new tabapplies to all offenders regardless of where they’re from, where they committed the crime or what their sentence was. In addition, anyone who is currently visiting or living in Australia on a visa and has a record of domestic violence will be kicked out...The new laws add to existing legislation that withholds or removes visitor visas if the visa holder has been sentenced to 12 months or more in jail...Immigration Minister David Coleman said in a this link opens in a new tabpublic statement that, "If you've been convicted of a violent crime against women or children, you are not welcome in this country."..Coleman says the barring of foreigners with a domestic violence sentencing is just one step in the government’s plan to lower domestic violence-related crime in Australia. Last month, Prime Minister Scott Morrison promised funding for emergency accommodation for those escaping domestic violence and long-term safe housing...“By cancelling the visas of criminals we have made Australia a safer place,” Coleman said in the public statement. “These crimes inflict long lasting trauma on the victims and their friends and family, and foreign criminals who commit them are not welcome in our country.”..The new ruling should make Australia a safer place, but is unwelcome news for foreign offenders who have made Australia their home and will now be asked to leave. this link opens in a new tabNew Zealand argues that the policy is forcing New Zealand-born offenders who have served their sentence and have lived most of their life in Australia to leave their chosen home.
Lullah
5 years ago
Local News --- FOX16.com ---- Posted:Feb 21, 2019 05:55 PM CSTUpdated: Feb 21, 2019 05:55 PM CST..Not sure if this is in place in any of the states here in Australia if not it needs to be...LITTLE ROCK, Ark.- A new bill has been filed to amend the landlord-tenant law concerning the protection of domestic violence victims...St. Rep. Nicole Clowney who filed it says she noticed many of the states around Arkansas were doing this and she thought it would get a lot of bipartisan support. .."I haven't heard anybody opposed to this bill so far," says Clowney. ..The bill would allow victims of domestic violence to terminate their lease early without having to pay any additional penalties..."The idea is that often times victims of domestic violence might be stuck in an unsafe living situation and this bill aims to remedy that," says Clowney. ..House Bill 1538 says the victim may terminate the residential tenancy agreement within 60 days of the date of the documented domestic abuse, because of safety issues, without paying any penalties...It's a change some believe will make it a little easier for victims to leave. .."I think everybody is in agreement that we just want to keep victims of domestic violence safe and this is a very low stakes, low cost, smart way to do that," says Clowney. ..The Arkansas State Landlord Association says we are one of a few states that already have a domestic abuse law for a landlord and they are in support of this bill...It was filed on Wednesday and has been sent to committee.
Lullah
5 years ago
WORLD NARCISSIST ABUSE AWARENESS DAY
Narcissist/Emotional abuse Awareness
Abuse is AbuseEmotional and verbal abuse is still abuse
Even tho you can't see the trauma
Pain hidden behind eyes of blue
Like a bruise
That you hide behind long sleeves
Your smile
Saying everything is fine
Torn up inside
The only place to hide
Afraid to speak
Becoming voiceless
Like a whisper lost upon the wind
Numb by words, hurt and regret
Still unable to believe what you've become
But Soon you will over come
Breaking free of that prison
Becoming a broad spectrum prismluna love
from my chapbook a fragmented soul: despair of the narcissistically abusedLullah
5 years ago
Today is ....
Quoting 'Rubi_Rose'
WORLD NARCISSIST ABUSE AWARENESS DAY --- meant -- WORLD NARCISSISTIC ABUSE AWARENESS DAY
Narcissist/Emotional abuse Awareness
Abuse is AbuseEmotional and verbal abuse is still abuse
Even tho you can't see the trauma
Pain hidden behind eyes of blue
Like a bruise
That you hide behind long sleeves
Your smile
Saying everything is fine
Torn up inside
The only place to hide
Afraid to speak
Becoming voiceless
Like a whisper lost upon the wind
Numb by words, hurt and regret
Still unable to believe what you've become
But Soon you will over come
Breaking free of that prison
Becoming a broad spectrum prismluna love
from my chapbook a fragmented soul: despair of the narcissistically abusedLullah
5 years ago
the World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness site/page
RHP User
5 years ago
Thanks Rubi i needed that. I came out of a 10 year relationship with one in December.
You don't know until you know.I had no idea and she never will.Lullah
5 years ago
TheQuiet1 So glad this thread helped you gain understanding of what you experienced. I strongly feel the need for more awareness of men who are abused as well as more men having a platform to have a voice about their abuse and to not feel shame in doing so.
