F50
The Dom/Sub thing
December 20 2013
I had been talking to a guy (not on here) for over a week and we met this week. All good so were off playing pretty quickly. Now I am always very upfront about my lack of knowledge and experience. I am looking to be educated after all, so no point exaggerating.
This guy in the middle of a blow job slapped my face and said "take it all slut, gag on that" I have no major problem with the words spoken. But the slapping!
So I guess now I am rethinking whether this is for me.
Questions:
1. Is this how all Doms are?
2. Are the subs just there to be used, is this the common practice?
3. Is face slapping and that level of violence expected in any dom/sub relationship?
All advice, comments and observations greatly appreciated.
MissB
Comments
Originalbadboy
10 years ago
Short answer form,
1. Is this how all Doms are? No
2. Are the subs just there to be used, is this the common practice?No
3. Is face slapping and that level of violence expected in any dom/sub relationship?No
Longer answer,
No...The Dom sub relationship is one of total trust. As the Dom you will have that persons life in your hands, be it their mental, physical, spiritual, emotional or all of them. As the sub you are giving all of those to the Dom with the knowledge that they will take your experience, knowledge and preferences into account during the session.
This is a very basic explanation and I expect others will fill in certain gaps for you too.
Obbi
"Beauty is only skin deep. If you go after someone just because she's beautiful but don't have anything to talk about, it's going to get boring fast. You want to look beyond the surface and see if you can have fun or if you have anything in common with this person." - Amanda Peet
RHP User
10 years ago
A D/s relationship (from my experience) is something that requires a lot of trust, setting boundaries and easing into among other things. At the end of the day if it's something you two of you hadn't discussed (the slap), then in my opinion he shouldn't have done it. On a side note, my D/s relationships don't revolve around violence. I like to leave marks, but only when it's spoken about and consented to.
RHP User
10 years ago
If the slapping and such wasn't discussed prior to it happening then no, that's not how all Dom/sub situations are. Being that you were upfront with your lack of knowledge and experience he "should" by my reckoning, be taking those baby steps right there with you. It sounds to me like he took your wanting to be a sub as an invitation to indulge his own urges with no regard for you. I'm no bdsm expert but from what little I know, there is a huge level of trust required and the sub has some complicated level of control in that their Dom is doing various things for the subs pleasure/pain/sensation. All the best
RHP User
10 years ago
First of all the Dom/sub thing is a relationship of extreme trust between two people. To begin with as the sub you have the control and you always retain it because we can only be dominate when that trust has been earned and given.
The slapping should not have come as a shock as it did. There should have been a discussion between you and the Dom about what your boundaries are, what you want to explore, what you are not comfortable with and what you are.
There are so any things to explore and I'm afraid men probably have it in their head that if they talk like your guy did then they are a Dom.
The face slapping is quite extreme for a first play an without being discussed. You should also have discussed safe words that can stop such play in its tracks if you weren't comfortable.
So to apefically answer what you asked;
No subs aren't there just to be used, subs allow control to their Dom.
Slapping can be part of it but not necessarily so. I used to control a submissive with words and looks only, no slapping whatsoever but each is different.
Don't give up though, can be a wonderful and liberating thing and should be a relationship of utmost respect. The question you should ask of his guy, is can you trust him to dominate you now, I'd say the answer is no!
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
10 years ago
I would have bitten down... Hard 😁
RHP User
10 years ago
Questions:
1. Is this how all Doms are?No, they are all different.
2. Are the subs just there to be used, is this the common practice?No again, it depends on the type of 'relationship' YOU want. That is why communication is so incredibly important. You need to figure out what you would want in a scene, what your boundaries are talk it out thoroughly beforehand. This is why trust is so important.
3. Is face slapping and that level of violence expected in any dom/sub relationship?Absolutely not. All D/s relationships are different. Some have no physical hitting at all, through to extremes like rape play.
Please go onto FetLife and read extensively about it. There are some really clever and detailed posts in there by some people who have been doing this for years, join a sub circle in your area and meet other subs so you can get tips from them on how to discuss your limits with your Dom. Read, talk and read some more. Go to munches (meet & greets) to talk to other Doms (mind the etiquette though) and some areas do workshops where the very experienced give talks about safety, limits, setting scenes, safe sex, safe words, sub space, aftercare, etc.
I agree, he sounds like a pretender.
Good Luck with it though, it can be wonderful.RHP User
10 years ago
That is all....
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
10 years ago
Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, has to be discussed before moving into a D/S relationship. The people above have probably covered it, but pain and humiliation are only two potential (and definitely NOT necessary) areas in the dynamic.
MissKay has it right - Read Fetlife, socialize in a safe space at munches, and then do what you feel is right.RHP User
10 years ago
Some Doms are sadists though.
Missb4u
10 years ago
ok so I have joined Fetlife and will investigate there... interesting site I must say, this will be fun and an education
MissKay - can I join a sub circle if I am not even sure if I am submissive?
MindLover - *sigh...yours sounds so niceRHP User
10 years ago
Of course you can, the point of sub circles are to share knowledge, make friends, speak with like minded people and there is no such thing as a silly question. All the subs I've met are lovely and the really experienced ones give great advice. I've made some great mates and catch up regularly for coffee and giggles.
RHP User
10 years ago
Join a few Groups, go to 'Groups' up the top of the screen and search your area and join appropriate groups for what you are interested in. Have fun...
RHP User
10 years ago
I am in a d/s relationship (my first) and it have experienced nothing but respect from the first contact. We established boundaries, safe words and definite no go areas before our first meet. It has just got better and better. He is an experienced Dom and is about pleasure not pain - unless I want it (which I usually do!) a sub giving control to a Dom is a gift and that is how it should be taken. He sounds like he is either inexperienced and doesn't get it, or just out for a power trip.
There are more experienced and respectful doms out there if you are serious about trying and I am sure they would be more than happy to help you experience everything you want to :)
Good luck x
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Kittykat14' a sub giving control to a Dom is a gift and that is how it should be taken.
RHP User
10 years ago
From Miss Kay, Kittycat and GMerst/ I would add, join a femdom club in your area. In Tassie the women looked out for each other and also helped educate the female submissives about what is and isn't ok behaviour. They could also give you info about the guys and who could be trusted which was really helpful for switches and submissives. It will also help you determine what your play preference is.
And the guy is an abuser in my opinion. Anyone who slaps you without your clear consent is an abuser and a major fuckwit IMHO.
