Dom in personality, Sub in bed

August 17 2017

Ok, I'm so frustrated... I have a very extrovert dominant personality, I'm a fiercely intelligent, decision-making, hard-ass in my day-to-day life. But when it comes to bed, there is nothing that turns me on more than having my hair pulled while being dominated.
I'm frustrated because I feel like no one can handle me, guys don't get me. Every guy I meet seems to be either really passive or not bright enough to converse with me to build up that sexual tension.

Perhaps I am too much work?
Where am I going wrong?

Comments

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    going wrong anywhere.
    Its very common for people who have a lot of professional/personal responsibilities, to be an assertive, outgoing, dominant personality in day to day life, and then want to surrender that sense of power and control in the bedroom. Ask any dominatrix who the majority of their clients are and you'll see this is not at all unusual ;)

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Very easy going and chilled out in real life but can be a complete bastard in the bedroom.
    Apparently I'm smart as well

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    I'm not an extroverted, dominant personality but something I like sexually - not all the time but occasionally - is for a guy to be really...well...rough with me. Obviously we would discuss boundaries etc. beforehand, and it's something I'd only do with a guy I know I can trust, and I have done it with a couple of ex partners. However, since being single I have had a lot of trouble finding a guy who is willing and / or able to do this. I think some are just too scared to do it because it goes against most of what they're told about what is appropriate and what women like. Some have just been too passive in personality in general. Then there's the wannabe Doms who have obviously just been reading / watching too much 50 Shades of Gray and have no idea how a proper dom / sub dynamic works (although to be clear I'm not looking for a Dom, just a guy who can be dominant, as there is a big difference).
    I don't think you're too much work, you're not the only woman who has trouble finding men who can be sexually dominant when required, but who also have enough intellectual and emotional intelligence to understand the communication and compromise that's required behind the scenes for it to work properly.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    That there is a difference between dominant sex and rough abusive sex?I've done rough abusive sex a few times with several different partners. Everything is always discussed first and everyone of them has come back for more but I do occasionally worry that when a lady says she wants to be dominated her idea of domination and my own might clash?
    I suppose that's why you discuss it first.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    I used to date a female exec, when I saw her operate it blew me away, when we dated she handed me the keys, literally.


    Was a lot of fun.

  • AnnieWhichway

    AnnieWhichway

    7 years ago

    But it's a matter of the connection, being comfortable enough to explain what your requirements are beyond the first few interludes.

    Unless he's an alpha male straight up, you can train these guys up. Most want to please. You just need to throw a bone or two. Unlike females, they don't read minds

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    I haven't had problems finding men on here willing and skilled in being dominant however.... I've had a few amazing experiences so far.

    My current partner is cool calm and passive in day to day live where I'm more dominant. But in bed we are reverse, it's hot and it works well.

    It just takes time to find the right men. You'll get there!

    I can always donate Mr sexydeviant to you for a night 😏

  • LetsFrolic

    LetsFrolic

    7 years ago

    In fact most good doms have a sub personality and most good subs have a dom personality

    Its like balancing the scales.

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    You have to keep searching for the dominant ones. I like them very dominant, and very kinky, I am a complete sub and like you, full on the opposite in life. I have also found not many guys are into it, partly because they haven't been given the green light to go there before with previous partners. It's alien to them. I have found though they will quite often get with the program fairly quickly once given a nudge, but they have to have the right personality, and be dirty enough to carry it off. But fully understand your frustration. Keep looking, they're out there 😉

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    I believe there is very much a difference between Dominant sex and rough, abusive sex.

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    7 years ago

    What you describe..... seems to me to be very much a normal trait

    (Generalisation ahead!)
    So many guys put on a bold front.... but that's all it is.... a facade, a false wall of ego to shield the insecure or less than confident person behind that wall. They can't genuinely back it up without being either abusive, false, or brittle when challenged. (You see a lot of that in here when you say no to someone).

    But not all guys are like that.

    (Second generalisation approaching!)
    A man who has invested in himself and his partners, will know that a woman's femininity is realised against his masculine strength of character.... and she is truly free to let go when he holds station boldly and comfortably without judgement or fear.

    IE... her yin to his yang

    It's like a lock needing a key



    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Quoting 'Pommyfucker'
    That there is a difference between dominant sex and rough abusive sex?

    I think a lot of it may come down to terminology and how people define terms, which is different for everyone. I kind of get how you're using the term 'abusive' in this context - and I know you don't mean non-consensual acts - however I'd be careful in how you use the word because for most women it has very negative connotations. It's not a word I would ever use for a mutually consensual situation. 'Rough' sex, yes, that's partly what I was talking about in my first comment, and I think that it could come under an umbrella of 'dominant sex'.
    Really though, being 'dominant' will mean many different things to different people and even different things to the same people depending on what they're looking for at that particular time. That's why it's so important to communicate and find out exactly what a woman means when she says she wants you to be 'dominant' or 'rough'. Talk about what is and isn't acceptable for her (and for you), and have some way of making sure that either party can clearly express that they want to put a stop to things during play if they aren't comfortable with what's happening.

  • rootratandlady

    rootratandlady

    7 years ago

    Our lovely lady is exactly the same. In charge during the day and a submissive in bed.

    As said above, it's not something a lot of guys have experience with, especially done the right way. It's not a chance to let out aggression on someone, you are actually a protector of that person to allow her express the submissive side.

    It took a long time for me to be entirely comfortable as a dom, as outside the bedroom I am fairly passive, however once that kinky streak was tapped, I love every minute of it.

    Don't give up, we are out there 😊

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    To add to others...

    Dominant does not have to be rough. I understand dominance as taking the position of power or control or direction. If you use that to instigate rough sex that's fine, but you can be in control and still have sex be very soft and gentle. Likewise, two people can have rough sex with neither playing on the sub/dom dynamic at all.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    I definitely know the difference between the two. I make a lot of decisions every day (with business, and studies), I push employees, take risks... but in bed, I want someone else to decide for me. I have a safe word, I like just being quiet in bed (where possible) and letting someone else take the lead ;) The hair pulling is just an added kink that I've come to enjoy over time but it has to be pulled right to feel really good.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    I’ve become a 24/7 slave to my master... He owns my body, he owns my mind and I obey his every command . However I am given the freedom to make descisions that effect family life.... there is definitely a difference in a relationship from being a wife to being a slave... but as submissive and as a obedient as I am... being a slave is truly satisfying!

  • HarleyQandMrO

    HarleyQandMrO

    6 years ago

    I completely agree with Sharonski. You are doing nothing wrong. I am an experienced Dom and people in hIghpowered roles or people who are highly intelligent, need to stop thinking, clear their mind and be told what to do and how to do it. It's the only way they can switch off.

    Hope you find your perfect Dom.



    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 years ago

    It’s quite common to want role reversal from daily life to sex life.
    Especially within employment of high stress, high pressure, great responsibility to want to let go of all control in the bedroom.
    Submit and obey

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 years ago

    OMG you took the words right out of my mouth!!! I seem to attract submissive men who want to serve me, please me, lick me, pamper me, because I am strong, independent, intelligent and determined. But a guy who is stronger than me (very rare) deserves to be worshipped and have me kneel at his feet, ready to be used for his pleasure.

    A guy who is strong enough to refuse my pussy, to maintain control of all situations, to say no, that’s not how it’s going to happen, hmmm that makes my pussy wet. A guy who challenges me to be better, try harder, do new things, step out of my comfort zone... that’s a MAN