Dating a player

Dating a player

    | Apr 07, 2017
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs
In my experience and view of the world, most (if not all people) would want nothing more than to have at least one other person in this world to understand and connect with them on a deeper level and sustain it.

When I was younger, I wanted to part of the cool crowd, be the life of the party and be accepted and loved. As time went by, I realised that people are attracted to bubbly personalities and people who are easy to hang around. Nobody likes negative nancies.

So my question to you is - have you, would you or are you dating someone who's perceived as a player?

I ask this because I attract good looking, nice guys who have hot bodies and as they seduce my mind and body, I connect with them at a deeper level and even though sometimes they shy away... they start to trust me and I'm not going to hurt them but want to make them see that not everybody is out to break down their wall of armour like a Trojan to wreak havoc on their heart. It is not an easy task, but if they are worth the fight, then nothing can break my focus.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Koolgrey   Man 43yrs

Players

** A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. Possibly derived from the phrases "play him for a fool", or "play him like a violin".**
Im not sure if this is what you mean, but I'll go with Urban Dictionary's top definition.
No, I'm not attracted to the female equivalent other than just physically and wouldn't really want to go there.
Other than the physical, looks, and they don't last...I'm attracted to women who are interesting, funny, outdoorsy( if that's a word.. ) and probably most importantly, has a degree of empathy.
I couldn't gel with someone who doesn't have some empathy.


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FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

A player

Is an image or a reputation I guess. It's what you perceive as a player. It's superficial. I agree some people do love that lifestyle and do put up their walls because they have been hurt before and suffer in silence.

Like any human, they want to be understood, whether they admit it to themselves or not.

- Posted from rhpmobile
Apr 07, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post

Yep

I dated a player, when I was a player and we played a good long game until it was over.

You sound like your playing with fire. It may not be him that gets burnt but you.

Still, nothing ventured nothing gained. Hope it's worth it.

P.S what is your focus ?
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CandyDelicious   Woman 30yrs

Players

Players are Men who like to date lots of women or are into the swing scene. I don't necessarily see a negative connotation to the word player. To me a player does not necessarily mean arsehole. FlyGirl I am not sure that dating a player is the same as dating someone good looking so I am confused by your question. Not all players are conventionally handsome or good looking.



My boyfriend is definitely a player when viewed outside the swinging scene and personally I find that the average person doesn't get it all and doesn't understand why it doesn't bother me. They see it as a lack of commitment or that it means that he doesn't love me. And that is simply not true but I find it very difficult to explain to doubters. I may be off topic here as my definition of a player seems to differ to yours and to Kool's.
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Cruisinglife

Nice topic Op

Would I date someone knowing there a player ?
That would depend on the person. The issue I would have is that they always practice safe sex and get tested regularly. IMO it's no different then being in a open relationship.
They key for me is that there honest and upfront.
I can relate with you Op about being one of those nice guys who gets let down all the time... You wonder why good guys finish last ? Maybe we get fucked over by a female player.lol
I've been on the other side where a wife or g/f have cheated on me which always turns out terminal.

If there open and honest I don't care if there fucking Tom,Dick & Harry at the same time. Just be safe!


- Posted from rhpmobile
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Cruisinglife

To add

As long as they have time for me then who am I to stop them. And you can't. Would be preferable that they include me if all parties are open to it. 😉

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Candy

What makes you think women can't be players ?

There are plenty of women who are players and they do it well !
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CandyDelicious   Woman 30yrs

Sailbad

I said men because I was answering the OP's question which referenced men. My definition of player can be put to anybody, I didn't mean to insinuate that only men can be players.
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CandyDelicious   Woman 30yrs

That goes for arseholes too.

Anybody can be an arsehole as well. It's more about an individual and there values, etc. I don't discriminate. :)
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FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

Interesting

@Candy - yes you definitely have a very admirable relationship with your bf, I've always said before and it takes a certain type of person to do so :)

A player to me is one who appears to be non-committal to anyone but themselves and always with a different person each time. Manipulating emotions to get into their panties. When one is in a relationship, I don't believe they are a player. They may be just very charming and flirty but they are committed and he does love you.

Players are generally attractive in style and possess something that a lot of people lust after, which they use to their full benefit. I know good looks are subjective, but I wouldn't date a dick.