Good luck and remember safe, sane and CONSENSUAL!RHP User
10 years ago
There are so many men out there that just want to take advantage of a sub by calling themselves Doms, and think it is all about themselves getting off. They forget that a huge part of a D/s connection is about making sure the sub feels safe and secure in herself enough to let the Dom do these sorts of things.
Now sure, there are some subs out there that just like the physical side of it and good for them and as long as safe boundaries are established before play, then all is good.
But for myself and majority of the other subs I've met it is more about the mental connection and being taken into a safe place by the person taking the Dom chair. If I as a sub, do not trust the person being Dom then nothing is ever going to to happen.
I would even go as far as saying the sub has the ultimate control in all this, as if the sub doesn't feel safe, then they get to say thanks but no thanks. The Dom should ALWAYS be aware of the sub and not push beyond what has been agreed to previously.
It is one delicate dance! One that many new 'Doms' just don't understand.
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
10 years ago
Isn't really in my view suggesting he's a dom...
To me that's dirty talk....
Me thinks he's been watching too much redtube.....
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
10 years ago
for asking the question and sharing your experience. I've always had a curiosity about D/s relationships but never looked much into it because my imaginations were of the extreme end of things which would not be for me. Some great replies have opened my mind to new possibilities. Hope you find a Dom that suits your needs and is willing to ease you into it at your pace. SF
Missb4u
10 years ago
Abig BIG thanks to everyone for their input, opinions and suggestions and of course support. It is all valuable knowledge that I now have and it has shown me that while I thought I had a clue I really don't and its not something that I can learn on my own.
It still is an area that interest me but I am way back even before the drawing board now, not even taking baby steps just doing that weird Praying Mantis rocking motion. I'm sure I will take another step forward soon though
Keep it kinky and enjoy MissBRHP User
10 years ago
Take it slow Missb. It takes time to find a good Dom for someone new to the lifestyle. I joined fetlife thinking I was submissive but have quickly realised I am a switch. Trust and communication is the only way to move forward with someone. Be completely open about what you want from and would like to learn from your Dom and you need to ask questions of him. The only silly questions are ones you didn't ask. Ask as many questions you want them to answer, if they are respectful they will take the time to answer you to make you feel more comfortable. There are some lovely men on the site and some asshats so if you ever feel any weird vibes off anyone you need to trust your instincts. We are all still learning, no matter how long they say they have been doing it and that they are experienced Dom's, if they are a god Dom they will still want to learn from you. There are always things to learn.
RHP User
10 years ago
There area a lot of wanna b's that call themselves Doms or Masters and really they are just there to pick up women, the ratio from men to women is more even on fet. You see it often, a new "Dom" joins and messages and friends every woman within reach. When you ask them a few questions, you soon realise they aren't there for the kink but the fuck.
Go to munches, newbie nights and make friends in your local community,(male and female) you can also seek a mentor who will teach and advise you, it should be a non sexual relationship.
Any good Dom will want to get to know you, your limits, soft and hard and your preferances . A BDSM relationship requires trust and comfort and if they are true they won't scene until you are ready to submit.
BDSM involves power exchange and is mental as well as physical, sadism, degredation, tease and denial and dominance is common, the levels are up to you to be clear about, you need to work out what you don't want and be as clear if not clearer than what you want.
Play safe and enjoy your explorations.
twowithnolimits
10 years ago
None of us have any real knowledge of you or him, just a few superficial comments. It is easy under these circumstances to impose personal opinion ahead of considered opinion. For example
"The slap she not have come as a surprise", ummm why? Surprise is often an integral part of the psychological play of D/s.
"Subs always retain control", er no they don't not necessarily that is only one model, and not what all subs want or need
It is very easy for cliches, PC protocols and the opinions of others to be taken as gospel through ignorance. D/s is in fact a unique relationship, being a combination of physical, mental, emotional and artistic creation and control. For some D/s relationship translates to little more than the odd bit of kink in the bedroom, for others it is a total lifestyle TPE.
That said..exploring is great but i don't think you have done enough research, yes he sounds amateur, but then so are you and i think you need to be careful you are not confusing your liking for "confident" males for being "submissive" in the scene sense.
Do more research, continue to play but don't expect every scene or action to be to your liking, discover your needs.
Good luck and enjoy the journeyMissb4u
10 years ago
Quoting 'twowithnolimits' None of us have any real knowledge of you or him, just a few superficial comments. Yes very true. But is that knowledge required when I was asking particular questions? It is easy under these circumstances to impose personal opinion ahead of considered opinion. For example "The slap she not have come as a surprise", ummm why? Surprise is often an integral part of the psychological play of D/s. I would think that at some point I would have indicated that I was ok with having my face slapped, hence my third question. Everyone keeps mentioning the discussion of limits. This never happened in any formal way but I don't know how this would normally be done. We had certainly discussed likes and dislikes and the only slapping mentioned was arse slapping. "Subs always retain control", er no they don't not necessarily that is only one model, and not what all subs want or need Ok I guess that comes back to personal choice and discussion of limits ?It is very easy for cliches, PC protocols and the opinions of others to be taken as gospel through ignorance. D/s is in fact a unique relationship, being a combination of physical, mental, emotional and artistic creation and control. For some D/s relationship translates to little more than the odd bit of kink in the bedroom, for others it is a total lifestyle TPE.That said..exploring is great but i don't think you have done enough research, yes he sounds amateur, but then so are you and i think you need to be careful you are not confusing your liking for "confident" males for being "submissive" in the scene sense. Totally agree with this, I never indicated in anyway that I had any clue about any of it. As for confusing liking confident men with me being submissive that's what I am trying to find out and as I said if being submissive means that I let a guy slap my face then no I am not submissive as I will never tolerate it.Do more research, continue to play but don't expect every scene or action to be to your liking, discover your needs. maybe, I'm not sure yet. it seems a very daunting taskGood luck and enjoy the journey
thanks for taking the time to contribute to this threadRHP User
10 years ago
...what is the whole dom/sub thing about if not violent?
RHP User
10 years ago
Missb even if you aren't comfortable meeting anyone for a while after this experience don't stop chatting with people. Join some groups, have a look at profiles (Dom/switch/sub), find profiles you like the sound of and start chatting. Even if you choose not to meet you can still learn off them. Open and honest communication is the only way to move forward. Talk to your Dom about the scene, what did you like/dislike, and especially how you felt. Even if you aren't sure about meeting him again, talk.
