Dating a player

Dating a player

    | Apr 07, 2017
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs
In my experience and view of the world, most (if not all people) would want nothing more than to have at least one other person in this world to understand and connect with them on a deeper level and sustain it.

When I was younger, I wanted to part of the cool crowd, be the life of the party and be accepted and loved. As time went by, I realised that people are attracted to bubbly personalities and people who are easy to hang around. Nobody likes negative nancies.

So my question to you is - have you, would you or are you dating someone who's perceived as a player?

I ask this because I attract good looking, nice guys who have hot bodies and as they seduce my mind and body, I connect with them at a deeper level and even though sometimes they shy away... they start to trust me and I'm not going to hurt them but want to make them see that not everybody is out to break down their wall of armour like a Trojan to wreak havoc on their heart. It is not an easy task, but if they are worth the fight, then nothing can break my focus.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

- Posted from rhpmobile
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cat_n_the_hatter   Couple Man 51yrs Woman 45yrs

Term "player"

is just too wide and imprecise on it's own to make any valid description or judgment. It all depends on the context, so he could be a pathological liar, psychopath (anti social personality disorder), and (among other possibilities) also someone who is just emotionally unavailable.
I do not know your situation, but keep in mind that saving a wounded deer is such a cliche. About first two it’s been written enough...
Emotionally unavailable guy
They're always doing their own thing.
They're always looking for faults. They're always holding up a shield.
They're scared to show you who they really are. He's rarely satisfied. (Ms)


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Willow_1   Woman 51yrs

In my opinion from my own experience

Players get addicted to the chase and conquer. Note: their constant daily texting pre conquest. Post conquest is excuses and avoidence. Funny how they are suddenly unavailable but could meet up at the drop of a hat in the beginning.

Well that was my experience with a few guys early on in my online fuckery. Then after some head shaking and not understanding what I had done to not hear from them again, and the realisation that they were just players and all their words were just fluff to get me in the cot, and they really got off on juggling many women at once.

Welll I hardened up and grew some balls of my own. Sadly I became a player myself. It was enjoyable for me at the time. A bit of a power trip and I must admit, was great for my fragile self esteme. I became addicted to the chase. Got a little lost as I forgot what real intimacy felt like. And I must admit, it scared me after a yr or so with that attitude. It was protecting myself but I pretty much lost myself at the same time. A great growing experience though. I pushed my own boundaries, stood on the edge,looked inwards. Found myself. Understood myself. Liked myself again.

So just know that its not what you do or how you react to it. Its their shit, but unfortunately if fucks with our heads when we open our hearts and become emotionally vulnerable.They only love the chase.The manipulation. The hunt,the kill. Then they wipe their hands on the curtain while they are texting a meet with the next challenge. Well I should know, because I did it myself. But you can never be satisfied, that's why you keep hunting
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Missb4u   Woman 44yrs

So much love

Love your post willow. I have done the exact same thing myself. It was the attitude welll I can do that to and fuck you all.

These days I'm not a player any longer and am considering what I really want.
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

agree

Agree with cat_n_the_hatter and kool. Not much I can add but I have experienced the best player in the business, still in contact actually, but I now tread with caution and it's a shame it resulted in my passion going cold, it could have been off the planet good, it was heading that way, but all the things highlighted in these enlighted posts started to show through and spoiled it. I'm fine where I am, but do feel sorry for people like that, they'll wake up one day and see what they've lost, missed opportunities with people they were into, but failed to engage because of their own selfishness πŸ˜ƒ
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

to add

with players, you just know the same routine would have been played out with every other woman, though if they're good at it, you didn't know that at the time, the realisation comes later. Manipulation is an apt word. Hook line and sinker, fooled me, but then I'm not ashamed of that. I'd rather have an open heart, for the passion to follow, than close it off πŸ˜ƒ
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FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

:)

When I first posted, I had no idea where this question would lead. It's been really interesting and kinda eye-opening.

