Dating a player

Dating a player

    | Apr 07, 2017
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs
In my experience and view of the world, most (if not all people) would want nothing more than to have at least one other person in this world to understand and connect with them on a deeper level and sustain it.

When I was younger, I wanted to part of the cool crowd, be the life of the party and be accepted and loved. As time went by, I realised that people are attracted to bubbly personalities and people who are easy to hang around. Nobody likes negative nancies.

So my question to you is - have you, would you or are you dating someone who's perceived as a player?

I ask this because I attract good looking, nice guys who have hot bodies and as they seduce my mind and body, I connect with them at a deeper level and even though sometimes they shy away... they start to trust me and I'm not going to hurt them but want to make them see that not everybody is out to break down their wall of armour like a Trojan to wreak havoc on their heart. It is not an easy task, but if they are worth the fight, then nothing can break my focus.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 19, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post

All in

We're all players in the game of life, some of us move forward, some go around in circles. If you haven't noticed nature prefers diversity, it's what makes us stronger.

People exist in a multitude of physical and social environments and thrive. We need leaders and we need labourers. I'm sure we don't need pedophiles and psychopaths yet they exist, natures social experiments.

What am I saying? Dunno.

Perhaps it's just be more accepting. Players, narcissists, and grumpy old men all have their part to play.



I think I have my period. 😢
Apr 21, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

So hit another brick wall

Excuse me for this journal entry but I must vent....!!! Kinda delirious right now.

As I lay awake at 4am in the morning, my mind has been searching for a solution to an ongoing issue in my "relationship". Yes already... hard truths. Even if short lived, at least I had a go, aight!

It will never seem to go away. What seems to be ages has only been a few weeks, but we've known each other for months. As we come to a compromise and trust each other, the true test of character will be when I leave the country for 2-3weeks and whether my life will come back in ruins or still in tact. I'm a bit worried as I'm handing over my heart to someone else who may be a shaky driver.... "why?" I hear you ask? I don't fucking know why. Why am I like this? Why do I care so much? Cos I'm strong enough to? Because I work through my problems rather than run away...? The other person runs away from their problems first? I confirm with myself that I'm a stayer and not a player? God dammit. I think I should brace myself.

*breathe, centre yourself and trust... there is a lesson in this that I will probably do this shit all over again...*sigh*
Devil: For what?
Angel: for a more meaningful life with a purpose and your true happiness
Devil: but I just wanna have fun with someone!
Angel: oh but that requires for you to be dragged through hell and back - let's face it. The truth sets us free
Devil: god damn you and your stupid righteousness. Only time will tell 😈 leave it all up to someone else to play with your life...
Angel: love conquers all. If you love something then let it go, if it comes back then it's your forever"
Devil: ..... yes... but not if they keep coming and going as they please.
Angel: when they realise the truth, they will learn to love and appreciate what they lost 😇
Devil: hmf ok, we'll see about that 😈

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 21, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

flygirl

Haha 😀 I think you're making the fatal mistake of over thinking. With respect, and I do mean that, there are some inconsistencies in your op and what you're saying here, or maybe I didn't quite understand your op properly. You say you want them to trust you, that not everyone wants to break down the wall to their heart, yet in this new post, it sounds like that's exactly what is happening. I'm not having a go at you, please don't think that, matters of the heart can be complicated.

Couple of other questions. You refer to this as a relationship, what kind of relationship is it, hasn't it only been a few months? So do you mean fwb or bf/gf ? My thought is you should slow down, take a step back, give him space. And why are you concerned you might come home to your life in ruins? That sounds awfully possessive, sorry but that would scare me off. I'm sure I'm reading in parts of this, but after a few months of actually knowing him, and a few weeks into a relationship, are you worried he'll have sex with other women? Why not just let him rather than spending every waking moment worrying he'll cheat. Is he in on this, meaning does he fully understand what you expect, assuming you want monogamy?