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
10 years ago
The short answer is he disrespected you.The Dom /Sub relationship like any othertakes 2 and boundaries are set.It is a lifestyle and all couples are different.It would take to long to describe all the different types od Dom/Sub so suggest you check out fetlife.Steve
RHP User
10 years ago
Too much bloody porn, I tried this once without asking before hand mmmm I got it wrong, always ask and know the boundries.
twowithnolimits
10 years ago
i know the commentary is well intentioned but please stop making the "great leaps" ....
@chev how can you comment on "respect", what do you know about the relationship between these two individuals? maybe it was within the parameters discussed but in an unexpected form, perhaps he simply got over excited, is that disrespect? should she have set it as a boundary beforehand? did she set him up to fail by not communicating, is THAT disrespectful??
@loookn the ability to read your partners physical, emotional, psychological needs is fundamental to any sexual interaction, don't know what porn has to do with it...ever had a woman grab your nuts too hard, or bite your nipple with a bit too much force? Is THAT disrespectful?
we have two newbies who had a less than perfect time together, thats allRHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'twowithnolimits' i know the commentary is well intentioned but please stop making the "great leaps" ....
@chev how can you comment on "respect", what do you know about the relationship between these two individuals? maybe it was within the parameters discussed but in an unexpected form, perhaps he simply got over excited, is that disrespect? should she have set it as a boundary beforehand? did she set him up to fail by not communicating, is THAT disrespectful??
@loookn the ability to read your partners physical, emotional, psychological needs is fundamental to any sexual interaction, don't know what porn has to do with it...ever had a woman grab your nuts too hard, or bite your nipple with a bit too much force? Is THAT disrespectful?
we have two newbies who had a less than perfect time together, thats all
You yourself said we don't know anything about these two people...how do you know he is a newbie? And I don't care if he is or isn't, the OP said she was upfront with him about her lack of knowledge and experience, so it would stand to reason that if there was even a tiny chance that he was going to be physically violent, he should have discussed this with her first. There's a big difference between someone accidentally grabbing nuts or a nipple too hard, and someone slapping you in the face. In this context, I don't feel there is any excuse for this guy's behaviour.twowithnolimits
10 years ago
Oh c'mon V
"if there was even a tiny chance that he was going to be physically violent...."
whilst exploring the dom/sub thing, how could you not expect it to get physical?
"in this context.."
the context being a D/s session, begs the question in which context is getting physical acceptable?
and clearly he is a newbie, experienced tops would not be hooking up after just one week and blundering around...
cbdlivin
10 years ago
It has been interesting reading this thread and of course the well thought out answers to the ones who absolutely no idea.
I think when you use the term violence that in itself points to something not quite being right.
In the D/s scene I do not believe I have ever committed violence against someone but worked within my understanding of what the sub was interested in, thru knowledge of the person and of course open communication. Of course in the scene there is a wide range of things you can do and it always depends on the type of things both the Dom and sub are into. I have known some subs who just like restraints to varied degrees and not much else to the ones who love a cane.
In the end nothing is done without consent.
Of course as mentioned their are Sadists and well not people I know, the enjoyment of inflicting pain is not something I understand but if they find the masochist that is into what they do they it comes an area where if it is consensual between the two of them then it is no one else's business.
The whole BDSM scene is not for everyone and like any group you have the good, bad and the ugly, and people who have opinions of the only right way to do things.
In the end ask questions, talk to people and form your own opinions.
BryanMissb4u
10 years ago
Quoting 'twowithnolimits' Oh c'mon V
"if there was even a tiny chance that he was going to be physically violent...."
whilst exploring the dom/sub thing, how could you not expect it to get physical?
"in this context.."
the context being a D/s session, begs the question in which context is getting physical acceptable?
and clearly he is a newbie, experienced tops would not be hooking up after just one week and blundering around...
He portrayed himself to me as someone that had been active in this lifestyle for 20 years but was no longer a member of fetlife or anything else. His words were "I retired to the BLEEP to behave myself and stay out of trouble"
As for your comment "whilst exploring the dom/sub thing, how could you not expect it to get physical?" must be my naiveté then but I did not think that all dom/sub relationships or scenes or whatever you want to call them had to be violent. and yes I call it violence, there is a big difference to smacking someones are to smacking their face in my opinion.Missb4u
10 years ago
Quoting 'twowithnolimits' i know the commentary is well intentioned but please stop making the "great leaps" ....
@chev how can you comment on "respect", what do you know about the relationship between these two individuals? maybe it was within the parameters discussed but in an unexpected form, perhaps he simply got over excited, is that disrespect? should she have set it as a boundary beforehand? did she set him up to fail by not communicating, is THAT disrespectful?? No I did not. I was very forthcoming with my LACK OF EXPERIENCE AND KNOWLEDGE. Overexcited...really? that does not make it ok. Fuck whats he going to do when he cums, punch me. That's a piss poor excuse to say he was overexcited, learn some self control. AND I didn't know I should have set it as a boundary due to my lack of knowledge, do I need to say it again.
@loookn the ability to read your partners physical, emotional, psychological needs is fundamental to any sexual interaction, don't know what porn has to do with it...ever had a woman grab your nuts too hard, or bite your nipple with a bit too much force? Is THAT disrespectful?
we have two newbies who had a less than perfect time together, thats allMissb4u
10 years ago
Quoting 'Luckdragon23' Quoting 'twowithnolimits' i know the commentary is well intentioned but please stop making the "great leaps" ....
@chev how can you comment on "respect", what do you know about the relationship between these two individuals? maybe it was within the parameters discussed but in an unexpected form, perhaps he simply got over excited, is that disrespect? should she have set it as a boundary beforehand? did she set him up to fail by not communicating, is THAT disrespectful??
@loookn the ability to read your partners physical, emotional, psychological needs is fundamental to any sexual interaction, don't know what porn has to do with it...ever had a woman grab your nuts too hard, or bite your nipple with a bit too much force? Is THAT disrespectful?
we have two newbies who had a less than perfect time together, thats all
You yourself said we don't know anything about these two people...how do you know he is a newbie? And I don't care if he is or isn't, the OP said she was upfront with him about her lack of knowledge and experience, so it would stand to reason that if there was even a tiny chance that he was going to be physically violent, he should have discussed this with her first. There's a big difference between someone accidentally grabbing nuts or a nipple too hard, and someone slapping you in the face. In this context, I don't feel there is any excuse for this guy's behaviour.
