Make your own template I admit I'm a bitch & hate country walks

Make your own template I admit I'm a bitch & hate country walks

    | Apr 06, 2017
I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs
Hi 😉 Inspired by an exchange of comments between two of our forum regulars, where the standard profile 'about me' template got worked over a little to personalise it. I can't quote but let's have some fun with this.


So the standard template is - Hi I'm a man , 39 years old, seeking other fun people.


I admit that I am a sexual animal and can't get enough.


People have described me as good-looking but you can be the judge of that.


I enjoy the outdoors, whether at the beach or in the country.


Now you don't have to be 39 😀 this guy probably wasn't either 😉 but how would yours read? Please come in anytime you like to do a new one, depending on your mood/experience that day/outlook that day etc but let's relax with this. Just for fun, play nice please, and it doesn't have to be sexual, random shit is fine.


I'll start


Hi I'm a chick, 39 years old 😉 seeking a fuck.


I admit that I'm a complete slut but you won't care.


People have described me as a bitch, but you can be the judge of that.


I hate the outdoors, whether at the beach or in the country, much prefer to stay inside, veg out, watch porn, eat chocolate and play with myself 😛


Tongue in cheek, now yours 👍
Apr 07, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
PepperRose   Woman 100yrs

Today

I am a 40 stardust infused humanoid, cavorting about with breasts and a pussy
I admit I probably won't fuck you; unless you are mixed race, stand 192 cm tall, have heterochromia and a 7.43" cock
(I should also quietly admit, I'd probably feel up your wife, and make out with your girlfriend)
People have described me as [something biased, because they don't tell me to my face]
I love grey rainy days, with low UV and high chance of thunderstorms. I'll probably try to make you drink something lurid, or at least with gin or cognac in it, before attempting to convince you to let me bitch slap you, while I have my hand around your. Other than that I can be a fucking darling*

*Not a written guarantee.
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PepperRose   Woman 100yrs

Ammendum

I also am lousy at proof-reading and my auto-correct has long given up on me. So try to work out the bits I missed. Good luck (or should I say oops)
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Fit_Geek

Standard template for guys

I'm 40 years old. I just have dick pics as I let myself go after High school. Go out to the pub with me though and I'll bore you shitless telling you all about how I was a high school sporting hero though.

I paid good money to be on this site, so I don't give a shit that I match nothing you want, in the profile I didn't read, you have to put out. I'll tell you I've got an 8 inch dick, which is really 2 inches shorter and twice as long as I'll last when I'm three quarters pissed and put a leg over you. Foreplay? Isn't that something golfers call out?

- Posted from rhpmobile
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

pepper

Haha I love the exact penis size and height 😂😂😂

Thank you lmao 😀
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boobs_or_bust  

Couple Man 51yrs Woman 42yrs

Lmao

That was gold it2,lmao loved it

Pepperose ,I so feel your pain ,I suck and have itchy trigger fingers on hitting post ,and to moists peoples horror,I gave up caring when we joined here

- Posted from rhpmobile
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lovman8   Man 65yrs

A lot of blokes on here could use this template

Fit ,healthy, young acting 50+ year old, with tantric experience looking for intelligent stimulating woman ( must have chemistry ) for long satisfying love making sessions where your pleasure is my focus and hence I will suck pussy for hours and then pleasure you with my .

Translation - dirty old man probably over 65 , sleazy and a perve, who is so desparate he will fuck anyone or thing with something resembling a vagina, and will give your pussy a passing lick before fucking you for 30 seconds or so if he can get an erection.
Oops, that's no template , it's my actual profile?????
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satisfyus45   Man 47yrs

Ok, I'll give it a go.

I'm a man, 39 years old, yeah right, that was almost a fucking decade ago!

I admit that I'm always horny. That should be no surprise to you, I'm a man for gods sake!

I have no idea how people describe me. Being a middle aged married man with no interest in a committed relationship means the conversation doesn't normally get that far.

I love the outdoors but you wouldn't guess that from the amount of time I spend here on the computer enjoying myself perving at all your wonderful pictures.
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Rick_Blaine   Man 45yrs

Honest template options that should be made available...

Last time I looked I was a 39 year old man, but that was some time ago now.



I'll admit I'm a sexual animal (a slug if zoological precision is important to you).



People say I look tired and probably need a holiday, but you can be the judge of that.



I enjoy reality programs about the outdoors, whether it be Survivor or Jersey Shore.



Please fuck me, I'll really enjoy it.
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PeachyPearL   Woman 53yrs

Damn Touch

I was hoping this was going to be for template replies to messages and was wondering WHY it was in off topic.