Apr 22, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

All very good points 🤔

I guess I'm testing my own inner strength and also seeing if he is trustworthy. If he wants to test himself and see how loyal he can be, here is his opportunity. Neither of us can guarantee how long this will last, I said that to him. Yes I want monogamy to start because my desires are almost insatiable and also a player has had enough pussy to last 2 lifetimes if we compare to the average. Where to go from here? Find something that everybody else eventually realises they want, maybe... an intimate relationship, friendship and connection, someone reliable to enjoy your time that you can laugh and cry with. No? Well maybe some are pushing that thought away and blocking ourselves from that. I did, until I realised how much I should be loving and forgiving myself for fuck ups I make.

If I take a step back, I've been solo most of my life so I should be used to filling my time with my own projects. My life being in ruins is probably an exaggeration at 4am in the morning 😋 when I was most vulnerable. It would hurt, but so does life. I've presented him many opportunities to test his own character. To make him better and if he decides to deceive me then he will only deceive himself, lose me and hurt us both. If he pushes me away and doesn't see what I'm trying to do for him and for us then so be it. I don't lose anything from doing it. Maybe a bit of time, money and heartache, but it was worth it at the time. I am hoping that he appreciates me enough so that he will do these things for at least himself even if nobody else. He can be a smartass and he may cheat but he is only cheating himself. As the guilt will just catch up to him. If that's how he wants to live his life then that is the hard truth that he has to face. I already did that in my early 20s, couldn't live with the guilt of cheating on my first bf of ~4yrs when we would argue everyday, I couldn't see a future with him and thank god I had the strength to walk away when our lives were so deeply entwined. But it taught me. Nowadays, I have nothing to hide. I can be truthful to anyone if Im truthful to myself first. Take it slow. We have time. If it is to last a long time then we have lots of time.

I don't stop dreaming, even when my heart is broken and in pieces. Having had vanilla friends (muggles as you call them @iTouch 😉) for almost 2 decades this year means that I have some great, unconditional love in my life and I won't easily abandon people but can agree to disagree with those I don't get along with. I guess I do care too much 😊 true friends are always there for me. I don't know how I am so lucky... but I am 💖

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 22, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

And...

I do think too much - you're right 🤔 many say this, but if I didn't I wouldn't understand myself so well... that is my one and only aim in life, if nothing else.

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 22, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

flygirl

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I do understand and don't worry, re over thinking, I doubt there would be one of us who hasn't done that. I certainly have, hence my glorious wisdom about it now lol 😊
May 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Fiain   Woman 40yrs

A Real Lover Is Always A Player

I wouldn't have any other type of lover. I want a man who just loves being with women, loves the way we move, our scent, loves to devour us with their eyes, a sensual, seductive, playful, amorous, insatiable man who wants to outrun his soul in my body.

Give me those guys.

These men are skillful lovers, they know how to completely lose themselves in the moment and movement - they get lost in their own expertise. I love being adored and having every part of my body met with fascination. These lovers know how to play with my mind, delay gratification, bring wave after wave of pleasure, cerebral and physical.

Some know how to take that to the next level. Those who know how to be open, vulnerable and get all yummy and connecty as well - now THAT is when it goes from delicious to sublime and sublime to Utopian.

I want a man desirous of every part of me, ravenous and hungry.

These lovers are players and thank fuck. Thank fuck they know what they want. Thank fuck they know themselves and their own bodies enough to know who to rub up against ans crash into mine. Thank fuck these beautiful men have studied women and practiced the things they have read, heard and watched on many other lover's before me.

There is a confidence that comes with knowing exactly what one is doing. I would rather those lovers than the ones who require a road map.

Connection is also relative, context is important. Honest communication is always key. Say what you mean, state what you need and play!
May 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post

LaFemme

Your words have seduced me.

"Wants to outrun his soul in my body"

Omfg, how hot is that !
May 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Mstr_Full  

Man 47yrs

Ahhhhhhhhh... Mme LaFemmeFontaine...

Why aren't there more women like you...