Quoting 'TheQuiet1'
Thanks Rubi i needed that. I came out of a 10 year relationship with one in December.
You don't know until you know.I had no idea and she never will.RHP User
5 years ago
Thank you Rubi for opening my eyes after reading your posts I’ve come to realise that this is happening to me.
I thought there was something wrong with me not having self confidence or self worth unable to please.
But reading the posts I’ve realised that the negative comments I receive the belittling not being perhaps intelligent or toned the lies and deceit that is turned back on me making me feel like I am not good enough in our relationship or in myself that leaves me constantly questioning my self being and how low I feel as a person that I must not be any good. I guess I was blindsided by my feelings.
But upon reading the comments I need to find that once happy confident me again x
ThankyouLullah
5 years ago
so glad that this thread has helped you realise what has been happening to you and thank you for sharing an important 1st step "awareness" that will lead you to become more and more aware of the signs to tune into so you can begin to step away so that you can heal and find the you, you are and have always been. Love, Growth and Light To You 💜🙏💙 Be kind to yourself always.
Quoting 'SexualDesires'
Thank you Rubi for opening my eyes after reading your posts I’ve come to realise that this is happening to me.
I thought there was something wrong with me not having self confidence or self worth unable to please.
But reading the posts I’ve realised that the negative comments I receive the belittling not being perhaps intelligent or toned the lies and deceit that is turned back on me making me feel like I am not good enough in our relationship or in myself that leaves me constantly questioning my self being and how low I feel as a person that I must not be any good. I guess I was blindsided by my feelings.
But upon reading the comments I need to find that once happy confident me again x
ThankyouLullah
5 years ago
The Biggest Red Flag of the Narcissist | La Gran Señal de Alarma del Narcisista (subtítulos en ESP).Inner Integration --- Published on 24th Feb 2016 --- YouTube .This video is about how to spot the narcissist immediately so you don't get sucked into another abusive cycle. This one thing will tell you everything.
Lullah
5 years ago
on many pages and from many with expertise in dealing with Narcissistic Abuse, is to not go to counselling/therapy with a person who is a Malignant Narcissist/ Narcissistic Personality Disorder, whether that is family members, partners etc. The more you learn to understand the effect and damage this toxic damaging abuse does the more you with understand why you cannot go to any kind of therapy with them.
Lullah
5 years ago
Covert narcissists are masters of disguise – successful actors, humanitarians, politicians, clergy members, and even psychotherapists who are beloved and appreciated, but are secretly selfish, calculating, controlling, angry and vindictive. Covert narcissists create an illusion of selflessness while gaining from their elevated status. Although they share similar basic traits with the overt narcissist, i.e., the need for attention, affirmation, approval and recognition, they are stealthier about hiding their selfish and egocentric motives. Unlike the overt narcissist who parades his narcissism for all to see, the covert narcissist furtively hides his real motives and identity. These narcissists are able to trick others into believing they are honest, altruistic and empathetic individuals. They are successful at pretending to be a more likable version of themselves, knowing that if their true identity was uncovered, they would not be able to maintain the respect, status and prestige that they have so furtively garnered. From Ross’s book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us.
Lullah
5 years ago
This quote was posted by someone on a Narcissistic abuse awareness page.
Marijuana is safer than family gatherings ~ Cheech Martin ~ .
Maybe another option if there is low contact with family is to drop by with some of those special cookies as a token because you can't stay as something unexpected you have to attend to came up, then leave hahahaLullah
5 years ago
A Narcissist will always blame you for what is wrong.
They ingrain guilt into your psyche.
The mind fuck is very real.
You replay over and over in your mind
All the events that take place.
It isn’t until after you have left them,
That you see clearly that you did nothing wrong.
Everything done was down to them and only them.
~ Kate MastersLullah
5 years ago
YouTubeShape Shifting Narcissist --- ,The Royal WePublished on Mar 21, 2018.Narcissists are excellent at taking on new identities in order to secure their supply. They can morph into a new person with ease, launching themselves into quick reputable positions. But, danger is lurking as the narcissist eventually realizes that they are living a continued lie. But, rather then be found out, the narcissist would rather leave a hero against people who he has purposefully tried to create rivalry with.
