RHP User

RHP User

M44 F40

Bi curious couple looking for recommendations

July 14 2018

Hi, we are looking at getting into the swingers scene but are unsure as to which would be the best way to go for what we are looking for. We really like the idea of attending a swingers club but are wanting to explore our sexual fantasies together as a couple as opposed to going off and having individual experiences on the night. Ultimately hubby is really interested in exploring his sexual fantasies with bi men as is wifey with bi women. We are also interested in engaging with straight couples however due to a previous indiscretion in the marriage, penetrative sex between wifey and other men at this point would be off the table but foreplay welcome.
We have read lots of mixed reviews about swingers clubs in our city and are unsure as to the specifics of the events held on different nights. The bi nights seem to get lots of reviews about been swarmed with single men looking for women only. And we are wondering if the couple and single ladies events which have much better reviews attract bi curious people or if it is more tailored for straight couples.
Any recommendations of venues and specific nights that would be a good fit for what we are looking for would be much appreciated. We are also open to any suggestions if you think that swingers clubs might not be the best way to find the experiences we are looking for and what alternative paths might be worth considering.
Thanks,
Melbfunseek ;)

Comments

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Swinging probably isn't for you guys. Sort your s&*t out and come back, it’ll be far more fun.

  • DynamicCouple36

    DynamicCouple36

    6 years ago

    There are a few clubs in Melbourne, that have couples only nights (no single males allowed) and so it might be best that you go on one of these nights.

    One thing, about your relationship, needs to be addressed though (before you start swinging ) and that is your (the males) admission that you will not allow your wife to have penetrative sex with another man, due to an indiscretion (with another man) in the past. So whereas you won’t allow another penis inside her, you are allowed to stick yours in another woman at a swingers club ? Sounds like double standards to us.

    We therefore recommend that you sort out your issues before attempting to dip your toes in the swinging scene. Clearly there are jealousy & insecurity issues and you are only going to open up yourself (addressed to you the male) for more issues should you end up playing with another couple.

    Does your wife know about your profile on RHP , and your plans?

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    6 years ago

    The Bill Clinton definition of sex, in the swing scene. 🤣

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • AnnieWhichway

    AnnieWhichway

    6 years ago

    Most clubs/parties you see 2 women together without partners no questions asked.

    Never 2 guys playing without partners. Just the way it is.

    So your best bet is personal messages with bi couples.

    Good luck, your situation is difficult without allowing your wife to have penetration

  • FeistyFatty

    FeistyFatty

    6 years ago

    This has disaster written all over it.

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • Rlee552

    Rlee552

    6 years ago

    Both of the above are critically important with swinging activities. If you want those moments of complete pleasure and freedom you need to have it - and it is important not to have double standards or come from a position of mistrust.



    I agree with the comments above, and would also say that penetrative sex is probably not the most intimate act your wife might engage in with another partner. For example, how would you react if a male gently cupped your wife’s face and staring intently into her eyes quietly and intimately kissed her - and you saw her reacting with joy at that sensation. Or if someone was to give your wife intense pleasure through oral sex. Ironically, I think those moments can be more intense and intimate than penetrative sex.



    I also see from your profile that while it appears you are looking for a couple you are also open to single bi men and women. If you are at a club and are looking for a bi couple, as a couple they are likely to want to play with both of you in equal measures. To hold your wife to a different standard will make it a difficult ask. It is this inequality which will be a stumbling block to a couple playing with you. So are you looking for a couple where he plays with you and she plays with wife only, or are you looking for a couple where you can play with both people in the other couple but he gets mostly to play with you, or are you looking for a couple where you all play together but both the women do not get penetrative sex. In all of those scenarios as a couple there is probably going to be one or both of them who feels short changed.



    Are you then better of looking for a single rather than a couple? To the extent you are looking for a bi male, are you then looking for someone just to play with you rather than her? Because most bi males would like to also play with her - not just you.



    So each limitation you place on playing will reduce the number of people who are interested in playing with you. The more you open yourself the more likely you can find a match.



    All of that being said the boundaries you set are your boundaries. Don’t compromise them to meet anyone else’s expectations. There are plenty of people here with varying interests and I am sure you can find someone who wants to play with you on your own terms, albeit it may take some effort to find them.