Thankyou, I totally agree.twowithnolimits
10 years ago
from both
RHP User
10 years ago
You can't throw yourself into that without discussion! You of course will feel used! And he should have known that, unless he was also inexperienced... I think that if you have been honest in telling him you are new to this, he should have been going really slowly especially in your first encounters... He needs to prove he is trustworthy and not a dick, your submission is a gift to him as much as his domination is to you... I have been slapped across the face and cock-gagged before lol, but we had discussed it beforehand, and we had been playing for months already, gradually going form vanilla to D/s... Once you trust him and he is aware of your willingness to accept his dominant behavior, a slap will be perceived as an act of affirmation on his part, but also as an act of kindness, because it will be clear to both of you that he knows you like it and he is doing it to arouse you, not to debase you.... Don't give up.... Let me tell you, if you are even just a little bit submissive, having a sexy Dom grabbing you by the hair and shoving his hard cock down your throat to the point where you are teary while he says those words is one of the most arousing thing....
RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry... E
RHP User
10 years ago
WHAT?!? Someone up here said D/s is about violence???? This is exactly the kind of comments that make people confused and allows them to think that they can behave like a prick, which is what the initiator of this thread has experienced! No matter how extremely you like to play, consent (or consensual non consent) is a fundamental part of this type of play... People who have an underlying need to exert true, non consensual violence on others, or to have abuse and violence exerted on them are probably not in a psychologically "healthy" place, and they need to find out what lurks beneath, with help form psychology.... Some sado-masochistic practices are still considered borderline 'paraphilia'... Just because they are more widely and openly practiced, doesn't make them right... E
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'twowithnolimits' Oh c'mon V
"if there was even a tiny chance that he was going to be physically violent...."
whilst exploring the dom/sub thing, how could you not expect it to get physical?
Couldn't disagree more, he told her he's been doing this for over 20 years and knew she was a novice and didn't even discuss a single boundary. He's obviously a cad.
Well said LD, not on in any way, shape or form.
Not all D/s relationships are physical at all, some are degradation or humiliation without a hand ever being raised once. Your way isn't the only way.RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Originalbadboy'
No...The Dom sub relationship is one of total trust. As the Dom you will have that persons life in your hands, be it their mental, physical, spiritual, emotional or all of them. As the sub you are giving all of those to the Dom with the knowledge that they will take your experience, knowledge and preferences into account during the session.
I like this post :) I am dominant but respectful. I would never call a girl a slut even if she begged me to, I feel it is derogatory and counter to a healthy sexual experience.Dominant for me means I am not afraid to throw a girl around and tell her what to do all while we are laughing and carrying on. I have slapped and I have choked (breath play) but only when the girl has expressed a desire for it. Mutual respect is very important to me and I think most girls appreciate that.RHP User
10 years ago
I've been a Dom Mistress for over 15 years and i've seen it all. There a only two rules for you as a novice... Find the right Dom be they male or female or couple and beware whoever it is they don't employ Satanic practices {more than a few do}.
RHP User
10 years ago
I am a DOM and have a sub, i will soon be collaring her after we both discuss the waves it will create, apart from that every DOM or perhaps just me only holds the utmost respect for my sub, in a roundabout way she is in control.
my sub has the hard limits not me, hard limits means things she will not do, I must obey those limits without question, we can approach them and discuss them but it is she that controls them.
it's important to know that the sub controls the play (to some extent) we play for several hours and each time it me doing things to here that ultimately make her happy which in turns pleases me and so on.
if you like my sub and i would be very happy to chat with you over coffee, perhaps more my sub then me
DSRHP User
10 years ago
I am a DOM and have a sub, i will soon be collaring her after we both discuss the waves it will create, apart from that every DOM or perhaps just me only holds the utmost respect for my sub, in a roundabout way she is in control.
my sub has the hard limits not me, hard limits means things she will not do, I must obey those limits without question, we can approach them and discuss them but it is she that controls them.
it's important to know that the sub controls the play (to some extent) we play for several hours and each time it me doing things to here that ultimately make her happy which in turns pleases me and so on.
if you like my sub and i would be very happy to chat with you over coffee, perhaps more my sub then me
DS
Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
It's all about trust, this is not something I would do with just anyone. I would need to have a bond of trust with this petson. Missb this is an interest of mine also, and I have done something's to a certain extent, but with a very good friend of mine (that I trusted)
I've said this before, if you're giving away (by the means of being restrained, blindfolded, gagged, whips, etc) your ability to stop anything that you're not comfortable with, you need trust...good luck lovely 💋
- Posted from rhpmobiletwowithnolimits
10 years ago
I've been a Dom for 38 years and I've seen it all too. There are only two "rules" for you as a novice...
1. Find what suits you be it mild, regular, strong, or extreme, even if that includes name calling or face slapping and enjoy!!2. Don't rely on others to tel you what you should or shouldn't be doing , or how it should or shouldn't be done.
Hopefully as you become more experienced you will adhere to these two "rules" too. (see what i did there...)RHP User
10 years ago
Since you were 9 years old?
RHP User
10 years ago
Mastergg was the best dom player I played with. He respected my limits...
RHP User
10 years ago
Let's start with this man is not a dom full stop he is just a abusive fool that watched to much porn......
I can't stress this enough he is no dom.
I have as most that have spent any time in the bdsm seen come across people attracted to it for the only reason that they can pretend to be something they are not so they can indulged their vile and disturbing fantasy, others that just don't know better. To people at clubs and those with exp they tend to stand out but unfurtunelinty they pray on fresh people.
Is hard play part of bdsm ( face slap is extreme for a few reasons on a few levels) answer yes
Not many paths in life are as true as bdsm for showing you the truth of walk before you can run.
A sub I have played with took 6 mths of trust over many sessions just to work past the fear and damage done by a prick just like this fool. It is so sad that this wonderful women felt so ashamed of the urges and desires she had surpressed her whole life only to have that shame exploited reinforcing such a negative self view.
Done with trust and good intention and above all else good communication fetish can truly ever so much fun and ever so rewarding
- Posted from rhpmobiletwowithnolimits
10 years ago
What waves are you anticipating? Will you be having a full ceremony?
RHP User
10 years ago
That's a very kind and lovely offer. Missb, if you want to ask questions and get a real insight, that is a great opportunity. Grasp it with both hands. 2 hours with them will be equivalent to 3 months of reading.
And Congratulations on the soon to be collaring, I'm an emotional pleb and that is so romantic. Yes, what waves?