Lullah
5 years ago
posted of the previous page --- I strongly feel the need for more awareness of men who are abused as well as more men having a platform to have a voice about their abuse and to not feel shame in doing so..Just came across the following:.Shoutout to all MEN going through a lot, with no one to turn to, because this world wrongly taught our males to mask their emotions :(
----- bruised but not broken ----.
I hope one day men feel ok about not masking their emotions, so that future generations of men will access services and reach out for support, I also hope that one day we hear and read about more services being available to all men when they are going though difficult times.Lullah
5 years ago
as some here already know my son and daughter are both gay, their journeys have not always run smoothly ie; not being treated well in relationships. I have at times rung the QLIFE support line (a valuable service) as well as other support lines to find ways to help reduce some of my worrying as well as maybe getting links to services available to them if needed. I feel there is a gap in support services not only for the LBGTQ community but for many in our communities. I hope one day all support services can run in way that could be all inclusive. It would be great to one day hear/read about more inclusive support services relevant to each persons needs/situation being provided under the same roof, that's what I am hoping for.
Quoting 'Rubi_Rose'
posted of the previous page --- I strongly feel the need for more awareness of men who are abused as well as more men having a platform to have a voice about their abuse and to not feel shame in doing so..Just came across the following:.Shoutout to all MEN going through a lot, with no one to turn to, because this world wrongly taught our males to mask their emotions :(
----- bruised but not broken ----.
I hope one day men feel ok about not masking their emotions, so that future generations of men will access services and reach out for support, I also hope that one day we hear and read about more services being available to all men when they are going though difficult times.Lullah
5 years ago
Not Talking About Mental Health Is Literally Killing Men.Our editor explains why we have to fix this silent crisis now..by sean stevens may 2 2018..
Our mission at MensHealth.com has always been to help men build themselves into better men. Stronger men. Healthier men.
Rooted in science and expert opinion, our content translates dense topics into easily digestible, actionable health advice. Piecemeal, the concepts are sound and effective. But overall health must be viewed holistically...One of the most integral components is your mind..Your mental health is inseparable from your physical health. Not a revolutionary concept, but what is astounding is the stigmatization that still surrounds men who dare to talk about their mental struggles. As we move into Mental Health Awareness Month this May, we hope to change that...Men who are vocal about any kind of mental issues can be dismissed as weak. As inferior. As flawed, broken guys who are more likely to be ostracized for their honesty, instead of rewarded for their bravery. Instead of affording a fellow man compassion, we mock, belittle, and turn a blind eye. We freely spit the phrase, “Man up,” as though your gender alone should suffice to guide you through your darkest times...Or worse: we nonchalantly respond, “Well, that sucks,” then change the subject because talking about feelings is just too real...What’s real is the fact that 9 percent of men experience depression on a daily basis. That’s more than 6 million men. Even if we understand what depression feels like, we rarely admit that’s the culprit. We lie and say we’re tired or just cranky. More than 3 million men struggle with anxiety daily. Of the 3.5 million people diagnosed as schizophrenic by the age of 30, more than 90 percent are men. An estimated 10 million men in the U.S. will suffer from an eating disorder in their lifetime. (Our own Style and Grooming Editor Louis Baragona eloquently and touchingly shared his battle with bulimia.) We retreat from friends and instead drown sorrows in numbing substances. One out of every five men will develop an alcohol dependency during his life...Male suicide is rising at such an alarming rate that it’s been classified as a “silent epidemic.” It’s the seventh leading cause of death for males. That’s a staggering statistic. Drill down into the numbers and suicide is the second most common cause of death for every age group for men 10 through 39...Our mental problems are literally killing us. And that has to stop...This macho attitude of stuffing your feelings down, or ignoring them, is antiquated and downright dangerous...It’s okay to not have your shit together. It’s okay to feel depressed. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be anxious. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not have everything figured out, to feel a wave of uncertainty come crashing over you and not know which way is up, or when your next gulp of air will come. These are perfectly normal feelings that every man experiences. And it’s okay to talk about it..What’s not okay is suffering in silence...A few courageous men have led the charge, exposing their plights to the rest of us. Singer Zayn Malik openly discussed his struggle with anxiety and his battle with an eating disorder. The Cleveland Cavaliers’ Kevin Love penned an op-ed entitled “Everyone Is Going Through Something,” chronicling his panic attacks...When Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson recently revealed his battle with depression after his mother attempted suicide when he was a teenager, his words struck a chord with us:.