Parents' challenge and handling

Parents' challenge and handling

    | Jan 03, 2017
sweetgem   Woman 37yrs
My tongue is bleeding from biting it so hard not to have a say about very young aged couples on sites like RHP! But I am going to stop biting my tongue for once and say........my head throbs with shocking pain, after seeing quite a number of very young (18-21 years old) couples signing up to sites like RHP, and the fact that it is mainly the male part of the couples that are mostly online! Plus the fact that they use "I and I am" instead of "we and we are" in their profiles + Forum topics! Do the women in those couples even know that they are online?! 😳😳

While I accept that the world, and the society, have advanced forward a lot from the time when I was 18, it is still shocking to see how young do kids commence their sexual adventures nowadays! I am not yet a parent, but I'm still not feeling at ease to see such a young generation have focussed so much on their sexual needs so soon!

What are the thoughts of the parents who have young children (under 18 or younger)? Are you worried much about what your kids might do outside home, especially those who have daughters that are already in dating relationship at 18 years of age?

How would you react if you come across a very young couple's profile on sites like this, which contains a photo of one of your children? What would you do and how would you handle the clarifying task with your children?

Do you think the kids in today's generation know what to focus on first, even with their parents' guidance?

NB: I am making this topic simply to learn of parents' thoughts and their handling of their young children. Nothing personal nor offense intended.


- Posted from rhpmobile
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Stirry

SweetGem....

We as parents cannot protect our kids from heartache, physical injury, or being exposed to things that may harm them....ok maybe delete that last bit as it kinda just says the same lol

All we as parents can do is provide them with the thought processes of analysis and the tools to cope with heartache etc if it presents itself......

The rest......is hoping we did it right.....

- Posted from rhpmobile
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FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

Sometimes

It may not be what it seems to be. They are young they have their whole life ahead of them to learn from mistakes. We can't judge by their age. We as other potential interested parties will pick up on what they write. Who are we to box other people in to our way of thinking? Maybe they have permission but can't express it very well or maybe their partner is saying yes to please not knowing themselves at the tender age of 18 or 23.

What age is appropriate to be on this site as a couple? That's a very discriminatory question when the maturity of the mind is not taken into account.

I understand what your saying though, Sweet Gem. Life is painful and not even parents can protect their children from life's pain. Growing is painful but can be rewarding.

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Bazingal   Woman 42yrs

I am a parent

I have raised two step daughters in their twenties now and have a son in his teens and a younger daughter.
My childhood was in a very strict religious home and school where sex was taboo and not spoken of in a manner wanting to encourage it. This has heavily influenced my parenting style to be open and honest with my kids. We speak about everything and my children know they can talk to me regarding any topic, with an open mind and no judgment. I have spoken with my older children about porn, masterbation and their bodies. I do not want any of my kids embarrassed or ashamed about themselves or their sexuality.

I applaud young people that have discovered their sexuality early. I wished I hadn't taken so long to appreciate sex.

And to answer some of your questions SweetGem, I do not condone someone underage on RHP or fraudulently representing themselves as a couple when they aren't (or single when partnered either - but that's a whole other topic).

What are the thoughts of the parents who have young children (under 18 or younger)? Are you worried much about what your kids might do outside home, especially those who have daughters that are already in dating relationship at 18 years of age?
I am not worried about my kids or their activities. I have taught my children about sex, their bodies, respect for themselves and others. I know they will come to me to discuss anything on their mind.
There is also a website www.lawstuff.org.au that outlines laws for each state (there is a SEX category), quite an interesting read.

How would you react if you come across a very young couple's profile on sites like this, which contains a photo of one of your children? What would you do and how would you handle the clarifying task with your children?
I would ask my children outright if it was their profile. If so, probably block them from seeing mine (or if underage further consequences would apply). If not, report it immediately to RHP.

Do you think the kids in today's generation know what to focus on first, even with their parents' guidance?
SweetGem what do you mean by focus? Sexually or do you mean broader; study, career, family, travel, etc?
I guess my answer to all is I trust I have raised my children to be well rounded, respectful human beings.
I want them to work hard for what they want to achieve in life, live with passion and enjoy what life has to offer. A part of that is to enjoy exploring their sexuality without feeling dirty or ashamed. So yes, I believe my kids know what is important to focus on.



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lily1970   Woman 46yrs

18+




Once your children turn 18,they are an adult and free to do as they wish.and more than entitled to privacy in their private lives....not sure why this is an issue...
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Lovinit28andKC72   Couple Man 45yrs Woman 48yrs

Parenting 101

I'm a mother of 5, 4 boys (25, 23, 14 & 11) and 1 girl (19), I think I've done a reasonably good job with the older ones, still doing the same job with the younger ones. They are all awesome individuals with their own voices, good manners, respectful, who know the differenc between right and wrong, they have common sense, kind hearts and are loving caring people, like their mother.
The thing is Sweetgem, we as parents can only do so much before they make their own choices and walk their own paths. All I can hope for is, I've given all of them the life skills to get them through whatever choices/decisions (wheather that be sexual, everyday life, social situations, or in the workforce) they make as young people, also that they know that I'm always going to be there for them, to love them, to listen to them, to help them, to advise them, to not judge them and that it's all unconditional.💋
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Rick_Blaine  

Man 45yrs

Parenting

A good sculptor sees the figure already inherent in the marble, and labours patiently to bring it out. A bad sculptor tries to impose a pre-envisioned figure onto the marble, regardless of its inherent qualities.

