Dating a player

Dating a player

    | Apr 07, 2017
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs
In my experience and view of the world, most (if not all people) would want nothing more than to have at least one other person in this world to understand and connect with them on a deeper level and sustain it.

When I was younger, I wanted to part of the cool crowd, be the life of the party and be accepted and loved. As time went by, I realised that people are attracted to bubbly personalities and people who are easy to hang around. Nobody likes negative nancies.

So my question to you is - have you, would you or are you dating someone who's perceived as a player?

I ask this because I attract good looking, nice guys who have hot bodies and as they seduce my mind and body, I connect with them at a deeper level and even though sometimes they shy away... they start to trust me and I'm not going to hurt them but want to make them see that not everybody is out to break down their wall of armour like a Trojan to wreak havoc on their heart. It is not an easy task, but if they are worth the fight, then nothing can break my focus.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 09, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Hornyalltime72   Woman 41yrs

Players

Can be men or women. People won't be players anymore when with right person.
When right person comes into your life that's all you can think about and if you deny it you look for there qualities in all others you meet :) talking from experience :)

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 09, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
jusfun78

This may sound like a whinge.. It's not meant to be though, just saying it how I feel it...

I have been on this site for a couple of months now and believe it or not my primary purpose isn't sex but connection. I am a few months out of a 7 year marriage where I lost all connection with people as my wife didn't like anyone of my friends so I here I am. Well I have to say that it has been dismal to say the least. I read profiles... yes actually read them lol... and then I will send a message either in reply to what I have read or something short and sweet and depending on the point of view... witty. We'll I rarely get replies back and didn't get any till I updated my profile blurb... I do get some replies now but have all been thanks but no thanks to which I will respond with a thanks for the reply and wish them all the best... I really don't get it to be honest I have never had this problem before in life and have to wonder what people are really looking for??? Has everything changed so much in 7 years that we cant see past what's on the outside to find what's on the inside. I left the marriage with a new purpose and strength and decided to be braver and more vulnerable with my eyes wide open.

Anyways I could go on and I did before I deleted it lol. If anyone has any insight as to what I'm doing wrong then It would be greatly appreciated
Apr 09, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Koolgrey   Man 43yrs

I thought it was straight forward to define..

Player - One who plays with others.

Fucker - One who fucks with others.

Wanker - Well...maybe not.
Apr 10, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

Has a player changed his ways?

So my next question is have you ever witnessed the "player" in yours or someone else's life ever change their persona because they were looking for a reason to reform and change his/her "womanising" ways? (Not gender specific)

Sometimes it's not that the person cannot and doesn't want to change, it's because they haven't found a big enough reward to make that transition. If the reward or fear is not enough, why would they ever change? Why not just keep floating through life and be numb to all of life's other pleasures that actually make your soul feel good?

I wonder how some super pretty/good-looking people are with someone quite average...why are they together? But, in a way it's so beautiful because each have their insecurities and attraction is more than meets the eye. Or maybe one is just super rich lol

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 10, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

*waves*

Hi @PurePeony!
Yes had some time out for RL but back to ask this question that I have always wondered 😉 hope you're enjoying life! Loving your pics hehe

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 10, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Luck_Dragon   Woman 39yrs

jusfun78

Just had a read of your profile, yeah there's a few issues with it. The first advice I would give you is to pop on over to the 'Ok fellas join me in the war against no replies' thread and have a good read of the responses from the women on there.

There have been so many other guys in your situation who have asked why they aren't having any luck on here. If you have a look around at past topics on here, particularly in the Guys Ask and Newbies sections, you'll find lots of relevant topics.



Apr 10, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
jusfun78

Oh I got a reply ;p

Thanks Ms_Dragon... I will check it out
Apr 10, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post

We thought we were 'players

Wow this has been interesting, we thought that we are players just like Candy and thought that wad great!

We have a single profile on here to support what we do - I come home 2 or 3 nights a week to find Vicki playing with a guy or 2 as she has a huge sex drive - no one gets hurt and everyone has fun as everything is open.

Are we this now 'dirty' word players or not? hmmmm..........

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 11, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post

Changelings

No, but what I have seen is players getting involved with someone on a regular basis and all is going well until the coercion and ownership starts, then the shit hits the fan and the acrimony starts, "your just a shallow cunt who uses people" kinda stuff. Gold diggers are experts at this, they find a cute rich guy and play the game until they think they have wormed their way in then get super pissed when they get blown off.
Some people see themselves as rescuers or have special insight into what someone else needs, fine have a crack, just don't blame the other if it doesn't go to your plan.
Apr 11, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post

Addendum

Actually yes, I do know a guy who tamed a player, she was model attractive, in a profession, he was an intellectual, they did the whole elaborate wedding thing, a couple of kids and a house then it all crashed after an infidelity, his not hers.
Apr 11, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

Skeptics lol

It's important to know what you want out of the games people try to play with you. I know when I date a "player" that it might not last long or it could outlast more than what anybody places bets on.