“[It] took me a long time to realize it but the key is to not be afraid to open up. Especially us dudes have a tendency to keep it in. You’re not alone.”..You’re not. This month, we’ll be bringing you a number of fantastic pieces and features that help shine light on all the aspects of men’s mental health, curated by our incredible Deputy Editor E.J. Dickson..We’ll cover depression and anxiety, how to recognize the symptoms of each and what to do next. We’ll dive into the world of postpartum mood disorders for men, an issue that is more common than you think, but that no one ever speaks about. We’ll explore bipolar disorder, through the lens of Andy Irons, a surfer who fought his illness by self-medicating so much that it led to his untimely passing..We’ll examine the link between gut health and mental health. Are there foods you can eat that are genuinely good for your mental wellbeing? We’ll talk about body dysmorphia, a condition our former cover star Dan Stein faced, as well as how to deal with that one part of your body that you simply hate and wish you could change. (You’re not alone there, either. Arnold Schwarzenegger said he could look in the mirror and “wanted to throw up.”).We’ll look at the horrible trend of our policing agencies punishing cops for asking for mental help, and how good officers have to surreptitiously seek counseling outside of their insurance, paying for therapy and medications out of pocket, lest their badge and gun be removed. And we’ll discuss the science of male anger; why and how physiological and environmental elements can contribute to making men so violent and destructive..Together, our voices can fight the stigma that real men don’t talk about their troubles. In doing so, we can usher in a positive conversation to replace the longstanding, detrimental silence...--- Sean Evans, Digital Director of Men’s HealthLullah
5 years ago
Alex Skeel's horrific story. I was reminded about it recently when the following came up on a Narcissistic Abuse page. I assume other's are aware about his story too, I won't post the full article as it comes with the following --- .
Warning: some upsetting content ---- .I stayed with my abusive girlfriend out of fear she would kill me.Alex's partner was the first woman jailed for coercive and controlling behaviour in the UK. Now he's trying to fight the stigma around male domestic abuse.20 February 2019..Alex Skeel, 22.I’ll never forget the moment that my girlfriend, Jordan, first poured scalding water over me. She’d backed me into the corner of a room in the home we shared in Bedfordshire, holding a boiling kettle. We’d been together for three years, and what had started with small things – her telling me not to wear the colour grey or that she didn’t like my hairstyle – had turned into a nine-month campaign of physical abuse. I was very scared of her..if you wish to read the whole article you can find it here --- bbc uk > bbcthree > arlicle
.There is also a Wikipedia page --- Alexander Gerald "Alex" Skeel (born 17 August 1995)[2] is an English football coach, domestic violence survivor whose near-fatal abuse at the hands of his girlfriend, Jordan Worth (born 1995), attracted widespread media coverage owing to the extreme nature of the abuse..Relationship with Worth[edit]Skeel and Jordan Worth met at College in 2012 when they were both aged 16. [3] Worth, previously a gymnast, later attended the University of Hertfordshire, obtaining a degree in Fine Arts; she wanted to become a teacher.[4] At the age of eighteen Worth became pregnant with their first child, a son, and after his birth the couple moved to Stewartby. They broke up in June 2017'.I really hope that in the future we see more men being able to speak up and seek support and help for when they are victims of domestic violence/abuse. It saddens me that there still aren't the appropriate platforms for them to do so. I wonder where Alex Skeel's journey will take him in trying to fight the stigma around male domestic violence. I'll certainly be following his journey, I am hopeful it will lead to changes/ practices not only in the UK but here in Australia and other countries too.Lullah
5 years ago
I am hopeful it will lead to changes in practices, policies and procedures not only in the UK but here in Australia and other countries too.
Lullah
5 years ago
As the narcissist ages, their looks fade, their mental capacity decreases and their aspirations are not realised These factors will worsen their narcissist behaviour.
--- war at home ---Lullah
5 years ago
A number of years agoa crisis sent me on an unexpected journey and I ended up becoming involved with an organisation called A.S.C.A ( Liz Mullinar was the founder she was a well known casting agent back in the day she is no longer involved) now known as The Blue Knot Foundation back then they ran support groups for adult survivors. I am a survivor, for a while I attended meetings and eventually I became a convener running meetings I met many men and women who came through our door to share their stories.