I reckon that's true of parenting. I've worked hard as a father to help both my kids understand who they are, to be comfortable with themselves, and to bring that self respect into their relationship with others. Being sexually open and inquisitive is a gift, as long as you're not being manipulated by anyone, and with healthy self respect manipulation's much less likely to occur.

Of course they'll make mistakes, but they have the internal strength to weather that and learn from it, which is what growing up is. The sexual adventures they embark upon will be their own, and of their own choosing, and part of their journey into maturity.

As for their generation as a whole, the last twenty years or so of technological advances has created a very different culture from the one I grew up in, and has certainly impacted on their attitudes to sex and relationships, but judging from my kids' friends it's just different, not worse.
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LittleGiant   Couple Man 31yrs Woman 29yrs

I'm not your target audience but..

I am part of the 'young people' that you describe - I joined when I was 19 as part of a couple and have been on here ever since as a couple and a single - also I should say that from the get-go I've been the one that sends out the majority of messages and makes things happen on here, not the male

While they've never said anything directly, I know my parents aren't completely in the dark about my relationship/sex life preferences. All they've ever said to me was to be safe, smart, happy and healthy. Which I like to think that I have been on this site. And I think that my experiences on here have helped me to become a sex-positive, open-minded person. I think my parents would be confident in that they've raised me well-enough in my formative years to make intelligent decisions, and if I was a parent I'd like to think that i'd done enough to think the same so I wouldn't worry if I saw my child on here. Once you get to that age - truth be told - there's probably very little a parent could do/say to stop a younger person exploring if they are curious.

I'm curious, what would YOU say/do if your child was on here sweetgem?

Miss Little
xx
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Parenting

I have my own kids and a step child, the oldest 18 is a girl and has had the sub dermal contraceptive implanted about 18 months now, she is sensible and responsible and talks openly with her mother about her issues, all good there. Next is a 15yo girl who has her head in the books and isn't into boys much but has male friends, I have tried to educate her on how boys think and how to treat them with respect and not take advantage as it is a two way street.

Youngest is 12yo boy, he has interest in girls and has had his heart wrenched once already, I am trying to teach him to be his own man and not be a pack animal, I am teaching him respect for girls, his friends and himself, I am already onto him about thinking with his big brain and I think he gets it, he just hasn't lived it.

They have all been guilty at one time or another of social media "crimes" and have been jumped on.

The big message from us is about respect for themselves and others, resilience and responsibility for their own shit.

I'm confident the lessons learned to date will hold them in good stead if they ever start using dating apps or the like, I have always emphasised discernment and critical thinking about what they see online in their education work and social media use. I'm cautiously optimistic about that we have a good mix of technology and irl time. Fortunately for me I think I have a few years up my sleeve before I see them here !

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CandyDelicious   Woman 30yrs

SweetGem - Focus on what first ?

What do you mean when you ask do kids know what to focus on first? What do you think they should be focusing on? I would imagine most 18 year olds are focused on fun and sex and most likely always have been - even if they way they have gone about it has changed to when you were young.



Perhaps this is more a cultural question and different culture views on sex?
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sweetgem   Woman 37yrs

Thank you everyone for your thoughts

Like I said, I did not make this topic to attack anyone, so nothing is personal in my approach/questions. I asked questions because I am interested to learn from the mindset of parents who have teenage, and early 20s, children. I am interested to learn how would the parents handle the communication with their kids about safe sex practice, etc. in this new century because, I am not yet a parent and I could only imagine how challenging it is to talk to your children about sexual things 😊

I am naive, so I know I have no rights to discriminate against the young people who are, and/or want to sign up to sites like RHP! But I am interested to learn how would parents in this day and age raise their kids in terms of guidance, as things have changed a lot since I was 18! Therefore, if anyone that reads this topic and takes it personal, I am not responsible for your own interpretation because, I mean no offense. Besides, we are all adults in here and words can display different messages to different readers 😊

- Posted from rhpmobile
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NudesRus  

Couple Man 50yrs Woman 48yrs

OMG

What sight are we on. Christian Family and Friends! This is an adult site and anyone over 18 can be on here for what ever reason they want to be. It's got fuck all to do with anyone else why they are on here, everyone has their own reasons. We have two boys over 21 and I'm sure they get up to stuff we don't want to know about. With all the shit going on in the world these days, if being on a swinging sight is the worst thing they are doing, I'd be happy. I'm having trouble getting my head around why someone with such prudish views is on an adult sex site. Take some panadol for that throbbing head and get over it.
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sweetgem   Woman 37yrs