I don't think it's that uncommon for people to become "players" or emotionally unavailable themselves after being hurt by those same types of people. It can be contagious and just goes to show that the buck stops with us and what lessons we learn :)

Players in the swing scene would be fun if you can separate the emotions. But I guess as @Candy pointed out I was referring to the players in the vanilla sense.

- Posted from rhpmobile
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CandyDelicious   Woman 30yrs

.Player

A few friends of mine have referred to me as a player even though I am in a loving committed relationship and any other men that I have dated in the past all meet my boyfriend and we often used to all go out and socialize.



I never led anyone on and I was completely open and honest. Am I a player or not?

I don't know.



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AnnieWhichway   TV/CD 54yrs

Term player is overused

By people who have failed to lure the other into a relationship. The other "player" may have any number of reasons for moving on.

So is anyone that is after NSA a player?

Men call it NSA. Women call it Casual........

Different meanings on their respective planets.
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

Annie

Yes I agree in part that does happen yes, but there are a lot of us not looking for a relationship, and I still wasn't thinking that way, even after I fell for him, I still wasn't wanting a relationship, but the big L hit me, purely though because of the manipulation and smooth talk, some of it, you just don't say to someone you just want to fuck, it was actually a low act to inject those things he said, knowing how they would affect me, the master player at work, and he later apologised and admitted he is a player. Calculated routine to build the passion up, with little regard for the other person. This can happen without manipulation.

The usual routine for me and the guys I see ongoing, is for sexy talk to increase, letting each other know how turned on we are for each other, more so during/after/between meets, that builds to bursting point, sex is amazing, perfect πŸ‘ but it's always sexual, I've never had a guy say to me what this guy did, it made my knees come out from under me and the clear message was HE wanted more than just a fuck. I resisted for a while, then let myself relax into that, but the broad assumption that women are trying to get their hooks into men, well it's a generalisation isn't it, perhaps because of your own experiences, I don't know. We don't all want a ring on our finger though. I've only just taken one off and I don't intend on putting one back on πŸ˜‰
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

NSA vs player

Two entirely different things πŸ˜ƒ
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

also

an abuse of power from a Dom. This was the key thing, submitting fully, the mind is very powerful thing. As his sub, he would tell me what he wanted me to do, I would say 'Yes *insert name*' and he would say 'Good girl'. Almost dark, both in that place, but I will do anything for my dom, it turns me on to be a good little sub. Very easy for a player to take that too far πŸ˜ƒ
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AnnieWhichway   TV/CD 54yrs

ITouch.

I was generalising. I think your case by the sound of it was a good example of a player.



Yes when the L word comes calling, it can turn our worlds upside down even when we feel we don't want to go there and had no intention of falling.



What l was alluding to is many people use the term player to cover up their exposed vulnerability to the outside world. To lay blame onto someone else for failed relationships.

"Wasn't my stupidity, he was a player"
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

Annie

Yeah, I get what you're saying. Re Candy's comment about being called a player, lots of sex/sexual partners, doesn't make someone a player in my opinion, if so, I would be one, and I'm definitely not. I'm not perfect, I screw up sometimes and cause hurt, but never intentionally. I always go into any liaison in a positive respectful way, hopeful it will go well, and so get to repeat it πŸ˜›
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Willow_1   Woman 51yrs

Player v NSA

No comparison. A player doesnt even get to be a NSA or casual ongoing. They are into the conquest. So once its done, its done. Its the chase that they are into.

And Im not talking about ppl that go to swingers parties/venues. Totally different, as there is no leadup.
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Willow_1   Woman 51yrs

Players will have on their profile

...Im not here to waste time....
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Lanegan   Man 42yrs

I have been accused




Quoting 'CandyDelicious'

A few friends of mine have referred to me as a player even though I am in a loving committed relationship and any other men that I have dated in the past all meet my boyfriend and we often used to all go out and socialize.





I never led anyone on and I was completely open and honest. Am I a player or not?