I heard many horrific stories and learnt a lot about myself and others and how people survive and continue tooafter all what we all endured. I am thankful that I now add least have an understanding that I didn't have when I was a little girl a young child a teenager and in my early adult years I now will advocate for myself with my voice and actions when I need to.
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I will ad this it has only been since just before I posted this topic that I read about Narcissistic Abuse and finally had a name for the type of abuse I experienced and began to understand more about the very dysfunctional abusive family system I grew up in. I have read many peoples stories about their Narcissistic Abuse and am forever grateful to the people who share a lot of insightful information about this type of abuse. There are times I feel overwhelmed and saddened about what I endured, others sharing their stories has really helped me a lot just as my story helps others too. Being in a community where our shared experiences helps us all gain strength and of course knowing we are not alone going through this journey is invaluable for everyone's well being.Lullah
5 years ago
The majority of mental health professionals do not understand NPD. They learn the textbook definition but the reality is, unless they've had personal experience with a narcissist (parent or partner) they lack the foundation, knowledge and insight to be truly helpful to their clients.
Tina Swithin, Author #DIVORCINGANARCISSIST -- ONEMOMSBATTLE.COM..
The following is unfortunate and quite concerning. I have read/heard many seeking help have experienced therapists who are narcissists that will use their patients for narcissistic supply, so do your best to find a healthy functioning mental health professional.Lullah
5 years ago
PychCentral
.By Kim Saeed - Author, Researcher, Educator
Last updated: 20 Oct 2017~ 4 MIN READ..The effects of psychological and narcissistic abuse come with many devastating consequences, but there are two that almost no one knows about–unless they’re a doctor or neuroscientist...In fact, these two outcomes may be the most destructive result of emotional trauma over the long-term and is an added reason why–if you have children with a narcissistic partner–you should try to leave as soon as reasonably possible...By now, most of us know that repeated emotional trauma leads to both PTSD and C-PTSD, which should be reason enough to leave an abusive partner. But, what many people don’t realize is that over time, these repeated emotional injuries shrink the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and learning, while enlarging the amygdala, which houses primitive emotions such as fear, grief, guilt, envy, and shame...Hippocampus basics.The hippocampus, which is Greek for “seahorse,” is a paired structure tucked inside each temporal lobe and shaped, in fact, like a pair of seahorses. It helps to store and release memory. The hippocampus is especially vital to short-term memory, the retaining in mind of a piece of data for a few moments, after which it either gets transferred to permanent memory or is immediately forgotten. Learning depends on short-term memory. [1..Further, among the many analyses that have been conducted, one in particular shows very disturbing results. In a study conducted by a team of the University of New Orleans and Stanford University researchers, patients with the highest baseline cortisol (a stress hormone) and greater number of PTSD symptoms had the greatest decreases in hippocampal volume over time. [2]..In other words, the longer you stay with an emotionally abusive partner, the more deterioration you can expect of your hippocampus. It can be easily understood how this neurological process may enhance feelings of confusion, cognitive dissonance, and abuse amnesia in victims of narcissistic and psychopathic abuse...Amygdala basics.Narcissists keep their victims in a constant state of anxiety and fear, which in turn causes their victims to react from his or her amygdala (or “reptilian” brain). The amygdala controls life functions such as breathing and heart rate and the basic emotions of love, hate, fear, and lust (all of which are considered “primal emotions”)...It’s also responsible for the fight or flight reaction. Victims of narcissistic abuse live in this state almost daily. Over time, the amygdalae remember the things we felt, saw, and heard each time we had a painful experience. Subliminal hints of such stressful events (even photos) will set off the organ’s attack or escape routines–triggering avoiding behaviors or internal turmoil [3](another good reason to refrain from stalking your ex on social media)...Even after the toxic relationship has ended, victims suffer PTSD, C-PTSD, panic attacks, phobias, and more… due to the triggering of their primal fears by their overactive amygdalae. Out of these fears, targets of narcissistic abuse often engage in primitive defense mechanisms including (but not limited to):....Projection – Victims project their traits of compassion, empathy, caring, and understanding onto their abuser, when in fact, narcissists and other emotional abusers possess none of those traits.Compartmentalization – Victims pigeonhole the abusive aspects of the relationship in order to focus on the positive aspects.Denial – Victims use denial to escape dealing with painful