Maybe it's a relative term, dating "many". What is "many"? (Not gender specific)

Thanks @CruisingLife :)

@SailBadtheSinner - yes at first I thought I was playing with fire because of my curiosity. I stuck around and stayed friends and now it's more than that. It's just nice to be appreciated :) Fact: heartache is bound to happen in life. I think understanding it is the key to acceptance.

- Posted from rhpmobile
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FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

My focus?

I have to lust after my partner - mind, body and spirit and vice versa. I don't mind reaching a little higher to get what I want. It just depends if the "player" has enough pull on me to keep me digging away at his exterior to reveal something sweet and beautiful on the inside that even they didn't know they possessed. This is how I live my life. To encourage others, even in my family and friendships. To me, that's a challenge I like. On many occasions, I haven't listened when people tell me no. I'm rebellious because my heart tells me what is going to free me, not the people around me.

- Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway   TV/CD 54yrs

It's not their negative

It's yours.

It's your responsibility to protect yourself, not theirs. Adjust your sensors to detect their lack of empathy.

Play your own game.

Just remember, even the biggest player is vulnerable to true love. There is no rules to love so it is possible to snag a player. Being a player is an attitude and life style, not a genetic code. You can make them putty in your hand if you have their genetic kryptonite in your genes.
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FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

Omg

Annie - you should change your name to be AnnieMakesSoMuchSense or AnnieTrueConciseCorrect LOL

That's it - play your own game :D it is not how people "treat" you, it is how we deal with the situation.

- Posted from rhpmobile
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ElkeM   Woman 47yrs

Depends on the definition

If we're going by Koolgrey's definition, then I have no tolerance or interest. Been there, done that with my ex and it has left me with scars I'm not sure will ever go away. Talking emotional rather than physical here.

If however, we're going with CandyDelicious' description, then I'm all for it. Using that definition, I would classify myself as a player and it's what I look for in a lover. I've been with one lover for over years, because we're both 'players'. It works for,us, and I can't see it changing in the near fu
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ElkeM   Woman 47yrs

Bugger!

Somehow managed to hit 'post' before I'd finished. How embarrassing! 😟

Was trying to say 'can't see it changing in the near future'

Having said that OP, I do agree with your opening statement that most of us are looking for for a sustainable connection with someone. I'd go so far as to say most of us are looking for a committed relationship. It may be a monogamous, or open, or polyamorous relationship, but it's still a relationship where you're committed to the other person nonetheless.

I've seen more than one of my (platonic) male friends staunchly declare that they don't want a relationship and commitment etc., and then meet that one person who they 'click' with on every level and are prepared to take a chance on, and put their hearts on the line. They've changed their tune quick smart, and it's been delightful to see, and delightful say 'I told you so' to them too.
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ElkeM   Woman 47yrs

*

* over four years...relating to my first post. No more posts from me tonight, I'm obviously incapable of typing sensibly. I'm blaming it on that third glass of wine 😀
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Koolgrey   Man 43yrs

Elke...

...yeah, I do that too. Posting after one or three too many.
Keeps things interesting here..
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SuperFoxxxy   Woman 45yrs

IMO

Players are just emotionally unavailable people. Some are emotionally just unavailable full stop, others not so, depending who they met with at that time, how they play/treat the other person etc etc. Their behaviour determines how they are perceived.

Ms Foxy
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SuperFoxxxy   Woman 45yrs

Fixers/rescuers

I also believe when "some" people do met a player, they want to fix/rescue them from their wicked ways. I personally think, sometimes it backfires, especially when a player does not want too change their behaviour.

Some fixers/resucers see players as a challenge. Ms Foxy
Apr 08, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
FlyGirlC   Woman 36yrs

Baggage

We all have some... but it's important not to carry it onto the next person we meet. It doesn't mean we have to be perfect to meet someone. In fact, I believe it's a beautiful thing to be a bit broken, a bit flawed. The potential to grow together is so much more rewarding than finding someone who's already perfect at everything and trying to keep up with that. It plays on my insecurities and it's a turn off when I don't feel safe. It's too much effort to change myself in that way. No thanks.

Just because one or a few people hurt you in the same way or different ways, doesn't mean the next person is gonna do the same. A lot of people aren't conscious of this or communicate it well. So it's easier just to leave in too hard basket.

Agreed with the above comments

@SuperFoxxxy - I agree here...I try to save/fix/show others and hope/let others do the same for me. It creates a connection. There's some attraction and appreciation as a reward at the end of it, if successful. The delivery of such is important.

- Posted from rhpmobile

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