I know that it is important not to play their game. Sometimes I get hurt in the process but also sometimes it is worth it. Growing pains. I get a friendship out of it at the very least. Just because they do something to me, doesn't mean I have to do it back so the cycle keeps going. Actually in any sort of games I play, in life or board games, I play much better when I focus on my own happiness or goals and what I want for myself rather than being a lovesick puppy dog. Assertiveness is pretty powerful. You give them an attractive offer and they take it or leave it. Their decision is taken in my stride. Such is life. At least I know I tried with the best fit for me. Someone who had some pull on me. To overcome that is a strength and confidence like no other I've felt.

It's like when someone wins at games all the time and suddenly they get beaten. They wanna play with that person again because they're so sick of learning new games and winning against almost everybody. Boring. I just play games for fun and have never know that feeling 😋 I never play with people's hearts though. Never.

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 11, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

@Sailbadthesinner

Thanks for sharing the story. I liked it because you shared it not because of the sad ending. I can seriously say that I don't want the happily ever after, married with 2.5 kids and white picket fence... sad it had to be that way, but happiness comes from within not the fact that the person you're attracted to is a player or that you can snag that and tie them down. I would want my partner to thrive in areas other than sex. If that story doesn't end with me then that's ok, I know I tried and hopefully they become a better person, knowing me... corny but true :)

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 11, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

flygirl

Play with hearts, neither do I, and that's the big difference with players, it's their specialty 😉
Apr 13, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
2Roosters   Group 40yrs

Players or the perception

We get accused of being players by those who dont take tbe time to get to know us. Because we are confidant not mind dancing alone with others or even together. Because we go and chat to people but chat with young old male and female. What is a player on a swinging site mmmmm
Apr 16, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Kisskiss80  

Woman 36yrs

Bad news

To my, a player is basically a narcissist.
They put themselves on a pedestal, think they are hot shit, treat people as toys and objects and only think of themselves.
My opinion of a player is someone who does what they want, with who they want, whenever they want. Without treating people with respect or consideration.

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 17, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Betty7216   Woman 44yrs

Willow

You nailed it! Timely reading for me too, thanks

Agree with you too Touch - I'd rather be open and hurt than shut down, just part of who I am
Apr 17, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
PurePeony   Woman 42yrs

FlygirlC

As always, I love your post and that awesome winning attitude! ;)



Fully agree with your comment about hoping someone became a better person after knowing you because I often feel that way too. In fact, when my long relationship ended and he thanked me for making him a better man, I cried buckets. And then when a long-time FWB expressed amazement at me for being level-headed and able to crack jokes and laugh even when times got really dark and bleak for me and I was in severe depression, I couldn't stop crying too.



I think we both have a huge conscience and we are sensitive souls. ;)
Apr 17, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

Betty

If I ever had to not 'feel', be cold and mechanical and treat them like disposable food containers, sorry, I'm hungry 😛 I think I'd hang my pussy up 😉 It'd be all over 😞

Apr 19, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

@PurePeony

That is such a sweet ass post lol I also have to confess that when something I care about and felt so stable with is ripped right from under me, it hurts like hell and I bawl my eyes out like no tomorrow. But it feels so damn good to hurt and feel alive. I guess that's why we go for the bad boys/girls.... to feel adventurous and the rush. I guess it's a bit of a trophy to snag the player, get burnt and do it all over again until we learn... However all the crying is never in vain. I learn my lesson to be more conscious and figure out what I really want from someone and what I can bring to the table other than my sexy booty and personality lol (all subjective of course... each to their own) Sure, I know how to play guys, but it's my choice whether I want to pass on that stupid behaviour. I do what's right for me. If I listened to everyone else, "I've been there a million times", "I've dated a million guys like him, don't go there girlfriend" I would never live my life to the max. Fuck that. Hahaha freedom of choice with a purpose is everything to me. The power of choice is amazing. When someone you fancy decides that you are unique and wants to be with you... that's hot.



To be real means to care about other people. I have so much love in my life that I feel that even if I make the dumbest decision, I will always get back up. So dating a player, if he doesn't realise and cherish what he has and realise why I tie him down a little (kinky *wink wink) then too bad so sad for him, he missed out, baby!



I love it when I meet my match at something or someone slightly better so I can push through my own boundaries and experience some discomfort. A bit of cheeky competition never really hurt if boundaries are not crossed. It's like seeking drama but with a purpose to do better 😈 Out do myself with every relationship hehe then I look back and see how far I've come. I always suppress the competitive side for fear of losing, but I would be too sheltered for my untamed heart, that likes to come out in a blue moon and ruffle my feathers a bit. Competition gets you on top of your game, most other times it's just nice to relax 😊😘



When you get to know someone better - a player... you will see they are just like most other people. Fitting in, their way... doing what makes them feel good and that's perfectly ok, to me.
Apr 19, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

Contradiction in previous post

Re: boundaries

You can push through your own boundaries as you feel comfortable. Limitations are mostly of the mind. But when someone else crosses your boundaries that you're not okay with then that's the ultimate no no.



A bit of cheeky competition never really hurt if boundaries are not crossed *by someone else and if communicated properly.

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