On topic:

I'm a 53 year old woman seeking sweet fuckall. Seriously, not even you. Messaging, pretending to be a friend won't change that.

I have a loving husband who tells me I'm HOT every day!

I admit I'm a sexual animal he can't get enough of.

We like to spend time at home together but do still talk about making more of RHP than me posting in the forum... it's going to take a very special, open person to take us out of our comfort zone.
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

peachy

Yeah, off topic, damn 👎 it'll disappear by tomorrow 😉 where's that work experience kid when I need him? Tried to post in hot topics, failed sigh 😀

Hmm so your template was interesting 😉 I hope you find that special person to venture back 😀
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

thanks

Thanks to boobs_or_bust, Fit_Geek, lovman, satisfyus45, Rick_Blaine, loved all your comments, great laugh, thank you 😀

Few of us are 39, go figure 😎 not nearly as obvious as 44 😉
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PepperRose   Woman 100yrs

Touch

I'll have to write a guy's one and include the line "I like a woman who knows what she wants". Pretty sure I covered that, no? ,)

Actually, I think I had better not write a male nor couples profile - someone may point at my droll and call it cynicism. Poor ole droll

*resists*



Boobs... my trigger finger makes people moist, too ;) *runs for cover at mention of the 'm' word*
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

pepper

mmm all this talk about your trigger finger, how's your inbox 😜

Don't resist, go for it, just blame me if it all goes wrong 😎
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Koolgrey   Man 43yrs

Sure, how's this..

"Hi, I'm a man, 42 years, and I'm a top bloke. Really, I mean that. I don't give a fuck about getting laid, but you can be the judge of that.
I like going out for coffee...honest, I love coffee...but I'm not much for shopping with my mates. Naah, that sounds boring..besides, shopping's so much easier online.
But I like beer, and I like food. Good, honest food...not 3 pureed mung beans under a sliver of barely cooked poultry.
My friends say I'm attractive, but they're just being wankers, don't take their word for anything."

Apr 08, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Obi1kazsnorkus   Man 50yrs

Hey.

Hi. I am a 16 year old private schoolboy pretending to be a 30 year old stud so I can attract women then share all their pics and messages with my mates at lunch time.

Your looks are really not important to me, but I do get bonus points if my mates think you are hot (sorry but they will be the judge of that).

It's important that I do this to justify all the tax payers funds spent on me to attend this school, and besides I need to fit in with all my privileged friends.

So please indulge me and send me a pic of your pussy (I have not yet seen one in real life yet, but am looking forward to doing so when I grow up in 20 years or so).

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PepperRose   Woman 100yrs

Template

I'm a woman

(Subtext: I've calculated the amount of effort required to get messages at the current men:women ratio)

I'm still resisting! I basically deserve a good Samaritan award.

Touch: My box is sedate. Guess my womanliness isn't 'liness enough. Love the topic, btw! Nice rhythmic fingering of the buttons to create an amusing outcome
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PeachyPearL   Woman 53yrs

Touch




Quoting 'I_touch_myself2'

Yeah, off topic, damn 👎 it'll disappear by tomorrow 😉 where's that work experience kid when I need him? Tried to post in hot topics, failed sigh 😀


Hmm so your template was interesting 😉 I hope you find that special person to venture back 😀
You're still here?!? You got to the work experience kid didn't you. Haha, I bet you were distracting that poor kid in the first place and that's how this excellent topic got here.

I think the last bit of my post should probably be under the Red Hot Fantasy section, but yeah, thank you.
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Cruisinglife

Male Single 46

Hi I'm a 46 year old male.
Some say I'm attractive and my mum says I'm the best she has ever had.
Still live at home with mum, dad and grandma.
Haven't had a job in over 10 years.
I love eating pringles for breakfast.
Shower twice a month.
I don't care if you fart or snore in bed because I'm a legend at it.
Haven't seen my dick in years due to the rolls of fat and pubic hair that's from a set from a 70's porn video.
Hate oral and prefer to lay there like a star fish and let you do all the work.
I don't care if you cum because it's all about me.
Prefer if you pay for drinks and dinner when we go out and pick me up as I don't have a car.
My pic's are stolen and never went past primary school.
Mr grammer is shyat. Oops grammar is shit.
Am desperate and dateless and prefer someone other then my siblings.


- Posted from rhpmobile
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

peachy

😀 the work experience kid is blushing 😊
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

okay I'm going again

Hi. I'm a worn out old cougar, 39 yrs old 😉

I admit that I'm desperate, why do think I fuck/suck like it'll be my last

People have described me as nice, that's a load of bull, read my first post

I'm unlucky to reply unless you're a male stripper, makes little difference whether you like the beach or the country

😘 hit me up

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