Typo

I meant to say, I am not naive, but fingers skipped a word 😛

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Champagnesunsets

My concern

Would be.. why the hell are they online looking for dates at that age? Ive had the sex talk with my 17 year old. I wouldn't like to see him on here next year. Id rather he was out enjoying himself with girls, going to music festivals, the beach, movies etc instead of focusing on hook ups. Be young and have fun instead of sitting on your laptop or phone looking for sex. It will come naturally. And yes, he knows Im on here but Im 53 and never thought about hooking up just for sex or swinging at 18.
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sweetgem   Woman 37yrs

Miss Little

Thanks for asking the question :)

If I had a child and saw him/her on RHP, I would be worried, I'm not gonna lie! But that doesn't mean that I would go and slap him/her in the face and told them off! No, I would not, even if I would be worried as hell on the inside. I would find a suitable time to raise the question and give them confidence to be honest with me, and that type of trust must be built from when they were just a bub 😊

I am not a parent, so I won't really know how would a parent feel if they discovered their children on a site like this. Hence, I asked the questions, as I could only imagine how not easy it is for a parent to discover such discovery. But that is just my imagination, doesn't mean all parents would be shocked 😁

- Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem   Woman 37yrs

Candy

No, this is not a cultural view on sex :) its more about an individual's (my) view on the things to focus on, in life :)

I admit that my last question about "whether or not young people in this day and age know what to focus first" formed with the influence of my own growing up background, which I apologise for raising such question so bluntly.

When I was 18-23, my first focus, or shall I say priority, was to learn English, to find jobs, to make a living and to improve on the quality of life for me and for my family, as we came here with almost nothing, except our own hands and determination to make this beautiful country a home. This is a paradise compared to where we came from, and so my mind was occupied with different views and priorities at that age. So, all I knew was "we are settling in in a new country, but I don't know how to speak the national language. So, I must work hard to study English and get jobs in order to make a better life and change things around for my mother and younger siblings". Therefore, my worldview nowadays about priorities, at that age, is being set like that from my own life experiences.

However, I do accept that things aren't the same anymore and it's been a long time since I was 18 😛 so I will continue to learn to keep a better open mind about how young people would live their own lives in this new century 😊

- Posted from rhpmobile
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countrytouch  

Man 34yrs

Why young people are here

The first time I signed up, many years ago of course, I was still trying later than everyone else to lose my virginity. As far as I was concerned, experimentation with sex was something that most people had done, from the average age of virginity loss which I assume to be still somewhere in the teens.

As far as I'm aware, sexual maturity and maturity in general comes from what you experience, you can only learn so much from books etc.

It's not young couple's presence here that is any issue, it's their attitude. I've come across very young but legal couple's profiles, and they have sometimes written their profiles in a more mature way than many much older adults. Perhaps they know that the odds are against them and so have to redouble their efforts. What is the right age before someone can consider group sex, bdsm, etc?

- Posted from rhpmobile
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countrytouch  

Man 34yrs

How much time does sex actually take up?

You realise you can have an experimental sex life WHILE focusing on a career, saving money, study etc etc?

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Hotwives_Inc   Couple (FF) Woman 48yrs Woman 48yrs

How young is too young?

Like Bazingal, I had a strict upbringing. Not a religious background (though my parents hid behind it) but I have an ethnic heritage. I'm not speaking for Baz here but for me whilst I was growing up sex was taboo, not something you did before marriage and was for the enjoyment of your husband or procreation - nothing more.

I never saw my parents flirt with each other , be affection or anything of the sort with each other. Sex was often a hushed conversation and I did hear some conversations and sex sounded awful! I fought hard to be 'allowed' to go to uni because it would be worthless once I married and had kids. I met my husband at 22, was a virgin and premarital sex was fucking awesome and sex still is ;)



I'm the parent of teenage children and I wouldn't mind it if my kids were on here. I've always promoted choices, healthy choices for them, not me! I'm open in my discussions (too open according to my son) but I will never promote sex as anything but wonderful in a consensual situation. I have the difficult discussions with my kids and what I've noticed is they both have a healthy approach to all aspects of sex and sexuality.



I wish I was as open, diverse and as knowledgeable as my children are when I was their age. I completely understand where Miss Little is coming from. Its all about choice for me, their choice :)



Mary xx
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Livingandloving2  

Couple Man 47yrs Woman 46yrs

We have 3 children in their early twenties

And.... I would never judge them on exploring every aspect of their lives- including sexual... so long as it's legal and nobody is getting hurt.
I am the only one if my couple who posts here as Mr LAL prefers the chat rooms. Dies that raise suspicion that we are not a couple? Or is this only for younger couple profiles?
The reason we don't have face pics up is just in case our kids do join and come across us.... we could handle seeing them on here but don't think any of them are ready to see their parents :)
Mrs LAL

- Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway   TV/CD 54yrs

Like a few have said

Age is irrelevant. The older generations have been brought up handicapped by our parents values and beliefs which may or not have been correct. We were brought up in an isolated world without the internet.

If we, the older generations had the internet and sites like rhp we may avoided many of our life problems.

Many of us have joined pie and our world has opened and changed us for the better. Made it clearer of where we want to go and do, who to be with and defined ourselves to the people we want to be.

Speaking for myself, if l was 21 and joining pie, my life would be very different. Not saying it would be perfect or there would not have been mistakes made. Just saying age does not always make us right.

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