And every Dom should hold the utmost respect for his sub, it just wouldn't be 'cricket' otherwise. And love how you said you had to obey her limits. It's a mighty fine balance of power for all.
@funhands - well said and I'm so glad she found you.RHP User
10 years ago
read my profile it was done by my sub who became my slave for the people who understand the difference
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'KindaHippy' Since you were 9 years old? Good catch and quite funny..somebody might be lying about their age
RHP User
10 years ago
Female replying this time 😊 I guess we mean the general waves that may come from society when/if they realise what my collar actually is. We will be getting something that is more like a necklace but hoping to have something on it that signifies to us, and anyone that matters to us, what it really means. I doubt there will be a full ceremony as we are not active in the bdsm community but some type of ceremony with the two of us is on the cards for sure! And MissKay, thank you so much for your lovely words! 💋 I'm very lucky to have found my Daddy. He respects my limits very much, and also when I'd to push them just a bit. My safety and well being is always uppermost in his mind. I'd like to reinforce Daddy's offer Missb72 of chatting if you'd like. It would be a pleasure! Daddy has also asked me to apologise for the double posting. Lol, as we all know it happens sometimes.
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'KindaHippy' Since you were 9 years old?
RHP User
10 years ago
Hi Miss B72 and all others who contributed. I just had exactly the Same experience with someone who IS on this site and calls himself someone with '10 years experience in this area.' I was also upfront in saying that I was completely new and interested in being educated. Although he did ask me prior to playing what I liked, there was no real discussion on trust / boundaries etc, and he used almost the same words and also wanted me to jump straight into something which is clearly not a starting point in my limited experience. I tried to discuss this with him before a second encounter and immediately felt something was out of sorts, he was completely unwilling to work with me or alter the progression of what he wanted. Thankfully I called it off but was very relieved to read your post and also all the replies to it. So be careful to question people at length before you play. And thanks to all, I will also do some more research and follow the tips as suggested above.
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'dscouple3809' Female replying this time 😊 I guess we mean the general waves that may come from society when/if they realise what my collar actually is. We will be getting something that is more like a necklace but hoping to have something on it that signifies to us, and anyone that matters to us, what it really means. I doubt there will be a full ceremony as we are not active in the bdsm community but some type of ceremony with the two of us is on the cards for sure! And MissKay, thank you so much for your lovely words! 💋 I'm very lucky to have found my Daddy. He respects my limits very much, and also when I'd to push them just a bit. My safety and well being is always uppermost in his mind. I'd like to reinforce Daddy's offer Missb72 of chatting if you'd like. It would be a pleasure! Daddy has also asked me to apologise for the double posting. Lol, as we all know it happens sometimes. You are very welcome and I would love to help you celebrate. I could well imagine the RHP community could arrange a kick arse party! But I would be there with bells on xxx Please thank Daddy for allowing you to post now and I really hope you and Missb catch up.
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'firmhand4u' Quoting 'KindaHippy' Since you were 9 years old? Good catch and quite funny..somebody might be lying about their age Ya think?
RHP User
10 years ago
Miss B - my partner and I enjoy the bdsm scene here in Brisbane.... we often go to events, workshops and meets - if you are keen to chat anytime - just let me know - you will also find me on Fetlife using the same profile name. There is a great workshop coming up on the coast about "How To Serve" - it is run by a group who are very experienced and passionate that would be a great way to learn.
I feel that D/S relationships come in all shapes and forms. In many ways that are like traditional relationships but with different boundries. What works for some does not work for others. Take your time to find what works for YOU. xxx
Leesatwowithnolimits
10 years ago
Did everyone pick the difference.. after the first experience..she discussed the pluses and minuses and where to go next, that is how any relationship D/s or vanilla evolves..not all first dates go as planned or expected..its what you do after that which shows your maturity...when common ground was not found she called it off
well done Msnikita :-)RHP User
10 years ago
This is daddy posting, thank you so much for the wonderful words and kind support received from everyone, we would love to have some sort of celebration for sweetie to be collared, hopefully we can organize something in the new year. it will happen next year. It's not just a collar there's a lot of responsibility that comes with it, so we both want to be sure and committed.
here's food for thought for all DOM/SUB relationships out there. I've always had my believes even before i knew what i was. but it's good to hear it from other more experienced people.
Who is really in control the DOM or the SUB, the sub has the limits and safe words, to give you a clue and if you're old enough to remember the comedy duo Laurel & Hardy, who was the straight man and who was the fall guy, one caused the trouble but the other one copped it, there's a perfect non-sexual Dom/Sub ( i think).
as for me and sweetie, if i don't respect my sub and ignore the simple basic rules, i get shown the door and i'm online with my tail between my legs and looking again, but i could never find as perfect a sub as my sweetieRHP User
10 years ago
good eve, im a local top, well switch to tell the truth. and yes it is hard.
communication is the key, and it does take a hell of a lot of mutual respect and communication before hand. finding those limits that make you go "what the f***) . and a hell of a lot of trust as well. this does take time. you cant just drop of and enjoy that fantasy, who know what memories or past trauma it may trigger.
a good dom will sit down and talk about what goes on, yes this does kill the spontaneous part until he or she knows what limits are, but that also is a good part of meeting each other. and a chat afterwards is a good thing too for direction. As a top not only no we have to make our fantasy come true, you also provide ours as well.
that said should go for vanilla relationships as well, which i find does not happen. it all mystery and should i do that lol. the best part of being kinky, is ive found that you talk about what you want or desire and is harder to fuk up.
and never forget the safe word. it a very and integral part of the trust.RHP User
10 years ago
BDSM ( the acronym breaking down into a variety of things - B/D-Bondage and Discipline - D/s Domination and submission - S/m Sadism/masochism) is many things to many people..
think of it as a menu... like walking into a restaurant and seeing a whole new list of things for you to try...
not everything you see you will like... not everything you see you will want to try but it is there... laid out for you... a new world...
there are few rules and it is about the connection between two people... but in the end it is something both should want..
one of the few rules are that it is consensual... whatever you do is covered by either agreement beforehand or by the use of safewords - RED = STOP, ORANGE= approaching my limits (slow down but do not necc. stop), GREEN = yeah baby go for it!
what you experienced was probably someone who either did not understand or did not have the self control needed for the situation...
if they lack skills in either area I would not bother going back again...
