Cheating in an open relationship

Cheating in an open relationship

    | Mar 01, 2017
mrnmsbhavn2500   Couple Man 43yrs Woman 41yrs
Hi sexy people.

What is your take on finding out your partner is sending sexts and having discreet meetings with other people, though you may be in an open relationship where you have agreed to be honest? Is it cheating or is it just a thrill thing?

B & R
Mar 01, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Andremmo   Couple Man 50yrs Woman 47yrs

Open and shut(ish) case

If you asked a direct question and got a lie then I would say it's cheating.

Short of a blatant lie, it depends on your groundrules of your open relationship. In not communicating every interaction there is a grey area which may simply be not finding the right time to bring it up or wishing to protect your feelings about how much action your partner is actually getting.

If you just assumed your partner would tell you about every single interaction down to the texting level then I would say "it's an open marriage" and not everything has to be shared unless your rules stipulate that.
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GM4alaugh  

Man 51yrs

My view

I would only call it cheating if you had already discussed that any play plans would / should be discussed before hand.
It may just be work in progress and these things needs to be discussed.

Communication is everything

- Posted from rhpmobile
Mar 01, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Hotwives_Inc  

Couple (FF) Woman 48yrs Woman 48yrs

It's only cheating if ...

Your partner has breached boundaries that you had established as a couple. BUT before you do anything else, ask your partner what his/her understanding was of the boundary. Sometimes we think we've asked all the right questions or made it clear about expectations and we haven't. The 'issue' causing one of you a concern may never have been discussed or you didn't see it initially as a boundary to have a discussion around it.

It could also be that things have changed for one of you, which is ok, but talk about it and resetablish boundaries.

When we opened up our relationship, I got a lot more attention than hubby did. This can cause some issues for the other person who all of a sudden is 'competing' with others for your time. I also like texting (and still do) and found the thrill of receiving texts difficult to ignore and I was constantly on my phone.

So, more attention, more texting may be exciting but not at the expense of the other person. Communicate your concerns with each other again and restablish what you both want and expect. You both have a responsibility to ensure your primary relationship is nurtured and developed further.

All the best

Mary xx
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Hank_E_Panky   Man 63yrs

Discreet?

If you found out then they weren't discreet enough.
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CucknShells   Woman 49yrs

The way




I look at it is

If you were doing the same thing would it be alright with your partner.


It all depends on the boundaries and rules you have set up in your relationship.


It really does come down to communication.

I just feel that to have a successful open relationship you must be able to talk about anything and everything.

Also you do need to be honest when communicating with each other even if you are talking about something that is sensitive and uncomfortable.


Shells.



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tulips4u  

Woman 45yrs

What Mary said 👍


Been there, done that and lessons learnt!

I would consider it cheating if it was discussed beforehand and the boundaries were breached behind your back. Assuming is not communication. Talk, then talk some more until all your boundaries are clearly laid out before the both of you. Rinse. Repeat.

@Mary, I also love texting and know I would be addicted if I have these guys' numbers and get carried away so I don't ask for it and only let him do the exchanging of messages for us 😁

- Posted from rhpmobile
Mar 01, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

open relationship?

How is it an open relationship if they have to tell you everything they do. Is your approval required? You haven't said this applies to you so if not, just a general opinion on my feelings about open relationships. Surely if the partner is secretly setting someone, please tell me if it's me, I'll stop immediately 😂😂😂 but if they're hiding, then the ground rules aren't working for both partners. Do ground rules ever work? Tell them what they can and can't do (exceptions would be safe sex etc) and in my opinion, they'll either do it anyway or want to do it and get frustrated not being able to. Why do they need to report in or get permission?
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

god

Bloody auto correct, sexting, not setting 😃
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

shells

Sorry, but boundaries and rules? I couldn't live like that. My sexual freedom is exactly that but also applies to me as a free person. Could never have a partner tell me what I can do, he could try, then I'd tell him a few things 😉

Can any of you explain what kinds of boundaries you have, and do you honestly think that's satisfying for the partner who wants what you don't, or don't want them to have?
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

or

Or vise versa 😃
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Doubleup282   Couple Man 49yrs Woman 46yrs

Touch

You're single so you don't have to worry about boundaries or rules, you are free to do as you please and it sounds like that's how you like it, good for you 😉

For a couple that either plays together or separately in an open relationship, there are always going to be boundaries and rules that are agreed upon. With an open relationship those boundaries are just further out!

To answer your last question with a question; do you think it's satisfying for the partner that doesn't want what the other does but the other goes ahead with it anyway?

A couple needs to have a joint moral compass to survive/thrive in this lifestyle. If there out for themselves and being selfish then it will be damaging to the relationship. Trust.

Mr D

- Posted from rhpmobile
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CucknShells   Woman 49yrs

ITM

Personally my husband and I don't have rules as such except for agreeing on safe sex. And in that case it is not a matter of the other person telling the other person what they can and can't do. It more so talking about things and agreeing on different things. We talk about everything and we like to know the other person is comfortable with what the other is doing.

When some people first open up their relationships they like to take it slowly and agree on different things like same room and so on. Everyone is different as is their comfort zones. You do what works for the both of you.