feelings or areas of their life they don’t want to admit.Narcissistic abuse changes your brain.According to Goleman (2006), everything we learn, everything we read, everything we do, everything we understand, and everything we experience counts on the hippocampus to function correctly. “The continual retention of memories demands a large amount of neuronal activity...In fact, the brain’s production of new neurons and laying down connections to others takes place in the hippocampus” (Goleman, 2006, p. 273). Goleman also stated, “The hippocampus is especially vulnerable to ongoing emotional distress, because of the damaging effects of cortisol” (p. 273). When the body endures ongoing stress, cortisol affects the rate at which neurons are either added or subtracted from the hippocampus. This can have grave results on learning. When the neurons are attacked by cortisol, the hippocampus loses neurons and is reduced in size. In fact, duration of stress is almost as destructive as extreme stress. Goleman explained, “Cortisol stimulates the amygdala while it impairs the hippocampus, forcing our attention onto the emotions we feel, while restricting our ability to take in new information” (pp. 273-274). Goleman adds,..The neural highway for dysphoria [4] runs from the amygdala to the right side of the prefrontal cortex. As this circuitry activates, our thoughts fixate on what has triggered the distress. And as we become preoccupied, say, with worry or resentment, our mental agility sputters. Likewise, when we are sad activity levels in the prefrontal cortex drop and we generate fewer thoughts. Extremes of anxiety and anger on the one hand and sadness on the other push brain activity beyond its zones of effectiveness. (p. 268) [5]..But, there is hope. There are reparative activities you can do to restore and rebuild your hippocampus and stop the hijacking of your psyche by your amygdala...What to do . Luckily, as brain scans have now shown (thanks to the magic of neuroplasticity), it is possible for the hippocampus to regrow. An effective method includes the use of EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). One recent study showed that 8 to 12 sessions of EMDR for patients with PTSD showed an average of a 6% increase in the volume of their hippocampi. [6]
EMDR is also beneficial for counteracting the hyperarousal of the amygdala, allowing the brain to more appropriately direct what needs to happen rather than remain stuck and unnecessarily trigger problematic emotions.Other methods that have been shown to repair both the hippocampus and amygdala include:EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) – helps correct the biochemical short-circuiting that occurs with chronic anxiety.Performing acts of kindness – simple, daily practice of altruism can dramatically alter your outlook on the world.Aromatherapy and essential oils –Article: AROMATHERAPY AND MEDITATION: ESSENTIAL STEPS IN RECOVERING FROM NARCISSISTIC ABUSEGuided meditation – Recent studies from Harvard University show that daily meditation can help repair the brain by actually rebuilding the brain’s gray matter. Study participants who spent an average of 27 minutes per day practicing “mindfulness” exercises showed a major increase in the density of the hippocampus and amygdala and associated reductions in stress, compared to a control group.Of course, the first course of action would be to plan and implement an exit strategy. It takes time to recover from narcissistic abuse and one short encounter can set you back enormously...Resources[1] Goleman, D. (1995, July 31). Severe Trauma May Damage The Brain as Well as the Psyche. Retrieved October 17, 2017, from http://www.nytimes.com/1995/08/01/science/severe-trauma-may-damage-the-brain-as-well-as-the-psyche.html?pagewanted=all[2] Stressing the Hippocampus: Why It Matters. (n.d.). Retrieved October 12, 2017, from http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/news-blog/stressing-the-hippocampus-why-it-ma/[3] Thomas, E. (n.d.). The Amygdala & Emotions. Retrieved October 17, 2017, from http://www.effective-mind-control.com/amygdala.html[4] Dysphoria. (2015, November 29). In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 20:36, October 18, 2017, from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Dysphoria&oldid=692983709[5] Effects of Stress on the Hippocampus. (2013, March 19). Retrieved October 17, 2017, from http://drgailgross.com/academia/effects-of-stress-on-the-hippocampus/[6] Shapiro, F. (2012). Getting past your past: Take control of your life with self-help techniques from EMDR therapy. Emmaus, Pa.: Rodale Books.Lullah
5 years ago
Narcissist Dating in five easy steps..1. Seduce, charm and study*.2. Alternate kind and cruel..3. Mock, abuse and discredit..4: Devalue and discard..5. Repeat*...* Narcissists come in two flavors: Male and Female...Take out any dating scenario and the word seduce and you've the same pattern of a man or woman with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Lullah
5 years ago
forgot to say -- sourced online
Quoting 'Lulah'
Narcissist Dating in five easy steps..1. Seduce, charm and study*.2. Alternate kind and cruel..3. Mock, abuse and discredit..4: Devalue and discard..5. Repeat*...* Narcissists come in two flavors: Male and Female.Lullah
5 years ago
Toxic people condition you to believe the problem isn't the abuse itself, but instead your reactions to it.