May 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Betty7216   Woman 44yrs

LaFemme

I agree with almost 100% of what you said. I agree that those men are not only the best lovers, but the only ones I want. I don't agree that those men are players though. For me, a player is someone who deliberately messes with other people's emotions, not someone who is open and vulnerable and happy to connect. I think (?) I get your point, and we all have different interpretations :)

Your words are gorgeous and made me ache to have that kind of lover in my life again *sigh*
May 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
ChasinMidnight   Man 53yrs

I was a player...

...for just on 15 years with the same band. Guitar and vocals, some percussion.

No sense of humor they had when I picked up the tuba although not even Page or Ywengie could have made that damn thing rock! So much for the global tour, eh?

CM
May 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
yvesS  

Man 27yrs

Take it easy




Quoting 'FlyGirlC'

Excuse me for this journal entry but I must vent....!!! Kinda delirious right now.



As I lay awake at 4am in the morning, my mind has been searching for a solution to an ongoing issue in my "relationship". Yes already... hard truths. Even if short lived, at least I had a go, aight!



It will never seem to go away. What seems to be ages has only been a few weeks, but we've known each other for months. As we come to a compromise and trust each other, the true test of character will be when I leave the country for 2-3weeks and whether my life will come back in ruins or still in tact. I'm a bit worried as I'm handing over my heart to someone else who may be a shaky driver.... "why?" I hear you ask? I don't fucking know why. Why am I like this? Why do I care so much? Cos I'm strong enough to? Because I work through my problems rather than run away...? The other person runs away from their problems first? I confirm with myself that I'm a stayer and not a player? God dammit. I think I should brace myself.



*breathe, centre yourself and trust... there is a lesson in this that I will probably do this shit all over again...*sigh*

Devil: For what?

Angel: for a more meaningful life with a purpose and your true happiness

Devil: but I just wanna have fun with someone!

Angel: oh but that requires for you to be dragged through hell and back - let's face it. The truth sets us free

Devil: god damn you and your stupid righteousness. Only time will tell 😈 leave it all up to someone else to play with your life...

Angel: love conquers all. If you love something then let it go, if it comes back then it's your forever"

Devil: ..... yes... but not if they keep coming and going as they please.

Angel: when they realise the truth, they will learn to love and appreciate what they lost 😇

Devil: hmf ok, we'll see about that 😈

- Posted from rhpmobile
I see no brickwall, just someone loving. Yes your heart can be broken, but that's life. Why would you risk losing what could turn out a long, lasting and supporting relationship out of fear of losing? Yea you could go, grab a hottie and have some fun during your weeks away, but what do you gain?
Maybe fun, maybe not, maybe even the best experience you have had in your live. You just don't know, same as he does not know how you will behave when you are gone, or like you don't know if you can trust him while you are gone.
Just because someone loves women or men doesn't mean he's or she's a complete jerk, however if you are really scared, talk!
If you need more than one partner to be sexually fulfilled, make an open relationship. It can work, I know a couple which maintains this for years, even thought it's no ease way and comes with more hardships than a regular relationship it can be a beautiful relationship.
You can make an agreement for the time you are separated, or spice things up with some nice video-chats. You can drop hints each day what you will do with him when you are back each couple days, to fulfill a special fantasy or leading to a well planed sexy experience.
There are many things you can do, but you shouldn't do those because the fear of losing one another, but because you want to. Relax, everything will go the way it has to, there is no need to overthink things.
Belief in yourself, your partner did choose you for a reason, why should he throw that away for a fling when you are gone? If he values you he won't and if not, you are better of without him anyways.

But what do I know with my little life experience....
May 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Fiain   Woman 40yrs

It just takes a mindset shift...

Which is about as easy as giving birth when we're all caught up in past experiences. I was obsessive, even recently over a lover. It took a very wild ride through some old traumas, the laying down of some pretty damaging thoughts and beliefs that 'I' had about 'ME'. I think while so many of us are looking to feel the void or shirk the responsibility of being our own 'enough' we seek it out in partners...yes, even the casual ones. How bent out of shape can we get if they don't call or text back? What is that exactly? For me it was simply the soul destroying feeling that I didn't matter, that I wasn't sexy enough, funny enough, smart enough, emotional enough, too emotional...I just wasn'nt enough to matter. My ego is one hell of a demon and I am busting chops to slay that sonofabitch...but what if we were all our own enough.