SRHP User
10 years ago
My experience - I was going out with a heavy sub who insisted on being slapped extremely hard during sex. Took me a long time to get used to looking at bruises and the occasional bloody nose, so told her I wasn't comfortable. She left soon thereafter. Summation is - I suppose - each to their own, but the rules must be crystal clear and boundaries discussed and agreed to beforehand.
TRHP User
10 years ago
An answer to all your questions - All a big NO
Dom /Sub relationships are all about trust and making the person live the experience and enjoy it allNo form of violence should be tolerated and there should always be a prior chat or agreement where each party knows what the other is wanting ---- also A safety word should also be made should you venture into bondage of any sort
Good Luck
SDRHP User
10 years ago
Well Msnikita ... It is a shame we were never able to see our adventure blossom. Reading this thread makes me wonder what the general perception a Dom is and how a sub should be treated. I have always treated my sub's with the upmost respect ... they are placed on a pedistal, sometime they are spanked on that pedistal, but still ;) My feeling is that a sub opens herself up to her master and she puts a lot of trust in him becasue he has the ability to abuse this trust and potential put her in harms way. I adore my subs Xxx
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'suxmyphd' Well Msnikita ... It is a shame we were never able to see our adventure blossom. Reading this thread makes me wonder what the general perception a Dom is and how a sub should be treated. I have always treated my sub's with the upmost respect ... they are placed on a pedistal, sometime they are spanked on that pedistal, but still ;) My feeling is that a sub opens herself up to her master and she puts a lot of trust in him becasue he has the ability to abuse this trust and potential put her in harms way. I adore my subs Xxx I think he still wants you :) Go for it! But make sure you are really available, or you might find yourself being mysteriously replaced behind your back....
RHP User
10 years ago
hi im mistress athena,27.im not into camtocam orvery horny slave. im seeking for a devoted unattached and willing to create OWNERSHIP PROFILE and upgrade/pay for the membership fee
RHP User
10 years ago
hi im mistress athena,27.im not into camtocam orvery horny slave. im seeking for a devoted unattached and willing to create OWNERSHIP PROFILE and upgrade/pay for the membership fee
RHP User
10 years ago
just wish I had read it before yesterday...
I had been in contact with a man who claimed to be a dom for a while by email and there were many long and detailed emails discussing the how/what/why etc leading to the possibility of me becoming a sub to him.
there were a few silent periods which possibly should have had my spidey senses tingling - but hey we all get busy...
we met in public, he met my partner and all seemed good.
we finally met in private yesterday - without going into detail - I called off our follow up meeting for tonight saying I needed to think a bit more and the basic response back was "no worries, i had fun" meanwhile I was not in any way ok and had to wait for guests to leave and children to sleep before Mr Wren could finally hold me and reground me.
It was horrible. So have had a good read of this thread and many others on fetlife and may one day feel ok about looking at this again... it was just a complete shock to have him do everything he said he wouldn't and that shouldn't be done.RHP User
10 years ago
I am so so sorry you had that experience. You should have stopped him at your first feeling of discomfort. The sub has ultimate control and you need to respect yourself.
How are you feeling now you've had time to digest it?
And I think you need to tell him how he made you feel, in detail. That is not OK on any level. He needs to hear it. If he said he wouldn't do things and he did he should be told that he's broken your trust and how he's made you feel during and afterwards.
Huge hugs xxxRHP User
10 years ago
Yeah I should have told him - and I know that now, and knew that before it happened and probably on some level knew it at the time but it didn't happen.
I have told him in detail since via email what I was feeling. And had no response.
So a good learning experience.
Still a little shaken, and angry at myself for not ending it right then. Sigh.
thanks xxRHP User
10 years ago
No response? Are you fucking kidding me? What an arsehole!!!!
Don't be angry at yourself but definitely learn from the experience. I'm incredibly grateful you have Mr Wren to hold you.
There are some amazing people in the FetLife community so when you find your feet again I recommend you attend Munches and meet face to face with people who have lived this lifestyle for years. They will help you weed out the chaff and advise on how to make better decisions/have better communication/have the strength to say NO. I also recommend attending sub circles. I have made an amazing connection with my local group and they have adopted me as their newbie and have my back. They really have my back. I couldn't feel more supported.
Again I am so sorry you had such a bad experience, and by the sounds of your last comment, your gut already knew it. Always trust your gut.RHP User
10 years ago
There seems to no shortage of people on fet with little or no regard for the responsibility it takes to go some of the places they or others need or want to explore. Many broken twisted ugly people with pretty words and over inflated egos use the place as a excuse to blatantly and or use ignorance as a means to abuse trust others offer them because they fail in the vanilla word and at the end of the day are just little people.
I am sorry u had to find one
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Roline' Yeah I should have told him - and I know that now, and knew that before it happened and probably on some level knew it at the time but it didn't happen.
Dom/sub or any other connection there should always be respect for limits... the intensity of Dom/sub brings with it a responsibility to read how the sub is responding as there is often with those new to the lifestyle a reticence to use a safeword or call out when an "experienced Dom" is being a dick... do not be hard on yourself for the failings of others...
it was just a complete shock to have him do everything he said he wouldn't and that shouldn't be done.
communication is a key to a good connection... it sounds like your limits were communicated to him but he either did not listen to anything or he lacked control...
"no worries, i had fun"
this person obviously had a focus on one thing and that was not you...
no matter what you are into... Dom/sub... fetish... swinging... or anything social... sporting... cultural or political... there will always be those you connect with and those who are complete a complete dick... sounds like you met a complete dick...
your partner sounds like a good person... stay close to him and enjoy life...
SRHP User
10 years ago
.... Would treat a Sub like that. Sorry, I haven't even read the rest of the comments yet but that just pisses me off. If this is the way he acted then he is no Dom, he is an arrogant prick using the bdsm label as an excuse to be an arse. Submission in that sense is a major gift and should be treated as such. It puts the responsibility of the Sub's needs in the hand of the Dom. It doesn't give them an excuse to abuse a woman. If you feel you wish to experience a D/S relationship I can only suggest approach a respected club or community, the right people will be happy to guide you in experimenting with this and may also be able to put you in touch with a respected Dom who knows what he is doing. Both roles take time to learn and develop. Both should leave the person greatly fulfilled and enjoying themselves, not degraded or used.
RHP User
10 years ago
How do you handle it? There is a huge gap within me now and being my first d/s relationship, I don't know what to do now. The main problem was he was married....and his wife didn't know. He had been doing it for years and I wasn't the first, but it was intense and got to a point where it was me that called it off as I couldn't take the deceit. Moral compass finally kicked in, although I still feel like 'his'.