I don't know.




of being a player.
My own experience is that this is a derogatory word that women seem to throw at me, when after a period of time, I have ended our liaison , because I cannot see us as long-term or its just not working for me or us. And this has not necessarily sat well with them.
When I start seeing a lady and we agree to hang out, I always inform her that I MAY be seeing others. I have always been open , honest and upfront of my other friendships and never led them on. I do not expect my friends to be exclusive to me either, unless we mutually agree.
Life happens and after seeing a lady for a while, I may find that its just not working on several levels and so to not waste any more time for either of us, I will end it. Id rather be alone than in the wrong or a unproductive relationship
This is often when the word "player"is tossed at me. At the end.
Why ?
because I know what I want and sadly I haven't found it with that person ?
Because I adore and enjoy the company of women and I do have quite a few females friends, many which are platonic , but whose business is that but mine ?
Because I am upfront, respectful, discreet, practice safe sex and I believe genuinely that even though the friendship may not have worked out, doesn't mean I have not enjoyed the time and memories we have created together, nor the experiences given to me by that woman , that I am a "Player" ?
When I am in a committed long term relationship of which I have had two in my life, both of which have out lasted many of mates marriages, I never cheated on my women, and I have been there 100 percent , being I hope, the best man and partner I could be with them. When I met those two amazing women, I knew with both of them, that I wanted to spend a hell of lot of Sundays in their company. Immediately. These 2 woman I connected with on every level straight away. I was fortunate
But with other ladies, there's a lot of sorting and sifting. We may connect sexually but you know, is she the lady I want to introduce to my family and circle of friends ? Its not always instantaneous like the above scenario.
So when I'm single, I date and I hookup. Sometimes I maybe seeing more than one woman and so does this make me a "player" ?
because I am searching again for what I once had. Because I would like it again ?
I'll be honest , it does hurt a bit when its said to me or about me, like WTF ?
Do you really want to continue a relationship with me, when as much as I would like to be into you, I'm just not ?
So I know what I want, I'm consciously searching for this, does this make me player ?
If that's the case, play on.




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Willow_1   Woman 51yrs

Lanegan

I personally dont see that as being a player. Yes agree that an ongoing casual thing can come to an end and its pointless flogging a dead horse if one side has outgrown the setup. And its not about manogomy either. Players know they are only going to tap you once, before they tap you. Its just a conquest. Not what you describe. But agree the word is different for others. No Diggity :)
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Lanegan   Man 42yrs

Agree Ms Willow




but it seems to be, as I said, a word thrown around, when it suits.
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PurePeony   Woman 42yrs

FlyGirlC

Great topic! And just when I was wondering about you because I miss reading your posts, there you are!

The answer to your question is unfortunately a yes from me. I usually don't suffer fools and I am a sharp tack and can tell what the guy's after so I never allowed any players in my life until recently.

Suffice to say that it was all because I felt a very deep connection on our first meeting. It was very weird and it was on a spiritual level, hard to describe without sounding fluffy. I'm an empath at times and the minute we met, whoa... the chemistry was off the charts!!! Never felt anything like this before, ever! In that instant, I felt like I've known him forever! So bizarre! How could a stranger feel so... familiar?

Subsequently, although I ascertained that he's a player, I kept making excuses for him because of that initial whatever spiritual doo-dah thang. Big mistake... Allowed the thing to drag on for much longer than I should have. Even when my spiritual side or whatever you call it told me it's time to cut the strings and let go completely, I couldn't because I refused to believe that he was truly a player and because I chose to believe that he was a really good man deep inside... he's just been hurt real bad and I felt for him and felt his pain deeply.

One of my good friends snapped me out of it by saying that it's time to stop taking in sick puppies and trying to nurse them back to health because you just get bitten and might die from rabies... not worth it. Made me laugh but also made me realise how silly I've been.

It's really hard though, and I still think of him a lot because somehow, I do care very deeply for him. It's not logical nor rational ... maybe it's some karmic thang? He's the only one that's made me act out of character so I'm still very bewildered by the whole thing.



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PurePeony   Woman 42yrs

Willow

Really love your posts on this topic! Really great insight!


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