Releasing lovers is a freeing and wonderful experience, we free ourselves. The expansion of connection, red fucking hot yumminess and ultimately (holy shit balls I'm gonna say it)it allows space for the expansion of love. Just as our children are on loan to us for a time, so too are our lovers. They come to teach us what we need to know and then once the lesson of love is learned they move on...or we do. Fuck that internal dialogue with its bullshit, it stops me thoroughly getting lost in the moment with who I'm with. I want my freedom, I want to explore my sexuality, spirituality, my body and everything else the jig called life has to offer. It took me 43years to get here and just get to the realisation that none of us have the right to judge another, to demand of one another, it is a privilege to give and receive love...be it for a night, a week, a moths, a decade or a lifetime.

Lovers are an exquisite pocket of bliss to be thoroughly enjoyed, their minds, souls and bodies. I want to dive in and immerse myself in my lovers, nothing is more delicious that when souls and bodies collide and join...where it all goes sideways is when we don't meet our own needs and demand that they do.

Players have learned, the real players, the beautiful adoring ones know how to be vulnerable and that is sexy as fuck and makes every part of me offer up in the moment and sigh, "yes." It gets sticky when we hold on too tightly to an experience that was supposed to be fleeting, a lesson that was to visit, leave its message and then move on.

Loving these 'types' (I cringed hitting the keys on that word because it's a judgment I don't want to caplitulate to - but I'll run with it for the sake of understanding) "players" who just love, love, love women and who just adore every aspect of our femininity and our bodies are playful, open, delightful and loving....maybe the other 'types' of players are reacting to the stigma as much as they are their own pain/hurt/experience.

We've all tossed hat and heart in the ring at my age and come off a little bruised for the effort...Since I started owning my part in the ghosts of lovers past, I've been able to see the beautiful human in every man I meet and ya know what? That is all I get.

Play with these gorgeous men, fall in love with them again as a species...lol. They are our brothers and sons...they get a pretty shitty wrap all too often. Misogyny is something women in this country especially are all too fucking familiar with...but misandary is running rife. How can we open our minds, legs and everything else to something we are secretly hating on?

I love the players...there is no bullshit, no lies and no need to turn yourself inside out in a state (due to ownership bollocks) about what they're up to. They are out there, thoroughly enjoying the company of other women, honing their delicious skills and having a fucking ball.

The lesson here for me...is why weren't the women? Why wasn't I?

I've had more yummy experiences in the last two years than I have ever had in my life and in the last 6 weeks, so much more has come up to free up the space for many more to come.

Play with the players and have fun! 💋

- Posted from rhpmobile
May 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Fiain   Woman 40yrs

Mstr_Full

Distance is a tyrannical pain in the arse, Lover, is it not.

You are missed and thought of. xx

There are loads of us out there with this core belief...it is most beautiful, when like our date, it is thorough unexpected.

Since I switched my thinking from looking for lovers like that to being open to receiving such yummy people - the energy shifted. I am no longer smacking of desperation and nervous energy that used to create so much anxiety has settled.

You're sublime, you should be swatting them off like flies. 💋

- Posted from rhpmobile
May 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

LaFemme

I disagree entirely. Due respect but the guys you're describing are exactly as I would describe my long term lovers, but they weren't players, not even close. Players are cruel and manipulative, it's not about confidence or experience, the words that come out of their mouths, the players that is, it's all bs, they don't mean a word of it, but they have you believe it. I think you're confusing genuine hot/passionate/experienced....... plus more, but confusing that confidence and experience and passion, with being a player.

So why do you think they're players?
May 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

LaFemme

So am I right in assuming you've moved from wanting a relationship, to casual or casual ongoing sex? And is it your opinion that guys who have multiple partners, re casual sex, that they are automatically players? I'm genuinely confused how you define a player 😃
May 17, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
lilyorchid   Woman 44yrs

Flygirl

I do understand your dilemma and have been there before. A big learning but a must if we need to grow as a person.