It has completely turned me around. Having been in a vanilla marriage and had pretty tame experiences before this, I know I can't go back to that. I love being sub (within the boundaries of my RL) and am missing it already. My real life is pretty busy and intense at the moment with work, family, house so it's not something I have a lot of time to dedicate to but I know I will still want my needs met in this way.
Sigh...are they all full of complications or did I just find myself in a difficult one? I really fell for him and it really hurts.twowithnolimits
10 years ago
True you cant go back, not once you have connected with your real need...all relationships are complicated D/s more so but please dont conclude that RL, work, familiy, house etc somehow precludes you leading the D/s life, why should it do straights have no relationship because they have a job? do gays not date because they have family? Do trannies not dress because they have a house?
The D/s lifestyle is just that a lifestyle choice, live it, don;t look at it as something you sneakily do once a month in a neighbouring town!!RHP User
10 years ago
"are they all full of complications"
every relationship is full of complication... when it involves someone to who you are an option rather than a priority then it just magnifies the usual issues...
take a deep breath... step back and work out what you NEED form a relationship then work out if you can get that from the relationship you have...
D/s or not... your base needs have to be met for a connection to stand a chance of surviving...
SRHP User
10 years ago
Thanks guys :)
I don't think it precludes me from it, just in my experience with him being married was he could only meet in the day, whereas I am a single mum with a professional city job and had to make time to meet when he was able to. It was hard and sometimes it jepordised my job or collecting kids on time etc. There were also training requirements outside of when I saw him and the time pressure was sometimes too much. I suppose they were more 'married man' issues actually!
But you're right - I'm not going to settle for being less than a priority :)
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
10 years ago
Big hugs. The end of anything is hard, but the end of intense D/s relationships even more so as to the extra emotional dynamics involved. I really feel for where you are right now. I'm not going to lie and say chin up, plenty more fish in the sea. Sure there is oceans of them but finding a vanilla mate is tough enough... all I can say is remain true to yourself, keep your toes in the water whilst you deal with RL.
@ Grieidiawl - I really liked your posts.
I recently read an amazing paper written by a Dom who was so thoughtful of her sub she even had explicit instructions of what to do if they ever broke up or if she died unexpectedly. Admittedly theirs was a fairly confronting relationship whereby the sub's whole world would be fraught with daily difficulties without her. It was a long and intense read and I wont bore you with the details, but a perfect example was orgasm denial/permission, how could he ever come again being trained to respond to only her?
I know your situation isn't that involved but just want to say I get the extra feeling of emptiness and the fear of being able to find something better. You really need to concentrate on getting through your feelings of still feeling like 'his' right now. I don't know how, or what is best for you. Is it something you have to deal with yourself or could he formally release you? Only you can answer that. But I think that is an important part of your healing.
I'm discovering being a sub is a far easier and less responsible road to travel than it is for a 'good' Dom.
Wishing you love & healing.RHP User
10 years ago
No all doms are not like that unless u want it that way i am a sub with a master he doesnt slap my face at all
RHP User
10 years ago
I know I am coming in late on the discussion but I agree fully with the emphasis on trust. The original point of the OP was that this was a surprise and contrary to what she was expecting. Whether the Dom was a sham or not I can't say but it was his job to establish the rapport with the sub so that he could understand her expectations. He didn't.
I have only being doing Dom for about a year and only really started understanding the theory underlying it all about a fortnight ago when I met a fantastic sub who is prepared to be patient and guiding with me. I am enjoying getting to know how she thinks, bouncing ideas off her and not getting discouraged when I fuck up. I am finding it is as much about a confident (not arrogant) attitude with self restraint, and genuine thought about what deliberate action can I take to get her into that space within her boundaries whilst still surprising her to keep her on her toes. It is a hard line to walk but a wonderful challenge.RHP User
10 years ago
Missb72 - firstly well done on posting such important questions. With the propensity of heavier/rougher porn now available it sounds like your friend was copying something he had seen on the net. Prior to meeting in the future, a good experienced Dom should discuss your limits with you first at the very least. you should also be offered a safeword or action (as often your mouth may be otherwise engaged ! lol) whereby you can stop the 'play' at any time for a time-out or to desist completely. 'Traffic lights' are a common safeword option as they allow you to say "yellow" or "orange" to time out or "red" to discontinue the play. you must be confident that your chosen Dominant will adhere to this no questions asked prior to play as a newbie. If a Dom does not provide you with these basics at the very least you should not agree to meet or further initiate play. I have found the best option is to have any prospective submissive complete a BDSM Checklist, which highlights a wide variety of activities, the level of participation the sub has previously tried and the level to which it was enjoyed. This in turn creates the opportunity for the Dom and the sub to agree on the level of play, the level of safety and care required and to have a meeting of minds around how the best, safest and sexiest time can be had by both.Whilst a Checklist is no guarantee of your own personal safety (your gut instincts, some references from the Dom and your own life experience are there for that) it does allow you to clearly indicate the things you are willing to try. Having your face slapped as a hard limit would have been picked up straight away. Far from being "too clinical and unsexy" (which I have been criticised for on several occasions) I find the BDSM Checklist stimulating and sexy as the two of you compare notes and your Dom, hopefully a creative fellow, can design a play that is stimulating, fun and sexy. Any prospective partner unwilling to offer or complete a Checklist when asked prior to a meet quickly shows their intentions, or lack thereof in My humble opinion.No Checklist - No play.No safeword - No playNo Aftercare - No play. Fun to fill out and full of ideas for having a sexy time - safely and sanely. Be prepared however, BDSM is highly addictive for those that take to it and your Checklist may evolve and develop over time as you explore...knot that that's necessarily a bad thing ! *wink*Great topic. Best of luck.Darkman. Xx
RHP User
10 years ago
Is to go onto feet life and find a munch group.... This is a group of subs, who get together in a relaxed atmosphere and talk about life, issues, wants and questions........ It is a great form of support, be it informative or emotional......... If you can find a BDSM group who get together locally, it is also an idea to find like minded persons who can direct you to a Dom who might suit you, willing to train or just to give advice......... This one area where you can never have to much information.
