Loneliness..Even though we have connections via social media

Loneliness..Even though we have connections via social media

    | Mar 01, 2017
Qefenta1   Woman 63yrs
Loneliness seems to be on the increase.People are becoming more isolated ,losing connections they may have had in the past.

Is this true for you? What are some of the strategies that you have put in place to overcome loneliness?

Do you embrace solitude or do you hate spending time alone?

What are some of the factors that contributed to your feeling lonely?

What advice would you give to someone experiencing loneliness? Q
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GM4alaugh   Man 51yrs

Thanks Q

I have and intend to make more of an effort this year to catch up with friends who I have dropped off the radar these last few years.

Primarily because I was too busy looking at my own little world and that's going to change.

Back on topic I didn't see the loneliness creeping in. Too busy too tired etc.
When you do notice it there is a small bit of despair also.
I'm lucky being able to do some thing about it, others don't have the avenues or friends for that mater to help you through.

I think everyone embraces solitude in some form or another but it's a slippery slope if it consumes you.

Thanks for reading this far โ˜บ

- Posted from rhpmobile
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freogirl66   Woman 50yrs

I'm at Uni

I could do my course online but find being an internal student has given me the opportunity to engage with other of all ages.

I think the key is to keep yourself busy and look for opportunities to get out and about.





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CucknShells   Woman 49yrs

I rarely feel




lonely nowadays but then I am very lucky to have the partner that I have.

I know some people who are married and feel very lonely.


I have however since entering this lifestyle tended to isolate myself a bit. I get a bit frustrated I suppose that I can't be completely honest with my friends. In that I can't tell them about our lifestyle. I work from home so I need to make a conscious effort to catch up with people. I do try to do that every couple of weeks or so.


I enjoy my own company and I do need me time or I go a bit mental. I am not a social butterfly and prefer small groups. I only have a small number of close friends.


However I have made some special friends who are on RHP and we send messages and chat when we can. I just don't see them very often.


When I first moved up here I was all alone. I didn't know anybody and had no family here. So I joined a netball club and took up pottery. I talked to people at my work and I made an effort to go out and meet people. There was no online stuff then. I think I would have gone online and tried to connect that way. Like I did when wanting to meet people similar to us.


Shells.

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WhitsundayGuy   Man 57yrs

I know what you are saying.

I live in a beautiful place in Australia if not the world and have pretty much everything I want and I am married, happily. But I miss a good friend that moved on and the fun we had together. I often spend many days in a row on my own and really miss fun company. Everyone seems to have their own life to live and spending time with other people can often be hard to fit into each others schedule. Having so many things I want to do and explore but needing a mate to do them with wether that be male or female is often hard to fit into our busy life styles.
What to do? I am on RHP for that reason.


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Kittyesque  

Woman 41yrs

I read a newspaper article recently




(Huffington Post I think it was) that 60 percent of people polled out of 5000, said that they had no real friends that they could call on if they were in any sort of trouble and even though they embraced social media and "knew" many people, they never felt so alone.


I have never been so alone as what I am currently experiencing.


I had three very close friends, but due to relocation and death, we are now separated by circumstances. However I am big on keeping in contact with people. I am excellent at writing emails to my not as close mates and sending cards etc . I find this is one of my strengths. I have a excellent head for remembering birthdays


But I have no living family and that is very difficult.


I have been ill and as a result, it would be fair to say that I have become more introverted and have lost my confidence, not helped by the fact that I haven't worked fulltime for nearly 3 years although I have gone back to work this year part time and that has certainly helped in easing my loneliness. My work colleagues have been terrific.


I have no partner or FWB etc and have resigned myself to the fact that I probably wont now. Due to treatment I did put on a lot of weight but recently I have also lost a great deal and my new weight loss is comforting but basically I'm still very shy and introverted which I think is my personality anyway . I did believe once I lost weight, things would improve socially but I now think that is a myth. I've been contacted by guys from here, many offering support or writing of their own personal experience with illnesses, which has been lovely, and they have been respectful but none have been prepared to meet, just chat.