It seems you have doubts on the relationship but also reflects your current view of him and yourself. you seem like an intelligent and self aware woman. You have come across a man who has captured your mind and heart more than what you have expected, beyond the known and your comfort zone. so what to do?



For now, not much. Just live it one day at a time.



Your at the beginning of your relationship, a few months in. So much to learn about him and yourself and the understand the dynamics of your relationship. Sometimes, time will tell.



Go on your trip. breathe. Enjoy your time and don't add anymore pressure on yourself and him than you should. One way to lose it further. What happens in between is not a test on him or you but just life taking it natural course. Can you really help it if he strays and if he hasn't, what does it really mean (and should there be any meaning)?



So do your thing overseas and don't stress. Life works out as it should. Being away will also give you a different perspective on your relationship as you will have that space abd time apart. If he is a player, then he will play. I find that many women I know always see that when they meet a man, they treat them aa a project and have ideas on how to change their men, to suit their needs. Best and quickest way to lose a man.



Have a safe trip and relax.
May 17, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

Even after failed relationships

I will never give up my dream of having a male best friend by my side. Someone who I can be completely intimate with and enjoy the company of. I am enough for myself, there is nothing I can't learn and do for myself that someone else knows better than me for me...(that might sound a bit egotistic but in all honesty, it is true). I don't need a man... I want a man, I crave for what I don't have (men and their masculine/humanitarian/humourous qualities), but to have them also aligned with what I want my future self and for him to have. Hopefully, that man will crave for me too so it's not just a one-way street. They are nice to have around to share precious moments with. All these moments will add up to something really beautiful.

Although, I may be slightly possessive at first, it's not without reason. I have never been able to have a long term relationship with amazing sex - it's either been a short-lived relationship with amazing sex and connection or a longer relationship with not so great sex and an area which I needed to explore because I was so young. Can't I just have both? I chase a player with lustful eyes...it's been a blessing because I have been able to choose. If I can't then, he's not all that anyway...

Setting the foundations of trust is important. Indulging in "sleeping around" has brought me nothing but something to brag about (to myself) and passing time. (Found some great fucks and found some massive duds. More duds than great fucks unfortunately. Great fucks seem few and far between.) I want to work on me and all areas of me and hopefully, someone else as well. To help one person in this world that makes me happy is the best thing I can do, if it's the only thing I do. This is why I want something longer lasting, especially with someone that I confess that I don't want to live without. It's freaking hard to find someone compatible and even harder to find true love. But I will not give up my quest and I will die trying. I too have thought before that relationships aren't worth it and had a huge dry spell, but who am I kidding? Why is it that we naturally want more and more of someone or something? We are greedy by nature because we know we can be. I just want one person and for that person to feel I'm special enough to be with for a long while and will wait if I need time and vice versa.

I'm not saying this new found relationship is going to last, but like many before me I hope it does. The plan B now that I'm a little bit wiser is to just understand if it doesn't work then it will be a lesson for both of us. I know I crave to feel good and have that little stability. Not these rollercoaster emotions... not the feelings of "I want him again but I don't know whether I will have him again".
May 17, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

Thanks

@lilyorchid @yvesS @LaFemmeFontaine :)

@LilyOrchid - Many good points there for pondering. Thank you

- Posted from rhpmobile
May 17, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Fiain   Woman 40yrs

Love to you beautiful FlyGirlC

Your open heart, willing mind and search is exquisitely beautiful as always, I admire your courage and honesty more than I can tell you. You have played an integral part in my own soul searching and ultimately now in my soul listening. Your struggles have their triumphs along the way int as much as you are changing they way people think. You have effected change in me, I am grateful to you and am here if you need a chat.

I_touch_myself, as much as I have previously enjoyed our chats, clashes and everything in between, I'm no longer interested in exhausting my energy in that way anymore. I would prefer we agree to disagree and leave it at that. Everything in life is fluid and I'm just trying to learn how to roll with the changing of the tide. I wish you well and will enjoy reading your posts, as always.

- Posted from rhpmobile

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