RHP User
10 years ago
Hello there! My name is Mistress Anna and I have recently come on board as a BDSM Educator here on Red Hot Pie. I am a Professional Dominatrix.The way that man treated you shows his lack of knowledge and skill. It boraders on near abuse!I have a wide experience of presenting workshop's for the kink community, my engagements include Uber, Sydney Xplore Festival, Sydney Leather Pride and in Hong Kong at The Hong Kong Kink Convention.I facilitate workshops tailored to your particular needs. Among these is the popular Fifty Shades of Fantasy. These workshops are designed to help you share with your partner and enter, with safety, the world you would like to experience together.I am committed to providing practical hands on and written education and information in an environment that facilitates the opportunity to learn, explore, engage and enjoy without judgement all that the BDSM culture has to offer".All activities will adhere to the BDSM code of Safe, Sane and Consensual. She can assure clients that personal boundaries will be respected and that the atmosphere of acceptance and discretion will provide that safe place which we all need on our journey.Warmest regardsMistress Anna
RHP User
9 years ago
not at all
RHP User
9 years ago
we to are new to this and their is a lot to talk about before you play with someone in this way we have been married for 12 years and trust and respect and love each other, i could not do it (i am the sub and male) with a stranger. i would do it with someone else but would have to know that person and trust them and only if they were experienced in this type of play.
RHP User
7 years ago
My experience now as a sub to my Dom is ....my biggest thing is trust...I may be different to some subs I don't know...but I am a single woman who has given total sexual activity control to my Attached Dom...I have no issues with him being attached....but in a previous time in my life I did the role when required as a domme...I found that role totally pleasurable and I respected and discussed boundaries with those men that required it....now in my life I found I need what I dished out...my Dom & I have discussed our do's and don't's and so far everything has been awesome...if anything I want him to push more....my only issue has been that I like it so much ...but as to your question all Doms & Dommes are different as are Subs and sometimes during the journey some parts of each role evolve ....but number 1 is trust....I trust my Dom with my life
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
7 years ago
u need an experienced doom to gently talk to u and then introduce you to the experience , not start slapping u around first meet
RHP User
7 years ago
Yes ..Sir ...and you did a good job gaining my trust way back then..💋😋😈..your loyal sub.
- Posted from rhpmobileMissb4u
7 years ago
What a blast from the past this thread is.
I've come such a long way since then and cringe a little reading this as I was sooo naive.RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'Missb4u'
What a blast from the past this thread is.
I've come such a long way since then and cringe a little reading this as I was sooo naive.
Miss, I guess we are all inexperienced at anything until we try. The great thing is 3 years on you can look back and see how much you may have experienced, learnt and enjoyed and the fact that you are still here means you must have enjoyed the ride (excuse the pun!!!)
Hopefully there was a lot more pleasure and enjoyment than pain, uncomfortable situations and situations you didn't want to be in.
Your sex appeal will always draw men to you and hopefully they provide what you are looking for.Lovinit28andKC72
7 years ago
"What a blast from the past this thread is."
(KC72) Gosh imagine me looking into this subject :)How good is it to look back on who you were all that time ago and look at yourself now, it's like a little journal in part of your life isn't it. I was involved in the adult dating/swinging scene quite a long time ago but was never fulfilled or content with what I was getting out of this. I moved into the kink scene through a person I'd meet and over time I've finally found my niche. I had to open my mind to all the different possibilities of sensations. All these sensations create chemical reactions in your body which is like a drug that we crave. Whether you receive these sensations from receiving pain, deprivation, humiliation, companionship, love, dominance, physical exertion, the list goes on. Over time we find what best suits our needs and often it's not one thing but a mixture. Like most people have said over the time of this thread "one of the big things is trust". I believe to get the full benefit of any play with someone you need to lower all your walls and just be in the moment regardless of whether you're the "top or bottom". To play with someone you love, to have all your protective barriers stripped away, to be so immersed in your scene where it doesn't matter how many people are watching, all that matters is the energy you're exchanging with that person or people, it's just out of this world. You need to be open with your feeling and thoughts and you also need to be open and willing to listen to others feelings and thoughts. Over time we all change and so discussions and negotiations should never stop.
It's like I know you just a little even though we've never meet Missb4you because of my beautiful girl. I'm looking forward to meeting you soon I hope :)Lovinit28andKC72
7 years ago
And I was dishing out the great advise way back then too and I didn't know what I was doing myself.
RHP User
7 years ago
I would suggest you take a step back and gain more knowledge before jumping into this. Sadly with all the on line sites many make claims of their knowledge than they have. First up I would suggest googling the BDSM check list. Take a good look and from that make up your Hard Limit list. These are no go areas and any Dom/me should respect them. Never go with someone to a private place till you feel very comfortable and ALWAYS have a safe call and let that person know if you leave the meeting place and where you have gone.Ask the Dom/me about their experience, many can talk the talk . Get involved in the local BDSM community. Many places ( you may need to travel is you live in a small community ) have then and those who are involved will run workshops as well as just to net work. Going to local munches ( A munch is a social gathering of like minded people. Its held usually at a local pub/club so all is vanilla. There is no play at them so great way for someone to get started. Do take care when picking a Dom/me, many will make out that to be a good sub you have to obey them. YOU are the one in control until you choose to give that up. If they will not respect you then they dont deserve you. ALso remember to use a safe word.
RHP User
6 years ago
Hi MissB, I have clearly come late to this conversation, and can only hope things have improved for you. D/S is no different to anything else, the strength of the relationship will always drive the benefit each party will get out of it, and communication is the key, if he has not asked you about what sort of things you want/need and your limits.....walk away.
Casual BDSM, by it’s nature is fraught because you don’t have the time to build the relationship you need. But as with vanilla attraction there are always “signs” that should give an idea about how capable the other party is.
I recently had a horrific experience in Melbourne, the guy was a complete idiot. Had no idea. Quite simply ranting and raving and ridiculous “acting out” is not Domination. Good domination is about getting the sub to do it even though they “don’t want to”
I have chosen to submit to others for years, and love it. I can only apologise for the wanker you had as your first. Don’t let it change your mind, pursue it with vigour.....
Curious1965
6 years ago
That is really bad no other way to say it
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
I’m sure there are many good responses in here, apologies I’m not going to read them all but I will add my two cents.
In short the sub is in charge. As counter intuitive as that is, they set the the boundaries and must 100% trust the dom.
The dom needs permission to take charge and always has to act in the sub’s best interest.
Boundaries need to be discussed and agreed to. As a sub you should never feel something happened that you didn’t like, enjoy or consent to.
- Posted from rhpmobile
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