Shells.
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jayme2   Man 54yrs

Umm..

I'm still scratching my head with this one.. It's a agreed open relationship , so both are allowing each other the freedom to explore sex outside the normal relationship , yes ?

I would imagine that seeing you both agreed , both would want to play the game while maintaining a element of openness , that is of course , if there ever was anything in place in the beginning. ?

If I were to agree to a open relationship , I would think that comes with a open mind and honesty on both sides..

So does that mean by your lady sexting she's not playing the game the right way ? I don't know ? How is it cheating if you both agreed to open things up ? Like I said , this is tricky and the jurie's still out ..?
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CucknShells   Woman 49yrs

Also

In regard to boundaries when we first started my husband was interested in watching me with someone else. However it wasn't something I was comfortable with initially. I had to work up to it. We talked about it and after a time we ended up doing it and it was good. I am glad I didn't do it until I was in the right head space. It wouldn't have been as good otherwise.

I suppose like most partnerships it is working together to meet both each other's needs and wants in a way that you are both comfortable with. Hope that makes sense.

Shells.
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I_touch_myself2   Woman 53yrs

shells

Yes it does, thank you. I know my current view is very black and white, but relationships are never black and white, I need to remember that. I also thought more about this today and lying was something that occupied my thoughts. Obviously there are differing opinions about this, you know, whether neglecting to tell is a lie of sorts. In relation to an open relationship, and my perhaps naive view on how my future relationship will pan out, or how I'd like it to, I'm very anti lying, which might surprise some people, but for me, I don't care if they don't tell me stuff, but if words come out of their mouth, and you know they're lying through their teeth, it's all over for me. Especially when they're not responding to a question asked. So an example might be if you asked them if they'd done a particular thing or been in contact with someone, they might respond defensively in the moment, fair enough. Before I go on, I have to be clear, those examples don't apply to me, I can't say the specific lies that that have been fed to me, but why feed you a lie, when it's not in response to a question or something we've said? I think some people are just compulsive liars. Not forbme I'm afraid 😃

Shells, I'd like to one day be in a relationship like yours. Very interesting to hear the early beginnings, to where you are now. Thanks for sharing that 😃
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Willow_1   Woman 51yrs

Was only talking about this a few days ago

In my own experience as a single who used to see married couples, I have had 2 couples that I was involved with (over 10 yrs ago) that sadly I had the husbands contact me privately and ask if I would see them without the wife knowing. Yep thats worse than cheating in my opinion. They had their cake and could eat from the whole flipping bakery. Why would you fuck with that?
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Heavenlysinful

From where I stand, communication is lacking for a start!!!

I'd like to ask. Why are you asking if it's " cheating" or a " trill thing" ?????

Here on RHP! And not approached the same queries with your partner?

We, here reading your post! Can simply only guess.

I would call a discussion as such between the 2 of you!

Just saying!!! Best always from the source itself.

Good luck!

Mar 02, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Zsuza69  

Couple Man 48yrs Woman 39yrs

Open relationships

An open relationship is in my eyes just that. Open to seeing other people wether it's texting or ducking in person with the other partners consent.
Once you start hiding something from your partner it's no longer open, you have closed a part of it.
Open relationships is about communication and telling each other everything.
Say for instance you were seeing someone else without telling your open partner and you got something. Say thrush or gonorrhoea and passed that onto your partner. I'm sure the open relationship would be slammed shut.

Trust and openness is the key to any open relationship.

- Posted from rhpmobile
Mar 02, 2017 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Zsuza69  

Couple Man 48yrs Woman 39yrs

Open what is open????

Why do people think that just because your in an open relationship things are no longer open for discussion?

We are always amused at other people specially single people that look at having a relationship with one of us and they ask "does your partner know?"
And we answer yes they know where I am, whom I'm with and about how long we will be.
Mostly because of safety and if something goes wrong.
They are taken aback when I drop mrs Zsuza off and pick her up afterwards.
Why wouldn't I want to know that she is safe when being with someone she hardly knows and having sex?

The key to an open relationship is the "open" part. Being open about everything. If your not being open about everything your not in an open relationship.

- Posted from rhpmobile
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Hotwives_Inc  

Couple (FF) Woman 48yrs Woman 48yrs

ITM ...

Just as a way of explanation, my boyfriend lives in Brissie. We have one boundary, when I'm in Brissie, I'm his girl, the only person he sees when I'm up there is me, unless we're playing with others, together. Every other time he's free to do as he pleases, when he pleases and he doesn't share details, nor do I want them necessarily.

With my hubby, he doesn't have boundaries either, I'd wish he'd get himself someone special he sees :) My only boundaries are that I'm safe and that he knows where I'm going and when ... Simply for safety reasons :)

He never questions that, or me .... complete freedom to do as I wish. BUT I don't ever lose sight that our relationship still needs nurturing and love. I don't want him to ever feel replaced or That my love for him has changed because we've opened our relationship :)



Other couples start slower and put in place boundaries that change as they become more comfortable :)



I can see the confusion for people though :)



Mary xx

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