I'm used to being alone now cause its been about 4 years since my personal life altered unexpectantly . I embrace my solitude but I do at times hate it, Sunday is the worse day. So all of the above issues have contributed to my loneliness, but in all fairness I too have probably not made as big an effort as I could have but overcoming shyness and lack of confidence, and body issues well its bloody hard. Its confronting getting out of your comfort zone


I don't think I necessarily have any obvious strategies in place. I just keep busy.


I workout every day, I read, I play guitar and piano and do a lot of writing. I've re enrolled in Uni, although online to keep the brain active. I go to events that interest me, I push myself to go out at times, but once I get there I'm always glad I went. I do chat to people at the gym, or at the shops or next to me at the theatre and I always find they chat back, so I am conscious of the fact that I'm not alone in my loneliness. For someone who is shy I'm quite the chatterer.


I think loneliness is our greatest social issue.


I have no advice to give one experiencing loneliness, I've just learned to accept it and be grateful for what I do have. I wish I knew the answer but I don't. However I must admit I do this. I have recently started busking in the city at the weekend, at the suggestion of a person I knew. Not for funds but to chat with people and to help me with my shyness and confidence and I must admit, it has helped me open up, but I still have lunch alone.


I guess for some people this is just the way it is.








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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

shells

summed it up beautifully. I was desperately lonely when I was married. I get lonely now occasionally, if I'm to be honest, but not like that. That just sucks balls living in the same house as someone, but you may as well be on a different planet. I had to learn to be happy in my own company. I always felt like I needed another person, and it's the best thing I ever did. I appreciate small things and take the time to do things I used to complain I never had time to do. Wasn't that I didn't have time, I just didn't make time to enjoy those small pleasures. One thing is for sure though, I don't sit back anymore and wait for life to come to me. As a sidenote, I think these kinds of topics are fine for people to analyse themselves, but not to be trying to analyse someone else, not unless the advice is asked for, not your topic Q, I don't mean that, just find it patroniding when people tell you you need friends or to go out more, or to join sporting club lol how the fuckin hell would they know what I need. They don't know me, even people who do know me wouldn't bother trying to give me advice ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜‰ they know "I do it myyyyyyyuy way!" ๐Ÿ’ƒ
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inspirit   Woman 53yrs

Defo not lonely..

Some times I feel alone tho. When I do ill ring an fb for some pampering.

Life is just to busy these days..

Advice id give..... read up on Bhudism

- Posted from rhpmobile
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countrytouch  

Man 34yrs

From being almost always single...

I can say that I have had to learn my own ways of overcoming loneliness. Of course not all of them work.

Recently I have found many new friends on rhp mainly, and although I do have local family, my regular (growing up, living with etc) friends are interstate. Essentially all family are partnered and have been for years, and on my generation, all now with their own children. A very quick enquiry will tell me if people are working or busy for the weekend or other days off, at which point if I am free, I am often left with my own company, and that of my wonderful dog :)

Over the long term, the times I have felt most alone have been during deaths in the family. Yes, other family is there to support you (although my priority was to support others), but I saw that basically every other member of the family at such times also had a loving partner for support; not just the shoulder to cry on, but someone to share their deepest concerns and emotions. So I tended to minimise the mourning process as much as possible, but doing this I have found that those events still sometimes affect me greatly.

The other times in the past have been after various setbacks in dating, which alone are not so much an issue, but sometimes they are the straw that breaks the camel's back, when other stresses have been accumulating. Setbacks and stresses have led to depression, and at again other times when I have felt I am doing well, background emotional variability has led to (to coin a term) NARC symptoms (No Apparent Reason Crying).

They say you are supposed to be complete as a single individual. I guess I am still coming to terms with how to do this effectively. At least they say you have to be in order to support someone else in the long term (or have them be interested). All I know is I was most happy during a (brief) relationship. However now having had FWBs has helped me a lot with my general stability, and enjoying basic ongoing companionship or more.

While I enjoy my own time, with my own interests, I'd rather be around open, non-judgemental and supportive people for general socialising. I'd rather less friends but who are quite special than lots of mates to hang out with more superficially. I have found myself intolerant of intolerance (so to speak), which limits the people I decide to be friends with. So perhaps I could call myself the reluctant introvert. But I am under no illusions that many other people have a life that is a lot tougher than mine. All things considered, I'm currently doing quite well. The odd few tears here and there are part of life; and you appreciate the good times more.