    As it is, given your criteria I would suggest you try and connect with someone through messaging rather than take pot luck at a swingers club. Best of luck with it.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Hi everyone, thank so much for all your valid input and advice, it is much appreciated.
    Just to clarify our situation a bit further. Yes wife knows about being signed up to this site, and it was actually her who wrote the original message as well as this one. We are both 100% on the same page with what we are wanting to achieve out of this and are aware that it does sound like we have double standards when it comes to the swingers lifestyle This is not a case of wife has had her fun and now its hubbys turn and wife misses out. Our issues regarding the indiscretion from the past have been well dealt with (and put to bed so to speak lol) We understand that this lifestyle can be detrimental to a relationship that is not completely secure. Over the past months we have participated in some sexual activities involving other men so we are comfortable that when it comes to the foreplay side of things jealousy and insecurity is not an issue for hubby. Being so new to all of this, I guess the reason for the no penetration rule for wife is purely to make sure we exploring this lifestyle within the parameters that we know both of us are completely comfortable with and gradually building up to a full share experience.
    We understand that this probably makes it difficult to find other like minded parties that would be happy to work within the limitations we have set for ourselves hence why we have put this out there to get advice on the best approach to find what we are looking for. Reading your comments maybe a swingers party is not the best option for us and perhaps we should explore finding a like minded bi sexual couple to fave some fun with while we are still so new to it all.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Hi there, thank you so much for your valid insight and advice, it is much appreciated. Being so new to this we see now that perhaps the swingers site was probably the best place to start for what we are looking for.
    To answer your question, we both enjoy playing and exploring our sexual fantasies with both sexes. What we ideally are looking for at this point is to meet like minded people to play with both of us, hubby is more than welcome to have penetrative sex and we are open to all sexual activities between wife and other men bar the penetrative sex.
    You make a very valid point about sex not always being the most intimate thing that can be shared between two people and we certainly have taken that on board. I guess for us, having already had some experiences playing with other men we know that this is an area that does not create any jealousy and insecurity for us. Like you have said, being so new to all of this we really just want to make sure that we are exploring this new lifestyle within the parameters that we are both comfortable with and grow from there to avoid potential hiccups.

  • mango69er

    mango69er

    6 years ago

    You may find it hard to find a couple that will go along with your no penetartion rule. Dosent sound like your truely ready for this. It will damage your relationship if you dont have 100 per cent trust. And no penetration means not enough trust

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • AnnieWhichway

    AnnieWhichway

    6 years ago

    Start the journey you put up a datefinder for bi males whilst



    explaining that she will join in but without penetration. You will get interest and give you both a chance to increase confidence after some meets. This also starts your networking through meeting guys that know others and ultimately conmect to a bi couple or unicorn.



    Patience, experience and fun is the key. You will get the no shows and some bullshit but that can connect the two of you very deeply along the journey.

    You have your reasons for your rules so stick to it and maintain the communication through it.

    Dont totally ignore the negatives from others on this thread, there is a lot of experience. Digest it and move forward to your mutual goals

    Good luck

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Thank you for your advice, we think you are right and that is probably the way we will go to get started. The more we think about it and discuss it the more we understand that it is not very realistic to find a couple that would be happy to go along with our rules as they stand right now. So will look into meeting some like minded individuals instead of a couple and enjoy these experiences until we feel more confident to expand the boundaries.

  • MsJonesy

    MsJonesy

    6 years ago

    Are yours, and for you to work out together. As Rlee suggested, the more rules a couple has the smaller the pool of candidates. But don't let that be the determiner in resetting your boundaries.

    I would suggest your profile needs to be alot more specific as to what your boundaries are. Use soft swap to describe what your wife is happy with, and perhaps explain Mr is open to penetrative sex - hmm.... what about a strap on? See what I mean about being specific 😊

    I know some couples who are bi, and who are happy to soft swap....but the Mr may miss out on penetration of any type - whats good for the goose is good for the gander 😉 Going to a club or two will allow you to build your network, and explore other ideas, so don't discount them.

    But for here...get some pics up and refine your profile more.

    Good luck 😁

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Thank you that is really good advice, we know our boundaries are going to limit us somewhat but are still looking forward to hopefully finding some people who will enjoy meeting us for some fun times despite our current limitations. We have updated our profile to be more specific around exactly what we are looking for and what we are happy to do/not do. So hopefully that will help. We will get some pics up tonight.
    Thanks again for all the understanding and advice, when you so new to it all it can be really difficult to know where to start, so everyone's feedback (positive and negative) has been taken on board and helped us get our heads around all our different options.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    If she doesn’t want penetration by another guy good for her!

    I didn’t see where he said he could penetrate other women

    Lots of other fun to be had

    We won’t play with a bi guy but that’s our thing

    Message couples with a bi husband

    Good luck

  • N4November

    N4November

    6 years ago

    The first thing that comes to mind is how is the cheater is going to feel when they watch their other being fucked by someone else? That's going to be interesting!
    Swinging can be a strange beast as a couple but keep the communication open to EVERYTHING is my advice.
    Perhaps a small group or just a single person is best to experiment with?
    That said, as a unicorn myself, I hate that I am there purely for the sexual gratification of the couple. Fuck that, hire a sex worker!
    For me it needs to be more fluid than that and be more hedonistic with no rules.
    Good luck!

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • VeryClassy

    VeryClassy

    6 years ago

    Come party with us

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • SandeGiny

    SandeGiny

    6 years ago

    If she doesn't get to be penetrated, neither should you. Regardless of whether you are punishing her for an indiscretion or blaming her for your own insecurity, placing restrictions on her behaviour is doing nobody any favours.
    Might suggest you get your issues seen to before joining the scene...

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • AnnieWhichway

    AnnieWhichway

    6 years ago

    An awful lot of assumptions being thrown around in here.....