--- PsychopathFree.com ---Lullah
4 years ago
No one can throw a bigger tantrum than a narcissist whose loosing control of someone else's mind.
--- pinterest ---
FeistyFatty
4 years ago
Is this a gee up? 🤷♀️😋..... the same ONE person has been the ONLY respondent for a few page (didnt read them of course too long) on a Narcissistic Awareness Page? Funny AF 🤣👍🏻
Lullah
4 years ago
Quoting 'FatFunFiesty'
Is this a gee up?
No
mckinkski
4 years ago
If you really want to get an idea of how an abnormal personality disorder works.
lol
Seriously, NPD is pretty bad in terms of keeping a normal person off balance. You just have no idea what's going on basically.
3 stage relationship models they recycle.
IdealizationDevaluationDiscard.
Then repeat.
Also prone to narcissistic rage and take view any contrary opinion as a personal attack.
It's quite something else...
Shudder.Lullah
4 years ago
and yes narc rage does make one shudder sadly those caught up in any kind of relationship with a malignant narcissist don't know what they are really dealing with or experiencing when it comes to the rage.
mckinkski my post below yours is not about your post it was in relation to the one above, your post wasn't there when I posted mine.
Quoting 'mckinkski'
If you really want to get an idea of how an abnormal personality disorder works.
lol
Seriously, NPD is pretty bad in terms of keeping a normal person off balance. You just have no idea what's going on basically.
3 stage relationship models they recycle.
IdealizationDevaluationDiscard.
Then repeat.
Also prone to narcissistic rage and take view any contrary opinion as a personal attack.
It's quite something else...
Shudder.FeistyFatty
4 years ago
Lulah..... apologies if my off handed comment offended ..... I honestly mistook the tone of your thread x
Lullah
4 years ago
your post is much appreciated x
Quoting 'FatFunFiesty'
Lulah..... apologies if my off handed comment offended ..... I honestly mistook the tone of your thread xLullah
4 years ago
That didn't happen...And if it did, it wasn't that bad...And if it was, that's not a big deal...And if it is, that's not my fault...And if it was, I didn't mean it...And if I did...You deserved it...
In my dysfunctional abusive family system those words though never directly said to me but the words spoken conveyed the above, there was also all the messages both spoken and unspoken I absorbed from my arrival into this world. Many years ago before I had my own family I spoke up about how my father treated me, my mother's ( these are not the exact words ) response was that my father was not at fault for how he treated as I was at fault for being born. I now understand that I was (not literally) tagged/labeled at birth to be the family scapegoat/target in my family system. ☹.I actually feel the word target is much more applicable. I have been both reading and hearing that word quite a lot when reading/listening to information about Narc Abuse I also prefer the word target over the word victim, I have used the term target practice for years with regards as to the way my family always projected their crap onto me...To those whom have had similar experiences please know you are not alone, I hope that you are on a self healing journey or that at some point when your ready to you'll embark on doing whatever you need to do to heal. 🙏Lullah
4 years ago
source --- Pinterest ---
Lullah
4 years ago
As one of many Narc Abuse survivors it seems we all find it amusing and I have seen many haha responses to it as well...Trying to reason with a narcissist is like trying to nail jello to a tree.
😆Lullah
4 years ago
What's Gaslighting? (Individual, tribe, and societal gaslighting) - Dr. Ramani Durvasula ..DoctorRamani -- Apr 22, 2019 ..you tube..some comments people posted...Paul Bangash2 months ago.bi-wan Kenobi3 weeks agoWas a target of tribal gaslighting in family my whole life. "Oh come on..." was the refrain and "of course!" To any questioning of their sincerity. As if to imply "how dare you!" To my doubts about their motivations. It was family sport to psychologically abuse me in this way and became their bonding .Obi-wan Kenobi3 weeks ago
..Actually , gaslighting is a favourite trick of politicians, media , corporations , and psychos and knaves the world over.Lullah
4 years ago
Why you SHOULD NEVER call narcissists out .. -- DoctorRamaniSep 23, 2019..you tube
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