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PurePeony   Woman 42yrs

Chronic loneliness is an epidemic

If we enter those key words in search engines, you'd see that it is a very hot and current topic with lots of articles available.



Is this true for you? - 10 years ago, I came to Australia alone. It would be hardly surprising that loneliness is part of the bargain.



What are some of the strategies that you have put in place to overcome loneliness? - I meet friends regularly and stay in touch via Whatsapp. I join interest groups. I make friends with colleagues. I immerse myself in my numerous hobbies. I meet lots of people every workday so often, I'm happy to be alone after work.



Do you embrace solitude or do you hate spending time alone? - I embrace it! If I don't have my alone time, I become super cranky. I rarely dread solitude.



What are some of the factors that contributed to your feeling lonely? - I'm single with no family in a foreign land. Most of my friends are married / attached so it's hard to get hold of them. I stay away from people if I've had a rough week at work and need to destress and recharge. Most of the time, it's a deliberate and mindful self-imposed solitude.



What advice would you give to someone experiencing loneliness? - Reach out to your friends / neighbours / colleagues / interest group members.
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

countrytouch

"I'd rather less friends but who are quite special than lots of mates to hang out with more superficially"

Yes, that right there ๐Ÿ‘
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lilyorchid   Woman 44yrs

Kitty

I'm sorry to hear the pain you are feeling at this point. I'm not sure what to say but I'm sending you some hugs across the ether. It is not easy to overcome shyness. I.have to grow out of my shyness via endless activities after school. I was enrolled in pretty much everything imaginable like pottery, ballet, basketball, etc so as to improve my social skills. I suppose after a while I came out of my shell and made good friends that I am.still in touch after 20 years.



Friends are great and losing great friends you can really trust can be devastating to some if not most.



I just wish you have a better support system around you. please seek help if you feel overwhelmed.



Post here on the forums to vent or share your thoughts, as a release valve. Sometimes you can get scathing comments from people who make silly assumptions about you. Not worth stressing out as it is more about their mental issues than you. Don't be discouraged. However, more likely than not, you will get plenty of good people who are ready to accept you for who you are.



Go to meet and greets in your city if you can. Chat with Rhp people. Most are really relaxed and accepting. I have made really good friends from this site that I can say I truly trust. One started really rough but I can say she is a friend I.can trust.



My best wishes.
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lilyorchid   Woman 44yrs

Loneliness

Nice topic Q.

I can relate with Pp.

At times, I immerse myself in my work and other activities so I don't feel like dwelling in loneliness or just having a rough dsy or week. At times, I need time off from people and happy to do my own thing - reading a good book while sipping a glass of red and listening to Nina Simone crooning in the background. I go to the library to read or browse books and magazines, Or I'd hit the gym and work myself til I'm exhausted via workouts or boxing training . Or paint. I love to paint. It's cathartic. Or catch up with an fwb or friends for a drink down the beach or the local. Or go to any events happening in any city or town I'm in.

I'm shit at keeping in touch with friends and terrible St remembering birthdays. But I always make it up to them somehow.



Anything really productive to refocus my mind of it and not let it get me down. I like to list things down that I'd like to do, like a mini bucket list and try to tick them off when I find gaps between work and looking after my kids.



My dad always did say that 'an idle mind is the devil's playground.' so I keep busy.
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Kisskiss80  

Woman 36yrs

I can totally relate

Being a single mum for the last 3 and a half years, has been the loneliest time of my life. On the really bad days, it was almost as if the loneliness was a physical pain. And it sux.

While I have made lots of "friends" in the scene, I wouldn't call on any of them for help if I needed it. Partly because I don't want to burden others, and partly because I don't want them to take time away from their own family in order to help me out.

Work helps me beat the loneliness. I find that chatting to patients and my colleagues is great, it gives me interaction with other adults and adult conversations.

I also find going to a swingers club is helpful. Better than staying home alone on a Friday or Saturday night! ๐Ÿ˜œ I always go by myself, and mainly go there for the social side (anything extra that may happen is a bonus).

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Koolgrey   Man 43yrs

. . . .




Quoting 'I_touch_myself2'

"I'd rather less friends but who are quite special than lots of mates to hang out with more superficially"


Yes, that right there ๐Ÿ‘
Yep...agree with that, too. The way I prefer my life.

I haven't felt lonely since the last woman I loved told me she wanted to end our relationship...because the love had gone.
That was several years ago...but with the exception of when I love someone, I prefer my own company.
Mostly.
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bbwforyou   Woman 43yrs

Kittyesque

I read you loud and clear!

Almost 9 years ago my life was flying along with a great career, fantastic partner (who was ok with me seeing other men), close friends, and an active social life! Then out of the blue, I became ill and almost died, like 24 hours and I would have been dead! It took 2 years to recover physically, and I was able to start running again, but I was still dealing with the emotional fallout of losing my career, partner, rejection of family, and reduced social life! By late 2011 I was back up to speed running 5 days a week, walking the other days, was on the path back to work, and a social life, so decided to get back out there. While I wasn't looking for a partner, I did have a lot of fun with select men, some of whom became good friends. Then in 2013 I was struck again with bad luck, this time by an injury that has completely changed my life, to the point that I now live with chronic pain. As a result, I lost the ability to just jump in the car and go for a drive, and as I'd moved to a semi-rural location, I'd also lost my social life, and loneliness set in big time! 4 years later, and I'm still trying to come to terms with what my life has become. What makes it harder is that I know a "simple" operation will fix my problems, but nothing is simple when you don't have private health insurance ;) My weight has gone up and down for as long as I can remember, and then finally last year it was discovered that there is in fact 2 medical reasons behind the problems. This has meant that I'm able to accept it rather than blame myself, which let's face it we all do! The biggest hurdle I face now is getting people to understand that while my body may be bruised, it isn't broken, and that doesn't just refer to men haha And while there are moments when I might feel lonely, I know that all I need do is pick up the phone, and there will be someone there, friend or fwb. I've still got a way to go physically, but knowing that I can have sex again is such a relief!2.5 years is far too long a drought hehe



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AnnieWhichway   TV/CD 54yrs

I agree with Kool and lTouch

Quality over quantity.

A few close friends that know my lifestyle and accept my 2 personalities.

I'm a little lonely without someone special to share deep love with but I've been lucky enough in that department till recently.

Now taking time for the old cliche "to find myself". And to love myself within my new life that l chose outside the standard comfort zone of judgemental family and friends who found me as Annie, a little too weird to accept?
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cat_n_the_hatter   Couple Man 51yrs Woman 45yrs

Simple things make me happy

Beautiful topic again Q
Iโ€™m no longer fooled by the narrow definition of beauty offered by superficial media.
Kindness is beautiful. Courage and confidence are beautiful. Creative expression is beautiful.
The kind you canโ€™t buy in an expensive glass jar. The kind the beauty industry wonโ€™t encourage us to focus on because it comes as free as the air we breathe.

When I think of my mother I think of this other kind of beauty. Itโ€™s not just that her eyes shone. Some days it seemed as if every cell in her body was filled with light. The beauty of later life is like a lantern that burns in the depths of a person. In our fast-paced modern world few people notice this kind of beauty because, unlike the beauty of youth, it doesnโ€™t advance boldly towards us.
So, itโ€™s not about being lonely, but about creating deep meaningful connections and not to be afraid to make them. You can be surrounded by people and still be lonely.
The older I get the more I listen. But to to have a meaningful relationship one needs to spend time and effort and to continuously care.
I do prefer solitude, but I try to make it a daily practice to look for the beauty shining within just one person. I reach out to right people and I make it a daily practice to do one small thing that nourishes my spirit. (Ms)


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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

Annie

I'm the same, without someone to share deep love with, I think we all want our knight in shining armour or maiden in glittery stilettos, or knight in glittery stilettos ๐Ÿ˜‰
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woody_pusscat   Couple Man 55yrs Woman 51yrs

Lonely

Great post as I was thinking about this yesterday. Even though I have Woody and he is my best friend, I am incredibly lonely. I lost so many friends when my chronic diseases got in the way of going out. I have tried going to "social groups" for fibromyalgia and all they did was moan on and on! Couldnt wait to get away from them. Any suggestions?

Pusscat xxx
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Qefenta1   Woman 63yrs

Thank you

Everyone for such thoughtful responses and for sharing what have often been some challenging times hugs Q

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